C H A P T E R  6

“Lauren?” A tap on his shoulder woke Jesse from a dream of him and Lauren lying on the beach, his beach, looking up at the stars.

“No `Ren,” a childish voice said.

He lifted his head from his laptop where he’d fallen asleep working on the mansion renovation drawing and blinked to see his daughter standing next to the desk. He swallowed the bitter tang in his mouth. Some parent he was. He’d been so out, he hadn’t heard Shelley get up from her second nap of the day. She could have been into anything, and he would have had no idea.

“No Gamma,” Shelley said.

He tapped the spacebar and glanced at the time. Two. They’d gotten back to Sonja’s duplex about 12:30 with Shelley fast asleep. He’d worked on the drawing for at least forty-five minutes, so he hadn’t been asleep long.

“Gramma’s still at work,” he said. The black expression that crossed Lauren’s face every time Shelley said Gamma, flashed in his mind. He probably shouldn’t encourage Shelley to call Sonja Gramma, even though Sonja was fine with it.

“Hungy,” Shelley said.

“I’ll bet you are. Me, too. Let’s see what we can rummage up.” He stood and lifted Shelley into his arms and carried her into the kitchen.

They’d both missed lunch. Shelley had fallen asleep in the car on the way to Charleston, probably from the bla-bla lullaby of polite-strangers conversation between him and Lauren. When Lauren had offered to stay with Shelley in the car while he went into the testing center for his appointment so his daughter could sleep, he’d gotten a glimpse of the girl, woman, who’d captured and once held his heart. The only women who ever really had. Lauren had shuttered that glimpse when he’d come back out from his appointment, and she’d brought up Ken’s offer to buy the mansion again.

Jesse pulled open a cupboard. That had started a livelier conversation in which Jesse did his best to impress Lauren with his plans for the mansion. He had no idea if he’d made any headway, but they’d woken up Shelley, who’d started crying. Lauren had calmed the little girl with a repertoire of children’s songs, becoming his old Lauren again.

“How about a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?”

Shelley shook her head. “No p’butter.”

The emphatic way she said no made him wonder if she was allergic to peanuts. Weren’t a lot of kids now? He jammed his fingers through his hair. There was so much he didn’t know. But Dad would be here soon to help. Together they’d figure things out. But that wasn’t the partnership he truly wanted. He wanted Lauren. But he couldn’t have that until he proved to her and himself that he wasn’t a screw-up, that he could succeed at something other than racing.

“Cereal.” Shelley pointed at the box in the cupboard.

For lunch?

She smiled up at him.

Why not? He grabbed the box, put it on the table, and sat Shelley in the booster seat that for whatever reason Sonja had had tucked away in a closet. Then he’d grabbed two bowls and the milk and made them each a bowlful.

“`Poon,” Shelley said.

“You’re right, we need spoons. He got them, sat and dug into his cereal, warming when Shelley mimicked him.

“What do we have here?” Sonja walked in the kitchen door to a shout of “Gamma” from Shelley.

“A late lunch.” Jesse scuffed his boot on the vinyl floor. “How did your showings go?”

“One sale, and one who’d like to see more. How about your appointment?”

He shrugged. “Good. Lauren came with us.”

Sonja raised an eyebrow.

“As my attorney,” he added.

“Of course. Has someone had her n-a-p?”

“Two. One in the car and one when we got home.”

“It’s a beautiful day. Would you mind if I took her to the public beach? There’s a playground there. Maybe I can tire her out so she’ll sleep better tonight.”

Shelley was his responsibility. He should be the one taking her to the playground. But Sonja looked like her offer was something she wanted to do.

“Okay, and as thanks, I’ll pick up some steaks and grill them for us.”

“Include Lauren. I don’t know how well she eats sometimes.”

“Yeah, I owe her, too. Shelley fell asleep on our way to the testing center. Lauren stayed in the car with her while I went in for my appointment.”

Sonja waved him off. “You don’t owe either of us anything. Lauren wouldn’t have gone with you and Shelley if she didn’t want to.”

Was she telling him Lauren wanted to be with him? Lauren and her mother were close. She might know something like that.

“And no need to go out for steaks. I have some in the freezer.”

“Hmmm?” He was still back on the possibility that Lauren might want to be with him.

“Use the steaks in the freezer. That will give you more time to work on those plans we talked about.”

The plans he’d fallen asleep over earlier. “Right.”

“And would you show Lauren your plans? She seems to think I’m getting myself in over my head with our project. Maybe if she sees things spelled out more clearly in a drawing, she’ll understand this isn’t some pie-in-the-sky dream I’ve come up with.”

“Sure thing.”

