Ryan lay there, Kelly in his arms, trying to sort out what had just happened. On the surface it had been a very quick, very hot sexual interlude. One of the best he’d ever had.
But it went deeper. It wasn’t just sex. If it was just sex, his heart wouldn’t feel as though it was going to burst out of his chest. He wouldn’t be so overwhelmed that he had no idea how to process what he felt.
It was… It was more intense than sex had ever been between them. They had been a study in hot, flirty, fun in bed. He teased. She teased.
But this had been almost…heartbreaking, and he couldn’t shake the heaviness that pervaded his chest even now.
He rubbed his hand up and down her back and pressed a kiss to her hair in an effort to soothe some of the tightness in his throat.
He put a hand between them to touch her cheek and then he carefully pulled her away until he looked down into her eyes.
The stark emotion there. The devastation. It was like a knife to the gut. She looked so very vulnerable. Fragile. And scared. She looked scared to death.
Was she afraid of him? Of what had happened? He couldn’t bear it if she hated herself for giving in to the overwhelming tension that had been building ever since he’d taken her back to New York.
“What are you thinking?” he asked hoarsely. “Tell me you don’t regret this, Kell. Anything but regret.”
Slowly she shook her head and he felt something loosen inside him. Relief. But it was only the first step.
He caressed her cheek, enjoying the feel of her satiny skin. No matter how much he’d told himself that he was better off without her, that he was well rid of her, he could no longer lie to himself.
He wanted her. He wanted her back, no matter what she’d done in the past. He’d been forced to examine their relationship after he’d broken their engagement and ordered her out of his apartment—and his life. Maybe he’d been partially to blame. Maybe he’d worked too many hours. Maybe he’d neglected her.
Whatever the case, something had gone horribly wrong and he was determined to find the cause so that it didn’t happen again.
Unable to resist, he kissed her forehead and then each eyelid. He gently kissed each cheekbone and then her mouth before nibbling a path to her ear.
Amazingly, his groin tightened and he swelled inside the clasp of her satiny flesh. He flexed his hips against her eliciting a low whimper as her fingers curled into his shoulder.
He slid easily in and out and he nudged her leg up with his own so that he had easier access.
“Do you like it here on your side?” he murmured. “Are you comfortable? Or would you prefer to be on top?”
She flushed and he smiled, delighted by this suddenly shy side of her. She’d never been bashful about taking the initiative in the past and suddenly he wanted to coax that out of her again.
Without waiting for her to respond, he gathered her in his arms and rolled so she was astride him, her hands planted on his chest for balance.
She was hot and tight around him and he clenched his teeth, closing his eyes as he sucked in steadying breaths. He’d already lost every ounce of control the first time. He wanted to make it last this time.
Her knees locked at his sides and she lifted her hips the tiniest bit before lowering her weight once more to surround him with silky, heated sweetness that had sweat beading his forehead.
She seemed inhibited and a little unsure and this new shyness from her continued to be endearing as hell. He reached for her, wanting to offer reassurance, but as his hands stroked up her lush body, over her swollen belly to her gorgeous breasts, he forgot all about offering her anything except the pleasure of his touch.
He stroked the swell of her breasts, enjoying the new fullness. Her nipples were darker, more pronounced, and his mouth watered with wanting to taste them again.
He pulled ever so gently at the tips, just enough to make them harden and pucker. She sucked in her breath and fluttered around his erection until he groaned and gritted his teeth to keep from orgasming.
“I love your body. You’re beautiful pregnant, Kelly. I can’t keep my hands or mouth off you. You make me crazy.”
She smiled then, a brilliant smile that he felt all the way to his soul. Her eyes lit up and sparkled and he felt as if he’d been handed the world in the palm of her hand.
Hell, if that was all it took to make her smile like that, he’d gladly tell her every single day how gorgeous she was.
She reached for his hands, laced her fingers in his and then used his hands for leverage as she raised her hips just enough so he slid through her sweetness all over again.
His breath escaped in a long hiss and then she slid down, resheathing him all over again.
“You drive me crazy,” he muttered.
She smiled, clearly satisfied with his admission.
He savored the feel of her much smaller hands engulfed by his. They held on tightly as she began a slow, rhythmic ride.
Their gazes locked. They never looked away, never broke eye contact as she made love to him, driving him closer and closer to ultimate release.
Her breaths grew more rapid and erratic. Her face became flushed and she tightened around him. She was close. He was closer. But he was determined to take care of her first.
It took every ounce of his concentration. His body strained. He was rigid, painfully rigid, and then she pulsed and went wet around him. Her body shuddered.
