Chapter 19
Sleeping with Married Men
Coco’s Bad Deed was done. She raced to get home and went to check on her child. Chance had stayed asleep all that time. She was happy yet miserable.
“That was some stupid shit right there, real stupid. I gotta do better.” Coco took a shower and went to lie down for a quick nap. She woke up a few hours later. It was now Saturday morning, the third weekend in August. The sun blazed across the sky, making Houston feel hotter than hell.
Coco fixed herself and her son some breakfast. When they were done, she drove over to Henrietta’s to pick up her other kids.
“Have you lost your damned mind?” the old woman asked upon answering the doorbell.
Coco stood before her looking despondent. “I’m sorry. So sorry. My emergency lasted all night.”
Henrietta frowned at the girl. She kissed her grandbabies goodbye and wagged her finger.
“I heard your car was outside my son’s house last night. Something bad is going to happen to you if you keep up all this foolishness.”
Henrietta slammed the door in Coco’s face.
After Coco got home she played with her kids and tried to forget about everything that had happened during the past twenty-four hours. But she couldn’t forget. She had had a good time with her ex and was glad that Calhoun had rocked her again for old time’s sake, but she also realized that even though the woman was in Africa, Samira had her ex’s last name and his wedding ring.
The realization that she was alone was unsettling. The notion that the dreams she had for her and Calhoun were gone made her feel hollow inside. Coco needed closure. She decided to give him a call.
When he did not answer, she called back. Calhoun finally picked up after she called him seven times.
“What?” he said. His voice was cold and unfriendly.
“Oh, excuse me,” she replied in shock. “I thought you’d be in a happier mood after last night.”
“No, Coco. I’m not in a good mood.”
“Oh, baby, what’s wrong? You want me to come over there and make you feel better?”
“No, you stupid-ass bitch. What I wish I could do is take my babies from you.”
“What did you say?”
“You heard. My mama told me that you dumped off the girls last night talkin’ ’bout you had an emergency. But she did a drive-by and saw your car parked over here.”
“Well, I told you that I needed to talk to you. To me that was an emergency.”
“You wanted to fuck me. That’s what you wanted to do. Shit!”
It sounded like Calhoun was angry at himself. Like he realized what he’d done and was now sorry about their time together.
“Okay, maybe I was wrong for calling it an emergen—”
“You were wrong for leaving Chance home alone . . . again.”
She grew silent.
“Yeah, me and my former neighbor Sylvie are tight, you know, your next-door neighbor? And I’m just now seeing that she texted me last night while I was dipping with you. Sylvie told me how you leave Chance alone at the crib like you some kind of fool. And she feels you did it again last night because she saw you when you left the house without him. What type of mother does that, Coco, huh? You could go to jail for that.”
“Calhoun, please don’t be mad at me. I don’t know what I was thinking. I will never do it again, I promise you.”
“You don’t have to promise me shit. I am filing for full custody for those kids. And I might even take Chance from you too. Hell, I practically raised him anyway.”
“What? No! Don’t talk crazy like this!”
“You know I could get the kids. My life is stable now. I got a good wife. We both working—”
“You have a good wife that you’re cheating on. And I have a good mind to tell that bitch how your mouth was all on my coochie last night—”
“Coco, if you ever tell her anything about this, I will personally see that you never breathe again, that you never walk again, that you never do anything ever again, you hear me?”
“Calhoun! You don’t mean that. Don’t say things like that.”
“Don’t come over here ever again with your nonsense, Coco. I’ve had it with you. Learn to grow the fuck up. I’m not your man anymore. I’m married. Leave me out of your fucked-up games.”
He hung up. Coco screamed in frustration and threw her cell phone on the floor. Chance took one look at his mother and began to whine.
She shook uncontrollably, finally realizing that what she used to have with her ex was now history. And now he hated her, something that she could not imagine.
“I fucked up, Lord, I know I did. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” She went to grab Chance and apologized to her son as she wept.
