Chapter 17

Landon was greeted by a worried and distressed Olivia at the estate, worry lines etched on her forehead, her blue eyes drooped slightly. Once she sensed him, she rushed toward him at full speed.

“Landon, first of all, I was really worried. You could have called me. Second, we have a problem. The council is headed here. It seems you were broadcasting to the entire pack last night when you were...upset.”

“Don’t worry, Liv. I’ll handle it,” he said as he walked toward the stairs untroubled despite the dilemma.

“But…Are you going to tell them?”

He paused in the middle of the stairs and turned to face her. “I don’t know.” He turned again and continued his stride upstairs.

“You should,” she said as she followed him.

“Why?”

“Because the sooner you tell them the better, and they will need a reason as to why you were in distress last night.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Where are you going? They will be here any minute.”

“I have to shower.”

“You can’t make them wait. Landon, they sounded pretty upset since it’s not the first time and all.”

“Liv,” he said strictly. “Don’t worry. I’ll handle this.”

Landon reached his room and showered quickly then headed to the conference room on the first floor of his estate. He strode inside and was greeted by three council members and oldest werewolves in existence. Landon studied them taking in their solemn expressions and took a seat at the end of the long narrow table.

Kingston, a fair-haired werewolf with gray eyes, was the oldest. More than two thousand years old, he’d lived through all the vampire-werewolf wars.

Sophia was just under sixteen hundred years old. The dark-haired female had once been best friends with his mother. As a child he often spent weekends with Sophia, her husband, Malcolm, and their son, Jordan. The once fun-loving woman was never the same after the last war claimed the lives of both her husband and son.

Cameron, a dark-haired werewolf with olive colored eyes, was fourteen hundred years old. During the second vampire-werewolf war, his female and three young children were killed during a surprise attack while he was away in battle. He’d found them slaughtered a week later. After burying his family, he’d gone to war again. Instead of quickly executing vampires as was the custom, he captured them, starved them for weeks, then cut off their arms and legs before finally staking them.

After Landon’s grandfather, alpha at the time, discovered Cameron’s cruel antics, he tried to remove him from the council. The other council members disagreed. They felt his actions were due to the loss of his family, but it wasn’t long before everyone in the pack knew what he’d done and labeled him the vampire slayer.

“Landon, I take it Olivia has given you our message,” Kingston said.

Landon nodded and replied, “Yes.”

“We are concerned, and so is the rest of the pack. You are their leader and have always set a great example. We deserve and expect an explanation for your behavior,” Cameron added.

“Your behavior has brought back unfavorable memories from previous alphas. We prefer that history does not repeat itself,” Sophia said.

Landon laughed aloud. The council feared he was losing his mind. He couldn’t blame them; it happened many times throughout their history. Statistically, one out of every five alphas went insane. He never knew the reason. Although he suspected it had to do with the stress and burden of the job. Luckily, all the alphas who had gone mad had heirs, so the race had survived.

“I assure you I’m fine. Although I do have some news, and it may be unfavorable to you.” He paused briefly taking in their baffled expressions as he stood. “I will not deny that I have not been myself. Three months ago, I was on a mission with the Guardians. We were rescuing an Elemental from the Malums that were holding her captive. I was responsible for searching the room where we believed she was held. It was there I discovered Jocelyn and realized she is my female. I’ve spent the last three months with every intention of denying her, forgetting that I’d met her at all. That I knew where she was.”

He paused again while he thought. I’ve burdened myself with incessant worrying over her wellbeing. Wondering if she is safe and well-protected. Whether her powers have developed. I’ve wondered what she’s doing every second of every day. I’ve consoled myself poorly, assuming I was doing what was right for the pack. I forgot to take into consideration how it would affect her. “I will not continue to forsake her. I have every intention of claiming her, then she’ll rule alongside me.”

Landon waited for someone to speak. The seconds turned to minutes, and no one said a word.

“I realize that this presents a problem to us since she is not one of us—”

“Do you realize the severity of this situation?” Cameron interrupted, his disapproval clearly visible through his infuriated tone.

Landon locked eyes with the older werewolf. “I do,” he replied calmly. “As I was saying, since my female is not one of us, it means she will be unable to bear my pups. There may be no other alpha to follow.”

“There must be another way,” Sophia said. “What if another wolf carries them in her stead?”

“If you are implying that I sleep with another woman besides my female, you are overstepping your boundaries, Sophia.”

“There would be no need for that, Landon. Mortal women use surrogates all the time. Why could it not work in our case?” she replied calmly as she shifted in her seat.

“Sophia, I do not want a child if it’s not a part of her, too.”