He pulled her down, holding her as he took control of their movements. He stroked and caressed her, kissing her hair, murmuring to her how beautiful she was.
As the last of her orgasm rolled through her body, his began. Through it all, their fingers remained entwined, their hands clasped.
He brought their hands to rest between them, against their chests, over their hearts, as he surged upward, his mind numb, his body awash with the sweetest of pleasure.
She collapsed over him, going limp as she nuzzled against his neck. She kissed him just below the ear and he smiled at the sweetness of the gesture.
He missed her affection. Missed the way she had always seemed to be touching him or kissing him or just offering him a smile.
He’d missed her.
And now he had to find a way to make sure she didn’t leave again. He didn’t think for a minute that sex was a fix-all for a relationship. It wasn’t even a good bandage.
He knew it wasn’t going to be easy. There was too much mistrust and hurt between them, but somehow they had to find their way back. He wouldn’t allow himself to think any differently.
She was his. She carried his child. To him, that made things simple. She belonged with him. She needed him to take care of her. He wanted to take care of her.
If he was willing to forget the past, then shouldn’t she be willing to try their relationship again? It wasn’t as if he’d betrayed her.
But she carried so much hurt and anger. Something inside her had been broken. Had he done it when he’d tossed her out of his apartment? What had she expected?
He stroked her hair and willed himself not to become embroiled in the past. He’d promised himself—and her—that he’d put everything behind him.
And if he was willing to do that, then he saw no reason she shouldn’t be willing to let the past rest as well.
“How about breakfast in bed?” he asked.
“Mmm, that sounds nice. I don’t think I can move and I’m suddenly feeling lazy.”
He smiled because he couldn’t imagine anything better than the two of them sharing an intimate meal in bed. Hell, if he had his way they wouldn’t leave the bedroom for the rest of the day.
“Let me go order room service. You stay here and get comfortable. I’ll be right back.”
He kissed her nose and then carefully disentangled himself from the warm clasp of her body. He eased her onto her side, pulled the rumpled sheet over her and rolled toward the nightstand, sitting up and putting his legs over the edge of the bed.
He glanced back to see that she’d immediately commandeered his pillow, which made him chuckle, because it was exactly what she’d done in the past.
He picked up the phone, ordered breakfast for them both and then rolled back over to face her.
“You can’t have your pillow back,” she mumbled.
He smiled and propped his head in his palm. “Never let it be said I interfered with the comfort of my woman.”
One eyebrow went up and she studied him for a long moment. He could see her mind swirling with something and so he simply waited to see if she’d say what was on her mind.
“Am I?” she finally asked.
His brow furrowed. “Are you what?”
“Yours,” she said simply. “I need to know what this was, Ryan. Are we back together? I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here and I’m not about to assume anything.”
He took a deep breath because it was important to handle this just right. The last thing he wanted to do was screw everything up when he felt as if he was this close to having her where he wanted her.
“I think that’s up to you,” he said carefully. “I think I’ve been up front about what I want, about where I’d like to see our relationship. It’s time for you to decide if this is where you want to be. With me. I’m not saying we have to take a huge leap, but we can at least decide to be together so we can work things out.”
She visibly swallowed and he could see fear in her gaze again. It ate at his gut because he honestly didn’t know what scared her so bad. Was he such an ogre? Could she really blame him or hold against him the reaction he’d had to her being unfaithful?
“My mind tells me I’m an idiot for even considering this,” she muttered.
“What does your heart tell you?” he asked softly.
She sighed and stared helplessly back at him, her blue eyes churning with emotion.
“My heart tells me that I want this. No matter how much I think I shouldn’t want it, I do. Maybe this is a bad time to have a discussion about our relationship when our minds are mush after sex.”
He touched his finger to her lips. “I think it’s the perfect time to have it because our guards are down. It’s just us. No barriers. No walls. Just us and how we feel.”
“How do you feel, Ryan? Do you really want this?”
“Yeah, I do, Kell. I want it so damn much that the thought of you walking away has my gut in knots.”
Her eyes widened. “But I never walked away from you.”
He blew out his breath. “Let’s not talk about that, okay? Whatever happened in the past, the point is, I don’t want you to walk away now. I can’t stand the thought of it.”
“Okay,” she said so quietly he almost didn’t hear.
He reached out and nudged her chin up. “Okay?”
“I want to stay. I have no idea how we’ll work all this out, but I want to try.”
Satisfaction ripped through him, so savage that for a moment he couldn’t breathe. He had to temper his reaction because he wanted nothing more than to grab her, haul her into his arms and hold her so damn tight that she could never escape.
“We’ll do more than try,” he vowed. “We’re going to fix this, Kell. We’re going to make it work this time.”