Chapter 16

“Landon? What are you doing...here?” she asked, annoyed by his presence. He was the last person she wanted to see. She needed time to herself to think things through. She’d thought she had made it clear.

He didn't respond. Confused, Jocelyn closed the distance between them. His chest was bare as he kneeled in front of her. She watched him cautiously as he drew his hands to his head. Seeing him on his knees reminded her of the first time they’d met when he’d found her in the Malum king’s lair. He had then, too, fallen to his knees.

“Landon? Landon?” Jocelyn stood inches from him now.

“Landon, what are you doing here?” she asked more forcefully.

He lifted his head slowly, and she instinctually stepped back as his blue eyes swarming with unshed tears settled on her.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he said releasing a breath.

Jocelyn stood in silence for a moment as she watched him fight back tears. Her heart and mind battled one another. Her heart urged and begged her to console him as her mind reminded her to keep away from the man who’d betrayed her, denied her, hurt her.

“Why?” she asked frustrated by her heart’s desire to comfort him.

“Because...” he hesitated, as if deciding whether he should answer her question.

“You think hiding things from me will make it better? It hasn’t worked for you so far.”

“It’s my burden for what I’ve done to you. I don’t want you to worry about it.”

“Tell me, Landon,” she commanded.

He released a breath, and in doing so, he lost his will to control his tears. “It was a nightmare. I dreamed you were dead, and I was too late too save you.”

Jocelyn gasped realizing her annoyance with his untimely intrusion was unjustified. She unwillingly fell to her knees in front of him. He reached for her, placing his hand over hers.

“I thought you were dead. I had to see for myself,” he whispered. He reached toward her cheek caressing it with his hand. “I’m sorry for denying you, not because of the dreams, but because I’ve realized I’ve hurt you more than myself. I never thought of it until tonight how it would hurt you. I’ve been selfish and cruel.”

His confession was her undoing, and she sobbed silently. Crying for herself, for him, for the desires she didn’t want, for her spiteful fate because she didn’t think she could ever completely forgive him for abandoning her.

Landon drew her into his arms and held her until her sobs quieted, and then he lifted her off the floor and carried her to her room where he laid her on her bed then lay next to her holding her in his arms until they both drifted to sleep.

****

Jocelyn had never slept better. When she awoke the following morning, she was relaxed, warm, and soothed. As awareness drew in, she remembered the events from the night before...Landon. It had been nearly three a.m. when he barged through the double doors leading to her patio and unhinged the tears and torment she’d held back for years.

She had never been a crier. Never shed a single tear even after years of being bounced around from foster home to foster home, even when she was released into the real world at eighteen and had to find shelter for herself, even when she had no money to pay rent, she’d never cried or sobbed as she’d done the night before.

She never felt better. The tears alleviated her or maybe it was just Landon and his confession or his vulnerability at that moment. She had seen his tears, felt them as if they were her own. Perhaps that had been her undoing or perhaps the fact that he’d let his helplessness shine through for the first time. Maybe they were more alike than she once assumed.

He wasn’t a crier either. He was the arrogant, macho, domineering wolf she had grown to know, but last night he’d been defeated. What had changed for him? He’d intended to deny her, which she felt she couldn’t easily forgive, but now he’d shown a side of himself she didn’t think anyone had ever witnessed. Why now?

Perhaps his dreams… Maybe dreaming his female was dead was too much for him. They’d slept together the night before, and she hadn’t been disturbed by his nightmares, but two nights before, she had heard his cries and had seen what his nightmares were capable of causing. She recalled that night when she found him...

He had been drenched in sweat and seemed relieved to see her. She hadn’t understood why until now. He must have had a similar dream then featuring her and death, but maybe not. Why were his dreams tormenting him?

Landon’s arm tightened around her, startling her as he pulled her toward him. His shaft pressed against her butt as he nuzzled her ear, and his scent engulfed her fully, pulling her from her thoughts and sending shivers through her. He pulled her closer until his lips reached the side of her neck, and he kissed her softly sending more shivers up and down her spine. She was lost in him, in his need. She could feel it, taste it. She wanted to devour it.

He kissed her neck, letting his lips linger as he ran his tongue up and down her flesh. She moaned. His hands trailed up her stomach, grasping her breasts softly then back down her stomach. He held her side and turned her. Facing him, their eyes met momentarily before he kissed her hard and passionately, and her lids closed to fully enjoy it. She didn’t fight because she couldn’t deny him as he’d done to her, not while he was kissing her anyway, not after last night.

