Nell avoided Tyler for the rest of the day, and she didn’t go to the square dance that night. She excused herself right after the barbecue and went up to her room. She was being a coward, she thought miserably, but at least she wouldn’t have to watch Margie flirt with Tyler.
But memories of Tyler wouldn’t be put out of her mind. Her thoughts drifted relentlessly back to the very beginning, to his first few days at the ranch. From the moment she’d met him at the airport, he’d been gentle and kind to her, putting her at ease, making himself right at home in her company.
And not only with Nell—he’d won over the men and Bella just as quickly. Nell had warmed to him as she never had to any man, with the exception of Darren McAnders. But even though Darren had left deep scars on her emotions, Nell knew instinctively that Tyler wouldn’t harm her. Before she realized what was happening to her, she was following him around like a puppy.
She grimaced, remembering. She’d alternated between sighing over him and trying to find ways to make him more comfortable. She didn’t realize how her eagerness to please him might seem to other people…or even to Tyler. She was in awe of him, the wound of McAnders’s long-ago rejection forgotten.
There was a square dance the second week he was in residence. Nell hadn’t put on a dress, but she did make sure her long hair was clean and neatly brushed, and she didn’t wear her slouch hat. As usual when there were strangers around, especially male ones, she drew into herself. Tyler made a convenient hiding place, and she got behind him and stayed there.
“Scared?” he’d teased gently, not minding her shy company. She was a little sunflower, a child to cosset. He hadn’t asked her age, but he assumed she hadn’t made it out of her teens yet. She didn’t threaten him in any way, and he could afford to be kind to her.
“I don’t mix well,” she confessed, smiling. “And I don’t really trust men very much. Some of the guests…well, they’re older men and their wives aren’t interested in them. I guess any young woman, even one like me, is fair game to them. I don’t want trouble, so mostly I stay away from dances.” Her dark eyes sought his. “You don’t mind if I stick back here with you?”
“Of course not.” He leaned against one of the posts that supported the loft and busied his fingers braiding three strands of rawhide he’d found. “I haven’t been to a barn dance in a long time. Is this an ongoing ritual here?”
“Every other Saturday night,” she confided. “We even invite the kids, so everybody gets to join in. The band—” she indicated the four-man band “—is a local group. We pay them forty dollars for the evening. They aren’t famous, but we think they’re pretty good.”
“They are,” he agreed with a smile. He glanced down at her, wondering what she’d think of the kind of party he was used to, where the women wore designer gowns and there were full orchestras or at least string quartets and jazz quintets to provide the music.
She twisted a strand of her hair in her fingers nervously, watching the married couples dance. There was a wistful expression in her eyes. He frowned as he watched her.
“Do you want to dance, Nell?” he asked gently.
She blushed. “No. I, well, I don’t dance,” she confessed, thrilling to the thought of being in his arms. But that might not be a good thing. He might see how attracted she was to him. She felt helpless when his hand accidentally brushed hers. She wasn’t sure she could handle a dose of him at close quarters without giving away her growing infatuation for him.
“I could teach you,” he volunteered, faintly amused at her reticence.
“No, I’d better not. I don’t want to…” She was going to say that she didn’t want to have to explain to the male guests why she wouldn’t dance with anyone but Tyler. It was too hard to make him understand that her flesh crawled at the thought of being handled by strange hands. But she coveted his touch, and that was new.
“Okay, tidbit. No need to worry the point.” He smiled. “But I think I’m about to be abducted, so what will you do while I’m away?” he asked, indicating a heavyset middle-aged woman who was heading toward him with a gleeful smile.
“I’ll just help out at the refreshment table,” she said, and excused herself. She watched him being led onto the dance floor and she sighed, wishing she was the one dancing with the long, tall Texan. But she was uncertain of herself. It was better if she didn’t rush things. Much better.
After that evening, he became her port in a storm. If there were business meetings or problems that she had to discuss with the men or male guests, she always made sure Tyler was included. She began to think of him as a buffer between herself and a world that frightened her. But even as she relied on him, she couldn’t help feeling an attraction that was making it impossible for her to go on as she had. She wanted him to notice her, to see her as a woman. It was the first time in years that she’d wanted to show off her femininity, to look the way a woman should.
But as she stared at herself in her mirror one morning, she wanted to cry. There wasn’t even good raw material to work with. She’d seen photos of movie stars who looked almost as bad as she did without their makeup, but she didn’t have the first idea how to make herself look beautiful. Her hair, while long and lustrous, needed shaping. Her eyebrows almost disappeared because they were so sun bleached. She had a good figure, but she was too shy to wear revealing clothes. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to go overboard, anyway, she told herself. It had taken years to get over her bad experience and the brutal honesty of the first man she’d set her cap at.
