Destin had been pacing up and down the courtyard for the past hour and it was driving Livia mad. What was the matter with him?
The hour was late and she could hear the sounds of distant revellers across the city, but her father’s home was quiet and peaceful. That was, apart from the sound of crunching footsteps marching up and down, and a man cursing beneath his breath.
Earlier, she had been so furious with him for suggesting that she align with the emperor that she had wanted to make him suffer. She had gone out of her way to make him burn with jealously, but she had only made herself miserable in the process. Every time Alexios put his hand on her arm or leaned in close, she felt reviled. She didn’t want to spend time with him, or get to know him; it left her feeling hollow. She didn’t want to encourage him. Not when the man she truly cared about was in the same room.
She’d been pleasantly surprised that she and Alexios had a lot in common. She thought they could become friends, but his touch had left her cold. And she’d found herself excruciatingly aware of Destin’s presence, as he’d followed them around the gardens. During the feast, her gaze kept wandering across the hall to the Northman who was sitting at the far end of the table, brooding, shutting everyone out.
She’d felt bereft. She’d wanted to go to him, to talk to him and be near him, and yet she’d known she couldn’t. It would not look good to the emperor, or her people. And she wondered if this was what it would be like, if she married Alexios, always wanting something else, someone else she couldn’t have. It would be unbearable.
When Destin had left the hall, it was as if the light of a candle had gone out, descending the room into darkness. And she’d got a glimpse of what her life would be like with him not in it.
She was relieved when she’d finally excused herself from the emperor’s company, telling him she needed to go and work on her speech for the Electoral College tomorrow, and he rose out of his chair and bade her goodnight. From the window in her apartment, she’d seen Alexios and Destin leave the palace, wondering where they were going, wishing Destin back, not wanting him to stray too far, and she’d been restless ever since. She’d done a lot of aimless wandering around her room, wrapping her arms around her waist.
But a short while ago, he had returned, alone. And now he seemed to be the one ill at ease, striding out across the courtyard before doing an about-turn and marching back again, biting out angry words beneath his breath.
She couldn’t bear it any longer. Making a decision, she grabbed her gold silk robe, wrapped it tightly around her and left her room. The guard on duty stood to attention. ‘Your Highness.’ He nodded.
‘I won’t be long. Stay here,’ she said, padding along the corridor in her bare feet.
She crept down the stairs and walked through the dark and quiet hall. Everyone seemed to have retired to bed. She made her way out to the cloisters, keeping within the shadows, in case anyone should be about.
‘What are you doing?’ she whispered, approaching Destin.
He looked up to the arched walkway, shocked to see her there.
‘Can’t sleep,’ he said gruffly.
‘Neither can I with you stomping up and down like this!’ He certainly seemed like a man with a lot on his mind. ‘Shouldn’t you be guarding the emperor or something...?’
‘He’s not here,’ he said, his brow darkening.
Was that what was bothering him?
He ran his hand around his neck. She noticed he always did that when he was agitated, or nervous. She was beginning to learn all his little habits.
‘Did you know the emperor has a villa just outside the city?’
She nodded. ‘Yes, I did know that. His father used to spend time there, when I was younger. Are you not staying there with him?’
‘No,’ he said, frowning. ‘Not tonight anyway. My things are here... I could see your candle on. I was waiting for you to go to sleep.’
‘Oh.’
‘I thought you’d be exhausted after your busy day.’ She detected a hard edge to his voice.
‘It was pretty tiring,’ she admitted, the cool evening breeze, or his cold tone, making her shiver, and she rubbed her hands up and down her arms.
He took a step towards her, his movements stiff. ‘You looked to be enjoying yourself.’
Her gaze narrowed on him, unsure of his mood. He seemed tired; there was a tightness around his eyes she hadn’t noticed before.
‘Did I? I would have thought you might be able to tell between my real enjoyment and when I’m faking it by now,’ she said, tipping her chin up defiantly.