“That’s ridiculous, Landon. You must think of the pack first,” Sophia said.

“Our laws say we must put our females above ourselves. It’s our most valued law,” Landon replied.

“If there is no other alpha, werewolves will cease to exist!” Cameron shouted as he stood from his seat.

“I will do my best to ensure there is another alpha,” Landon said pausing to analyze their expressions. “I will train them myself. Whatever it takes, I will do it, but Jocelyn is mine, and if she agrees to have me, I will never let her go.”

“Alphas are born not trained!” Cameron shouted.

“We must keep our options open. Maybe the girl will not be averse to a surrogate if she knows the future of the pack is at risk.”

“Yeah, what about her? What about if she wants her own kids? I cannot take that away from her,” Landon snapped.

“You can have your own children with her. They’ll be half siblings. You and the girl will raise them together. There will be no difference.”

“The girl is my female, and her name is Jocelyn. And there is a difference, and it’s wrong. I’ve already said if the child is not a part of her, I don’t want it.”

“You selfish…” Cameron started, then stopped when Landon’s attention turned toward him.

Landon’s eyes enflamed as yellow clouded his pupils. “I think you’ve forgotten, Cameron, that I am the alpha here. What would you prefer that I deny her and go mad? That’s where I was headed without her.”

“The almighty alpha rules, and everyone does his bidding. Is that it?”

“That’s enough, Cameron,” Kingston spoke up. “This behavior is unacceptable. We will have to wait this out. If Olivia finds her male, and he is of our kind, this conversation is moot anyway. Sometimes these things work themselves out.”

“What?” Cameron screeched. “That’s it? We may not have an alpha after Landon, but we will wait this out?”

“What do you prefer, Cameron? Do you intend to keep Landon from his female? If you intend to do so, make sure you warn me so I can make some popcorn ahead of time. You would only succeed in giving us a good laugh and undoing your fierce reputation.” Kingston paused seemingly in battle with his thoughts. “Landon is right. I’ve seen it before. Without his female, he will go mad, and we’ll have no alpha sooner rather than later.”

“Are you insinuating what I think you are?” Sophia asked.

He nodded lightly. “Yes, I am. This isn’t the first time an alpha has found his female in another immortal breed. The last alpha who went mad did so because he denied his female. When she married another, he lost it…”

Landon searched for emotion in Kingston, but there was none. His years alone proved he had seen too much, and it had cost him. He’d never seen the man smile or laugh. Landon never imagined anyone knew the reason alphas before him had gone mad. Knowing it now, infuriated him.

“Why does no one else know?” Landon asked, taking deep breaths attempting to cool his temper.

“It hasn’t been an issue.”

“But it is now,” Landon retorted, his composure vanishing. “If this was believed to have happened before, it should have been documented.”

“It was just that, a belief. You’ve more than proved it. If it had been documented, do you realize how many werewolves we would have lost? They would have abandoned their pack to live with their partners.”

“If other breeds aren’t accepted among us, they’ll abandon us anyway. Our most valued law says we will not forsake them, but we’ve ingrained in our pack to do just that. How many werewolves go missing every year?”

“Ten to twenty,” Sophia responded quickly.

“Then it’s possible that the missing have found their partners and decided to live outside the pack for fear their partner would not be accepted,” Landon continued. “This changes today, right now.”

Sophia gasped at his statement.

“You do not understand the repercussions of your actions. We do not know the type of children werewolves with partners of other immortal races will breed. Even if they produce werewolves, we could be condemning our own people to death or producing halflings, degrading our race,” Cameron stated.

Landon settled his smoldering gaze on Cameron and took several steps toward him stopping only when he was an inch from his face. “Degrading our race? That’s what you are worried about? How about our own people, the werewolves we’ve chosen to alienate with these archaic beliefs? How about all the ones who have gone mad? By the way, we would know the type of children werewolves could produce with other breeds if we hadn’t made them choose between the pack and their fated partners.”

“It’s ridiculous—”

“That’s enough!” Kingston admonished. “Landon is our alpha, our leader. We must stand united with him. This will not be easy for our pack to overcome, but Jocelyn is Landon’s female, and there is no changing that. I will convene with the pack tonight, advise them partners from other immortal races are welcome among us. Landon, we will wait to hear from you before we break the news to the pack about Jocelyn. This meeting is adjourned.”

With those last words, they all marched from the room leaving an infuriated Landon alone.

****

Jocelyn hadn’t paid attention during the entire class, and she couldn’t take notes either. Her anxiety grew with every passing minute; her hands shook making it nearly impossible to type or write. As it was, she hadn’t been able to garner the strength to turn on her laptop. She sat there for an hour and fifteen minutes blankly staring toward the front of the class. When her professor finally dismissed them, she was relieved. But she didn’t stand. She sat as her classmates rushed out.