Coco was so depressed that all she could do was lie around in bed, clutching her pillows and wiping her eyes with pieces of tissue. She managed to cook the kids some lunch then decided to drop all of them off at a twenty-four-hour day care. She knew she’d come pick up her kids the next day. Coco couldn’t deal and she needed some alone time, one complete day of peace for trying to get herself together, then she felt she’d be all right.
After she drove away from the day care, Coco went home and spent a couple of hours sipping on a few glasses of Courvoisier Rosé and listening to more music by SZA.
By seven o’clock that evening her feelings of regret turned to fury.
“I hate Calhoun’s cheating ass. ’Cause bottom line he did me wrong. He did not respect me enough to tell me the truth. That he did not love me enough to marry me. If he had been straight with me, I could have gone on with my life. But he took the coward way out.” She lifted a bottle of cold water to her mouth trying to get rid of the alcohol in her system. “Not only did Calhoun do me dirty, but so did Q, Ricky, and a few other men too. All of ’em did me wrong.”
After a while, Coco’s angry outbursts got interrupted.
Her doorbell rang. When she went to answer, Coco found Elyse standing outside her door. The young woman had caught an Uber and was dressed in her work uniform.
“Hey, girl,” Coco said in a hoarse voice. “What’s going on?”
“I had to leave,” she told her. They walked into the house and stood around talking.
Elyse explained how she had tried her best to live with Burgundy and Nate, but it became too suffocating. “Today I went to work but I was so mad I ended up leaving. So I took an Uber over here. I needed someone to talk to.”
“Okay, no problem, Sis. Where is Nate?”
“Don’t know and I don’t care. I’m ’bout to quit that job. I can be homeless for all I care.”
“Don’t ever let a man keep you from making your paper. You have a right to keep making money till you find something better, Elyse. Just avoid him like you’ve been doing.”
“I do my best to ignore that man, but I just couldn’t take it anymore, Coco. May I stay with you? Please? I promise I won’t be any trouble.”
“Of course, you can. I have plenty of room. I mean, you might have to buy a cot and share the nursery with Cypress, but it’s not a problem. I don’t know why you never asked me in the first place.”
“Lita told me I couldn’t. ’Cause you have too many problems. You too depressed. You too mad.”
“She don’t know what the hell she talkin’ about. I ain’t mad. Seriously, I’m over Calhoun. Fuck that Negro. Fuck all men. I’ma bout to go lesbian on y’all.”
Elyse laughed and rushed into Coco’s arms. The big girl squeezed her tight. This was what love felt like. Elyse felt protected and cared for. She treasured that feeling and was glad Coco was so welcoming. But there was some unfinished business.
Elyse asked Coco for a huge favor. “I need you to drive me back over to B’s. I felt like I wanted to move out when I was at work. But I want to go back to that house and pick up my things. I don’t want to stay with them one day longer. B is crazy and he is too.”
Coco understood. “No problem. I don’t mind taking you at all. But first I need to make a run to the post office.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t agree with everything they do, but I still get paid by them to do some of their errands.” Coco laughed. “So we can go and pick up their mail and drop that off at their house; let you get your stuff then we’ll be on our way. You’ll be my new roommate, and I could use the company.”
Coco was wearing a taupe-colored top and some matching slacks. Her flip-flops were brand new and still had a price tag sticker stuck to the bottom of them. She located her purse, keys, and phone, then drove over to the post office. She went inside to the area where the boxes were located. Nate and Burgundy rented a large box. Coco had Elyse help her carry all of the packages, boxes, and first-class letters that had come in for Barber Cutz and Morning Glory. Then they drove out to The Woodlands, and she pulled up in front of the house. By that time, it was around nine. Coco had a gate card that granted her access into the wealthy subdivision. When they drove up, the property was well lit. She noticed that Burgundy’s car was gone.
“Good thing, B’s not around today. I think she went out of town to a business convention,” Coco said.
“All right, I won’t be but a minute.”
They spotted an unfamiliar car in the driveway. But they didn’t see Nate’s vehicle, which was usually parked outside the house.
