The sound of a voice calling broke through the moment, helping Livia to recover her sanity. She looked behind her to see Marta, the farmer’s wife, bustling towards them.
‘Your Highness. Commander,’ she said, giving an awkward little bow again as she drew near. ‘The weather looks promising for the afternoon. My husband is almost ready to leave, if you both are?’
‘That is good news,’ Destin said, quickly rising up to his feet to greet the lady. Was he worried the woman had seen something between them? ‘Thank you so much for taking good care of us.’
Had he not felt anything when they’d kissed? For her, it had been everything she had hoped it would be. The quivers in her stomach when she’d bravely told him what she wanted, and the breathless anticipation when his dark eyes had stared down at her, and she’d realised he was actually going to do it. Her heart had raced when he’d leaned in closer, almost taking flight. And she’d felt a jolt through her body, a heady rush when his firm lips had met hers, and the pleasure and surprise of his mouth moving, taking control, increasing the delicious pressure as his tongue tenderly swept inside. She was glad they’d been sitting down as she’d felt a shiver from her head to her toes. It had made her feel light-headed and euphoric.
He had tasted of the cool ale and grapes, his skin warm, his beard soft to her touch, and she’d wanted to get closer, pressing herself against his solid chest. And his hand in her hair, drawing her in, sending tingles down her spine, had felt intimate, like he’d wanted that too. Yet he had been careful, taking it slow, and she couldn’t imagine it ever feeling better.
When he’d pulled away, his breathing ragged against her cheek, she’d wanted to follow. But she’d forced herself to look up at him and smile. He had given her what she’d asked for. At least, whatever happened from now on, she would have that one perfect moment to remember, etched in her memory.
He seemed relieved to be going, more eager than ever to be on their way, but Livia was now reluctant. After that kiss, the prospect of staying here and spending the evening with him, sharing a room, seemed far too tempting. It was beautiful here, with mountains as far as the eye could see, the glistening lakes and fields a sight to behold. She thought she could stay here for ever. Somewhere people barely knew her, where she felt free, with him. But her thoughts were running away with her and she mustn’t do that. One exquisite kiss had to be enough. She could not ask Destin for more. She knew he lived by his code of honour and it wouldn’t be right. Not when every step on this journey was taking her closer towards her future with the emperor. It was time to go.
She got up to her feet and they walked back over to the outhouse in silence. They gathered their things, and tidied up the wood, the bread and tankards. She hesitated as she gave the barn a final glance before going to open the door, but he put his hand on it, preventing her from leaving.
‘Are you all right?’ he asked gruffly.
‘Yes.’ She nodded. For some reason she felt a huge lump grow in her throat.
‘You’ve gone quiet. It’s not like you.’
No, she wasn’t all right! She didn’t want to carry on their journey, she had never wanted to make a start on it in the first place. When she hadn’t wanted to marry before, she had just thought she would be happier alone. But that was before she’d met him. Before she’d started to like him. Before he’d kissed her like that... Surely it was a sign of their growing affection for each other? It was on her part, anyway. Now, her fate seemed so much worse. She didn’t want to take one step further and yet she knew that she must. So she nodded.
‘From now on, we won’t be alone. We’ll have company. We’ll need to be careful what we say, and how we act...’
‘I know that,’ she said quietly.
‘There can be no more...’
‘I know!’ she snapped. It was obviously a lot easier for him to put aside than it was for her. And suddenly she wished she hadn’t closed her eyes when he’d kissed her. If she’d kept them open, she could have watched the emotions crossing his face, to see if it had affected him as much as it had her.
He nodded.
‘You seem very keen to get going,’ she accused.
He frowned. ‘It is good of them to offer to take us. The journey will be much easier by cart, and we won’t stand out so much travelling in a group. We should get to Rome much quicker than I expected...’
‘Good. I can’t wait,’ she said sardonically.
‘Livia,’ he warned, his voice stern, a muscle flickering in his cheek. ‘I thought you were desperate to get back to see your father.’