She couldn’t explain her behavior. Being nervous and anxious was not in her demeanor, ever. She was fearless. Why was she now acting like a spineless fool? She was certain Asher was to blame. Bumping into him affected her, and of course, it had. The last time she had seen him was the night she’d been abducted. His presence reminded her of the terror she’d felt for weeks being held prisoner. Perhaps, this was post-traumatic stress. Maybe she should have gone to therapy like her sister suggested or at least talked about the dreadful experience with her. It was a topic she refused to discuss with anyone no matter how many times her sister begged her to talk.

Crying was taboo and out of character for her. She felt if she relived the dreadful experience, it would be her undoing. She didn’t want to lose her identity because she’d had a traumatizing experience, and part of who she was, was not being a crier. If she could help it, she wouldn’t cry, not now not ever. For that reason she hadn’t given into her sister’s request.

You’ve cried every day for the last three days, she reminded herself. She cried when she’d been attacked, when Cain had been injured, and when Landon told her she was his. And now she was shaking with anxiety because she ran into someone who reminded her of her abduction.

I have changed. I’m no longer the person that I used to know, she realized.

Why was she still sitting here? She needed to get off campus fast before she ran into Asher again.

“Joce…”

Jocelyn turned her head and spotted Cain at the door, concern riddling his face.

Thank God, she thought.

“Are you okay?” he asked as he briskly walked toward her. “What’s wrong?”

“Get me out of here please,” she said barely a whisper.

Cain reached for her helping her to her feet. “You are very pale. Did you remember to eat today? You were with Landon. I thought he would have forced you to eat if you refused—”

“Cain, please,” she interrupted.

“Come on,” he said as he helped her walk toward the corner of the room. He glanced around and dematerialized taking her with him.

They appeared moments later on her floor at the demon compound. He carried her toward the couch and placed her on it. He kneeled before her, placed her hands in his.

“Tell me what’s wrong? You’re shaking. Why, Joce?”

“I...I ran into this guy—” she stuttered.

“The blond mortal before class?”

She nodded.

“Are you having a meltdown?” Cain asked as he placed his hand over her forehead.

“I know him from back home.”

Cain’s eyes widened. “In California? Did he cause this?” he asked as he sized her up and down. “What the hell is he doing here? What does he want?” Cain shouted.

“Stop shouting, Cain. He’s here attending NYU. We went on a date the night I was abducted. The last thing I remember was when he dropped me off at home.”

“You think he had something to do with it?”

“Don’t be paranoid, Cain! Of course not. It just brought back bad memories.”

“Oh…” he said. “Someone’s coming…”

Clyde appeared before them, a scowl firmly placed on his face. “Your mate’s here,” he said.

Seconds later, the elevator doors parted, and a shirtless Landon barged through running toward her.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

Jocelyn studied him for seconds, speechless as her eyes devoured his chiseled chest.

Cain stood, letting go of Jocelyn’s hands and faced Landon. “She’s fine.”

“She’s not fine! Look at her,” he shouted as he reached for her and kneeled. He placed his hands on either side of her face, and whispered, “What’s wrong, Joce?”

“Nothing,” she replied. “I’m fine.”

“You are not fine, baby. What happened? You can trust me.”

“Ugh! I’m fine, Landon! Put on a damn shirt!”

Landon turned to face Cain as Clyde stepped in between the two.

“This is your fault. What did you do?” Landon shouted at Cain as his crystalline blue eyes clouded yellow. “Or maybe the right question is what didn’t you do?”

Cain stood stoically seemingly calm as red rage enflamed his eyes and shame touched his cheeks tinting them pink. Jocelyn’s panic evolved to fury erasing her anxiety.

“Landon, get out! Get out, get out, get out!” Jocelyn screamed as she placed her hand on his arm and turned him toward her. “You! Who do you think you are coming into my life, insulting the people who stood by me when you didn’t?”

“Joce,” Cain said in a warning tone.

“No! I need to say this.”

“Don’t, Joce,” Cain demanded.

“Baby, I just—” Landon said.

“Enough,” shouted Clyde silencing everyone. “Landon, outside now,” he said firmly.

When Landon didn’t budge, Clyde pushed him forward toward the patio doors.

Once outside, Clyde spoke sincerely. “You are more of an idiot than I originally thought. It’s common sense not to insult the only family she has. The mating has left you unsettled, which is normal. What’s making it difficult is your nature to do and say as you please when you please. It never works with women, especially not an Elemental.”

Landon was shocked. Clyde was a man—angel—of few words. “What do you know about mating? Angels don’t mate.”

