11
“Welcome to Maryland” the sign on the highway read as Deandrea sped down the highway. She placed her hand over her mouth and yawned. She had been on the road for hours. The journey had not been easy. She stopped in Charlotte, North Carolina, and got a hotel room. Then she awoke early and got back on the road for the remainder of her ten-hour trip. She had been on the road for four hours before she hit stalled traffic in Washington, D.C. This part of her drive was tedious. It was bumper-to-bumper traffic going into Washington. She had to fight sleep, anger and guilt for leaving her children, all at the same time. The guilt saddened her. The anger kept her foot on the gas pedal. Should she go back and admit defeat and go through life doing the same humdrum things every day? She couldn’t go back now. She had already told Shante she was on her way.
She pulled into the Maryland state welcoming center and sat in her car. The thought of going back home made her head hurt. If she returned, it would only be for her children. How could she leave her children like that? Was she a bad mother to just run away from home and not consider how her children were going to be taken care of? Only sorry moms walked out on their children. That settled it. She was going back home. She picked up her phone and punched in Jarrod’s number.
How could she leave her children with Jarrod? Yes, he was their father, but he didn’t know them. All he was to them was a man who occasionally lived with them and brought them gifts whenever he showed up. He wasn’t involved in anything in their lives. He only thought about ministry, not his children. He had only been a father to them in a biological way, not in relationship.
“Dee, baby, I’m glad you called. I’ve been worried,” Jarrod said.
Deandrea didn’t believe him. If he was so concerned he would have called. The sound of his voice made her angry all over again. He didn’t know or care how she felt. He let her leave in the middle of the night and didn’t even try to stop her.
“The children were looking for you. I told them you went on a trip like me and would be back in a few days.”
“Let me speak to them,” Deandrea said angrily.
The sound of her children on the phone broke Deandrea’s heart. A tear ran down her cheek as she listened to their loud chatter. They sounded upset that she was gone. She could not understand everything they were saying, but she was positive they were telling her their father did not know what he was doing.
Andrea cried when she heard Deandrea was not coming home now. She hated to say good-bye to them, even if it was temporary.
“Drea said something about cereal. Did you feed them this morning?” Deandrea asked Jarrod once he was back on the phone.
“I gave her cereal. She got mad and threw it across the table. I don’t know what she wants. I tried to give her pancakes, and she kept crying. She won’t eat anything.”
“She likes oatmeal. Cook her some oatmeal. There is some instant oatmeal in the pantry. She’ll eat that. Don’t forget R. J. doesn’t eat eggs. I don’t allow them to watch all those violent children’s shows. So if they ask, don’t let them. They have to play with their flash cards and go over the alphabet, numbers and colors. I try to pick them up from the day care by three. Don’t forget.”
“I won’t. Dee, we need to talk. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize—”
“I don’t want to talk right now. I’ll call you when I get to Philadelphia.” Deandrea ended her call. She didn’t want to hear what he had to say. Sorry. Yes, he was sorry. Sorry for leaving his family for his mistress. Sorry for neglecting his duties when it came to his wife. Sorry for not thinking it was important to take care of his family. Sorry for letting her take this long ride by herself. Sorry for not even knowing his daughter liked oatmeal for breakfast. Sorry? Yes, he was sorry. If she had known he was going to be this sorry, she would have never married him.
She sat in the parking lot at the welcome center. She still had a couple of hours of driving ahead of her. Somewhere along the way she was going to have to buy something to wear. She was so mad when she left the house, she didn’t realize she only packed blouses and underwear. He saw her packing. Why didn’t he say something? Sorry. She didn’t even notice until she stopped at the hotel last night and opened the suitcase to get her pajamas, and they were not there. All she could do was cry. She had been doing a lot of that lately. She felt like a dead man walking—empty, lifeless and alone. She pushed aside the thought of returning home. Jarrod needed to figure everything out. She needed this time for her sanity. She would be no help to the children or herself with her head messed up. She started the car and entered the highway.
“Coming up in the next hour, Marvin Sapp, Mississippi Mass Choir and that new one everybody’s talking about from Bernard Taylor.” The announcer on the radio was the only friend she seemed to have right now. He kept her awake and gave her a small spark of hope in this situation. The warning light on the gas gauge shined. She needed to get gas soon. She was hungry too. She hadn’t felt hungry in a long time. Her stomach was actually growling. She hadn’t had anything to eat since Jarrod fed her those two forkfuls of food last night. The evening was messed up.
