When Mom and Dad appeared they just walked casually toward us. I could tell they were trying not to smile; they mustn't have seen the croc. Dad clicked his key to unlock the car. I let Charlie climb down from the roof first. We both got into the car real fast.
I thought Mom and Dad would cry and carry on because they came so close to losing their sons to a man-eating monster, but no ... I was wrong.
Once they were in the car, Dad laughed and then Mom laughed.
Dad turned round to us and said, "I wish I'd recorded that. I've never seen you two run so fast."
What a psycho! I couldn't believe my ears. "I could've been eaten!" I screamed. "That croc should be shot."
Dad laughed again. "Even if there was a croc ... it couldn't chase you very far on land."
Charlie and me got real angry. We told him that it did chase us, but he still thought it was funny and Mom was already reading her book because obviously it was more exciting than the fact her favorite son had just been chased by a killer monster.
My parents were insane. I could've been eaten but Dad was carrying on like it was nothing but a bit of excitement and Mom wasn't even interested.
***
The next morning, I clenched my fists, stared Mom right in the eyes and screamed, "I'm not going!"
"Max," whispered Mom, "get off the bed and put your shoes on."
"You want me to die, don't you?" I thrust my finger out at her. "I know what you said when I went on camp. You told Chook's mom that your life was so easy when I was away."
"Every mother says that when her son goes on camp."
"I bet you don't when Charlie goes on camp."
Charlie, who was standing in the doorway, sniggered.
"Max, get your shoes on now and come with us, or else ..."
"Or else what?"
"Or else, from now on when we go on holidays, you'll be staying with your Aunt Avril."
My mouth opened to say something, but nothing came out. Instead I jumped down off the bed, grabbed my trainers and wriggled my feet into them. I said very quietly, "If I do die, you'll regret it, you know."
"Look, you can ask the people who run the East Alligator Cruise if anyone has died while they've been on the cruise. If they have, then you don't have to come."
"Okay, I will," I said as we headed out the door to where Dad was waiting in the LandCruiser. "But if I die anyway, I want to be buried on the hill next to Pop and Uncle Jack."
Mom opened the car door and said, "Write that down for me, please. You know how bad my memory is."
I wrote it on a road map right over Kak-my-du National Park. But if a croc ate me, what would go in my coffin? I guessed that was Mom and Dad's problem.
When we got out of Jabiru, I turned round to Charlie and said real casual, "Bet you I know more states of the USA than you do."
For a second he looked worried. Then he said real forceful, "Bet you don't."
"You go first."
He did. I counted them on my fingers. He named thirty-three. I couldn't believe it. It had taken me ages to learn thirty-three. Of course he forgot the little ones, like Rhode Island and Delaware and even some big ones, like New Mexico and Montana.
Then I named all fifty.
"You cheat," he said, "you've memorized them."
"Did not." I shouldn't have listed them in alphabetical order. That was mega-dumb.
He said, "Bet you I can name more Canadian states than you."
Charlie was smart, but he was also predictable.
"They're called provinces, not states," I replied in my posh voice. "British Columbia, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Ontario, Quebec, New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island, and Newfoundland and Labrador."
Charlie's mouth opened, but nothing came out.
I laughed, but then I quickly stopped just in case he wanted to list countries in South America or Africa. I'd be lucky to name one. But he didn't. He leaned back and looked smug. I had a bad feeling. Just like when I'd taken off the handbrake of Dad's car to see what would happen. The car had rolled forward, that's what. It rolled into the wheelbarrow that was in front of the garage door. The car, the wheelbarrow and the garage door were all wrecked. It was that sort of bad feeling.
He said, "If the boat sinks and a croc attacks me I'm going to stick my head right down its mouth. What're you going to do?"
I didn't like the idea of being headless. But it would probably be worse having my arms and legs chomped off and being an armless and legless body floating just waiting to be finished off. "I don't know."
"You don't want to do the death roll," he said. "The croc drowns you by rolling you under the water and you see your whole life go by in your head, just like it's a movie." He shook his head. "That'd be the worst."
"How do you know your whole life goes by?"
"That's what survivors of the death roll say. Some people have escaped after the croc has given them the death roll."
"That means you have a chance to escape if you get the death roll. But if your head is chomped off, you're definitely dead."
"Yeah, but we wouldn't be strong enough to fight off the croc. So I reckon getting it over with quick is best."
"Yeah, maybe." My insides wobbled like jelly. I wished Charlie would be quiet. How could I even pretend to be brave when he was putting all this blood and guts stuff - my blood and guts - in my head?
"We're here," Dad said as he parked the LandCruiser on the side of the road.
There was no way I was getting on another boat that was in a river full of crocs. I'd run away if they tried to make me.
A few minutes later, I asked a man in a khaki uniform, "Has anyone died while they've been on this cruise?" I glanced at the boat tied up to the jetty; it was small and it looked old, like it might have a few holes in it.
The man laughed. "Not while I've been taking these cruises."
"Oh," I said, trying not to sound disappointed. "That's good."
"Wait a minute," he said, holding up the palm of his hand. "No, I'm wrong."
"Yes?"
"The year before I began here, a man died of a heart attack. Don't know what happened, exactly."
"Great!" I said before I could stop myself. "Thanks." I leapt off the jetty and ran back through the crowd waiting to get on the boat. I felt like shouting, Yippee, I don't have to see any more crocs. I'm going to live till I'm old.
I saw Mom and Dad. They were talking to a very tall man who wore his shorts up real high, and a woman. Charlie, Alyson, Tyson and Harry were near the river skimming stones. Were they following us? I went over to Mom and Dad. I'd have to whisper to Mom that a man did die. I'd tell her the man had a heart attack when he saw a couple of crocs swimming toward him. Then there'd be no way she'd make me go on that boat.
"Max," she said, "I'd like you to meet Mr. and Mrs. Jackson. They're Alyson, Tyson and Harrison's parents."
I nearly choked as I realized that all their names rhymed - even their surname. "Hi," I mumbled, trying not to look at Mr. High-Pants Jackson's very high shorts.
"They're traveling on the same route as us. You and Charlie might get to play with Alyson and her brothers along the way."
"Great," I replied, trying very hard not to sound sarcastic.
"Nice to meet you, Max." Mr. High-Pants Jackson stuck his hand out, so I had no choice but to shake it. He practically squeezed the blood out of my hand as he shook.
Mrs. Jackson smiled at me and I smiled back. Suddenly I felt stupid. If I didn't go on the boat, then I'd be left on the bank by myself. And if a croc decided to get me, I wouldn't have a chance. But if I was on the boat and it sank, at least I'd have a chance because the crocs would have so much choice of who to eat. And why would they want me because, except for Harry, I'd be the skinniest.
I went over to the river near Charlie and the others and found a nice flat stone. I lined it up and skimmed it across the water. It jumped five times! That was my personal best.
"Wow!" shouted Harry. He ran over to me. "Can you show me how to do that?"
I pointed to the people getting on the boat. "Later. We better get on the boat, so we get a seat." That stone jumping five times was a good sign. I just knew it. Even if the boat did sink, I'd be okay.