‘I am!’ She was. She wanted to see him, to hold his hand and tell him that she loved him. She still couldn’t believe he was as poorly as everyone was saying. She needed to see it for herself. And she also now desperately wanted to ask her father if he still thought she should marry Alexios. But she couldn’t tell Destin that. Because that’s why he was here, wasn’t it? He had been sent to fetch her. He had a duty to fulfil, to bring her back to Constantinople. But if her father said she didn’t have to marry Alexios, where would that leave them? Would Destin be pleased?
‘But am I supposed to be happy about carrying on, about nearing our destination? After what just happened between us out there?’
He gave her a pained look and ran his hand over his beard. ‘This is why I said it was a bad idea.’
‘Do you regret it?’ she asked, tipping her chin up.
‘To be honest, I am regretting ever convincing you to come with me on this damned journey,’ he said wryly.
And she smiled at that, releasing her shoulders, letting out a little of her tension. Perhaps he was suffering just a little bit?
He released his hold on the door then and they slipped out, into the bright afternoon sunshine.
The farmer and his wife had their horses and cart ready to go, and were looking up at them expectantly, from the front seat. Marta seemed very proud they were about to embark on this important journey with their precious cargo.
Destin helped Livia up into the back of the cart, filled with bundles of hay and covered with wool to keep it dry, and they set off immediately to make the most of the daylight.
It was a bumpy ride as they traversed past cattle grazing in fields and a mountain stream kept them company as they descended the valley. They saw more farmers out in their fields planting crops and logging trees. The rolling mountains, the meadows full of flowers and the vast, glistening lakes all made Livia feel small, almost making her problems pale into insignificance. There was no snow at all on the slopes lower down, and everything seemed greener, more vivid and vibrant, like it was bursting into life.
At some point, Livia must have dozed off, because when she woke, her head was nestled into Destin’s shoulder, his arm wrapped around her, and there were different-looking mountains in front of them.
‘Sorry,’ she said, sitting up, dragging her hands over her face and patting down her hair.
‘It’s all right. No one can see back here. You must have been tired. You slept right through the night. We stopped and let the horses rest for a while. You didn’t even stir, you were in such a deep sleep.’
‘Was I?’ she asked, mortified.
‘Snored a bit too,’ he said, and then he grinned, letting her know he was provoking her in a gentle way.
She elbowed him, but smiled at his gentle teasing.
‘Don’t worry, you didn’t miss anything. Apart from Marta’s singing.’ He gave her a wide-eyed look of fear and mouthed, It’s terrible, and she giggled.
‘Did you not sleep?’
‘No. I’ll rest when we stop off in Rome and I know you’re safe.’
‘You must be tired,’ she said. They’d been travelling for days and she didn’t think he’d dropped his guard once. Studying him, she realised he had dark circles around his eyes, which were much softer now than when she’d first met him, and his beard had grown, but he was still rakishly handsome. She wanted to trace her fingers over the scars on his face and ask how he’d got each one.
He leaned across to touch her and her breath hitched. ‘You have straw in your hair,’ he said, removing the strand and letting it flutter to the ground.
‘I think you were having a bad dream,’ he said. ‘Does that happen a lot?’
She shrugged. ‘I have nightmares sometimes. Often about my mother. About my father not giving her a choice about the baby. I can still picture what happened to them both.’
He frowned. ‘It must have been traumatic for you, Livia. I’m sorry. Your father shouldn’t have allowed you to be there.’
‘I wanted to be. I wanted to be by her side, to help. To meet my brother...’ She looked around, trying to shake the thoughts from her mind. ‘Where are we anyway?’
‘We’re coming down the last valley now, into Italy. I was going to wake you shortly. We need to be alert as we approach the border.’
She pulled her cloak tighter around her.
‘Cold?’ he asked.
‘Just disorientated from having slept too long,’ she said.
She should have felt pleased that they were nearing their destination, and yet, she wondered what would be waiting for them when they arrived in Rome... She hoped her father was still with them. Perhaps the healer had been able to treat his wound and he’d be on the mend. Oh, that would be just the best outcome. To find him sitting up in bed, healthy. Smiling.
It took a while longer to get down the winding valley, stopping every so often to take a break. Marta enjoyed handing them food and ale, making a fuss of them, to keep them going. But when the cart began to slow for the third time that morning, the farmer called out to them urgently and Livia knew from his tone it couldn’t mean anything good.