From their discussions, Jesse thought Sonja knew exactly what she wanted and what she was getting herself into. It was him who was in over his head. Jesse glanced at his daughter and thought about Lauren singing to her in the car. His dangerous waters had nothing to do with the renovation project. But, even with his battered, closed-down heart, he was a strong swimmer, a Southern California surfer. There wasn’t a wave he couldn’t conquer, not even the tidal wave Lauren had become.

Lauren left the county building, fuming the whole drive home. Gerry couldn’t have given her the deed for one of Ken’s acquisitions to file before he and Ray had left for their four-hour lunch or wherever they’d been, so she might have had real work to do this afternoon. No, he had to saunter in at twenty of five and ask her to rush over and do it before the county offices closed at five. And with the documents to file, he’d handed her the key to the new front door lock he’d allegedly “forgotten” to give her before she’d left yesterday.

She slammed her brakes as she belatedly noticed the traffic light in front of her, one of the few in Indigo Bay, turning red. The car screeched to a halt. She couldn’t rid herself of the thought that somehow Ray and Gerry were punishing her for not convincing Jesse to sell his property. Why did she put up with it anyway? The light turned green. Easy. To make partner, for the chance to take over the practice when the brothers retired. To achieve her dream and security—except the lack of new business, other than Jesse’s had her questioning the security part.

Her mother’s car wasn’t in the driveway when she pulled in, only Jesse’s truck minus the bike trailer. He wouldn’t be out on the bike with Shelley, would he? She stepped out of the car. Just because she didn’t see the trailer didn’t mean he was out on his bike or that he had Shelley out with him. Mom could have taken her somewhere. Nor was any of this her business. Except that it was her business if she was representing Jesse and his petition to be confirmed as Shelley’s guardian. Not everyone thought a two-year-old belonged on a motorcycle. She’d talk with him about that later. Right now, a glass of wine sounded like an excellent idea to her.

When she walked into her kitchen, the aroma of sizzling beef accosted her through the screened window above the sink. Mom must have Jesse grilling for her. That had been Lauren’s job since her parents split. She opened the refrigerator, took out the wine, and looked at the leftover frozen mac and cheese she’d planned to have for supper. After pouring her wine, she stuck the plate of mac and cheese in the microwave. Before she could push start, a knock sounded at the door.

Jesse smiled at her through the window in the door.

“Hey,” she said, her heart pounding as she opened it. Pounding not because of the smile. Not because it was him, looking so Jesse in a tight white t-shirt worn almost transparent, a motocross rider and Do It in the Dirt emblazed across his chest. No. Pounding because he’d startled her. Nothing more than that.

“Hey, yourself. Your mother told me to invite you over for supper. I’m grilling steaks.”

“Yeah, I smelled them through the window.” That was what was drawing her to him. A medium rare steak would beat her mac and cheese by a mile.

“I’ve got potatoes and corn on the cob on the grill, too,” he added as if she needed any more convincing. “And there’s stuff in your mother’s fridge if you want to put together a salad.”

“Sounds good.” She could do supper with Jesse, as long as she had her mother and Shelley as a safety buffer. “So, did Mom run out for something?”

“She took Shelley down to the beach to the playground.”

“Then, I expect they’ll be back soon. I’ll go over and make that salad.”

Jesse avoided her gaze. “She called a couple of minutes ago. They ran into a friend of your mother’s who was at the playground with her granddaughter. The four of them are going to get something to eat on the Boardwalk.”

“Oh. Then it’s just …”

“You and me babe,” he finished for her. “And I’m okay without the salad.”

She wasn’t okay with any of it now. In fact, the leftover mac and cheese, eating alone, was sounding better and better.

“This isn’t a setup, is it? You. Me. Supper.”

Jesse raised his hands in surrender. “No. I offered to grill steaks for your mother as thanks for taking Shelley to the playground so I could get in some work drawing the renovation plans. It was your mother’s idea to include you. I am totally innocent.”

Lauren’s initial embarrassment at accusing Jesse of trying to get her alone turned into irritation at her mother. Supper could still be a setup. Just on her mother’s part, not Jesse’s.

“I have to get back to the grill,” he said.

At the mention of the grill, Lauren picked up the scent of the cooking meat again. Truthfully, the mac and cheese didn’t sound at all appetizing. And neither did eating alone. She was a big girl. She could have a dinner with Jesse without succumbing to his charms. They could sit kitty corner on opposite sides of the picnic table, so he’d have room to stretch his legs without touching her. Yeah. She could do it.

“I’ll change my clothes, make that salad, and meet you out back.”

“See you in a few.”

