Susie stood in the doorway to Leon’s workshop on Tuesday afternoon, watching as he worked on her grandmother’s chair. She studied his handsome face, crumpled with a frown as he pulled apart the pieces of wood. His dark eyes were trained on his project as if he were deep in concentration. She leaned against the doorway’s wood frame, and the large brown paper shopping bag she held rustled in complaint.
Leon looked up, and his eyes widened. “What are you doing here?”
“What kind of greeting is that?” she teased, stepping into the workshop.
He grinned. “Well, it’s not every day that a redhead spies on me while I work.”
“Spies on you?” She motioned toward the doorway. “I wouldn’t be a very gut spy if I just stood right there.”
“No, you sure wouldn’t.” He leaned against his workbench and pointed at her bag. “You’ve been shopping.”
“I have.” She set the bag on the floor.
He straightened and walked toward her, a mock-serious look on his face. “Did you buy top-secret items for your spy job?”
A giggle burst from her lips, and she clamped her hand over her mouth. Why did Leon’s silly jokes always tickle her funny bone? He knew how to make her laugh, no matter how dark her mood was.
He raised his eyebrows. “So you are hiding super-secret spy things in that bag. What did you buy? Maybe a device to tap into my phone conversations?”
She jammed her hand on her hip. “And what would I hear if I tapped into your phone conversations?”
He cringed. “You wouldn’t be very impressed.”
“That’s doubtful. I imagine I’d hear some classified discussions about staining, sanding, and sawing.”
“And those would be rousing conversations,” he deadpanned.
Then he laughed, and so did she. His sense of humor was what had first attracted her to him. She’d always loved his electric smile, his loyalty, his sense of adventure, and his outgoing personality.
“So, tell me.” He pointed again at the bag. “What’s in there?”
“You really want to see?”
“That’s why I’m asking.”
“All right.” She pulled out the hunter-green bolt of material she’d bought. “I bought this to make the dresses Betty and I will wear for my wedding.”
“Wow.” He smiled. “That’s the perfect color.”
“You think so?”
“Ya.” He rubbed one side of his neck. “You always looked great in green. It complements your hair and brings out the green flecks in your eyes.”
She swallowed a deep breath as she stared at him.
“It’s none of my business, but aren’t you starting the dresses a little late?”
She shook herself. What had he just asked her? Oh, right. The dresses. “No, actually. It won’t take me long to make them. We still have two months, and Betty offered to help me with the sewing if I get behind.”
“Is she going to be your only attendant?”
“Ya. Josh is having his older bruder too.”
“That will be nice.” He paused for a moment and then gestured toward the chair. “I’m sorry I haven’t made more progress.”
“It’s all right. I can tell you’ve been working.”
“Well, I’ve been taking the chair apart. I was planning on starting earlier in the week, but I got sidetracked with a few other projects. I told mei dat to stop giving me other jobs so I can do this for you.”
“There’s no rush, remember? Sometime in November is fine.”
“Can you stay and talk for a while?” His expression seemed hopeful.
She wanted to say yes, as if an invisible magnet had drawn her into the workroom and she couldn’t pull away. The truth was, she wasn’t ready to leave. What was wrong with her? “Ya.”
“Great.” He pulled over a desk chair with wheels on it and set it in front of her. “Sit.”
She sank into the chair. “Danki.”
“Gern gschehne.” He carried over a stool and hopped onto it. “Tell me about your day.”
“Well, there isn’t much to tell. I came to town to get this material, and then I thought I’d stop in here before I get a ride home. How about you?” She folded her hands in the lap of her cranberry-colored dress.
“I finished up another project and then started on this chair.” He rested his feet on the rungs of the stool.
“Are you on duty this week?”
He nodded. “Tomorrow.”
“Is it a twenty-four-hour shift?”
“Always.”
“And do you still work here after you’ve been on duty sometimes?”
“Ya. It depends on if I get any sleep. If I’m up all night on calls, then I go home and sleep first. If I get some rest, then I just go home to change and then come to work.”