‘Commander, there’s trouble ahead,’ he shouted over his shoulder.
Destin held the rail and twisted his head to try to see what was in front of them, without being seen himself, and he cursed, making Livia’s hairs on the back of her neck stand on end.
‘What? What is it?’
‘Soldiers,’ he said. ‘They’re blocking the road. They look like Lothair’s men.’
Her eyes went wide. ‘What do we do? They can’t stop us now. Not after we’ve come so far. Should we jump off? Shall we try to hide?’
Destin shook his head. ‘No. This is the only way through. Get down. In here,’ he said, quickly making a space for her in the middle of the cart between the bundles of hay. Lie down.’
‘Carry on,’ he called to the farmer. ‘Don’t give the princess’s whereabouts away, no matter what.’
Livia did as she was told, lying down on her back, and she was surprised when Destin came down next to her on his side, pulling the hay all around and over them, before tugging the cover back into place as best he could over the top. She was holding her breath, and she wasn’t sure if it was because she was frightened because they were nearing Lothair’s men, or because Destin’s powerful body was tucked in tightly next to hers, curling around her.
Lying next to each other, as the cart continued along the winding, bumpy track, their bodies were thrown together, and she couldn’t believe, given the circumstances, that she still felt awareness ripple through her.
When the cart began to slow, and she heard the sound of male voices talking, barking questions at the farmer and his wife, she held her breath. The smell of the sickly-sweet hay was overwhelming. Destin’s hand came round her waist to reassure her. ‘Just stay quiet. Stay still. It will be all right.’
She was so glad he was here. She would never have got through this journey with anyone else. Thank goodness the emperor and her father had sent him.
They heard voices and footsteps drawing nearer, and the sides of the cart being shaken, as if the soldiers were inspecting it. She couldn’t bear it. She turned into Destin, burying her face into his chest, seeking his protection, and he pulled her close. Her own hands splayed across his chest and curled around his waist, clinging onto him tight.
‘Close your eyes, it’ll be over in a moment,’ he whispered.
She thought perhaps there were far worse places to die than in his arms. She sought comfort in the outdoorsy pine forest and leathery scent of him, the feel of his strong arm holding her, his long fingers stroking her lower back.
Suddenly the woollen cover was pulled back, allowing light to filter through the hay, and she bit back a gasp, but he had hidden them pretty well. When they heard the sound of swords being drawn she felt him tense, and then so fast she didn’t have time to think, he rolled her onto her back and covered her body with his, his weight crushing her beneath him, his arm covering her head. It was as if he was trying to touch every part of her and heat swept through her.
‘What are you...?’ she whispered.
And then she realised why, when swords began slashing through the hay.
Her body went rigid, and she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to stay as still as possible.
‘Stop that! You’re ruining my hay!’ the farmer said, suddenly outraged. ‘There’s no need!’
And finally, after what felt like for ever, the slashing noises stopped.
The cover was loosely thrown back over the straw, descending them into half-darkness once more, and moments later, the cart jolted, beginning to move again.
Livia allowed herself to release the breath she’d been holding. It had been the most terrifying few moments of her life.
‘Are they gone?’
She felt him nod against her hair. ‘I think so. Are you hurt?’
‘No,’ she said, shaking her head.
He raised his head to look down at her, inspecting her. ‘You’re sure?’
‘Yes, I’m fine.’ She nodded. She thought she must be in shock. She couldn’t believe they’d done that. She felt sick to her stomach.
‘Thank goodness,’ he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
‘What about you?’ she asked. ‘Are you all right?’
‘It’s just a scratch or two.’
She gasped, trying to move from under his weight. ‘Let me see.’ And when she shifted beneath him, her thighs pressed against his, her belly nudging into his groin, and he cursed.
‘Livia, just...keep still for a moment, till we’ve passed through,’ he said. ‘They might still be watching us. I’m sure the farmer will stop when it’s safe to do so.’
