The moonlight from the window caused Nicole to stir and awaken. For a few seconds, she wasn’t sure where she was. Then she felt the strong arm draped across her midsection and remembered. I slept with Kendrick last night. She glanced at the clock on the nightstand. I guess more like a few hours ago.
Sex with Kendrick had been more than she’d ever expected and even with a few hours to sleep it off, she was still in awe of everything that had happened. Be careful, Nicole... You already know he’s the type of man who could break your heart. It wasn’t that she wanted to ignore the feelings she was beginning to have for Kendrick, but she did want to keep things in perspective. For starters, she couldn’t forget why she’d come to California in the first place. Taking this job and embarking on a new opportunity had been a scary move to make, but one that she’d made for the main purpose of continuing her soul-searching journey.
But what if Kendrick fits into that journey? What if you were meant to meet him with the possibility of you both becoming more? After all, they were approaching the most romantic day of the year, and if love didn’t find you on Valentine’s Day, then, when would it?
Love? Girl, have you lost your mind? Admitting she was starting to have strong feelings for Kendrick was one thing, but love was another entity, entirely. She’d heard stories about couples falling in love after only a few days or weeks of knowing one another, but was that real love? Was that the kind of love that could withstand all obstacles like the Saunderses had mentioned?
Oh course it isn’t, she thought. And having this conversation with yourself is pointless since there is no way you’re falling in love with Kendrick. She glanced over her shoulder at the sleeping man next to her. Except, what if I am falling in love with him? What if we’re meant to be one of those stories for the ages that people repeat and tell others because they can’t believe that a couple fell in love that fast?
What if this entire time, she’d only dated those jerks to prepare her for the love of a real man like Kendrick? What if? What if? What if?
“Unless you’re trying to go for round two, you should be asleep, beautiful.”
Nicole jumped at the sound of his voice. “You scared me.”
“That’s because you were in deep thought.” Kendrick propped his head on his elbow. “What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?”
Nicole turned to face him and mirrored his position. “I was thinking about the fact that we have to get up in a few hours and pack up to leave this beautiful place.”
“I know. I’m not ready to leave either.” Kendrick studied her eyes. “Are you sure that’s all? What else is on your mind?”
That’s another thing, she thought, laughing to herself. He actually cares about how I feel. “You’re different from any man I’ve met before,” she said. “In a good way.”
Kendrick smiled. “That’s good to know, although, I get the feeling that you’ve dated some real jerks in the past.”
“More than I wish to divulge,” she said. “But I guess the biggest jerk I’ve dated before is a guy who technically wouldn’t even be considered a jerk.”
“What do you mean?” Kendrick asked. “Did he disguise his true colors in the beginning?”
“Something like that,” Nicole said as she thought back. “I met Marcus when I was a teenager, and we immediately got along. Back then, I was a bit of a tomboy and involved with every sport imaginable, but for some reason, Marcus only saw the girlie sides of me. Unlike some of the other boys in our high school class, he made me feel beautiful... Wanted... Included.”
“What every high school student desires,” Kendrick said.
“Exactly, and back then, he made me feel loved and appreciated during a time when love and appreciation were scarce in my personal life.”
“Your parents?”
“Yeah. My mom is in the military, and my dad was an army husband. That’s the reason I’ve lived in so many places.”
Kendrick nodded in understanding. “Was? Is your dad still living?”
“Yeah, he is.” Nicole sat upright on the bed and pulled the sheet to her chest. “He walked out on us when I was thirteen and never looked back. From what I’ve found on social media, he has two kids now with his new wife.”
“Damn,” Kendrick said. “He never kept in contact with you?”
“Nope. Bottom line is that he couldn’t handle being married to someone in the military. So instead of taking me with him, he just left me at home by myself with a letter saying that he was sorry and needed more.”
Kendrick lightly touched her hand. “I’m sorry to hear that. My dad was never around either, so I understand. But it still sucks.”
“It does,” she said. “And at the time, I couldn’t even get in contact with my mom, so after a week on my own, I realized he wasn’t coming back and I called my grandparents. They picked me up, and I stayed with them until I was an adult.”
“Your mom didn’t come back?”
Nicole glanced out the window at the moon. “She claimed that she was too busy to deal with my dad, and me, for that matter. So she told me I was going to permanently live with my grandparents. She filed for divorce and went back to work with two less burdens to deal with... Her marriage and her daughter.” She could still see the look of relief on her mother’s face.
“After that, I went on a reckless path of trying to find love wherever I could. Don’t get me wrong, my grandparents were amazing and loving, but I couldn’t get past the feeling of not being wanted. I mean, how could a parent—or in my case two parents—wake up one day and say, ‘Sorry, I don’t want any parenting responsibility anymore. Please proceed to option B.’”
“Except there is no option B,” Kendrick said. “Some parents don’t realize the effect that their actions have on their children.”
“Yup. And for me, option B came in the form of Marcus Hayes. I thought that as long as I had his love, I would be okay. The problem with putting all your love and faith into one person is that you deem the person worthy of such a gift.”
“Judging by the look on your face, Marcus wasn’t worthy.”
“He wasn’t,” she said. “But I didn’t see it at first. Like I said, he understood me and made me feel special. Everyone was friends with Marcus, and he had one of those infectious smiles and great personalities that meant that people always flocked to him.”
“So from your perspective, being in love with someone who was so well liked by others validated that he was worth your love and affection too.”
“Yeah, it was. Whenever he had a problem, I was right there by his side. It wasn’t until I started having even more issues with my mom that I realized he wasn’t offering the same advice and support I had given to him. It was almost like he had a Rolodex of ways he could pretend to be there for me without having to put forth the effort that I had exuded for him.