“Hm.” She chewed on her lower lip as she sized him up. He acted so confident when he talked about firefighting, but was he always so courageous in the line of duty? He must have experienced a lot more danger in the last four years.
He leaned forward. “What’s on your mind, Suze?”
She blinked at the sound of her nickname. He hadn’t called her that since they were dating.
“Come on. Spit it out. You never could hide your feelings. They were always written all over your face.”
“I was wondering if you ever get scared when you’re on duty.”
Leon blew out a deep breath and fingered a hammer as he stared at the floor for a moment.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you that.”
“No, it’s okay.” His expression had warmed. “I’ve been scared plenty of times. A little over a year ago, I was on the scene of a farmhouse fire. We got the family out, but Simeon Dienner was the last one to head for an exit. He never made it. The floor in the mudroom gave way, and he fell into the basement. As soon as he hit the basement floor, the haus collapsed on him. Simeon was crushed and died at the scene. I was terrified that day. All my fears came true.”
Susie swallowed a gulp as a chill went through her and Leon went on.
“Simeon was a gut man, and a great firefighter. And like I told you before, he left behind a fraa and a boppli on the way. His fraa had a sohn.”
“Ach. No.”
Leon had always loved how she genuinely cared for others, even when she didn’t know them.
“Another time, Jamie and I were trapped in a big furniture store. It was full of smoke, and we got lost. Normally, we can follow the hose, but we couldn’t find it. Two other guys had to come in and lead us out. I was afraid the building was going to come down on us or we were going to run out of oxygen before they found us. Obviously, that didn’t happen, but it was a fear.” He grinned. “I’m not the brave man you thought I was.”
“You are.” She nodded. “I honestly wondered if your firefighting was a passing craze, but you’ve proven me wrong.”
He gave a bark of laughter. “Now I know what you really think of me.”
“What does that mean?” She sat up straighter.
“You didn’t believe my heart was in firefighting, so you didn’t think I would stick with it, huh?”
“I didn’t say that.” She shook her head. “I only meant I thought you’d get tired of it.”
“Huh.” He tilted his head to the side and his smile dissolved, as though he were contemplating something.
She held her breath while she waited for him to say more.
“Is that what went wrong between us? You thought I couldn’t stick with anything, so you didn’t think I’d ever marry you?”
She gaped as white-hot fury suddenly surged through her. “That’s what you think went wrong between us? Not the fact that you specifically told me you weren’t ready to make a commitment to me?”
“Whoa.” He held up one hand. “I was just wondering.”
She took a deep breath as she tried to calm her temper. “You know that’s not what happened. I was ready to make a commitment, but you said you weren’t. I told you I couldn’t see myself staying with you then. So we agreed to break up and just be freinden.”
“You’re right.” His expression had grown somber. “I’m sorry for asking you that. Will you forgive me?”
She nodded. “Ya.” Why on earth had she overreacted? They’d broken up four years ago. She needed to get a grip. She took another cleansing breath to calm her frayed nerves.
“How are the rest of your wedding plans coming along?”
She swallowed, stalling for time. Why did he want to hear about her wedding? Her own father wasn’t interested in the details. “They’re coming along fine. Betty has given me some great ideas for table decorations, and we’re starting to write out the invitations.”
“What do you love about Josh?”
For some reason her answer stuck in her throat for a moment. “He’s nice, kind, and thoughtful. We get along well, and we never argue. It’s just a gut, easy relationship.”
Leon nodded as if waiting for her to add more.
“He’s also a dairy farmer like mei dat, and his farm is next to ours, which is really nice. When we’re married, I can still walk over to my parents’ haus and help mei mamm or mei schweschder when they need me. And the same is true when I need mei mamm or mei schweschder. They can walk over to mei haus. We can cook and sew together, you know?”
“I suppose that’s important.”
“It is.” Her cheeks flamed with sudden embarrassment.
He raised his palms toward her with his eyebrows careening toward his hairline. “Okay. What else do you love about him?”
