I’m not sure if this is a dream or not. I can’t tell anymore.
I’m in the lake. Surrounded by icy water. I can see the murky shape of Edward in front of me. The knife falls from his hand, shining weakly as it spins away. Edward is trying to swim back up toward the surface. Then I see another shadow, reaching up out of the darkness. An arm covered in the tatters of a red jacket.
Allen.
One shadowy hand grips onto Edward’s ankle. For a moment, Edward keeps trying to swim upward. Then he looks down. He silently screams as those dead hands slowly pull him deeper and deeper. Until he fades from sight into the blackness beneath my feet.
I look up at the shiny surface of the water above me. The pounding in my head fades, all pain drifting away.
I can’t make it back up.
And you know what? I’m okay with that. I’m tired. Of the nightmares. Of being afraid of what I might see. Of feeling guilty. I just want to let it go. Let it all go. I’ll be like Sammy now. Forever looking up at the light.
Then I feel something wrap around my chest. Two small arms. Another shadow.
Not Allen. Sammy. I can’t see his face in the gloomy dark, but I know that it’s him. Telling me that it wasn’t my fault. That it’s not my time. Not yet.
Then the brightness is just above me, and the small dark shadow lets go. Sammy drops back into the darkness. I want to hold on to him, for just a little longer.
I puncture the surface. Air rushes into my lungs. Then Josh is hauling me onto the snowy dock.
I lie there for a while, sobbing. Not just because of the pain and fear, but because I can let go. Let Sammy go.
I’m alive.