His gaze raked over her. ‘I’m sure it helps that he’s attractive,’ he said, ignoring her pointed comment.
‘You think so?’
‘Don’t you?’
‘What does it matter to you? I’m sure you’d tell me I should still marry him whether I thought he was attractive or not. You wouldn’t want to miss out on that reward. All those titles and riches.’
He pushed his hand through his hair. ‘It’s not about that.’
‘No?’
‘No. Whatever you might think, he proffered those rewards before I met you, Livia. And who wouldn’t accept such an offer? But believe it or not, I don’t care about that any more. My advice is based on what’s best for you.’
‘And that’s the emperor, is it?’
He swallowed, glancing away. ‘I thought it was.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘Nothing.’
‘I don’t see why you want me to marry him,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘Especially after the way you touched me last night.’
He groaned at the mere mention of it, drawing his hand over his beard, a pained expression crossing his face, as if he was both horrified by what he’d done and also tortured by the reminder. He glanced around, as if to check if anyone was about.
‘If you’re unsuccessful tomorrow, you may not want—or be allowed—to stay here. It might not be safe to do so, as your uncle will see you as a constant threat. This marriage could protect you. I am thinking of your safety.’
Was he really still trying to look after her? Was he still putting her own needs before his? She let out a long, slow breath. She’d spent most of the day feeling livid with him and she didn’t want to be angry any more.
‘And I’m thinking about my future.’ She wanted him in it.
‘It’s the same thing,’ he said.
‘No, it’s not. Not really.’
‘Are you saying you didn’t like him?’ he said, boring down on her.
‘I’m saying he’s not you,’ she said honestly. Bravely. She closed the space between them, placing her hand on his chest. She hoped her touch would reach him, even if her words didn’t. She really wanted him to listen, to hear her. ‘He doesn’t make me feel the way you do.’
Destin stilled.
He stared at her for a long moment, and he was so close she could breathe him in. She thought she felt the tension of the day ebb a little from his body too, and he leaned in closer. He shook his head and closed his eyes briefly. ‘This is madness...’
‘I can’t help it... I’ve been waiting for you to get back. What were you doing, back at his villa?’
He shrugged. ‘Not much.’
Her eyes widened. ‘You’re a terrible liar.’
He gave her a look and she held up her hands. ‘All right, don’t tell me. I’m probably better off not knowing...’ She took his hand in hers, entwining her fingers with his. ‘I don’t want to talk about him anyway. I missed you today. Did you miss me?’
‘Livia...’
Yet she was determined now. She needed to convince him that the emperor wasn’t what she needed. But he was. She started to walk down the outdoor corridor, tugging him behind her. ‘Can I show you something?’ she said.
His brow creased.
At the end of the cloisters she opened a door which led into a grand corridor, with rows and rows of paintings on the walls. She knew he hadn’t been in here before, because straight away he looked around the room, scanning it for any danger. They walked past huge portraits of kings and queens, princes and princesses from the past, all seeming to be peering down at them, before she stopped in front of a more recent one of a very elegant young woman.
‘This was my mother,’ she said, looking up at the picture in awe. ‘She was very beautiful, don’t you think?’
He studied it carefully, tilting his handsome head to one side. ‘Yes. Very beautiful,’ he said, and then he turned to look at her. ‘I can see the likeness.’
Livia smiled. ‘She was a wonderful queen. The people loved her. She was kind yet strong. Fair. Whatever happens tomorrow, I hope that I am like her. I don’t want to let my parents down.’
‘You couldn’t, Livia. Whatever the outcome, they would have been proud of you.’
She nodded, grateful for his kind words. ‘My father was lucky to have her at his side. And I know I’ve been lucky to have you by my side this week. And I need you here, on the morrow too.’
He nodded. ‘I’ll be here.’
