Chapter 10

eric’s retreat

Samuel could hardly believe the high and low tides of emotion he had experienced in the last couple of hours. It seemed like only moments ago he raced for Port Raleigh, assuming that Captain Francis and the Rosemary had been lost to the pirates, and only hoping that he could avoid the same fate. The next minute, Captain Bellview joined him with the Constantine and Metanoia, his two formidable ships-of-the-line, and they had the pirate ship on the run. In a matter of time, he and Captain Bellview successfully hunted down the first pirate ship. With the ship subdued, Samuel hurried over to the Rosemary to celebrate, only to find a non-responsive Eric, an uncharacteristically mellow Charlotte, and a baffled Mr. Gary, clearly wanting to enjoy the moment, but not sure how, considering his somber company.

Samuel felt determined not to let the day’s victory go by in this manner. He almost went to Eric with some direct questions, but Captain Bellview’s sudden entrance on deck put a premature halt on the proceedings.

He found it difficult to know how to react around Captain Bellview. The man had behaved so proud and despicable before, yet, undeniably, he came to the rescue in the moment he was most needed. Why, Samuel could not be sure. Fortunately for him, Samuel did not need to react in any way because Captain Bellview had no eyes for anyone else on the ship but Eric. As soon as his legs stood firmly on the Rosemary’s deck, Bellview gaped forward, marching straight for the corner of the quarterdeck where Eric had banished himself. For his part, Eric stood apathetically, ready to receive Captain Bellview, but showing no emotion for the moment save a slight flickering of passing curiosity. Even Eric’s apathy could not prepare him for the ensuing scene, however, because as soon as Bellview reached him, the proud man fell down on his knees.

Samuel lurched forward, wondering if Bellview had tripped or something, but then he halted. Mr. Gary’s hand wavered in front of him, holding him back. The sight of the scene alone arrested him more than Mr. Gary’s hand. Captain Bellview’s shoulders were shaking. From their view on the side both Mr. Gary and Samuel saw that Bellview had tears breaching his eyelids. Both looked to Charlotte, who witnessed the scene from the other side. She observed the proceedings with as much intense curiosity as their own. Of the onlookers, only Eric seemed unaffected. He watched Bellview sob beneath him with sympathy, but as if he was only just realizing what he should have known all along.

For a long moment, time paused like a pendulum at its apex. Even the rest of the crew stopped what they were doing, though none of them knew how to react at seeing this highly regarded, decorated Royal Navy captain kneeling in front of a boy and crying so intently that he could barely keep himself from collapsing in a heap on the deck of the ship. Finally, Eric bent down at his knees and grabbed the uniformed shoulders of the man who had caused him so much grief. Captain Bellview could not look up still—almost as if he did not feel worthy to look Eric in the eyes. Finally he managed to mumble something between sobs. Though his voice was quiet, the extreme silence on the Rosemary helped carry it to everyone’s ears. “I’m … sorry, Captain Francis … so very, very … very sorry.”

Eric seemed to have a lot going on in his mind at this time already, but he patted Captain Bellview on the back and said, “You’re here now, Captain Bellview. That’s what matters.”

These words guided Bellview into some deeper breaths and into gaining some more control over his body. After another minute in this position, he eventually sat back on his haunches and transferred some tears from his face onto his sleeves. Eric remained kneeling and the two looked at each other. Both were not in the mood to smile, but they exchanged the beginnings of a wry grin before their faces fell back into their set sullenness.

“I treated you poorly. And I did things not only unbecoming of a gentleman of my status, but unbecoming of humanity and the demands of civilized beings. I was doubtful, jealous, and obstinate to the point where I became obsessed. I am ashamed to admit that the kidnapping was my idea in the whole. Not only that but even after you exposed myself and the governor in our contemptible scheme, I was still hardened against you and wished for your failure.”

In spite of the crowds of sailors who pressed toward the quarterdeck and the looks of shock on the officers’ faces, Captain Bellview’s red-smeared eyes only connected with Eric’s. “But when you successfully came back with one of the pirate twins themselves, and then when you went out to face Jedediah in the exchange, I finally realized that my problem wasn’t you—it was me. I was angry at myself, because I had no idea before that moment what true courage really was. And I realized that you were truly and deeply sincere about everything you had done or offered to do. You were doing everything I should have been doing, and you were doing it with a fourth of the resources I had, and all of the courage I didn’t have. And what’s more, you never held that against me or criticized me. You tried to call me to action, but you never demeaned my position or reputation. My pride simply kept me from seeing it, and even when I saw your true self, I was still too proud to help because it would have meant acknowledging that I was wrong, even to the point of endangering hundreds of lives, if not the lives of the whole town of Port Raleigh.