She wrapped her arms around him and let his kiss consume her, knowing his scent had already devoured her anyhow. She couldn’t care less. It didn’t matter.

As he kissed her and their tongues entwined, she cried inside knowing she was swallowing her pride. She couldn’t fathom living a day without his kisses even after what he had done and how much it had hurt her. He pulled away ending their moment of passion.

“You have class in a couple of hours.”

Not the words she expected. She sneaked a glance at her phone. It was nine a.m., and her class started at eleven a.m. She’d be late if she didn’t get up now. How did he know?

“Yes, I do,” she said but didn’t move.

He nudged her then smiled. “If you hurry we can get some breakfast. I can drive you.”

“Okay,” she said as she forced her body to move away from his.

She stood and walked toward her bathroom. His eyes were still on her as she closed the door behind her. She showered quickly then dried off. When she finally returned to her room, Landon sat on her bed, a white t-shirt covering his perfectly masculine chest. She dragged herself to her closet and hesitated, expecting Landon to walk in behind her. He didn’t. She dressed herself in a pair of skinny jeans and cut off top then walked out and noticed Landon clench his jaw as sparks of yellow briefly enveloped his eyes.

“God, you are gorgeous,” he said.

“Nice of you to finally notice,” she said sarcastically.

He removed himself from her bed and stalked toward her, stopping an inch from her. He placed his hand on her waist and tugged her forward, closing the distance between them, forcing her face to shift upwards.

“Oh, baby, don’t you know? I knew from the first time I set eyes on you. Couldn’t you tell?” he asked then stifled a laugh, unnerving her.

“No,” she mumbled as her cheeks grew rosy.

He wrapped his other arm around her lifting her off her feet as he pressed his lips on hers then drew away pressing a soft kiss on her neck.

“That makes you even more amazing,” he said then pulled away from her, grasping her hand and pulling her forward.

They rode down the elevator in silence as she wondered who the man standing inches from her was. She didn’t really know him at all. He was domineering, aggressive, caring, vulnerable, and now lovable? He was bossy, yet cared for his sister so tenderly. He was macho, yet had run to her fearing a dream. He was controlling, yet only because he wanted to protect those he loved from danger.

She could grow to love this man and werewolf if she didn’t already. In the deepest part of her soul, she felt she already did. What should she do? She couldn’t prevent the feelings he stirred within her. She’d been attracted to him from the first moment she’d met him. Who wouldn’t be? Yet she’d refused to acknowledge it because of his bossy nature, but now it seemed that wasn’t him at all or not all of who he was anyway. For the second time in days, she’d come to the conclusion that there was more to Landon than met the eye.

He drove her to a Starbucks in silence. She knew his mind was turning as was hers and appreciated he didn’t express any of his thoughts because she needed the time to herself to think. When they reached the door, he opened it for her, then pressed his hand on the small of her back leading her inside. She shivered at the simple touch. They made the line; before reaching the counter, he asked her what she wanted, then proceeded to order for her. The cashier handed him her food. then they waited for their coffees in silence. Landon grabbed their coffees and walked with her toward the far end of the shop where they sat down across from each other.

“Did you sleep well?” he asked her.

“Yes. You?” she asked sparing a glance in his direction.

“Never better,” he replied. “You eat very little. It’s starting to worry me,” he said as he eyed the muffin she’d chosen.

“I haven’t had much of an appetite lately. It’s not your concern though.”

“You are my concern, Jocelyn, whether you want to admit it or not.”

She supposed he was right. She was his concern as he was hers. It was the reason she had been unable to send him away the night before; she had been worried about him.

“I will never be able to fully express how sorry I am for how I’ve hurt you. I hope we can move past it.”

“It’s fine,” she said hoping to change the subject.

“No, it’s not. You were upset last night, and I am to blame,” he said then sipped his coffee.

“Landon, please. Leave it alone. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Landon sighed, then took another sip of his coffee as he watched her break apart small pieces of her muffin and bring them to her lips.

“How long have you been having the nightmares?” she prodded curiously. She needed answers just as much as her body needed his. If he had intentions of wooing her, he would answer.

“I’ve been dreaming about you since I found you. They were never nightmares, though. They were glimpses at the life that could be mine if I claimed you. You’ve been in my dreams reminding me of what could be mine for months now. Only recently did the dreams become nightmares.”