She had lost her mother at such a young age, they’d never discussed marriage or love. She wondered what her mother’s thoughts were on it. She wondered what her mother would have thought of Destin.
‘Do you know what you’re going to say? Are you prepared?’ he asked.
‘I think so. But I was hoping...well, do you think I could read it to you?’
‘Of course,’ he whispered.
‘Will you meet me in my room in a moment?’
‘Livia...’
She knew he was going to protest. Was he still trying to keep her at arm’s length, thinking it was what was best for her?
‘It’s important to me. Please?’
‘All right,’ he said unsteadily.
Destin’s heart was pounding as he approached Livia’s corridor, but he was surprised to see she had managed to discharge the soldier standing guard. He would be sure to find out which soldier it was and have a word. These men should know they must watch her at all times, in spite of her commands, to protect her against men like himself...
He took a deep breath. If Alexios and his men caught him here, it would mean certain death. Still, he knew he was the last thing on the emperor’s mind tonight. And so was she. The thought gave him the impetus he needed to raise his hand to the door and knock, gently.
It opened instantly, and Livia ushered him in, still in her gold silk robe, her feet bare. She looked so beautiful, her long dark hair trailing down her back, the silk wrapped tightly around her curves.
‘How did you get rid of the guard?’ he asked, stepping over the threshold, and she shut the door behind him.
‘I said I thought I’d heard something downstairs and asked if he could go and check it out.’
He nodded. ‘You know he’ll be back.’
‘It looks like you’re stuck here then. Either that or you’ll have to go out the window,’ she jested, and he rolled his eyes.
‘So what can I help with?’ he asked, running his hand round the back of his neck again, suddenly feeling awkward. The fact he’d come to her room for a second time seemed to have even more significance. ‘Do you want to go over your speech?’
‘Would you mind?’ she asked. ‘I would value your opinion on it. I’m more than a little nervous.’
‘Go ahead. I’d love to hear it.’
‘So I’m going to walk in, like this, perfectly poised,’ she said, practising her slow, steady walk down the aisle in front of the College, emphasising it, bending her knees for effect. ‘I’m going to hold my head up high, stand tall and say, “I want to be your queen because...”’
He gripped her fingers, prising them off her skirts. ‘Don’t fidget,’ he instructed. ‘Stand tall. Chin up. And speak clearly. And slowly.’ She caught his fingers with hers, not letting him go. He sighed. ‘Just be yourself, Livia. How could they not want you?’
The air was thrumming with something heavy between them.
She moved closer towards him and came up on tiptoes, pressing her lips to his and this time, he didn’t argue it. He had known this was inevitable when he came up here. That if she still wanted him, he didn’t have the strength to resist her. Not after the suffering of today.
And he was angry with Alexios for this evening, scheming behind her back with her uncle. Livia deserved so much better. He knew he should tell her about it—that he’d been privy to their conversation. And yet, what good would come of it? It would unsettle her, disturb her, and she needed to have a clear head, to focus on the morrow.
He wondered if this would be the last night they could be alone together. If by some miracle she was voted queen, everything would change in an instant. And if she wasn’t, she would have to accept Alexios’s hand and leave for Constantinople immediately, as her uncle would have all the power. Knowing that, he wanted to kiss her one last time.
He covered her lips with his, pulling her up against him, crushing her breasts against his chest, his hand firmly around her waist as he took control. His lips moved against hers, slowly, his tongue tenderly gliding inside her mouth, making it last, making them both shiver.
When she tried to pull away to look up at him, to speak, he held her fast, as if he never wanted to let her go, and she smiled.
‘Do you want me, Destin?’ she asked.
His heart pounded, his body trembled.
Her golden-brown eyes were focused on him as she stepped back, still holding on to his fingers, and she sat down on the edge of the bed. With her other hand, she parted her robe, running her fingers along the opening, revealing the curve of her creamy swells.
He felt his eyes widen, his heart stutter.
‘Because I want you,’ she said, gently pulling him towards her.