Lauren closed the door behind him and took a gulp of wine. Jesse was rarely, if ever innocent when it came to pursuing something he wanted. But what, exactly was he pursuing? He wasn’t exuding any particular charm. So despite all of her errant thoughts, it didn’t look like it was her he was pursuing.

Upstairs in her room, she rejected a cute pair of shorts she’d picked up last week for a worn pair of denim capris and pulled on a baggy garnet t-shirt with University of South Carolina in black across the front that she had left over from law school. Her armor of least-attractive clothes offered some defense. But the less time alone with Jesse, the better. She’d head over to her mother’s kitchen by way of the front doors and take her time making the salad. To add a little more time to the process, Lauren stopped in her kitchen on her way and polished off the rest of her glass of wine before thinking that getting tipsy wasn’t any way to build her resolve against Jesse. His smile. That smile. The one she’d always thought of as hers flashed in front of her eyes.

Lauren refilled her wine glass before letting herself out her front door.

Aside from Lauren giving him a wide berth that had him wondering if he should have showered before supper, their meal together went off okay. If okay meant reminiscent of dining with a maiden aunt who wanted to catch up on what you’d been doing but was hesitant to ask any questions that might give her real answers. Jesse held the door open so Lauren could carry her share of the dishes and food into her mother’s place ahead of him. What had he expected? Them to fall right back into couple speak? And it wasn’t as if he’d been any better. He’d kept his side of the conversation every bit as impersonal.

Lauren placed the food and dishes on the counter and opened the dishwasher.

“Leave the dishes. I’ll do them later. Your mom wanted me to show you her, our, ideas for the B&B renovations.” There he went again. He wanted to show her the designs he’d done online. “They’re on my laptop in the other room.”

“It’s no problem.” Lauren started loading the dishwasher.

Didn’t she want to see the plans? Or was it the laptop being in his room? “I’ll go get the laptop. We can look at them at the table.”

He strode from the kitchen, grabbed his computer, and made it back halfway across the living room when his foot gave way, sending him and the computer into a face planter on the thinly carpeted hardwood floor. Only a quick twist saved the computer and his face from the impact. The same couldn’t be said about his shoulder. Jesse rolled to his back with a groan, closed his eyes, and placed the laptop on his stomach.

Lauren’s footsteps reverberated faintly on the floor. “Are you all right?”

He opened his eyes to Lauren’s face inches from his and stared at the intensity of the concern on her perfect, to him—and he’d challenge anyone who said otherwise—features.

She smoothed his hair, lighting a fire that made him think twice before moving the laptop off him and onto the floor.

“I heard you fall. Can you get up?” she asked.

He studied her earnest expression and knew what he had to do. “Maybe you could help me.” He offered her his hand. He had to know.

She took it, and he pulled her from her knees onto his chest, cupping her face in his palms. Jesse stared up at her. So beautiful. He pressed his lips to hers, hesitating when she stiffened and deepening the kiss when she relaxed and returned it.

Through the haze of bliss, he heard a noise. A door closing. “I think your mother’s home.”

“Mmmm.” Lauren kissed him quiet, but only for a second.

“Your mother. Shelley. Here,” he murmured against her pliant lips.

Lauren was up on her knees beside him so fast he’d swear her movement had caused a whoosh of cold air between them.

“What do we have here?” Sonja asked.

Now Lauren was on her feet. “Jesse fell.”

He leaned up on one elbow, unfortunately the one he’d landed on in the fall. He winced. “My foot goes out sometimes. The accident.” He didn’t know whether the embarrassment heating him was from the suspicion that Sonja had seen them before Lauren had moved away or from admitting his weakness. It didn’t matter. Both his foot and Lauren were weaknesses.

“Jesse-Daddy boo boo?”

He’d forgotten all about Shelley, like when he’d fallen asleep. “I’m okay, sweetie.” Well, except for his ego. He rolled to a sitting position and used his good foot to stand.

“Can you walk?” Lauren asked.

“Yes,” he said too sharply, testing his other leg to make sure he wasn’t lying. “Uh, could you get the laptop?”

“Sure.” She bent to pick it up from the floor.

While Lauren wasn’t looking, Jesse took one long stride to reach a side chair so he could hold the back for support. Just in case. From there it was only two long steps to the kitchen doorway.

“Me help, Jesse-Daddy.” Shelley took his free hand.

He glanced down at the little girl, his heart filling with a love different from any he’d experienced before. “Thank you. You’ll be a big help.” A bead of sweat ran down his spine as he recalculated the number of steps to the doorway, increasing it from two to four for Shelley’s shorter stride. He’d have to put his weight on his bad foot, the foot closest to Shelley twice, rather than once.

Lauren smiled at them as if waiting for him to go ahead.

“You can take the laptop into the kitchen. Shelley and I have this.”