“That might be Liz’s car,” Coco said. She inserted her key in the door, and they walked into the foyer. “That’s good. That means that the kids are here too.”
While Coco remained downstairs she heard Elyse run up the back staircase. The Alexa speakers were on playing some music: a song by Mary J. Blige. Coco sang along as she looked in the refrigerator for a bottle of Vitamin Water.
She twisted off the cap and took a long swig of the drink.
Suddenly Natalia ran into the kitchen out of breath.
“Hey, niece,” Coco said and gave her a hug.
Natalia went into the refrigerator and brought out a can of cookie dough. “Make me these,” she demanded.
“Excuse me. Do I look like your personal chef?”
Natalia ignored Coco and went to turn on the oven.
“Girl, what’s wrong with you? Where is your nanny?”
“She’s not here right now. I think she will be back later, I think.”
“Are you serious? Liz is gone? She left you girls home alone?”
“She took Sid with her, I think. But my daddy is here. He’s upstairs.”
Coco’s heart missed a beat.
“Your father is here? I thought that was Liz’s car.”
“Liz got a phone call and had to leave. She said they’ll be back soon. But all I want is some chocolate chip cookies and I need you to help me make ’em, Auntie Coco.”
“I don’t know about that. I won’t have time for all that, but I promise to bake you my own cookies next time, all right Natalia?”
Natalia folded her arms and just stared at her aunt.
Coco decided to run upstairs to see what was taking Elyse so long. When she got outside the bedroom door, it was closed. She grabbed the handle and turned it. The door was locked. She heard voices.
“C’mon, Elyse, don’t be this way. She has a yeast infection. I haven’t had sex in I don’t know how long.”
That bastard.
Coco leaned in to listen.
“Help me out, okay?” he pleaded in a soft tone. “No one will ever know. You’ve been looking so damned good. And I’ve missed being with you. Our time together.”
“Please leave me alone. I got to go.”
“C’mon, give me five minutes.” There was silence.
Then Coco heard, “Mmm mmm. No, Put that thing back. I don’t want that.”
“Then why are you dressed like that?” Nate’s voice grew harsh.
Apparently, Elyse had taken off her work uniform and changed into another outfit.
“Because I want to dress like this. I love to look good, and it doesn’t give you the right to try and make me do things I don’t want to do.”
Coco pumped the air with her fist, glad to hear Elyse taking up for herself.
It grew quiet. She heard kissing noises. A moan. Then a female voice. “You like that? Huh? Is that what you want?”
Stunned silence, then Nate answered. “Yeah, I like it. Give me more.”
She heard him moan again. Coco wanted to throw up. What was going on in there? Furious, she ran downstairs to get a knife. She rushed back upstairs and jimmied the lock.
With her hand holding the doorknob, she heard more words: “I have the penis. You don’t. You do what I say.”
Coco twisted the knob and swung open the door. Nate was trying to pull Elyse’s shirt down like he wanted to bare her shoulders or expose her breasts.
Coco asked, “Is this pervert trying to fuck you?”
“Yes,” Elyse shouted.
“No, I wasn’t. She was just trying to suck my dick.” Coco saw Nate’s penis sticking out of the front of his pajamas. He wore a half-grin, had a dazed look in his eyes. The creepy sight of him made Coco so angry. Watching him reminded her of her own sordid experience with her brother-in-law. The fateful day that they had sex.
Coco and Calhoun had broken up weeks earlier. Feeling lonely and bored, she decided to call his boy Q to pick his brain. Q was sympathetic to Coco and acted so compassionate that she surprised herself by inviting him over.
They sat on her couch, drank a few beers, and talked about life and love. Before long Coco found herself leaning against Q, pretending like she was exhausted. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder. She closed her eyes, thought for a few minutes, and then lifted her face toward his. They begin to kiss each other. She moaned and felt herself getting turned on. Although it felt odd to be intimate with a man that Calhoun knew, Coco convinced herself it was no big deal. She and Calhoun were no longer a couple. All was fair in love and war.