“But when you left the harbor this morning, selflessly daring to face Jedediah Willard, while I stupidly held back your two greatest resources in the Constantine and the Metanoia, I knew that I needed to change something inside of me, or I would live the rest of my life as a coward and a fake. And no matter the consequences against my own personal pride, I knew I had to help. Not that you needed the help, but because I needed this: to kneel before you, like I have, to tell you that I am sorry, which I am. And to hope that throughout my life I can somehow, in some way, elicit any of your slightest tendencies of mercy and forgiveness for the crimes I have committed.”

Although the Rosemary stood into the wind and sails flapped, tackles clacked, waves knocked, and wind whistled, Samuel noticed none of them. For him, the whole world had suddenly become noiseless to make way for this incredible scene.

Everyone who knew Eric knew how he would respond, and he did not disappoint. After taking in Captain Bellview sitting awkwardly on his backside, his face a mess, his hair disheveled, Eric simply shook his head. “For those things you’ve done against me, you have no need to ask for forgiveness. I hold nothing against you. As for what you did to Charlotte … well, that forgiveness is out of my hands.”

Captain Bellview nodded firmly while sniffing his running nose and turned to face Charlotte. “Yes, I had meant to plead for forgiveness from you as well, Miss Charlotte. I—”

“You don’t need forgiveness from me. We all know you were trying to get Eric caught and not me. So if Eric somehow has the ability to forgive you for all the trouble you’ve caused him on purpose, then I suppose I can forgive for what you’ve done to me on accident.” Charlotte did not seem like one who concedes anything, so she quickly added, “But only because I think Eric is an amazingly unselfish guy, not because I think you’ve done a whole lot to deserve your own forgiveness.”

Samuel and Mr. Gary smiled at Charlotte’s usual spunky response. Even Captain Bellview managed a weak smile at this point. “Of course not, Miss Charlotte. I, of all people, am very aware that I am most undeserving.”

“I would hardly say that,” Eric threw in. “If it weren’t for you, we would have been either at the bottom of the sea or in the hold of a pirate ship right now. And then I would be the one asking forgiveness from all those crew members on board this ship for the death and suffering I’d have caused them.”

Something inside Samuel churned at Eric’s statement. Finally, Samuel sensed why Eric acted so strange. For the first time, Eric had been reduced to accepting one of his own failures. Samuel realized he had seen this before when Charlotte had been taken and Eric blamed himself. Yet, Samuel recalled, Eric remedied the problem himself. He successfully retrieved Charlotte and fixed the problem. But now, Samuel came to understand, Eric had again—in his mind—failed, but this time he could not fix the problem. Instead, someone else bailed him out—Captain Bellview in this case.

Samuel knew Eric too well by now to allow that comment to pass by unchecked. He almost responded, but Mr. Gary beat him to it. “’Ere now, Cap’n Francis. You’d have done no such thing as ask forgiveness from us on the Rosemary. We all knew what we was gettin’ into when we stepped aboard for this venture, and we made the choice on our own. Wasn’t you that was pushin’ us. Like you’ve been sayin’ from the start, there’s risks. Well, we’re grown men and sailors, and we knew the risks, but we decided to face them anywas. An’ here we are in the end, safe an’ sound. So don’t you be thinkin’ you’re all so mighty as to take responsibility fer our actions,” he concluded with a wink in his eye and a reprimand. “’Cause you may be the most amazin’ mariner I’ve ever met in me life, but even you can’t take that kind of credit.”

Eric stared at Mr. Gary for a moment, thinking, before he finally brought his hands up and said, with a forced smile on his face, “Woah, Mr. Gary. I get enough chastising from Charlotte, I don’t need to hear it from you now. Your point is taken.” Eric pushed himself off the deck and offered his hand to Captain Bellview. With a sense of turning over a new leaf, Bellview accepted the hand and stood, pausing meaningfully before he let go of Eric’s hand.

The mood on board the Rosemary from that point relaxed, and the officers discussed the details of what just happened. Mr. Gary, especially, wanted to know more about the battle that took out the last pirate ship, and they indulged him in every detail. Samuel noticed, however, that in the ensuing conversation Eric hardly spoke—that he listened detached, stewing over a still unresolved issue. Before Samuel found time to talk to Eric privately, however, Mr. Gary asked about what happened with Jedediah Willard’s ship. This question, at least, drew Eric’s interest.

