‘We have to eat.’ I jolt awake. I must have slept but have no memory of dreaming. Rebekah sighs, looking down as she props herself up on her elbow. I blink and wait for my eyes to focus. Despite the weeks of suffering, her skin looks soft in the dull light of the shelter. I want to reach up and touch her face but keep my hands deep in the warmest part of my overalls.
Rebekah clears her throat to wake the others. ‘We have to eat now.’ A few mumble, and without hearing their words I detect disagreement. Rebekah tries again. ‘I know it’s not time, but if we leave it much longer we’ll be too weak for it to matter.’
Jared sits up, pushing away from his warmth partner. He grimaces and prods the back of the curled body. ‘Well he won’t be needing his ration today, he’s dead.’
Rebekah looks over, bringing her hand to her mouth. ‘Not another. Does anyone know his name?’
‘Gideon.’ Another sits up. His hand rests on his forehead. ‘He’s… he was my team leader. We worked at the farm.’
We shuffle to our feet, making a circle of sorry, stooped figures around the still body of Gideon. Rebekah places her arm around the shoulder of the farm worker. ‘Was he a good…? Sorry, I can’t remember your name.’
‘Abel. It’s Abel.’
‘Was he a good leader, Abel?’
He sniffles. ‘Yes… yes he was.’ His colleague steps forward.
‘He was kind, not just a good leader and worker, he made sure we all got our fair share of the rations, and… he was my mentor when I joined the team.’ He looks around. ‘Oh, I’m Zachary, but everyone calls me Zach.’
Rebekah nods. ‘Thank you, Zach. I guess we should make an effort to know each other’s names.’
But Jared sneers. ‘What does it matter? We’ll be dead if the suns don’t show up soon.’
Rebekah glares, but then looks away. Jared’s right. As much as I want to disagree, he’s right. But Rebekah turns back. ‘But it does make a difference. Does anyone here want to die nameless?’ She turns to Jared. ‘We all know your name because you were a prefect, but now I know Zach and Abel.’ She groans as she straightens. ‘I’m Rebekah, and I’m sure we all remember Noah. And I know Reuben and Amos, but what about you?’
We turn to the last surviving girl from the laboratory. Her eyes are still on Gideon. She looks up as if she’s just heard the question. Her voice is weak and can barely be heard above the gale outside. ‘It’s Bethany, my team called me Beth.’ She nods outside. ‘And the girl who… didn’t make it last week was Grace.’
‘Thanks, Beth.’ Rebekah kneels besides Gideon. ‘Now we all have a name, even if it was given to us by that machine,’ she looks up to me, ‘or whatever we call it now Mother has got a body of her own and thinks she’s one of us.’ Her eyes glaze over, and for a moment she looks as if she’ll pass out. But Rebekah stiffens and takes a deep breath. ‘Let’s go. Let’s leave this place and head for the warmer lands.’ She checks the circle, shaking her head. ‘We can’t stay here, we have to go.’
‘But we’ll die out there in this weather!’ Abel looks to the others as if worried we’ll agree with Rebekah.
I step forward. ‘But we’ll die here anyway, what have we got to lose?’
Rebekah smiles at me for the first time in days, then speaks to Abel. ‘Isn’t it better to die trying? If we stay we’ll only be waiting for death to take us lying down doing nothing.’ All heads drop, but I can’t tell if they’re deep in thought or just exhausted.
I break the silence. ‘We should take Gideon outside first and put him with... Grace, wherever Spoons left her.’
‘Are you mad?’ Jared steps over Gideon. ‘He won’t mind. You can’t go out in this storm, you’ll freeze to death.’
I can’t take my eyes off Gideon’s frozen body. ‘It won’t take long, and we can’t leave him here, it doesn’t seem… right.’
Beth speaks up. ‘But Jared is… was a prefect. You should listen to him. Can’t you hear the storm?’
I look to Abel. ‘It will only take a minute. We can’t leave him in here.’ Abel nods to Zach. He holds his gaze for a moment, then they both shuffle forward, bend and carefully lift their fallen leader.
Jared shrugs and turns away. ‘Have it your way, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.’