Finally, she’d braided her hair into two long pigtails and looped Indian beaded holders around them. That didn’t look too bad, considering that her paternal grandmother was a full-blooded Apache. She only wished her face looked as good as her hair did. Well, miracles did happen. Maybe someday one would happen for her. And Tyler did actually seem to like her.
She tried a hint of lipstick and put on her newest jeans—the only ones she had that really fit properly—with a pullover knit blouse. She smiled at her reflection. She really didn’t look too bad, she thought, except for her face. Maybe she could wear a gunnysack over it….
Then Bella called her to lunch before she had time to worry anymore.
She bounced into the dining room with more energy than she’d had for weeks. She felt reborn, full of new, shy confidence. She was blooming.
The rain had come to the desert, making the guests uncomfortable and ranching dangerous. The men were working overtime keeping cattle and horses out of the dry washes that could kill so suddenly and efficiently when they filled with unexpected rainwater. The past three days had brought a deluge, and two of the guests were giving up and going home. The other eight were going to tough it out. Nell had smiled at their stubbornness and was determined to make life as pleasant as possible for them.
The guests were having their meal half an hour later than Nell, Tyler and Bella in the huge oak-decorated dining room with its heavy chairs and table and comfortable lounge furniture.
Tyler hadn’t shown up, but Bella was bustling around putting platters of food on the table when she got a glimpse of the mistress of the house and almost dropped the tray she was carrying.
“That you, Nell?” she asked hesitantly, her gray head cocked sideways.
“Who are you expecting?” Nell asked, laughing. “Well, I won’t win any beauty contests, but don’t I look better?”
“Too much better,” Bella said gently. “Oh, honey, don’t do it. Don’t set yourself up for such a hard fall.”
Nell stopped breathing. “What?” she asked.
“You take him things for the cabin,” Bella said. “You sew buttons on his shirts. You make sure he’s warm and dry when it rains. You’re forever making him special things in the kitchen. And now this transformation. Honey, he’s a sophisticated man who was, until just recently, very rich and well traveled.” She looked worried. “I don’t want to smash any dreams, but he’s used to a different kind of woman. He’s being kind to you, Nell. But that’s all it is. Don’t mistake kindness for true love. Not again.”
Nell’s face went bloodred. She hadn’t realized that she was doing those things. She’d liked him and she wanted him to be happy. But it didn’t look like that—of course it didn’t. And her new appearance was going to put him in a very embarrassing situation.
“I like him,” Nell faltered. “But I’m not…not chasing him.” She turned and ran upstairs. “I’ll change.”
“Nell!”
She ignored Bella’s remorseful wail and kept going. But she wouldn’t come back down for dinner, despite the pleading from the other side of the door. She felt raw and hurt, even though Bella had just meant to be kind. Nell was going to have to watch her step. She couldn’t afford to let Tyler think she was chasing him. God forbid that she should invite heartache again.
Downstairs, Tyler and Bella had been sharing a quiet meal. He studied the old woman curiously.
“Something bothering you?” he asked politely.
“Nell.” She sighed. “She won’t come down. She fixed her hair and changed clothes, and I…” She cleared her throat. “I said something.”
“Nell could use a little self-confidence,” Tyler said quietly. “That wasn’t kind of you to knock her down when she was just getting started.”
“I don’t want her to get hurt again,” Bella moaned. “You just mean to be kind, I know that. But that child has never had any affection, except from me. She doesn’t know what it is to be loved and wanted. Her father lived for Ted. Nell was always an afterthought. And the only other time she was interested in a man, she got hurt bad.” She sighed again. “So maybe I’m overprotective. But I just didn’t want to see her throw herself at you because you pay her a little attention.”
“I never thought she was,” Tyler said, smiling. “You’re wrong. Nell’s just being friendly. She’s a cute little kid with pretty brown eyes and a nice way about her. I like her and she likes me. But that’s all it is. You don’t have to worry.”
Bella eyed him, wondering if he could be that blind. Maybe he could. “Nell is twenty-four,” she said.
His black eyebrows arched. “I beg your pardon?”
“Well, how old did you think she was?” the woman asked.
“Nineteen. Eighteen, maybe.” He frowned. “Are you serious?”