Captain Bellview checked with Samuel to confirm the information as he related that once they passed the cove, Jedediah had finally crept past Lieutenant Curtis’s guns. Bellview signaled for his other ship to keep an eye on Willard to ensure that he did not surprise them from behind, but by the time they engaged in battle with the other pirate ship, Jedediah disappeared. From Captain Bellview’s perspective, Jedediah’s ship suffered pretty severe damages. He would not be surprised if the pirate went slinking off to one of his hidden posts in the Caribbean.

If Eric thought any differently, he did not indicate it. After several more minutes of explanations and congratulations, the officers all wondered what the next step would be. As if on cue, everyone turned to Eric. Samuel noted the reticence in Eric’s eyes and prodded, “Well, Captain Francis … what is our next move?”

Eric waved his hand and smiled, albeit uncomfortably. “Ha. We’ve got a ship full of geniuses. I’m sure you can all handle this situation.”

Captain Bellview interpreted Eric’s gesture as if he were tired of being the one making all of the decisions, so he graciously took over. Samuel saw it differently, however. He saw it as Eric giving up. Before Samuel could consider it too much, Captain Bellview grabbed his attention.

“Jedediah is probably off to some unknown part of the Caribbean, licking his wounds. The other pirate ship that is still heading out the north channel will probably keep on running until the Arctic Ocean. But just to make sure, we should have one of our ships patrolling the north passage here, and then another one out by the San Fernando Channel. I think a ship like the Rosemary will do for patrolling the northern passage here, and then I can send the Metanoia to watch the San Fernando Channel, that way we can have the Constantine, the Redemption, and our newly captured pirate ship on reserve …”

Samuel listened to Bellview’s sound advice, but instinctively slipped a glance toward Eric, looking for signs of approval. Samuel would have been surprised if he were even listening at all. Eric nodded his head listlessly at Captain Bellview’s suggestions. Samuel, too, started to zone out. A week ago, Port Raleigh withered under siege, helpless in its own harbor. The pirates had complete control. Now, two pirate ships fell captured and the other two ran. One of the notorious twin brothers lay dead. Not to mention that the Rosemary, which should have either been captured by pirates or had its deck strewn with disease-ridden corpses by now, boasted a healthy and happy crew and proved the means of bringing the pirates to justice. Yet, in spite of this, Samuel did not feel satisfied. As he observed the hollow eyes of the young man who brought about all this success, Samuel knew that he would never be satisfied as long as Eric was not.

Eric would not give Samuel much of a chance. After the two ships had been assigned to their patrolling duty, Eric opted to go with Captain Bellview back to Port Raleigh in the Constantine. As they embarked, the discussion among Samuel and the other ship officers turned to the provisions they would need now that the blockade was over. As they passed the first Montes de Oca island, Lieutenant Curtis and his men joined them, informing them that Jedediah left in dire straits once he finally exited the cove. With sails tattered, and the foremast taken out—leaving him without even jib sails—Jedediah had been fortunate to slink into the open sea in one piece.

As the ship streaked south toward Port Raleigh’s harbor, Lieutenant Curtis pressed Eric with questions, but Eric deftly deflected them to Samuel or Captain Bellview. So in discussing Port Raleigh’s future security, they concluded—without Eric’s advice—to keep the pirate’s cannons stationed above the cove of the first Montes de Oca island. Lieutenant Curtis felt they could build a fort to house the cannon, since the location had proven strategic in defending Port Raleigh.

When they arrived in Port Raleigh, the first news that they heard from sailors on the pier was that Governor Rose had gathered up as much money and valuables as he could and fled with a couple of his loyal men into the hinterlands. He must have realized that with Bellview turned away from him, his last set of resources had been pulled out from under him. No one mourned for the port’s absent governor, though several offered to mark a spot on a map where they thought he had gone, claiming it was on an exact southeast bearing from Port Raleigh. In no mood for revenge, or aggressive action of any sort, Eric politely declined.

The group of officers gathered at the gangplank, on the cusp of leaving the ship, to celebrate a successful day together, when Samuel heard Eric call for their attention. It was the first time Samuel remembered Eric speaking since he deferred the last of Lieutenant Curtis’s questions. The group succumbed to complete silence in order to hear Eric, since his voice and demeanor had become so meek that it took every effort to hear him speak.

“You gentlemen will never know how much this experience has meant to me. But sadly, it is now time for me to go … to, well, to return to my native land. Tomorrow morning, I hope that I could borrow a small fishing vessel, which I’ll take to the island where I first boarded the Rosemary. After a week, you can go back to the island and retrieve the boat, since I will have met up with my other, uh, transport from there.”

While the group of men on the quarterdeck stared at Eric, shocked, Samuel noticed that Charlotte simply watched Eric give his announcement without any noticeable emotion on her face.