Her thoughts spun as she stared at his expectant expression. The room suddenly felt as if it were closing in on her. She tried to take a deep breath, but her lungs refused to fill. She had to get out of there.
She looked at the clock on the wall and then stood. “I should go. I’ve kept you from your work long enough.” She picked up her bag. “It was nice seeing you.”
“Wait.” He started after her. “I didn’t mean to scare you off.”
“You didn’t,” she called over her shoulder. “I just didn’t realize how late it was. I’ll see you soon.” She waved to his father and brother as she hurried through the showroom, hoping to catch her breath and calm her anxiety once outside.
Why did Leon make her feel so off-balance?
Susie stared out the window of the pickup truck during the ride back to her farm. Her thoughts spun with the memory of her conversation with Leon, and her throat burned as she remembered how angry she got when he asked about what had gone wrong with their relationship.
She swallowed a groan as she rested her head against the cool window. Why was she torturing herself with memories of Leon and their relationship? That was all history. Leon was her past, and Josh was her future. Josh was loyal and kind, and he was reliable. He wouldn’t just let her go like Leon had.
She sat up straight as her farm came into view and Grayson turned onto the long rock driveway that led to the back porch.
As the truck came to a stop, a thought grabbed hold of her. If Josh was the one for her, then where was the spark she’d always had with Leon?
Leon kicked the doorway’s baseboard as Susie disappeared through the front door of the store. Great job! You scared her off with your personal questions!
He scowled as he went back to the rocking chair and continued to take it apart. Their conversation echoed through his mind. He’d never expected Susie to get angry when he asked her about why they broke up. Had the breakup hurt her so deeply that she was still angry four years later? But she’d said they would be friends, and she behaved like a friend. So why was she so irate when he wondered if she had wanted to break up because she didn’t think he could follow through with anything—not even their relationship?
If I’d promised to marry her eventually, would we have stayed together?
That notion swirled among his thoughts as additional regret curled low in his gut. And then her words describing Josh echoed through his mind.
He’s nice, kind, and thoughtful. We get along well, and we never argue. It’s just a gut, easy relationship.
Was Josh everything Leon wasn’t—everything she needed and craved in a husband?
But then the rest of what she said about Josh struck him. How he was a dairy farmer like her father, and about how his building a house next door to her parents was handy because she’d be within walking distance of her family.
It sounded as though theirs was going to be a marriage of convenience. Yet it wasn’t Leon’s place to judge Susie’s future marriage. That was her business.
But then why did the idea of her marrying Josh give Leon heartburn? A new level of regret—sudden, sharp, and stinging—sliced through him.
When he looked back, he saw their relationship with a new perspective. Had Susie been in search of a promise, not a rush into marriage? I was ready to make a commitment, she’d said. Would she have agreed to wait for him a couple of years if he’d promised they’d marry after he’d saved some money for their future?
He shoved the thought away and focused on the rocking chair. Memories of time spent in Susie’s parents’ family room washed over him. He recalled her sitting in her grandmother’s chair while he sat in her grandfather’s chair after church on Sundays. They’d talk and laugh with her parents and then spend Sunday evening playing board games with friends.
Many of their happiest memories were wrapped up in that antique hickory wood. Would she ever think of Leon while she sat in one of these chairs in her new home with her husband?
“That bad, huh?”
“What?” Leon looked over his shoulder at Ben, who was standing at his workstation with his eyebrows raised and his arms folded over his chest.
“I asked if you still have feelings for Susie.”
“Why would you ask me that again?” Leon turned to face him.
“Well, let’s see.” Ben rubbed his chin. “You’ve been back here working in a daze ever since she left.”
“I’ve just been busy.” Leon shrugged and then turned back to the chair.
“Uh-huh. How long are you going to tell yourself stuff like that?”
For as long as it takes to erase her from my mind. “I’m busy, Ben. You need to get back to work too.”
How would he ever get Susie’s beautiful face out of his head?