And then she felt the hard ridges of him digging into her and heat flooded her body. She went still. Had she caused that reaction? He was heavy, his huge body pressing down on top of her, but she didn’t mind. It felt...nice.
When he pulled away, rolling off her back onto his side, she strangely felt disappointed. She wanted to pull him back, to wiggle against him some more to see what would happen...when she felt moisture on her arm. She looked down and lurched. It was covered in blood.
‘You’re bleeding,’ she said, distraught.
He grimaced. ‘They caught me a few times with the tips of their blades.’
‘No!’ she gasped, horrified, shaking her head. ‘How bad is it?’
‘I’ll live.’
She felt panicked, wanting to get a better look at his wounds, and it felt like an age until the cart stopped again. They heard the farmer come hurrying around the side of the wagon. He threw off the woollen cover. ‘Commander? Princess?’
Destin pushed the straw out of the way and sat up, curling himself out of their little den, and when he stood, they all stared at the blood dripping down his good arm, and his leg. Blood was seeping through his tunic at the side of his waist. Just a scratch? It looked a lot worse than that. ‘But you...you didn’t even flinch,’ Livia said, shaking her head, paling.
Still, he held his hand out to help her up, and then apologised to the farmer for the blood on the hay. Clambering down onto the rocky track, he lifted Livia down by her waist, and then inspected the damage to his skin. He had a deep gash in his upper arm, a wound just above his hip, and a cut across his lower leg.
‘I thought you were past recovery. I thought I was going to have to take your dead bodies to the emperor,’ Marta said, ashen-faced. And then she burst into tears.
‘What brutes!’ the farmer said, pulling his wife into a hug. ‘I wanted to beg them to stop, but then I thought you were certain to be killed. I can’t believe Prince Lothair would order something like that,’ he said, getting angry. ‘He doesn’t deserve to rule.’
The farmer led his wife away to sit down on a grassy bank, comforting her, while Livia turned to Destin, concerned. ‘How did you not cry out? Or even react?’ she asked him, trying to get a closer look at his injuries to see how she could help him.
‘I’m surprised you didn’t hear me silently curse a few choice words into your ear,’ he said, with a grimace.
But she knew he hadn’t said anything, or even moved. It was astounding. His tolerance for pain must be great. It had her wondering why...what had he suffered to make him so tough? To make him not flinch when someone inflicted suffering on him? To just take it like that.
With trembling fingers, Livia rummaged in the satchel and pulled out her torn tunic from the day before and passed it to him. He ripped off three strips with his teeth, before passing them back to her.
‘Would you mind?’ he said.
And she knew he must be hurt, because he was asking for help.
‘Sit there,’ she said, instructing him to perch on a nearby rock, and he just did as she said.
She tackled the leg first, wrapping the material around his blood-soaked breeches. ‘You’ll need to change this later. We don’t want it getting infected.’
He nodded, grim-faced.
Then she moved onto his arm, first mopping up the blood trickling down his muscles, before tying the material tight around him. ‘I hope this helps,’ she said. ‘I’m all fingers and thumbs.’
His hand closed over hers, steadying her. ‘It’s all right, Livia. It’s over now.’
She swiped a tear away from her eyes. ‘I can’t bear to think about what might have happened. I hate that you’re hurt. And I can’t believe you didn’t say anything.’
‘Better me being hurt than you. And to be honest, you distracted me from the pain.’
He stroked his finger over the top of her hand, holding her tight in his grip. ‘I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.’
She swallowed, nodding, before attempting the next wound. He gingerly lifted up his tunic and she gasped when she saw the deep gash to his torso, just under his ribs. ‘This is bad!’ she cried.
‘I’ve honestly had worse. Just do what you can.’
‘It will need a stitch, but I don’t have anything on me,’ she wailed, letting her tears fall now.
He nodded. ‘Just patch it up and I’ll have it seen to when we get to Rome.’
She sank down to her knees before him, and looked up at him, as she wrapped the material around his waist. She was reminded of touching his bare chest the other night, and him pushing her away. He was always trying to do the right thing, she realised, but by others, not himself.
‘I can’t believe you did that for me. You saved my life,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘Again.’
His hand came up to brush her cheek, stroking a tear away.
