Chapter 21

“Baby!” he yelled as he chased her. He reached to grab her but missed. She was just out of his reach.

“Joce, come on, come here. I’ve missed you.”

Jocelyn’s golden brown hair bounced as she ran away from him avoiding even the slightest touch.

He reached for her again, grabbed the crook of her elbow, then she vanished. He was stunned; she was nowhere in sight.

His heart ached as pain sliced through his chest. He reached for his torso. He’d been hit, struck with an arrow through the heart.

“Baby!” he screamed, frantic to find her and take her away to safety. He ran until the pain in his chest was no longer bearable and he crumbled, falling to his knees as another arrow pierced his chest. Energy drained out of him as blood pooled at his knees.

Only death awaited him now. He was desperate for one last look into her eyes before death claimed him.

“Jocelyn!” he said barely a whisper. “Please, come back.”

Everything will soon be gone, he realized, gone like his hope, his dreams and her—his female.

If only he could get one last look—a dying man’s last wish. It went unanswered. His eyes closed for the last time and his last thought was a wish: Let her be safe, live and love.

****

It had been two hours since Landon had escorted her to her room, and Jocelyn was pacing relentlessly as the pain in her chest burned with sorrow—Landon’s sorrow and hers. She would give anything to surrender to it and let it consume her even if it killed her. It grew, a smoldering, burning sensation, and she didn’t think she could tolerate much more. The pacing wasn’t helping, so she lay in bed awake, overwhelmed with the pain of denying her male as she searched her mind for any sign of hope.

Was this what it would be like without him? Would her chest always ache this excruciatingly? Would the throbbing ever subside? But what choice did she have? For some reason she was the target, and she refused to be his demise and the downfall of his pack. He would stop at nothing to protect her even if it ended his own existence, and she couldn’t live with the knowledge it was all her fault.

Aren’t you destroying him just the same? Aren’t you causing his demise as well as your own either way? The voice inside her whispered.

She wondered if this pain was similar to the pain he endured for three months denying her. How had he withstood it for that long? How had he managed it when she could barely resist it for two hours?

A howl frightened her, ripping into her unsettling solace. She jumped out of bed and rushed toward her door, opening it. Landon fell at her feet. His eyes were closed, his limbs thrashing as sweat beaded his chest and face. He was dreaming, another nightmare, and it was all her fault. He growled again, and she crumbled beside him, placing his head on her lap as she traced her fingers through his hair.

“Wake up,” she pleaded. “Landon, it’s just a dream. Wake up.”

But his earth-shattering howls continued, tearing her will to pieces. She should have never denied him. She should have stayed with him, comforted him like he’d tried to comfort her.

“Landon! Landon! Wake up!” she screamed as she lightly tapped his face with her palm.

He cried again, a growl that seemed to make the floor of the estate quake as his body contorted thrashing. Her ache grew with every piercing wail.

Footsteps ascended toward them, but she didn’t turn, her sole concern was now the man, wolf, whose head was buried in her lap.

“What happened?” Olivia asked.

Jenna and Lucas stood behind her.

Jocelyn stole a glance in their direction. The hundred and two-year-old werewolf was unsettled. Alarm and fear for her brother clear, making her appear a fraction of her age.

“He’s dreaming, but I can’t seem to wake him!” Jocelyn replied, frustration seeping through her tone.

Olivia’s face paled as she kneeled beside Jocelyn and Landon, then she said, “It’s because his body hasn’t recuperated from the attack.”

“What do you mean? There’s barely a scar.”

“Yes, but...internally our bodies don’t fully recover until we get a full night’s rest. If there’s a lot of damage, our bodies will go into a deep sleep.”

“So what you are saying is that until his body has recovered he’ll be stuck in a nightmare!” She glanced in Olivia’s direction one last time searching for an answer in her fear-ridden large blue eyes. “There must be something we can do!”

“Let’s move him to his bed,” Lucas advised. “Then we can come up with an idea.”

In one swift movement, Lucas carried the thrashing werewolf. Jocelyn and Olivia followed him to Landon’s room.

Lucas laid him in his bed, then moved away allowing Jocelyn to step forward and take Landon’s hand in hers. Another growl escaped the werewolf, his face contorted with anguish, and Olivia flinched.

“Maybe you should talk to him,” Olivia advised Jocelyn. “Try to calm him. If anyone is able to reach him, it should be you.”

Jocelyn nodded and laid her body alongside Landon’s. His heat permeated through her, soothing her mangled nerves. She caressed his cheek with one hand as she leaned in placing her mouth near his ear and whispered, “It’s okay, Landon. I’m here.”

