Ellie sat by Arjuna’s hospital bed on the outside of the thick plastic dome that protected him from infection. Tubes protruded from him, as though an alien creature inhabited his burned body and was escaping through his mouth, nose and veins. A mechanical lung wheezed and breathed for him. Four small monitors showed incomprehensible lines and numbers. Every now and then, an alarm sounded and doctors and nurses rushed in, pushing her out of the way. They entered the dome and flooded his body with drugs. Twice they shocked him with electricity.
Namalie and Ellie took turns by his side for twenty days and twenty nights. When the doctors took a scalpel to his flesh and cut away the char, Namalie fled the room. Ellie stayed and watched. She owed him much more than that. She had been blind and it had cost them all.
By the end of the month, the doctors lifted the dome.
She took his left hand, which was still whole, in hers.
‘I should thank you,’ he whispered, squeezing her hand.
‘Don’t even.’
‘It’s okay, Ellie. You’ll be okay. We both will.’
‘How can you say that?’
‘It’s the drugs. Top shelf.’ He tried to smile but couldn’t. ‘Bravo 9? Any casualties?’
She shook her head. ‘Nothing serious.’ The Special Ops team that had saved them was back at the Embassy, every one of them. No one left behind. Not even the dead. Bravo 9 had attacked the Tiger camp too late for Sharkey and Bradfield. In time for Arjuna. Unfortunately, in time for her.
Tears trailed a rebellious path down his blistered face. ‘Talk to Sathyan. Tell him something that will help him sleep at night. Something that will help him move forward.’
Move forward.
‘Enne manichi kolungo.’ she whispered in Tamil. Forgive me, please.
He nodded. ‘Tell him, not me.’
•
Sathyan sat opposite her in the hospital cafeteria. She wrapped her hands around a mug of scalding, bitter tea. The burning sensation helped her focus.
‘I’m so sorry, Sathyan.’ Ellie’s voice was quiet. She couldn’t get the volume and pitch right. She coughed and tried again. ‘We made contact with him several times and agreed on an escape plan. He was to go with his unit on a routine reconnaissance mission on the west coast near Mannar. USAID staff were there, ready to help him break away and take him to a Red Cross ship, just like we talked about.’
She tightened her hands around the cup.
‘What happened?’ he said, his voice breaking. She had called him a week ago to tell him Gajan had died in a battle with the Sri Lanka Army. He’d had seven days to process the death, but now he wanted the details.
‘They were ambushed, ten miles from Mannar. The Sri Lanka Army was better equipped.’ She coughed again. A look flashed across Sathyan’s face but was lost before she could follow it.
She sipped the tea. It burned her lips and tongue.
‘The Army was waiting. The Tigers didn’t stand a chance. They were outnumbered and outgunned. Our satellite imagery told us there was a fight, but we weren’t allowed to intervene. A few of us got to him, but we were too late. He was already injured … badly. I’m so sorry.’
‘Thank you, Ellie.’ He pried her hands away from the mug and held them, kissed them. His tears were cool and soothing. ‘I know your friend, Arjuna, was also hurt badly.’
Sathyan didn’t know about the others.
‘The doctors say he’ll be released in about a month. His sister, Namalie, will take him home. I suspect he’d prefer to stay in the plastic bubble here, surrounded by attractive nurses.’ She tried to laugh but found herself crying again.
She had to pull her shit together.
‘He met Gajan too?’
‘Yes. Arjuna’s a good man. He was kind to Gajan. He was with him at the end, he tried to help …’ She tried not to think about Bradfield.
‘What are your plans now?’ he asked.
‘I’ll stay for another week or so with Arjuna, just to make sure he’s stable. And then I’m needed back in DC for a while. Follow-up,’ she said vaguely.
‘Yes, of course.’ He let go of her hands, pushed the chair back and stood up.
She wanted to tell Sathyan it was her fault that his brother was dead. That because she was blinded by her feelings for him, Sharkey and Bradfield were dead. Arjuna would never be the same again. Neither would she. Neither would Sathyan.
The silence hung between them.
She touched his hair, letting it lock into the thick black curls she loved. She wanted to remember everything.
Enne manichi kolungo. She said it inside her heart.
‘I’ll come back,’ she lied.
He held her. Kissed her. And let her go.
‘I hope so,’ he said. She almost believed him.