‘That is what I’m here for,’ he said.
After the ordeal at the border, none of them could stomach any food, and they decided to press on, eager to get to Rome now. Even Livia. Marta came to sit with them in the back, worried about Destin’s wounds almost as much as she was, her bubbly demeanour having turned serious, perhaps realising just how precarious the situation was.
It took the whole of the afternoon to reach the city. Destin actually slept for a while, demanding to be woken up if anyone came near, and Livia was concerned he was hurting more than he was letting on. He wouldn’t have succumbed to rest otherwise. She kept pressing her hand against his forehead, worried he was getting a fever, but he kept casting her off, reassuring her he was fine. She wanted to take care of him, she realised. How had she allowed herself to get so attached to him?
As they drew nearer to the city walls, they all gave a collective sigh, pleased to see the King’s Guard was manning the ramparts, not her uncle’s men. Rome was still under the king’s control.
As they approached the gateway and the cart slowed, Destin jumped down and walked ahead to speak to the soldiers. As they spoke, she watched how they at first eyed his arm and wounds, but as the conversation went on, they straightened up and answered him with respect, realising who he was and what they had overcome to get here. She almost crumpled in relief when the gates began to open, like giant arms welcoming her home.
Destin hopped back onto the cart and the farmer urged the horses forward, to take them into the city. Livia even felt the flicker of excitement as the iconic dome of Saint Mark’s Basilica rose up before them, dominating the skyline. They had made it.
She was surprisingly glad to see the place. She had been away for so long, and had thought she hadn’t missed it, but now that she was here, taking in the familiar landmarks, she felt proud of the colossal amphitheatre and familiar grand columns of the Pantheon. But she felt as if she had changed so much since the last time she was here. She’d changed so much these last few days, and she knew it had a lot to do with the man at her side.
She turned to look at him and he smiled, his eyes shining. ‘We made it,’ he said, sharing her satisfaction. ‘Halfway, anyway.’
It was a moment of great significance. Despite their rocky start, he had kept his end of the bargain and brought her here, unharmed, and she was grateful. But now she would have to keep hers. She would be expected to go on with him to Constantinople, and she wondered what the next stage of their journey would bring.
‘Thank you for getting me here,’ she said. She didn’t know what state her father would be in when she arrived at the palace, but she felt like after these past few days, whatever happened, somehow, she would be strong enough to cope with it.
‘You’re welcome,’ he said.
She wondered, if the farmer and his wife hadn’t been around, whether he would have taken her hand, like she wanted to take his, in solidarity and support.
Word spread quickly that the princess had returned, and people began to step out of their houses to line the streets, cheering as they rode past. She waved and smiled, delighted. It had to count for something that they were pleased she was here, didn’t it?
Marta puffed out her voluptuous chest in pride that she was riding with them—that her husband had been the one to bring them here, and Livia suddenly felt like laughing. It had been quite the journey.
‘They’re all staring,’ she whispered to Destin.
‘And not at me for once! I’ve found my ruse. Give them something far more interesting to look at. I’ll need to stay by your side from now on,’ he said, jesting.
She rolled her eyes at him and laughed lightly, but she felt a pang in her chest. If only he could...
When the cart entered the palace gates and stopped in front of the impressive frontage of her father’s palace, the king’s servants filed out onto the steps to greet her, and Destin finally took her hand to help her out of the cart.
But now they were here, she found she didn’t want to get out. Placing her feet down on solid ground, her knees trembling, she was reluctant to let him go. Would they ever be alone again?
‘Your Highness, welcome home,’ a man said, stepping forward to greet her, and Destin quickly released her from his grasp. She recognised him from when she was younger. It was Matthias, chief amongst the king’s councillors.
‘Thank you. It is good to see you Matthias. I should like to see my father at once,’ she said.
‘Certainly, Your Highness,’ he said, giving a little bow. ‘If you would like to follow me?’
She tentatively started to walk with the man up the steps, and then looked back at Destin, aware he wasn’t coming with her.
‘Will I...see you later?’ she asked.
‘I’ll be around, keeping guard,’ he said. ‘I’ll be here if you need me, Your Highness.’