As the minutes passed, his body stilled, and the torment pervading his face dissipated. Relief flowed through her. For several moments, she simply lay next to her male silently watching him until another roar escaped him, and his body thrashed once again.

“I’m here, baby,” she soothed.

Olivia handed her a moist towel, and she wiped the sweat off of his brow.

“I’m fine. We’re together now. If you’d just wake up, you’d see I’m here with you.”

Seconds passed, then minutes, then an hour. Jocelyn continued to whisper in Landon’s ear appeasing him. Jenna and Lucas departed. Another hour passed; Jocelyn didn’t let up until Landon’s thrashing finally completely ceased. Her lids grew heavy with sleep and she drifted.

****

Landon jolted up in bed startling Jocelyn. She sat up quickly.

“Are you okay?” she asked him.

He turned to face her. His eyes were bloodshot with panic and fear. He reached for her hastily and wrapped his arms around her squeezing her tight beneath his embrace.

“Are you okay?” she repeated.

He didn’t speak for several moments, finding comfort in his grip over her. As her body melded into his, he breathed gradually, readily as his pulse slowed, and her jasmine scent infiltrated his senses. He fisted her hair in his palms enjoying its soft texture and scent. The seconds became endless moments. If only he could stay with her in this embrace forever. If she could just forgive him, if she could just forget, if she could let go and let herself love him or at least give him the chance, if...the endless ifs.

“Landon, are you okay?” she repeated.

“Why are you doing this to me? Are you making me pay for denying you by denying me?”

Her eyes widened at his question, and she stared deep into his pleading eyes. She pulled away from him.

“I am not doing it to hurt you, Landon. I think it’s for the best.”

“For the best? Whose best?”

“What were you dreaming about?” she asked disregarding his question.

“Answer me!” he yelled startling her.

“For you!” she shouted. “It’s better this way for you and your pack!”

“That’s absurd! Tell me how this constant agony is helping me or my pack!” When she didn’t answer, he continued, “You are killing me, slowly but surely and yourself as well. You can’t deny that we belong together, Jocelyn. You can’t pretend we didn’t make love and that it wasn’t the best experience of your life.”

“You are so arrogant!” she yelled infuriated and climbed out of his bed turning her back on him.

“It’s not arrogance! It’s the truth!” he shouted and followed her. He leaned down toward her, his torso pressed up against her back and goose bumps detonated over her body. “And it was the best of experience for me too,” he whispered into her ear.

She spun and faced him. “You drive me crazy!”

“Only because I make you feel things no one has ever or will ever make you feel. I’m the one, Jocelyn. I’m the only one. There will never be another. I drive you crazy because you want me, but refuse me because you don’t want to want me because then you are no longer in control!”

“Here we go again with your egotistical crap!”

“It’s the truth!” He grabbed her by her shoulders forcing her to look into his eyes. “Say it! Say it! You want me!”

“Over my dead body, I’ll say it!” she said then pulled away from him.

Landon turned away from her as her words sank in. She would rather die than admit she wanted him. How spiteful fate had been, his cruel, cruel fate. He reined in his fury as his wolf barked: She’s lying. She wants us. She needs us. She loves us. Foolish wolf, he thought to himself. She would drive him mad. Eventually, she would. Maybe then the pain in his chest would subside. Maybe then it wouldn’t hurt so much. His temper flared again, and he knew he needed to get away, far away from her, from everyone.

He left her in his room, dashed into his office locking the door behind him. He sat behind his large cherry wood desk, but it did no good; his mind swirled with rage, fury and regret. He grabbed his computer monitor flung it toward the door. It shattered into a million pieces before it hit the ground. He overturned his desk, launched it across the room. It struck a bookcase then came crashing down along with the shelf and books. Everything in sight, he hurled with not a thought in his mind but his fury, anger for his cruel fate. A knock on the door briefly distracted him from his rage-filled stupor.

“Landon,” Olivia called. “Please Landon. Let me help you.”

“Liv,” he barked. “Leave me.”

He paused as he heard his baby sister kneel just behind his door worrying for him. He knew then he’d lost all semblance of the man he used to be. Since the moment he’d met Jocelyn, his life had taken a turn for the worse. It was all his own doing. If he hadn’t forsaken her, then maybe she’d accept him now. If he hadn’t denied his fate, his female, and his need for her, she would love him now, and the ache in his soul would cease to exist. If only…This was all his fault, and he had nothing to look forward to but an eternity of suffering for his greatest mistake.