But a few hours later after he’d left, when her brother-in-law Nate called, things grew bizarre. He was going to give her some furniture and told her that the U-Haul truck was there at his house. He’d rented the truck for Coco, and since she was getting the couch and two chairs, some floor lamps, plus a glass coffee table for free, all she needed to do was catch a cab to their house and drive the U-Haul back to her house.
“Why can’t you just drive my furniture over to my house for me?” Coco asked.
“I’m tied up right now waiting on the cable company to stop by, and I don’t want to take a chance and leave. Everything is ready. Just come over and pick up the stuff and bring the truck back after the furniture has been unloaded. Once you return the U-Haul, I can drive you home. Cable company work may be done by then.”
Coco agreed. After all, they were giving her some nice, quality furniture that she wouldn’t have to purchase. She took a cab to the house in The Woodlands and paid the driver.
The house seemed quiet and peaceful.
She rang the doorbell to get the key to the truck. When Nate opened the front door, she asked, “Where’s my sister?”
“Hey there! Burg is busy as usual doing some running around. Hey, come on in for a minute,” Nate told her.
Coco agreed. She was looking good that day. And after she sat down at the kitchen table, she accepted his offer of a cold soda and some hot wings that he’d just baked. She sat and ate and drank while they made a little small talk. After a while, however, she was shocked when Nate stood behind her and began to massage her shoulders.
“Just relax. You look very tense. Like you’re stressed and haven’t been taken care of.”
Coco realized that she and Calhoun had broken up. It hurt. Bad. And she began to open up to Nate out of desperation. He nodded, and soon the hand that caressed her shoulders had moved to her upper back. She felt embarrassed about the rolls of skin. But Nate did not seem to mind because he continued to press his fingers against her back, massaging her hard, like he was trying to relieve any stress she’d been feeling. She found herself beginning to relax.
“You’re not wearing a bra, are you?” he asked.
“No. But why—”
Soon she felt Nate’s hands grab her breasts from behind. He squeezed her nipples and flicked his fingers across them. It felt very erotic, and Coco closed her eyes. Soon she felt his lips on her neck, dotting kisses here and there and causing her to shiver and moan. And before she knew it she allowed him to lead her to a guest bedroom. Nate told her to sit on the bed. He quietly locked the door. He asked Coco to raise her hands. She did. He pulled her cotton shirt over her head. He gazed at her breasts then leaned over and kissed them. Then he pulled down her gym pants and slid her panties down to her ankles. He bent down and began to kiss her vagina while his hands gripped her fat ass. Oral sex was Coco’s weakness. She closed her eyes and blocked out everything that hurt. Bottom line, she and Nate made love that day, just a few hours after she’d been intimate with Q.
And months later, when she confirmed that she was pregnant, Coco wanted to die.
Their consensual encounter produced a little boy named Chance. Coco still remembered how Nate said it wasn’t his when she came to him and announced that she was pregnant.
“Nice try, Coco,” he said. “Everyone in the family knows you love to sleep around. That you’re a down-for-whatever type of woman. But you’d better blame that pregnancy on some other man, because I don’t believe it’s mine.”
“What did you say? I don’t get even a little bit of compassion and understanding from you?”
“Look, I’m sorry, Coco. We should not have done what we did. But I cannot help you out on this one, you realize that. Your sister would leave me. I don’t want that. So please keep me out of this drama. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be involved.”
Ever since that horrible encounter with Nate and the subsequent birth of Chance, she’d been tight-lipped about the identity of her son’s father. And when she and Calhoun reconciled, none of the dirty past seemed to matter.
And right then, seeing her brother-in-law in that same house with Elyse only fueled her anger.
Nate undoubtedly was Chance’s biological father, but she had never dealt with him like that. To her he was just a man that she had accidentally had sex with.
Coco’s cell phone was recording their conversation, and Nate had no idea it was happening.
“I can’t believe you’re doing this, Nate. Leave my sister alone.”
“She came on to me.”
“But it’s true that you came on to me a few years ago too, so I don’t put anything past you. I don’t want you to get Elyse pregnant and do her like you did me.”