“Oh...so what did you used to dream about?”

He hesitated then answered, “I’ve dreamt that you’re making me breakfast, laughing at something I said. I’ve dreamt of you running as I chase you in wolf form. I’ve dreamt of what it would be like if we were together intimately, and I’ve also dreamt that you were pregnant with my pups.”

Jocelyn flushed embarrassed he’d dreamt of her naked in his bed. He’d described it all so nonchalantly as if someday it would be true.

“And the nightmares all feature me dead?”

He hesitated again, then nodded.

“Why do you think you dream of this?”

He shrugged. “I’m probably being punished for being a fool thinking I could ignore fate.”

“Why did you?”

His expression grew stern and cold as his muscles tensed. Jocelyn knew he wouldn’t answer her question, the one she really needed the answer to. Her face flushed again; this time for a different reason. She was annoyed. Landon was still the same controlling, arrogant wolf trying to hide things from her. He wouldn’t tell her, and she wasn’t sure she could forgive him for lying to her anyway. Nothing had changed.

“Fine. Don’t tell me.”

“I will tell you, but not today.”

“I’m done. I should get to class.”

“I’ll drive you.”

“No, thanks. It’s two blocks away anyway,” she said as she walked away.

****

Landon watched her walk away until she was out of sight. His chest constricted and his muscles tightened. He’d done it again. He’d pissed off his female. Would she ever not be mad at him?

He knew she wanted to know why he’d deserted her, but he wasn’t ready to tell her, and he didn’t think she was ready to hear it. She may never forgive him for his reason, and he wasn’t ready to let her go. He needed to be sure she loved him before he told her his illogical rationale. It would be harder for her to be unforgiving if she already loved him. Was he being cruel not telling her? Maybe, but he was already walking on eggshells where she was concerned, and he didn’t need or want to further jeopardize their relationship.

He finished his coffee then stepped outside and got into his car. He sighed as he drove away. The empty feeling in his chest grew stronger the farther he drove as her presence completely disappeared.

****

Jocelyn arrived at NYU’s campus a half hour before her class was scheduled to begin. She picked out a bench and sat as she let her mind wander, wondering why Landon refused to answer her question. He had a reason for forsaking her. His reason was more imperative than she was, his female, which was why he’d decided to ignore his destiny and hers. She needed to know what it was if she was ever going to forgive him and give them a real shot at being mates.

“Jocelyn?” She heard a familiar voice call her name.

She turned, shocked to see the man standing before her, Asher, just as tall as she remembered at least six foot three. He wore a tight black shirt that revealed his broad chest and shoulders and a pair of loose fitted khaki pants.

“Surprised,” he asked as he smiled.

“Uh, yeah, yes,” she corrected.

Jocelyn blinked several times expecting his image to dissipate. She remembered him. It was hard to forget. Why was he here?

“I’m just as surprised to see you and here of all places. I tried calling you after our date, but your phone was disconnected.”

“Yeah, I…” She tried to think of a cover story. She couldn’t explain she’d been kidnapped and was now on a version of an immortal witness protection program. “…moved.”

“I can see,” he said as he stepped toward her.

“Yes. I decided I needed a change, so here I am. What brings you to the East Coast?”

“Masters Program,” he said then winked at her.

He opened his mouth to say something, but she cut him off. “I actually have to get to class, but I’ll catch you later,” she said then turned and briskly walked away from him.

When she reached the door to her classroom, she took a seat in the middle of the room, taking deep breaths attempting to relax her nerves. Minutes passed, but her hands still shook slightly. Bumping into Asher at NYU not only shocked her but panicked her. It brought back dreadful memories of the night her life had changed forever.

Months ago in California when she still thought she was a mortal, her friends set her up with him. She only agreed to go on a blind date because she didn’t have anything better to do that night. When he showed up, she’d been awed. He was tall with lean muscles, pale green eyes, and blond hair. They had several drinks at a bar near her home. Last thing she remembered before waking up in a cell was being dropped off at home.

She’d thought him a god then, now not so much. He wasn’t as attractive as she once thought, but maybe that was because she already met the man for her, Landon. Destiny decided, so technically, it was impossible for her to prefer someone else or so she assumed.

Why was Asher here? Could it really be a coincidence? He’d been the last person she’d seen before she’d been kidnapped. Now, he just so happened to be attending NYU. You’re crazy and paranoid! She scolded herself just as her professor walked thru the doors and began another never-ending lecture.