Deandrea swept across two lanes of traffic to take the next exit off the highway. She pulled into the gas station, swiped her card and began filling her tank. Gas was forty cents a gallon higher than it was in South Carolina. She had no choice. It was either pay or walk. The latter was not an option.
Deandrea had never done anything so stupid in her life. How could she just up and leave her family? What was wrong with her? Jarrod was called to minister the Gospel. Why was she jealous of it? God could not possibly be pleased with her right now. She was not pleased with herself. She had a great husband and two beautiful children. She had earned two doctorate degrees and had all the material things she could ever want. Why was she not happy?
After eating a fast-food meal of chicken and french fries, Deandrea felt energized. Just being separated from Jarrod for a few hours made her feel a little better. She loved her husband. She promised to live with him forever. She couldn’t live with him like this, however. There was going to have to be some compromise. She could not be miserable all her life. She wanted her children to grow up in a happy home with loving parents. She gave them a hundred percent and more. Jarrod gave them candy whenever he showed up. Nevertheless, right now, she had to take care of herself.
Her cell phone rang. She didn’t want to talk to Jarrod, but he could be calling about the children. She took a deep breath and answered the phone.
“Hi, honey. Where are you?” Jarrod tried to sound cheerful.
“Is there anything wrong with the kids?”
“No. I was thinking about you and . . . everything.”
“Jarrod, I don’t have time for this. I’m in the middle of traffic, and I have to pay attention to the road. I shouldn’t be on the phone while I’m driving.”
“Dee, don’t hang up. Please talk to me. Why didn’t you tell me about the conference?”
So now he was turning the tables on her and acting as if this was her fault. He was the one who had been gone the last two years. She barely saw him two days out of the week, and he had the nerve to question her? She couldn’t go there with him, especially while she was driving.
“Dee, please talk to me.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“Why didn’t you tell me about the conference? I would have changed my schedule.”
“Would you? Would you really, Jarrod? You couldn’t even change your life to spend an hour alone with me. How were you planning to change three or four days?” Deandrea pressed the speaker on her cell and set it in the cup holder next to her.
“I’m sorry. I was wrong. It won’t happen again. I promise.”
What is this? The one hundred sixty-seventh time she had heard the same promise. Each time it turned out to be an empty promise or just a flat-out lie. Did he even realize what he was saying when it was coming out of his mouth? Did he listen to himself? Deandrea used to believe him. Now she didn’t listen to it anymore. Her emotions were blank. She could not get mad at him. She didn’t care what he did as long as it didn’t hurt her children.
“Say something.” Jarrod sounded sad. Deandrea tried hard not to fall for it. “If it meant so much to you, you should have said something.”
“You don’t get it, do you? It’s not about the conference. It’s everything.” He was beginning to touch a nerve. “Look, Jarrod, if there is something wrong with the children, call me. If not, leave me alone. I can’t talk about this with you now.”
She pressed the END button on her phone before he had time to answer. “God, where did the love go?” She prayed. She didn’t care if he was upset or remorseful or truly sorry for what he had done to them. She had a lot of thinking to do when she got to Philadelphia. Shante would be there. Deandrea needed her godly advice. It would help her in the decision she had to make.
The drive was far longer than Deandrea thought. She didn’t get much sleep last night. She was emotionally, physically and spiritually drained. Could it be that God ordained her to go to this conference? No. If it were God’s plan, she wouldn’t have all this drama. She pulled off the highway toward a rest area. Her phone rang again. It was Jarrod.
“What!” she yelled into the receiver.
“Hey, honey, I was calling to see if you were in Philadelphia yet.”
“Is there something wrong with the kids?”
“No. They’re in the den playing.”
“They didn’t go to day care?”
“No. I decided to take the day off. They are here at home with me. Where are you?”
So now he decided to take the day off and stay at home. He should have done that last week, last month or last year. No, he waited until she left to take the day off. He couldn’t even take the evening off for her. Yet, he could take a whole day off when she was not there.
“Dee, where are you?” Jarrod repeated.
“I’m in Delaware at a rest area. I’m getting ready to get back on the highway.”