“Ah… If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that. Yet once again you prove my point, too stubborn and conceited to listen to heavenly advice.”

“I am not—”

“You are. You’re both too stubborn, too stupid to realize there are things that can never be undone. Do you want to wake up wondering what if for the rest of eternity because you were too stubborn to take an angel’s advice?”

Distress overwhelmed Landon. He responded simply, “No. I want her. I need her. I love her.”

“Then control your temper, control your urges to blame others for not taking care of her to your standards when others are doing all that they can because you made the decision to not be there. She is stubborn, impulsive but loyal. You’ll never gain her trust if you don’t respect those who she feels indebted to.”

Landon simply nodded.

“Above all, remember, she was meant to be yours, but it doesn’t mean she will be. We decide our futures, werewolf.”

****

“Jocelyn, you have to control your temper with him,” Cain advised her.

“What? You’re siding with him while I’m defending you?”

“It’s not like that, Joce,” he said as he placed his hand on her shoulder. “Don’t you see where he’s coming from? He’s worried about you, and he’s guilt-ridden because he forsook you. It’s killing him.”

“So he blames everyone else for it,” she blurted.

“He’s as stubborn as you are. And you can’t see past his actions because you are so similar to him.”

Jocelyn’s jaw dropped as she processed what her dear friend was telling her.

“Think...just think about how his actions have affected him,” he continued.

“What about me?” she asked frustration now beneath her incredulous tone.

“What about you? You didn’t know any better. He did and does, and every time something happens, he blames himself because he should have been there but wasn’t because of his own doing.”

“That’s his fault.”

“It is. Still of all people you should understand where he’s coming from. You are as compulsive and irrational as he is. How many times have you gotten in trouble...done something you later regret, then think I should have known better?”

“Like what?”

“Like all the trouble you got into that got you kicked out of all your foster homes? Like the time you left and got on a plane back to Cali and were almost recaptured by Malums? Like—”

She interrupted, “Okay, okay. I get the point! Ugh! You are almost as infuriating as he is.”

“Joce, you belong together.”

“Why, because it was decided by destiny? I don’t need him!”

“Such little faith...I’ve never understood why.”

“A demon’s telling me about faith? Oh boy!” she said sarcastically.

Pain flashed across Cain’s expression. He paused for several moments as he stared deep into her chocolate brown eyes. “Sometimes, you are your own worst enemy, you know that?” Cain said solemnly.

“What? I can’t believe—”

“You’ve been given a gift, Jocelyn. Take advantage of it. Don’t push him away.”

“I do not push people away,” she retorted.

“Yes, you do, because your dad left, because your mom died, because you were separated from your sisters. You’ve been pushing people away your whole life. You even push Jenna away.”

“I do not!” she screamed incensed.

“Yes, you do! How many times has she tried to console you, talk to you when you are upset? Most of the time you push her away like you used to push me away, too. Like you got into trouble when you were young to push your foster parents away, so they’d kick you out! You push people away so they don’t ever get the chance to hurt you, and when people say something you don’t want to hear, you push them away. Just like you’re trying to push me away now.”

“That’s...That’s—” she mumbled as her eyes welled with tears and the truth in his words rang true in her mind. “Oh my god! It’s true. You are the only friend I’ve had my whole life.”

“Don’t cry, Joce. Not now. I’m not telling you this to hurt you. I’m telling you this so you can change now that you’ve been given the chance for something wonderful. Something beautiful. Take advantage of it. Don’t push him away. Do you realize his feelings for you will never waver? Never, Joce, ever. What he feels, you have yet to, but you will.”

“I don’t think I can forgive him, Cain. I just can’t forgive him for abandoning me.”

“His reasons may change your mind. You don’t know, but you have to try.”

“He refuses to tell me.”

“He will. Give it time.”

Landon and Clyde walked back inside ending their conversation.

“Cain,” Landon said as he strolled toward him. “I’ve been a jerk. I apologize. I know how much you mean to Jocelyn, and I would like it if we could be friends,” he said as he extended his hand.

Cain shook it then said, “Of course.” Cain exchanged a glance with Clyde, and they left.

Landon closed the distance between himself and Jocelyn slowly and cautiously. He paused as if attempting to piece together what he wanted to say to her.

“Joce, I’m sorry. I know I am stubborn and rude, and you have plenty of reasons to hate me, but please don’t. Please give me a chance, and I promise I’ll be whatever you want and need me to be.”

Her eyes landed on his. Her heart believed he was sincere, but her consciousness told her to push him away. Then she remembered what Cain had said mere moments ago. You push people away so they don’t ever get the chance to hurt you.