“Never more so,” Bella told him. “So please don’t make the mistake of putting her in patent leather shoes and ruffled pinafores. She’s a grown woman who’s lived alone and been slighted all her life. She’s just ripe to have her heart torn out by the roots. Please don’t be the one to do that to her.”
Tyler hardly heard her. He’d thought of Nell as a cute kid, but maybe he’d gotten everything wrong. Surely she didn’t see him as a potential romantic interest? That was just too farfetched. Why, she wasn’t even his type. He preferred a much more sophisticated, worldly woman.
He picked at his food. “I didn’t realize,” he began, “that she might be thinking of me in those terms. I’ll make sure I don’t do anything to encourage her.” He smiled at Bella. “I sure as hell don’t want a lovesick tomboy grabbing me by the boots every time I walk by. I don’t like being chased, even by attractive women. And Nell is a sweet child, but even a blind man couldn’t accuse her of being beautiful.”
“Have some more beef,” Bella said after a minute, grateful that Nell was still up in her room and not likely to hear what he’d said.
Of course, as fate would have it, Nell had started back down the hall and was standing just outside the door. She’d heard every word, and her face was a pasty white. She just barely made it back to her room before the tears that she’d pent-up escaped.
Maybe it had been for the best that she’d found out early what Tyler really thought of her. She’d gone a little crazy because of the attention he’d paid her, but now that she knew what he really felt about her, she’d keep those stupid impulses under better control. Like Bella said, she’d mistaken kindness for interest. And she should have known better. For God’s sake, hadn’t she learned her lesson already? She had nothing that would attract a man.
So she’d dried her eyes and put back on her comfortable clothes, and later she’d gone down to supper as if nothing at all had happened. Neither Bella nor Tyler realized what she’d overheard, and she hadn’t told them.
But after learning how Tyler felt, Nell’s attitude toward him changed. She was polite and helpful, but the light that had been in her eyes when she looked at him had gone out. She never looked directly at him and she never sought him out. The little attentions vanished, as did her shy adoration. She treated him like any other ranch hand, and what she really felt, only she knew. She never talked about him again, even to Bella.
But tonight, in the silence of her room, she still ached for what might have been. It seemed very likely that she wasn’t cut out for a close relationship with a man, much less with Tyler Jacobs. But that didn’t stop her from being hurt by what had happened. It had been the first time in years that she’d made an effort to look like a woman. It would be the last, too, she vowed. She rolled over and closed her eyes. Minutes later, she was asleep.
* * *
A couple of weeks later, the sun was out, thank God, because the recent rains had been catastrophic. Bookings had been canceled and the ranch’s finances had suffered. But now they had all eighteen rooms filled, most of them double occupancy. The ranch catered to families with children, and family fun was emphasized, with hayrides and trail rides and barbecues and square dancing. They did a lot of repeat business. Mr. Howes and his wife had been regulars for ten years, and although Mr. Howes spent a great deal of his time falling off his horse, it never seemed to deter him from trying to keep his girth in the saddle. And despite the fact that Mrs. Sims had been infuriating her ulcer with Crowbait’s homemade firehouse chili for the past five years, she kept trying to eat it. She was a widow who taught school back East during the year and vacationed for a week at the ranch every summer.
Most of the regulars were like family now, and even the husbands didn’t bother Nell because she knew them. But there was always the exception, like the very greasy-looking Mr. Cova who had a plain, loving wife whose affection he seemed determined to abuse. He was always watching Nell, and she looked forward to the day when they left.
“You could have Tyler speak to Mr. Cova, if things get too rough,” Bella mentioned as she was setting the buffet table for lunch.
“No, thanks,” Nell said quietly. “I can take care of myself.”
She turned, almost colliding with Tyler’s tall form as he appeared quietly in the doorway. She mumbled an apology and dashed past him without a word. He watched her irritably for a minute before he swung himself into a straddling position over one of the kitchen chairs and tossed his hat onto the table. His lean, dark hands lit a cigarette while he nursed a warm regret for the friendliness he’d once shared with Nell. He felt as if he’d hurt her somehow. Her quiet sensitivity disturbed him. She touched a chord in him that no other woman had ever reached.
“You’re brooding again,” Bella murmured dryly.
He smiled faintly. “It’s just that Nell’s changed,” he said quietly, lifting the cigarette to his chiseled lips. “I thought we were going to be the best of friends. But now, when I come into a room, she can’t leave quick enough. She sends me messages through Chappy. If I need to see the books, she has somebody bring them to me.” He shrugged. “I feel like a damned leper.”