‘I shouldn’t be doing this,’ he whispered, his voice strained.
‘You’re the only person I want doing this,’ she countered, tugging him harder, and he followed her down, his mouth coming back over hers, drawing her body up the bed as he came over her, and she clung on to his shoulders, holding on to him as he pressed her into the furs.
He was rock-hard, and he knew she could feel the ridge of him, nudging into her belly. He should probably lift himself away, but he wanted her to know how she made him feel. He didn’t want to deny it any longer. He couldn’t hold it back any more. She wriggled against him, wrapping her legs around the back of his, holding him in place, as if she wanted to cause more of a reaction, and he groaned.
His lips left hers to roam down, under her jaw, along the column of her throat and further, between her gaping robe, nipping and kissing as he went. His hand closed over the knot of the tie around her waist, and for just a moment he paused, staring down at her, before he slowly unfastened it, smoothing the silk fully apart on either side of her body. His eyes devoured her. So much for everything he’d said last night about not looking at her...he couldn’t not. He’d lost all restraint. He lifted his head to take in the view of her beautiful pert breasts with their taut, rosy tips, her smooth, flat stomach and the tight curls of hair at the apex of her flawless thighs. She was so beautiful it made him ache, and she writhed, restless, gripping his head, pulling his lips down to her breast. He cupped her swollen flesh in his hand and his hot mouth covered one dark peak and she whimpered.
Her fingers trembled as she reached for the bottom of his tunic, drawing it up between them. He sat up on his knees, unhooking his sling, and then tried to lift off his top and she sat up to help him, before discarding it on the floor.
Her smile slipped as she stared at him, and his breath stalled. He wondered what she was thinking.
‘You’re the most incredible man I’ve ever seen,’ she said, running her hands over his chest.
He pushed her robe off her shoulders, allowing it to slip down her arms, pooling around her wrists, and when she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him again, she left it behind on the bed, leaving her completely naked in his arms. His hand smoothed down her back as he came over her, laying her down again, and he began to leave another trail of kisses all across her chest.
She gasped when his tongue trailed even lower, down over her stomach, covering her hips in kisses, and then he dropped to his knees on the floor, pulling her to the edge of the bed, settling himself between her thighs. He knew he couldn’t be inside her, making her his, but he could taste her. No one would ever know. He could give her something she would never forget.
‘I want to kiss you everywhere,’ he said. ‘Is that all right?’
She whimpered, now knowing what he intended to do, and she looked him in the eyes, her cheeks feverish, and nodded, before lying back, bravely offering herself up to him, throwing her arms above her head in surrender. Her heated gaze locked with his just before his mouth covered her delicate curls and her glistening flesh, and he had a flash of a thought that if he was hanged for this, it would be worth it. That he would die a happy man.
The tip of his inquisitive tongue glided along her crease, before circling her tiny nub, intimately. And she thrashed beneath him, as if she could scarcely believe what was happening, and neither could he. He just knew he wanted to be this intimate with her. When he pushed her legs further apart, she responded, lifting her bottom up off the bed, as if she wanted more, meeting his mouth, lips to lips, and his tongue became more insistent, more demanding of her pleasure. As he slid a finger inside her, deeply, it was her undoing, and she came apart, crying out in wonder, shattering against his tongue, her thighs shuddering around him, and he dragged himself up to lie back next to her and hold her close.
When her breathing returned to normal, Livia turned into him, pressing a kiss to his lips. She could smell her own subtle scent on him and her face heated at what had just happened. She had never known about such things, or that it could feel so good. But the time for feeling embarrassed was long past. Especially after she’d told him she wanted him.
There was no way he could deny there was something between them now... Not after what he’d just done.
Knowing he had pleasured her twice now, Livia knew she needed to touch him in return, and she was desperate to finally see him lose control and take his own pleasure. Still, she was nervous as her trembling hand roamed down to curve over the hard, straining ridge of him.