“W-what are you talking about?” he asked.
“You never claimed Chance, yet he is your son. You deny him. You deny everything even when it’s the truth.”
“Why are you bringing that up now?” Nate seemed nervous.
“Because once and for all I want you to admit that we fucked. Here in this house.”
“Why would I do that? Are you going to tell Burgundy?”
“No. I could never do that. But I just want to hear you claim Chance, even though you will never have a relationship with him. My boy deserves better than you.”
“I don’t care, I just don’t believe that baby is mine, so I won’t claim him.”
“Do you remember making love to me?”
He said nothing. His eyes narrowed. Fists balled up. “Just go on and get out of here. I’m terminating your employment effective immediately. You don’t work for us anymore.”
“What?”
“You heard me. You’re trouble, Coco. You’ve always been bad news.”
She disliked the man but felt like she still needed the extra paycheck, especially now that she did not have a man around to help foot some of the bills.
“Nate, please, I—”
“Just give me our PO box key right now. And find your way out of our house.”
She was stunned and felt an incredible streak of pain race through her heart. She felt like she’d been stomped on with sharp-pointed heels. Like she didn’t even have the worth of a stray animal, and that her value was nonexistent. In that moment, Coco hated Nate. She wished she’d never had slept with this man. With him or any other man who treated her like she was a game. An object of desire whose only purpose was to serve his carnal needs. But deep inside it wasn’t how other people treated her, it was how she let them treat her.
She handed him the key but couldn’t leave the house just yet.
“How could you be so cruel? You’re treating me like I’m nothing.”
“You slept with your sister’s husband.”
“And you slept with your sister-in-law, so what does that make you? Huh? I’m not taking all the blame for what we both did.”
“Remember when you told me that Q took a blood test but turned out he wasn’t the daddy.”
She was silent.
“That proves that you like to sleep around, Coco, that you’re a gutter snipe who’ll sleep with anybody.”
“You made a choice to be with me too, Nate. I did not make a decision all by myself. Yet you blame it all on me.”
“I’m a man. I can’t get pregnant. Your sexual decisions are way more critical than mine. Especially when you knowingly slept with two men in the same day. You had that info but I did not.”
Coco hated to hear what he said; she wanted to argue but how could she? It was true that she’d made love to Q and Nate within hours of each other. And she had sex with her married ex like it was nothing. Could the men take all the blame for what happened, or would she finally rise up and admit her share of the problem?
All that time Coco forgot that Elyse was listening to her and Nate tell all their business. She felt so bad. She was sick and tired of feeling so, so bad.
“Please get the hell out my house. And take Elyse with you.”
On impulse Coco ran downstairs into Nate and Burgundy’s bedroom. That’s where she knew they kept a gun. It was placed underneath Burgundy’s bed in case an intruder ever managed to break in.
Coco grabbed the weapon then ran back up the stairs. She heard Elyse yelling, “Leave me alone, you bastard. Before he let me leave he had the nerve to ask for a threesome.”
“Are you serious?”
“She’s lying, Coco. Don’t believe her.”
Coco withdrew the gun and pointed it at Nate. He raised his hands. “Don’t do that, Coco. I’m sorry for everything.”
“Are you, Nate, or are you just saying that?”
“Of course, I’m sorry. I take back everything I said to you.”
“Are you my child’s father?”
“Yes, yes. Yes. Now please put the gun down. We can talk about this if you put that gun away, please.”
“Nothing would please me more than to blow your brains out.”
Even Elyse was shocked. “No, Coco, don’t do that. Let’s just get out of here.”
“He’s a sonofabitch, though. At the least he deserves to get his ass pistol-whipped.”
Coco trembled as she stared at her brother-in-law. To her he represented every bad thing that had ever happened to her. She wanted him dead but knew he wasn’t worth the trouble. She had to think of way more than how much she despised him.
She lowered the gun to her side.