“She’s just nervous around men,” Bella soothed. “She always has been—ask Chappy.”
Tyler’s green eyes shifted and met hers. “It wasn’t like this at first. I couldn’t turn around without bumping into her. Do you know why things changed?”
Bella shrugged. “If I did,” she said, choosing her words carefully, “she wouldn’t thank me for saying anything. Although she sure is quiet these days.”
“Amen. Well, maybe it’s just as well,” Tyler murmured absently. He took a draw from his cigarette. “What’s for lunch?”
“Open-faced roast beef sandwiches, homemade French fries, salad, homemade banana pudding and iced tea and coffee.”
“Sounds delicious. By the way, I’ve added two new men on the payroll to help do some work on the equipment and renovate the stable and the barn. That’s going to have to be done before we finish haying, as I’m sure you know.”
Bella whistled through her teeth. “Nell isn’t going to like that. She hates having to deal with new men.”
He scowled at her. “What happened to her?”
“I can’t tell you that. She’ll have to.”
“I’ve asked, but all I got was the runaround.”
“She’s a secretive person. Nell doesn’t talk about herself, and I won’t.” She smiled to soften the words. “Trusting someone doesn’t come easy to that child.”
“Trust is difficult for most of us.” He tilted his hat over his eyes. “See you.”
* * *
The barn, like every other building on the place, leaked in heavy rain, but when it was sunny like today, it was cozy and plenty warm enough. Nell was kneeling beside a small Hereford calf in a rickety stall filled with green-gold hay, stroking its head.
Tyler stood in the hay-filled aisle watching her for a long moment, his eyes narrowed in thought. She looked like Orphan Annie, and maybe she felt that way. He knew what it was like to live without love, to be alone and alienated. He understood her, but she wouldn’t let him close enough to tell her so. He’d made a mistake with Nell. He didn’t even know what he’d done to make her back off and treat him with such cool indifference. He missed the way things had been at their first meeting. Her shy adoration had touched him, warmed him. Because of Nell, he felt a kind of emptiness that he didn’t even understand.
He moved closer, watching the way she reacted to his approach, the way her dark eyes fell, her quick movements as she got to her feet and moved out into the aisle. As if, he thought irritably, she couldn’t bear being in an enclosed space with him.
“I thought I’d better tell you that I’ve hired two men, temporarily, to help with some repairs,” he said. “Don’t panic,” he added when he saw the flash of fear in her eyes. “They’re not ax murderers, and they won’t try to rape you.”
She blushed furiously and tears burned her eyes. She didn’t say a word. She turned and stormed out of the barn, hurting in ways she couldn’t have told him about, old memories blazing up like bonfires in the back of her mind.
“Damn it—!” he burst out angrily. He was one step behind her. Even as she reached the barn door, he caught her arm firmly to stop her. The reaction he got shocked him.
She cried out, twisting sharply away from him, her eyes wide and dark and fearful.
He realized belatedly that what had frightened her was the anger in his face, the physical expression of it in his firm hold on her. “I don’t hit women,” he said quietly, moving back a step. “And I didn’t mean to upset you. I shouldn’t have made that crack about the new men. Nell…”
She swallowed, stuffing her hands into her jeans while she fought for composure. She hated letting him see the fear his violence had incited. She glanced away from him and her thick black lashes blocked his view of the emotion in her dark eyes.
He moved closer, looming over her. His lean hands slid into the thick coolness of her hair at her ears and tilted her face up to his.
“Stop running,” he said curtly. “You’ve done it for weeks, and I can’t take much more. I can’t get near you.”
“I don’t want you near me,” she said, choking on the words. “Let go.”
Her words stung his pride, but he didn’t let her see. “Tell me why, then,” he persisted. His gaze was level, unblinking. “Come on.”
“I heard what you said to Bella that night,” she said, averting her eyes. “You thought I was just a kid, and when she told you how old I really was, you…you said you didn’t want a tomboy hanging from your boots,” she whispered huskily.
He saw the tears before he felt them sliding onto the backs of his hands. “So that was it.” He grimaced. He hadn’t realized that Nell might have heard him. His words must have cut her to the quick. “Nell, I never meant for you to hear me,” he said gently.
“It was a good thing,” she said, lifting her chin proudly as she fought down embarrassment. “I didn’t realize how…how silly I was behaving. I won’t embarrass you anymore, I promise. I liked you, that was all. I wanted you to be happy here.” She laughed huskily. “I know I’m not the kind of girl who would appeal to a man like you, and I wasn’t throwing myself at you.” Her eyes closed on a wave of pain. “Now, please, will you let me go?”