Can’t give up on her. She’s ours, his wolf howled. Perhaps, it was time to move on as much as a man who would suffer for eternity could. He could continue to be the leader he was born to be for his pack. He would make sure no other werewolf suffered. His resolution was not for himself but for his people. He couldn’t undo the past, his mistake, or his present, but he could perhaps alter his pack’s future so no one would ever endure pain he was.

Landon opened the doors leading to the terrace in his office and shifted, becoming the almighty werewolf that would change the future of his people. He howled and jumped off the third story balcony. He ran and ran as he remembered how he used to enjoy the cool breeze on his fur. It no longer felt the same. Nothing would ever feel as it did. This was his future, no happiness, no pleasure only the solace in his resolve.

He sprinted for miles on end without a pause or a thought until he was so tired his paws buckled beneath him. He howled and then finally lay on the dirt of his land nuzzling his nose beneath his paws and let sleep claim him.

****

It had been nearly three hours; Landon hadn’t returned from his run. Jocelyn was starting to worry.

“Why are you doing this to me? Are you making me pay for denying you by denying me?” he’d asked.

His question had caught her off guard. She wasn’t denying him, and if she was it was for his own good, for the good of his pack. Perhaps, she had gone about this all wrong. She was only trying to save him from himself, from risking his life for hers. Perhaps, she should have explained her reason for denying him instead of making him think she didn’t care for him. What if he had been injured? Oh God! It would be my fault.

Her male was alone, distraught, who knew where, but alive. She knew it because she could still feel him and his agony. And all she wanted to do was erase it, his grief. She wanted to endure it for him. She was to blame after all. She should suffer it for him before it claimed his life and soul, before it claimed his humanity. While all she really wanted do to was lay on his bed immobile with his arms firmly wrapped around her and the heat of his body warming her soul. It wasn’t conceivable, not now. His life was worth more. His breed was worth more. This was what she had do. But oh God, did it hurt. It pained her so deeply; it shattered any semblance of reason. Remember, remember your reason, she chanted. It hurt, but it was better this way. Better for him because she couldn’t live knowing she was the end of any breed let alone the breed that created the wonderful male Landon was. She had to endure for both their sakes. And everything would work out.

Why? her conscience asked her. Because it always has, she consoled herself. But it’s different this time. It is. It is because he is your male. You’ll never escape him like he’ll never escape you, the voice warned her.

She needed to get away from here—from Landon. Maybe then she could escape the worry she faced. It won’t help, her conscience taunted her.

A knock on the door surprised her and released her from her chaotic thoughts. “Come in,” she called.

The door opened; a worried Olivia greeted her.

“He’s not back?” she asked knowing the answer but needing to hear it either way.

“No,” she said barely a mumble. Cain walked in behind Olivia and placed his hand on her shoulder offering comfort.

“Cain, I have class in an hour. We should go.”

Cain gazed at her, disbelief splattered on his face. “Are you sure?”

Jocelyn nodded, then said, “Yes.”

Cain nodded and walked toward her. He glanced at Olivia, then wrapped his arms around Jocelyn and dematerialized. Jocelyn and Cain appeared moments later on Jocelyn’s floor in the demon compound. She dashed into her room and then into her closet. Cain stood at the doorway of her room and patiently waited until she reappeared wearing a pair of jeans and a knit top.

“What’s all this about now, Joce?” Cain asked her.

“Nothing,” she claimed.

“Don’t lie. It’s not becoming of you.”

“I’m doing it for his own good,” she admitted.

Cain closed the distance between them. “Oh, really? Well, please never do anything for my own good because you may kill me in the process.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means what you claim you’re doing for his own good is probably going to drive him mad. He’s better dead.”

“No one goes crazy from being without their mate.”

“Joce, please explain how you’re helping him.”

“Cain, I’m the target! I’m always the target. Someone tried to kill me yesterday. A few days ago, Aleta almost kidnapped me. I’m not letting him sacrifice himself for me!”

Cain studied her then said, “I get it. I really do, but it’s ridiculous just the same, and it’s a poor excuse to get your way.”

“To get my way?”

“Yes, to get your way. You know you want him. You know you can’t deny your feelings, but you want to deny him because he denied you. Stop being so petty.”

“Petty! I’m not being petty. I love him!” she screamed, then her jaw dropped as her words resonated through her. I love him? she asked herself, and her heart skipped several beats as the aching in her chest reminded her Landon wasn’t near. Yes, I do. I love him, she admitted again to herself. “He could have died yesterday. If the arrow had…only because he tried to save me.”

Cain’s expression softened, and he drew closer to her, wrapping his arms around her as she laid her head on his chest and breathed deeply.

“Come on, let’s get you to school.”