Nate snatched the weapon right out of her hands. He pointed it at her. She yelled as loudly as she could and rushed toward him. They fought over the gun. Coco kneed him in his balls. The pain was unbearable and brought Nate to a standstill. She wrestled the gun out of his hands. Then she walloped him in his face several times, both with the gun and her long, manicured nails. Her nails cut into the underside of his cheeks. Nate yelled. The worst thing a woman can do is kick a man in his nuts. It made him want to kill her. He swung at Coco and aimed at her jaw. He caught the corner of her mouth. The impact broke the skin. She tasted blood then screamed.
Elyse begged, “C’mon, Coco, we need to leave. He isn’t worth all dat.”
Coco was furious. She wanted to harm him further, but she agreed with Elyse. Nate was still nursing the injury to his groin. This gave Coco more time. She fled downstairs and yelled back to Elyse, “Go ahead and finish getting the rest of your shit. We’re out of here.”
When she reached the kitchen, she laid the gun on the kitchen counter and instantly noticed how warm it felt in the room. She looked up and saw the troubled faced of her niece, Natalia. She felt ashamed. Surely the girl had heard their entire fight. Would she open up her mouth and tell her mother what she heard?
“Um, Natalia, we need to go. We have to get out of here right now. You come with me and Elyse. Turn off that oven. You ain’t baking cookies today. And hurry up. I’ll be in the car.”
Coco was so nervous that she forgot about that gun. She ran back up the stairs to check on Elyse.
She saw Nate in an upstairs bathroom nursing the scratches on his face.
“C’mon, Elyse. Let’s go.”
She and Elyse finally raced down the stairs and ran out of the house with Natalia scrambling behind her.
“I want my daddy,” she said.
“No, Nat. No,” was all Coco could think of to tell her.
They piled into the car. She then remembered how she left the gun on the counter and ran back inside.
Seven minutes later she emerged from the house and jumped into her vehicle.
She started up her car and sped off. The culmination of the last few days took its toll. She drove and cried at the same time, blubbering away like she could not be consoled.
“Don’t worry, Sis,” Elyse told her. “I got your back. And you definitely showed me you got mines.”
Coco managed to calm down as she continued to drive.
“What happened back there, Elyse?”
Elyse was silent for a while. She waited until she knew that Natalia had fallen asleep.
“I did what I had to do,” she said.
“Meaning?”
“When I was in that room trying to pack my stuff, I heard him come through the door. And I was tired, Coco, so sick of him trying to take advantage of me. Thinking I was weak and a toy that he could play with. And I kind of lost it in there. I was like, ‘If you want this come and get it.’”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes. I was trying to use reverse psychology. Dru told me about it. I thought that if I freely offered my body to him then he wouldn’t want it anymore. So, I did kiss him and stuff. But nothing more than that happened. Because you walked in after that.”
“Wow, Elyse.” Coco was stunned. “But honestly, baby girl. Did you want him to fuck you?”
“No. Don’t even ask me that question.” Elyse was stubborn and angry. “I don’t like him and I don’t want him touching me.”
“But did I hear y’all kissing, Elyse?”
She nodded. “Yes. I made him kiss me.”
“You did?”
“Yes!”
“But why did you—?”
“I was trying to survive, Coco. I had to do the first thing that came to my mind to make it out there alive.” Elyse began to cry. “I wanted to let him know how it felt to be me. To feel powerless. And I thought if I acted like I really wanted him, it would turn him off.”
“That’s risky, though, Sis.”
“I know, Coco.” Elyse shuddered to think what might have happened if Coco hadn’t interrupted. “I tried to do something I hoped would work. If I messed up, I’m sorry. I don’t care about him. I don’t want him at all. I want my man.”
Coco nodded, understood. She knew that Elyse had been excited when Gamba told her that he’d be coming back to Houston soon. But then she got a second call from him informing her that plans had changed once more. Elyse was so frustrated. She missed Gamba. And now she again had no idea when he’d be back.
She felt like she was losing her strength.
And she sorely needed his presence to face the challenges she’d be forced to handle.
“It may have sounded and looked bad. But I swear to you that all I was trying to do was survive, Coco.”
“I know, sweetie. Because I was trying to survive just like you.”