The inevitable protests came, but Eric staved them all off. He explained that they had all the resources they needed to protect the harbor now, and that the pirates were clearly on the run. “And besides,” he added, “I think you’re all under the mistaken impression that I’m the most sound decision maker among us. Captain Bellview tipped the scales today with his timely arrival. Lieutenant Curtis damaged Jedediah enough to cause his retreat. Samuel has organized and recruited crew members for the cause of our defense since we got here. I think it’s clear that you’re all very capable men on your own.”

While this statement unleashed a fury upon the men, who swiftly denounced Eric’s self-defeating speech, Samuel saw that Charlotte still watched, unmoving—her face as unreadable as a statue’s. Eric smiled wanly, thanked the men again for their kind comments, but told them that he had made up his mind.

Once the men realized that he could not be dissuaded, they offered to drop him off at the island themselves, to wait with him for the arrival of his transport, to have a send off celebration from the whole town. Eric politely shot down every suggestion. He wanted no fanfare, and he had no desire to drag out his farewell. He would leave simply and quietly the next morning on a small fishing boat.

They protested in vain once more before giving their unexpected farewells to this young man they considered as nothing less than a hero. When Samuel shook Eric’s hand and saw Eric avoiding his gaze, he knew he would be there in the morning to send Eric off.

The next morning, as the sun climbed over the hills surrounding Port Raleigh’s harbor, Samuel saw that he was not the only one who thought to send off Eric. Lieutenant Curtis marched purposefully up the pier and stood next to Samuel, neither of them uttering a word. Then Captain Bellview greeted them awkwardly. Mr. Gary shuffled up to his superiors as the last of the farewell committee. After a few seconds of silence between the four, they noticed the same thing at once. In the distance, as the rising sun rays glittered off the rippling harbor surface, the silhouette of a retreating fishing boat told them all they needed to know. Eric had left.

Without a word, the four turned and trudged off the pier.

A

Not in the mood to talk, Eric also did not like Charlotte’s incriminating silence. Finally, when they retired from the harbor, Eric decided to clear the air, “Look, Charlotte, you didn’t have to come with me. You could have stayed at Port Raleigh with the others until the moon was just about right and then had them drop you off with me.”

In spite of her previous silence, Charlotte responded with the sharpness of someone prepared to converse. “Nah, Eric. I thought I might as well join you in your retreat.”

The word “retreat” had the effect on Eric that she must have hoped for. He flinched when she said it and replied, “I am not re—” and then he stopped. He became quieter. “I am retreating.”

He considered this as he shifted in his seat. “You’re right. I am retreating. And for good reason. Because I’m no match for this world. My pirate hunting days are over. I tried. I failed. Now it’s time to go back and be the Eric I’ve always been.”

Charlotte laughed and stood up. She walked over to the mast and held it. Looking in front of her for a while, she finally turned back to Eric. “So I guess that means you’re going to go back and be the glum boy who always thought he was useless.”

“Do I have any other choice? I’d always felt I was useless before, but now I’ve proven that even under the best circumstances I still have to be bailed out, whether it’s Tina Ortiz with a math problem or Captain Bellview with his ships-of-the-line.”

Charlotte rolled her eyes. “Eric, are you honestly trying to tell me that you don’t think turning this place from the besieged to the attackers was useful? That you had nothing to do with the rescuing of the Rosemary or the foiling of that nighttime pirate attack, that you had nothing to do with the capture of the pirate ship and hundreds of pirate attackers? You honestly don’t feel as if you bailed out everyone more than they could’ve ever bailed you out?”

Eric shrugged. “But what does it matter, Charlotte? What do those things matter if in the end I manage to get you caught and then I trap my own ship and risk the lives of those brave men? To me, the whole thing is a failure if the only reason we’re not dead or captured is because we were lucky enough to have Bellview change his mind last minute.”

Charlotte shook her head. If she lacked showing emotion the night before, she made up for it now. Her upper lip trembled and her jaw set as she said, “Eric, were you not listening when Captain Bellview gave his apology? Or were you too wrapped up in your own self pity to notice?” This stinging remark caught Eric’s attention, so Charlotte continued. “You keep on acting like Bellview’s entrance is completely unrelated to you. And yet he himself said that the reason he had his turnaround was because he saw the courage that you have … sorry, that you had. He said it right there, pure and simple. The reason that he came was because of you. You orchestrated your own rescue. You have due credit for Jedediah’s retreat, for the capture of the second pirate ship, the retreat of his other one. It’s all because of you, Eric.”

Eric fell silent. He had no response.