“You’re only in Delaware? You left last night.”
“I got a hotel room. Anything else? I’ve got to get back on the road. Shante is expecting me.”
“Who’s sponsoring the conference? I know a few people there. I can call them and tell them to look out for you.”
She didn’t know. She never asked Shante. The only thing she knew was Shante was going to preach on Friday. She should have asked just in case someone needed to get in touch with her. Right now her only mission was to get Jarrod off the phone without having to hang up on him again.
“I’m not interested in meeting any of your friends.”
“I’m worried about you. You haven’t been this mad at me since we first met.”
He succeeded in getting a slight smile out of her. He was right. She did the same thing she was doing today, taking a long drive to get away from him. Back then, she took many long drives to get away from him. She couldn’t stand him, sort of like what she was feeling now. Is that where she went wrong? Was it the Lord telling her then he was the wrong guy?
When they first met, everybody seemed to think they were perfect for each other. They couldn’t stop arguing. His sister, Step, told her it was part of the process because she and Jarrod were so much alike. She said the same thing happened to her and her husband. They’ve been married almost twenty years now and have a whole bunch of children. They seemed happy. Step’s husband was not like Jarrod. He took care of his family. Jarrod was never around to enjoy his.
Deandrea ended her call with Jarrod and got back onto the highway. After a couple of hours, she was finally in Philadelphia. She steered through the traffic toward the Marriott.
She was so happy to be at the hotel, she tipped the valet plentifully. She placed her suitcase beside her as she stood in the lobby, then she picked up the hotel courtesy phone and punched in Shante’s room number. “I’m here,” she exclaimed.
“I’ll be right down to help you with your luggage,” Shante said.
Deandrea perked up at the sound of Shante’s voice. She couldn’t wait to lay eyes on her. Deandrea still looked a mess. Her hair was not combed. She was wearing the same warm-up suit she had on yesterday. She didn’t have on any makeup, and she had big black circles under her eyes. There was really nothing she could do to fix herself up before her friend laid eyes on her. She brushed back her hair while she waited.
Within minutes Shante stepped off the elevator. Dee dropped her bags and ran to greet her. She wrapped her arms around Shante. She didn’t want to let her go. It had been a long time since she felt someone sincerely hug her and was glad to see her.
“I’m so glad you changed your mind. Let me help you with your bags.” Shante reached down and lifted the handle on the overnight bag.
“I need to be here. I wish I had flown. That was a long drive,” Deandrea said.
“Why did you drive?”
“Girl, it’s a long story. I’ll tell you when we get to the room.”
They punched the elevator key and stepped in when the door opened. Deandrea was silent until they reached the room. As soon as she entered the room, she flopped on the floor and cried. Shante sat beside her and listened to her saga.
“So you just left?” Shante asked.
“Jarrod made me so mad I couldn’t stand to be in the same house with him.”
Shante hugged her and prayed. Dee couldn’t stop the tears and snot. Shante handed her a tissue. Strangely, Deandrea felt relieved. She felt free.
“Well, did you throw any food at him?” Shante asked with a laugh.
Why does everyone continue to bring that up? It was a long time ago when she threw eggs in Jarrod’s face and started the food fight that people can’t seem to forget. Deandrea laughed. Shante always had a way of making her laugh.
“No. I should have. I didn’t think about it at the time. He would have deserved it.”
“It’s going to be all right. You’re only overwhelmed right now. It’s good for you to be away for a few days. It will help clear your mind. Hey, Bishop Jones is preaching tomorrow. I wanted to go to that service. You feel like going?”
“Yeah, I’ll go hear him preach. I need to hear the Word. But I’ve got to do something first.”
“What’s that?”
“Last night, I was so mad I only packed blouses and panties. I need to buy something to wear. All I have is this warm-up suit I’m wearing.”
Shante’s loud laughter filled the room. “All that luggage and you don’t have a skirt or pair of jeans?”
“Not even a pair of shoes.”
Shante continued laughing. “You’re in luck. There is a mall attached to the convention center. We can go shopping there.” Shante stood and stretched out her hand to help Dee from the floor. “Go wash your face while I put on some different shoes. We’ll go shopping and find you a couple of items to wear.”
Deandrea was pleased. God had a way of working things out. She was feeling better already.