Final Note

MY MOTHER HAD DEMENTIA, as did my grandmother and my mother-in-law. And in my practice of over twenty years, I have seen over twenty thousand elders with dementia. Every situation is different, but I have included in this guide the main themes affecting areas of care for all elders.

You are not alone. I strongly suggest finding a support group, locally or online, that can encourage, guide, and aid you on this journey.

The most important point is that there are solutions to all the problems that arise. You might not like all the solutions, but they are available. As long as you work for the benefit of your loved one, help them live the life they want (as much as is practically possible), and be available to console and to enjoy moments of joy, you are giving them the greatest gift. If it is not possible to be there in person, then assemble the team that will provide attentive, knowledgeable, timely care with an eye to engagement. A team that will fill the elder’s days with meaningful activities and meaningful relationships, and will act in the best interest of the elder’s health and finances. Even if you are the primary caregiver, having a team is essential. No one can care for another, especially an elder with dementia, alone. Studies show that caregivers risk serious decline of their own health if they do not have help.

Reading this book and having this information is a giant first step in caring for your loved one. Now, I suggest you go out for a walk. Really. Learning to pace oneself and take time for oneself is job number one for a caregiver. Yes, the elder will need someone else to supervise them while you are gone, but take time for yourself. You will have more energy, empathy, and tolerance for the quirks and demands of dementia care. Care for yourself so you can care for another. It’s a cli-ché because it is true. And when the road ahead seems daunting, remember that you can do this. What a gift you are giving!