“But maybe you’re right, Eric,” Charlotte pressed her advantage, “What does it matter? What does it matter if, after all you’ve done, you fail to acknowledge your own part in it, and in the end you make a cowardly retreat.”

Another stinging blow. Charlotte was firing one full broadside after another now.

Her barrage left Eric’s thought process in disarray. Up until this point, Eric had been taking credit or blame for things that he planned or did not plan. Bellview’s turnaround, however, had nothing to do with his plans or lack of planning, but even Captain Bellview admitted that Eric caused his change of heart. As he mulled this over, Eric wondered whether Bellview’s conversion should count as luck, or if maybe Eric could include himself in the equation.

Charlotte anticipated his thoughts because she said, “You know what’s the most interesting part of all this? Captain Bellview’s entrance had nothing to do with your skills as a pirate hunter. It had everything to do with you as a person—your character, your selfless acts and humility. So in the end, what saved ‘useless’ Eric was his tendency to just be a good person—not him as a pirate hunter.” Charlotte let this sink in for a second. “Of course, that Eric is no where to be seen right now. Because that Eric wouldn’t take all this time to worry about himself and how much blame he should get for things that could have gone wrong but didn’t.”

Again, Eric had no immediate parry for Charlotte’s offensive. Again, he desired to believe it, to embrace it. A lifetime of expecting failure, however, made him reluctant to open himself fully to the possibility. So instead, he reviewed the situation and realized that whether Charlotte was right or not, it did not matter now. Eric threw out his final desperation shot. “Well, everything is under control now. Whether I get credit or not for helping, there’s not really much I can do anymore. So, we might as well just head out to the island and wait for our time to go home.”

Charlotte exercised some self-control in keeping herself from expressing a blistering remark. Instead, she slid to the other side of the mast and sat on the open bow of the fishing boat. With the wind coming from the southeast, her blonde hair flapped like a loose sail, and if she had not been facing forward, Eric knew he would have seen it flicking and twirling past her stubborn face. She eventually called back without turning her head, “Well, this will be a lot of fun. Once we get to the island, I’ll be able to spend a full week with a surly, self-pitying companion, until we finally get to go home. All because he is too proud or scared or … I don’t know what … to recognize his own achievements.”

Whether he would admit it or not, Eric could not deny that Charlotte’s little show had an effect on him. Deep down, all he simply wanted was someone to show pity for him, to feel sorry for him, to tell him that it was okay, that he had done his best and failed and that it was time to go home. But Eric should have known Charlotte better than that. Charlotte would not be the kind to throw out useless pity remarks. Charlotte could not stand that sort of pampering. And here she sat throwing one insult after another into his face. Well, not insult, but truth without the slightest courtesy of softening the blow.

As Eric adjusted the boat’s only sail, which lay across the north side of the fishing boat, he knew that Charlotte was right. He could not leave just yet. Even if all he did was go back to Port Raleigh and sweep off the pier or coil rope for the rest of his time here, he knew he had to do it, for himself. Because the worst thing he could do after all he had accomplished would be to give up on himself.

Before Eric could voice his realization, Charlotte turned around and asked him a compelling question.

“What if you had another shot at Jedediah Willard right now?”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“I mean, if you knew where Jedediah was right now, what would you do? Would you really still go back to that dreadful little island and wait to go home, or would you drop all of your self-pity and go after the monster?”

Since hearing of Jedediah’s retreat yesterday, Eric had not given it much thought, especially because he had been so set on his own retreat. “I don’t know …” he answered truthfully. “I, well, I think I’d hesitate, because, well, now that I know he is a natural-born pirate, it’s likely that I’ve met my match.”

Charlotte barely suppressed a laugh again. “Funny. He would probably be thinking the same thing about you considering that before you showed up he was in complete control of this place and after you showed up all of his ships were captured or run off and his own ship had to limp away.”

While Eric appreciated the compliment, it caused him to wonder what Jedediah would be thinking about now. His musing led him to say, “No. No, Jedediah is too proud to consider whether he met his match.” Eric based his speculation on the little he had seen of Jedediah at the exchange and Jedediah’s actions the night after the Rosemary slipped past their blockade. “Instead he’d probably be angry. He’d want revenge. He would vow for revenge, even if he had to do something almost crazy to get it.”

“Like sail right back into the cove that he left yesterday?” Charlotte asked, a twinkle in her eye.

“No. He wouldn’t trap himself like that. He …” Eric stopped and looked at Charlotte, who for all the world could not hide the smile bursting on her face. Then Eric ducked and looked underneath the sails. He could barely believe what he saw. Though they still cruised some distance away from the island, the battered masts of Jedediah Willard’s ship could be seen as clearly as if they sat right next to it.