The circle parts as they carry Gideon towards the door. I pull my collar up and follow. I reach the door and lift the latch. ‘We’d better make this quick.’ I shove my shoulder against the door. In a second, the wind snatches it from my grasp. I drop my chin to my chest and step outside into the darkness. I brace as the full force of the gale almost hurls me back against Abel and Zach. I sink up to my knees in the snow, stacked by the side of our shelter. Abel stumbles and loses his grip on Gideon, dropping the body on the thick snow. He shouts something to Zach but his words are torn away by the gusts before they can reach our ears. I turn my back on the wind and help to lift Gideon.
Abel yells in my ear. ‘We can’t stay out in this!’
I nod. ‘We’ll leave him here, we can move him later.’ Zach readily agrees and we roll Gideon a few feet to the side of the shelter where we can easily find him… if the storm passes. I feel we should say a few words, but no one would hear and so we gladly turn away and head back to the safety of the shelter.
The blizzard whips up, blasting more snow at the side of our faces. I dip my head, shut my eyes and turn away from the stinging shards of ice. My outstretched fingertips find the shell of the hut and almost stick. I shuffle to my left, nearly slipping as I can no longer feel my feet. I find the handle but it won’t turn. I slap my numb hand on the door. A sliver of light appears at the edges, growing wider as it opens. I stumble inside along with a flurry of snow and icy air, collapsing panting on the floor just as Zach falls beside me.
Jared yells. ‘Shut the door! What are you waiting for?’
The storm continues to blow. Rebekah screams. ‘Where’s Abel?’
I scramble to the door with Zach. We grab the edge and help Rebekah wrestle it back from the squall. My face is so numb I can barely move my lips as I yell into the force of the storm. ‘He was right behind me. He must have fallen.’
I read Rebekah’s lips. ‘I’ll find him.’ She lowers her head and steps out.
I grab her arm. ‘No! Don’t go.’
‘I have to.’
‘Wait!’ I wrap my frozen fingers around her sleeve and hold out my free arm to Zach. He reads my mind and takes hold, and then calls to Reuben and Amos to form a chain. I call back to Rebekah. ‘Don’t go far. He must be close.’
She disappears in the billowing snow as soon as she’s two steps from the shelter. We trudge sideways, slowly one step at a time. The snow is already up to our thighs and growing deeper with every passing second. I can just hear Rebekah shouting for Abel. I look back. Jared and Beth have joined the end of our chain. I pull Rebekah’s sleeve. ‘This is as far as we can go!’
‘But he’s here, he has to be.’
‘We can go left and right, but that’s it.’ She kicks her feet through the snow but I’m losing hope. If Abel fell, he’d be buried by now. I stumble, pulling Rebekah and Zach down. I yell to Rebekah. ‘It’s no good. We’ll all be lost.’ Her grip loosens.
I try to stand but can no longer feel my lower legs. I give up and scramble on my hands and knees. I turn to Rebekah. ‘Grab my ankles.’ I feel her grip and find Zach’s foot as we edge along the path of amber light back to safety. We call out for Abel in the desperate hope we could still find him, but our hoarse throats are no match against the howling wind. One by one we clamber back inside and collapse in a heap, breathing hard, filling the small space with our breath.
Zach stands and take one last look outside before pulling back hard to shut the door. He turns and leans back. His hands go to his face as his legs give way. He slumps to the ground – the howls outside cannot drown out his grief.
Jared stares at him, shaking his head. I turn on him. ‘Leave him be, he’s lost the last of his—’
He shakes his head. ‘Yeah, and whose fault was that?’
I clench my fists, but before I can move, Rebekah pulls my arm. ‘Don’t waste your energy, he doesn’t understand, he knows nothing of loyalty.’ I turn from Jared. Zach hasn’t moved. I slam my clenched fist onto the floor. Jared’s right. If I hadn’t insisted we remove Gideon, Abel would still be with us.
Beth moves to Zach’s side and places her hand on his shoulder. ‘Perhaps he’ll find his own way back.’
Zach looks up, his eyes glistening in the lamplight. ‘Not in this. We should have listened to Jared. If Abel went the wrong way he’ll never find us.’ He drops his face back in his hands but Beth stays with him and wraps her arm around his shaking body.
I slide to the floor. I lift my heavy head and look around. We’re down to seven. The shelter looks bigger and I can’t stop the thought that our shrinking rations will last a day longer.