“Oh, Nell,” he groaned. He pulled her close, wrapping her up in his arms, his dark head bent to her honey-brown one under the slouch hat. He rocked her, feeling the pain in her as if it hurt him, too. His eyes closed as he swung her in his arms, the close contact easing the tears, easing the pain. She wept silently at the sweetness of it, even while she knew that she couldn’t expect any more than this. A few seconds of pity mingled with guilt. Cold comfort for a lonely life.
She let herself rest against him for one exquisite moment, loving the wiry strength of his tall body, the leather and tobacco smells that clung to his soft cotton shirt, the sound of his heartbeat under her ear. This would be something to dream about when he left. But now, she had to be strong.
She pulled away from him and he let her go. She knew that there was no hope for her in his life. Margie was more like him—she was sophisticated and good-looking and mature. They’d hit it off like a house on fire, and Nell had to keep that in mind and not let her heart get addicted to Tyler. Because Margie wanted him, Nell was sure of it. And Margie always got what she wanted.
She drew in a shaky breath. “Thanks for the comfort,” she said. She even forced a smile. “You don’t have to worry about me. I won’t make things hard for you.” She looked up, her brown eyes very soft and dark, shimmering with a hurt that she was trying so hard to keep from him.
Tyler felt something stir in him that knocked him in the knees. She had the most beautiful, sensual eyes he’d ever seen. They made him hungry, but for things that had no physical expression. She made him feel as if he’d been out in the cold all his life, and there was a warm fire waiting for him.
Nell felt that hunger in him, but she was afraid of it. His eyes had become a glittering green, and they were so intent that she flushed and dropped her gaze to his chest. He made her weak all over. If he looked at her like that very often, she’d have to go off into the desert forever. She felt as if he were taking possession of her without a physical move.
She stepped back, nervous, unsure of herself. “I’d better go inside.”
“About those new men—they’re only temporary. Just until we get through roundup.” His voice sounded oddly strained. He lit a cigarette, surprised to find that his fingers were unsteady. “They’ll be here in a few weeks.”
She managed a shy smile. “Well, I’ll try not to treat them like ax murderers,” she promised nervously. “I’m sorry about the square dance. About leaving you to deal with Margie.” She lifted her shoulders jerkily.
“I don’t mind. But don’t make a habit of it, okay?” he asked, smiling to soften the words. He reached out and tugged a lock of her long, unruly hair. “I’m feeling a little raw right now, Nell. I’ve lost my home, my job…everything that used to matter. I’m still trying to find my feet. There’s no place in my life for a woman just yet.”
“I’m sorry about what you lost, Tyler,” she said with genuine sincerity, gazing up at his hard, dark face. “But you’ll get it all back one day. You’re that kind of person. I can’t see you giving up and settling for weekly wages.”
He smiled slowly, surprised at her perception. “Can’t you? You’re no quitter yourself, little Nell.”
She blushed. “I’m not little.”
He moved a step closer with a new kind of slowness, a sensual kind of movement that made Nell’s heart stop and then skip wildly. She could barely breathe, the manly cologne he wore drifting into her nostrils, seducing her. “You’re not very big, either,” he mused. He touched the very visible pulse in her soft neck, tracing it with a long, teasing finger that made it jump. “Nervous, honey?” he breathed.
She could hardly find enough breath to answer him. “I…I have to go inside.”
His head bent so that his green eyes were looking straight into her dark ones while that maddening finger traced a hot path down her throat and up to her jaw. “Do you?” he asked in a husky whisper, and his breath touched her parted lips like a kiss.
“Tyler…” Odd, how different her voice sounded. Strained. Almost frantic.
His eyes fell to her mouth, and he wanted it suddenly and fiercely. His chest rose and fell quickly, his eyes glittered down at her. He almost bent that scant inch that would have brought her soft, full mouth under his. But she was trembling, and he couldn’t be sure that it wasn’t from fear. It was too soon. Much too soon.
He forced himself to draw back, but his hand gripped her shoulder tightly before he let her go. “See you later,” he said with a slow smile.
She cleared her throat. For one wild second, she’d thought he meant to kiss her, but that was absurd. “Sure,” she said huskily. “See you.”
She turned and went into the house on wobbly legs. She was going to have to get her imagination under control. Tyler was only teasing, just as he had in the beginning. At least he still liked her. If she could control her foolish heart, they might yet become friends. She could hardly hope for anything more, with Margie around.