“You sure?” Lauren asked, concern lacing her face.

“I’m sure.” He got out through gritted teeth. He didn’t want the feeling their kiss had ignited in both of them to turn to pity on her part.

“All right.”

“Come on.” Sonja looped her arm through Lauren’s, eying the laptop. “You were going to look at the plans Jesse and I have for the B&B?”

Jesse waited a moment until they’d reached the doorway and tested his weight on his bad leg. No weakness. “Let’s go.”

“Go,” Shelley repeated.

The four steps to the doorway he’d estimated turned into five. Shelley was a little bitty thing. Another couple steps got them to the chair at the table, where either Lauren or Sonja had the laptop open and booting. He bent and hugged Shelley, breathing in what he could only describe as her little-girl scent. “You were a big help.” He slipped into the chair.

Shelley scrambled up on his lap, stepping on his bad foot.

I won’t wince. I won’t wince. He didn’t want Lauren thinking he’d really needed any help walking from the other room. Jesse released a whoosh when the pain subsided.

‘`Puter on.” Shelley bounced on his lap and pointed at the spinning start-up screen that was still running.

“In a minute.” He looked up at Lauren. “It’s older, sometimes takes a while to boot.”

Swift. Why had he said that? To underscore his bad financial situation? As if she didn’t already have a good enough idea of it.

“Why don’t you sit with Jesse? I’ll take Shelley up for her bath,” Sonja said.

“Bath. Bubbles?” Shelley lifted her arms to Lauren’s mother.

“We bought bubble bath while we were out.”

The loss of warmth Jesse felt when Sonja lifted Shelley from his lap was replaced by a radiance of heat when Lauren sat in the chair next to him and scooted closer to look at the screen. He clicked the icon to load his CAD program.

“This will just take another minute.” Or several minutes, depending on how the computer felt. He held his breath. Sometimes, it didn’t load at all the first try. He didn’t need more signs of his come-down in life reapplying any of the loser patina their kiss may have—no had—removed. He didn’t have any reason to think it hadn’t. Lauren hadn’t had any complaints in the physical romance department in the past, and the injury to his leg wouldn’t have affected any expertise he’d had in that area.

Yes! The program window popped right open to the B&B plans. “This is the basic layout of the structure,” he said, clicking on the mansion’s formal entryway to show a picture of what it looked like now—Sonja had had photos from the real estate listing—and how Sonja envisioned it looking when the work was finished.

Lauren leaned closer, her breath soft on his cheek as she leaned in.

“You can do this?” she asked, interrupting Jesse’s brain path into softness, the softness of Lauren’s hair draped over him, of her cheek, of her lips beneath his.

“Yeah, it was one of the engineering courses I took.” That should get him a point, too, finishing a class, using what he’d learned. Lauren had reassured him more than once in the past that she didn’t care whether he had a college degree or not, but he’d never fully believed her.

“No, I meant the physical labor.” Her gaze dropped to his foot. “I assume it, what happened earlier when you fell, is from your racing accident. Does it bother you often?”

Jesse cracked his knuckles. So much for impressing Lauren with his design skills, with having completed at least part of his engineering degree. “Mainly when I’m tired.” And the physical discomfort doesn’t bother me nearly as much as not being able to race, to finish my racing career. “I usually know my limit, but I’ve had a lot of unexpected things going on the past couple days. I’ll hire out what I need to hire out.” He wished he could take back the defensiveness in his last statement, but he was defensive.

Lauren went back to studying the computer screen. “Mom’s put a lot more thought into the project than I knew.”

Mom, not him. Brewster, get a grip. It isn’t some kind of contest. But it was.

“Want me to email you a copy of the plans? I can put them in a PDF.” Was that supposed to dazzle her, too? He was a sick case.

“No, I’ll have Mom print a copy for me.”

He clicked the program closed. “I should be getting Shelley to bed.”

She pushed her chair away from the table, away from him, and stood. “Right.” She moved her weight from foot to foot. “Do you need help upstairs?”

“No, I’ve got it.” Even if I have to crawl up on my hands and knees.

“Okay. See you around. I’ll be looking for your DNA results at the office.”

That was it? Jesse rose and placed one foot close enough to hers to make her stepping away more difficult without appearing to block her. He lowered his head and lightly brushed her lips with his before stepping back.

Lauren blinked twice as if she was unsure what had happened before turning to flee out the kitchen door.

Jesse watched the door close behind her. The importance of the project’s success had ratcheted up a notch. He wouldn’t be free to get on with his life until he’d proven to Lauren, as well as himself, that he wasn’t a washed-up failure in the race of life—whether or not that proof got him anywhere relationship-wise with her.