“But Marcus wasn’t just my boyfriend. He was my best friend, so in turn, I latched on to everything about him. My opinions about certain things would change to what he thought. I liked the same things he liked. Did the same activities he did. Hell, I even entered college majoring in the same thing he majored in because I was convinced it was the type of career I wanted to pursue too.”
Kendrick adjusted himself on the bed. “But you realized that it wasn’t.”
“Not even a little. Do you remember when I said that everyone who rocks with you may not always be for you?”
“Of course.”
“Well, that was Marcus. He was a good guy. Still is. He was positive. Upbeat. Funny as hell and always made people laugh. I know that he cared about me and he valued our friendship, but I didn’t realize that in trying to be everything that I thought he wanted and needed, I’d completely lost sight of my individuality. I was no longer Nicole LeBlanc—the opinionated girl who walked to the beat of her own drum. I might as well have been a carbon copy of Marcus Hayes.
“And I can’t really blame Marcus,” Nicole said as she scooted closer to Kendrick on the bed. “I was the one who had put Marcus on a pedestal and somehow convinced myself that he was the love that I desired. He was the love I lost when my father left. He was the love I’d always craved from my mother. He was the love I’d always had with my grandparents. But more importantly, I loved Marcus in a way that I had never loved myself, and that was the true tragedy.”
It was then that Nicole noticed that Kendrick was rubbing his thumb in small circles on her thigh. The gesture made her calm and horny all at the same time.
“When did you finally realize that you needed to end your relationship with Marcus?” Kendrick asked.
“That’s the funny thing,” Nicole said with a forced laugh. “From thirteen to almost thirty, I had surrounded myself with people who represented someone I wanted to be. Friends, exes, coworkers, family members. You name it. My relationship with Marcus had ended when we were back in high school, but we maintained our friendship through college. It was my friendship with Marcus that caused the most damage. In some ways, a friendship was more sacred to me back then. Even after relationships ended, I tended to be friends with my exes.”
She looked Kendrick in the eye. “It wasn’t until I was nearing my thirtieth birthday that I realized that although my life hadn’t been perfect, before my parents divorced, I had so many dreams and aspirations of what I wanted to do with my life. Things I wanted to accomplish. Places I wanted to visit. After their divorce—or maybe even before—I’d lost my way. My identity. The reason I was put on this earth.
“I recall going to a self-help convention with a few of my friends and for whatever reason, the words of the keynote speaker really stood out to me. She’d been through hell and back, overcoming adversity and obstacles to become the person she was. She asked one question that will always stick with me... What do you love about yourself? And if your first response was what you didn’t love about yourself, then you needed to do some reevaluating.”
“That’s a powerful question,” Kendrick said. “Was that the turning point for you?”
Nicole nodded. “It was, mainly because even a couple hours after the speech ended, I was still making a list of things I didn’t like and that wasn’t healthy. I truly believe that it’s okay to meet people in your life who impact you for the better, and therefore you take a piece of them with you wherever you may go. The issue is when you can’t authentically name any part of yourself that you love that wasn’t influenced by someone else. I’d spent too long being scared to take chances and make mistakes. Not willing to change for fear of the unknown. I needed to make my own path. I needed to define my own journey and stop searching for love when I didn’t love myself. So that’s precisely what I did. The next day was the first day toward becoming a better me. Oh, and check this out.” She left the bed and reached into her purse for a sheet of paper.
“What’s this?” he asked as he opened the sheet of paper. Nicole held her breath as he took a good look at it. “Is this a tattoo design?”
She laughed in surprise. “How did you know?”
“Because I know tattoos, and it seems to be something we have in common.” Kendrick traced the design with his finger. “I love the curves of the infinity symbol intertwining in the flowers.”
“They’re sweet peas,” she said. “My grandparents used to always call me sweet pea, and my grandmother still does. I’m not an artist by any means, so this is just a rough sketch of the next tattoo I want. Hopefully, I can get it while I’m in LA.”
That’s right...you have to go back to Miami soon. The words were a little bitter, even in his mind.
“If you’re trying to get the tattoo in LA, I actually know the perfect shop. A friend of mine owns the spot, and even though he’s normally really busy, I’m sure he’ll fit you in as a favor to me.”
“I would love that,” Nicole said. “Especially since this tattoo is something that I’ve wanted for a while. I just haven’t had the time to get it. It represents my journey so far, so it’s really important to me.”
Kendrick placed the sheet of paper on the nightstand and leaned closer to her. “You’re amazing and your story is inspiring. I know that it’s taken you a while to get here, but you’re one of the most self-aware people I know.”
“Thank you,” she said with a smile. “I’ve actually never talked to anyone about my journey in as much detail as I have with you.”
Kendrick flashed her a handsome smile. “I think you should be rewarded for your honesty.”
“Oh, yeah?” She smirked. “What did you have in mind?”
He placed his hand on her chin and tilted it upward. “I was thinking of starting with a kiss.” He placed a soft kiss on her lips. “And another kiss.” This time, he kissed her neck. “And another.” He kissed the top of her breasts.
“For kicks, I was thinking of going even further.” He trailed sweet kisses in between her breasts, down her stomach and to her thighs.
“What’s a kiss without going for the gusto?” He placed a kiss onto her nub, slowly adding a little tongue. Nicole was already spreading her legs wider for him.
“Did you have a French kiss in mind?” she asked.
“Always,” he said, then proceeded to show her just the kind of French kiss he meant.