“Landon, don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“I never do,” he said, then stepped closer to her as he reached out to touch her.

Jocelyn took a step backward avoiding his touch. Anguish flickered across his blue eyes, and they were no longer intense but somber. Her chest began to ache. She placed her hand over her heart, and she wanted nothing more than to lie down and let it consume her.

“Females can feel when their males are distressed and vice versa,” he explained.

She stared at him flabbergasted, then said, “I had no idea that…I mean I can sense you, but I didn’t know this would happen.”

“That’s why I rushed over here. I felt you were distressed. I got anxious…I didn’t know what had happened. I’m sorry I overreacted. Are you okay?”

Her mind was swirling. She had a male that she was insanely and completely captivated by that destiny had paired her with regardless of how she felt. Regardless of her belief they shouldn’t be together, regardless that he’d already betrayed her.

In just a couple of days, their connection had grown so intense, she could now feel as he did and he as she did. She would never be able to rid herself of the werewolf standing before her. No matter what she did or said, no matter what he said or did to hurt her, he would always be there knowing exactly what she was feeling and when she was feeling it. Their bond would never be broken because fate had decided. Hopelessness overcame her and reluctantly she sat, avoiding his eyes.

“Joce,” he said, then sat facing her staring intently expecting a response.

The realization hit her, and she was the deer in the headlights. She had no control, never had. Since the moment she was born, her life had been decided. It had been decided that she would possess extraordinary powers, that she would be mated with this werewolf, that she would never have control over anything. She swallowed the lump in her throat.

“Joce, are you okay?” he asked again, but she didn’t respond. She stared blankly. “Joce, please, talk to me.”

The elevator doors opened and Jenna along with Lucas, Benjamin, Cain, and Clyde strode through.

“What’s wrong with her?” Jenna asked Landon concerned.

“I don’t know. She’s—” His words trailed off unwilling to say what his female was feeling, helpless.

“Did you break her?” Benjamin jested, then he stifled a laugh after a stern glare from Lucas and an elbow to the gut courtesy of Cain.

“Helpless,” Jenna whispered feeling her sister’s distress then asked everyone to leave.

Lucas, Cain, and Benjamin left, but Clyde lingered as did Landon who opted to head just outside the patio doors.

“Sweetie, tell me what’s wrong, please?” she pleaded in a soothing tone.

Cain’s words resonated in Jocelyn’s mind once again, You even push Jenna away. How many times has she tried to console you, talk to you when you are upset? Most of the time you push her away like you used to push me away, too.

“I just—”

“It’s okay, tell me,” she urged.

“I feel like my life’s slipped from my fingers. Everything was already decided for me, my powers, who I would mate. What decisions did I make? What decisions will I ever make? The point of life is its uncertainty, but if everything is decided, then what’s the point.”

“Very few things are decided already, Jocelyn. You make the important decisions,” Clyde announced before Jenna could speak.

Jocelyn’s head turned, and she spotted the angel.

He continued, “There is always a choice. You can choose to use your powers for good, for evil, or not use them at all. You can choose to be with the man destined for you or not to be. You do decide. You just want to believe you don’t have a choice so you can have an excuse to give in to your desires while ignoring your irrational fear of being abandoned.”

Jocelyn listened keenly as Jenna placed her hand in hers. “Why are you fighting it instead of taking advantage of a gift as invaluable as love?” Jenna asked.

“Because he’s already hurt me, and I don’t want to give him the chance to hurt me again.”

“When you know the reason why, you will change your mind. That’s all I’m going to say about that,” Clyde advised.

“How do you know I will?” she prodded.

“Because I know his reason, and I know you,” he replied.

“Then tell me his reason.”

“That, my dear, is not my job. It’s his and his alone. You would rather hear it from him anyway.”

“Joce,” Jenna said. “I know how you feel. It’s hard to come to terms with reality or with our reality. Everything we believed to be true is no longer, but look at what is. Us. We are together again. Who knows if I would have ever found you otherwise? You’ve got me and Lucas, who adores you, and Cain and the others. Everything will be okay, and I think you should give Landon a try.”

“I thought you hated him.”

“No, Joce. I can’t ever hate Landon because everything he does, he does because he cares. Don’t get me wrong, he can get on my last nerve. Besides, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of the stubborn alpha. What matters is that you are mates. Just give him a chance.”

Jocelyn nodded.

Jenna turned her attention toward Clyde, then scolded, “Where was all this great advice when I needed it?”

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t myself. I was practically an earthbound mortal at the time, and I was not the friend you needed.”

“I guess all that extra time you’ve been spending in heaven is helping then,” Jenna replied then smirked.