‘Livia...’
‘Destin, so help me God, if you don’t let me touch you after what you just did to me, I’m going to scream,’ she said.
And he looked shocked at the force of her words. Or shocked that she wanted to touch him so badly. She wasn’t sure. But either way, he eased his grip on her hand. And the moment her fingers dipped beneath the waistband of his breeches and she took hold of him, she knew he was lost. That there was no turning back. He hauled her to him so tight she could barely breathe, but she liked knowing she was having such a profound effect on him, as he had had on her. Hell, she was still recovering.
His stomach was taut, his muscles bunched, and as she ran her hand up and down him, he shuddered in disbelief.
Struggling with the restrictive material, she pulled herself away momentarily as she worked them down, pushing them to his knees, and then her hands came back to cradle him again, and he groaned. She couldn’t help but look at him and he was incredible. His body was so powerful, even the part she was holding in her grasp. His skin was silky, hot and hard, and she marvelled at it.
‘Am I doing this right?’ she whispered, learning the feel of him.
‘Yes,’ he said, his voice strained, his forehead against hers. ‘Very right.’
He moved his hand around her back, to curve over her bottom, pressing her closer, and as she stroked him harder, he kissed her fully and possessively on the mouth, scraping his tongue over hers.
‘Livia,’ he warned, against her lips, but it encouraged her on, wanting him to lose all restraint, and she moved her hand faster. He groaned, and his body tensed as his climax took over and she felt the rush of warmth against her hand.
She released him from her grip and held him close, elated after this first experience, feeling close to him, and hoping she had given him as much pleasure as he had given her.
Pressed against him, she could feel his heart beating erratically. He lay still for a long while, his arm still curved around her, his eyes closed, and eventually his breathing settled.
‘Are you sleeping?’ she asked him, her gaze studying every inch of his face. She knew each silvery scar intimately now, and loved his long dark lashes, which were resting on his cheeks. Her hand held his bearded jaw, which he’d trimmed since they’d got to Rome, but he hadn’t removed it entirely. He was perfect, she thought.
‘No.’
‘Are you all right?’
His beautiful ebony eyes opened a little, focusing on her. ‘Just about. You?’
‘Yes,’ she smiled. She couldn’t believe she was lying here like this, with no clothes on, with him. The formidable man who had stormed into her castle in Saxony. She had thought he was such a brute, but in just a week, he had become her whole world. The person she wanted to seek advice from and share her thoughts with. She liked the feel of his hand curved around her body, his fingers stroking her skin. This was all so new to her and she wondered if he had ever been close to anyone before. She wanted to know everything about him and curiosity got the better of her.
‘Have you done this a lot?’ she whispered.
‘Not compared to some.’
She propped herself up on her elbow, staring down at him. ‘You mean the emperor?’
His brow furrowed.
‘I don’t mind. I’m not angry, or hurt. I don’t even care...it’s you I want to know about. How many women have you been with, like this?’ she asked.
He rolled his eyes, as if he found her question distasteful. ‘You and your incessant probing,’ he said, disapprovingly, pulling away from her a little to roll onto his back and tugging the blanket up and over them.
‘It’s called being interested.’ She pouted, and he sighed, deeply.
‘In truth? Not many.’
‘Really?’ She ran her hand over his chest, her fingers tracing the blue lines of dye. ‘Why not?’
‘Because I didn’t feel comfortable, you know, what with looking, being, how I am.’
She shook her head, still amazed he didn’t see himself like she did—the strongest, most attractive man she’d ever met. Her fingers stalled. ‘And you do, with me?’
‘Yes,’ he said, rolling back towards her and trailing his knuckles down her cheek.
She held his jaw again, pulling him in for a kiss.
When they broke away, she wriggled her eyebrows. ‘So...how many is not many? Five?’ she prompted, smiling. ‘Ten?’
‘Livia!’ he groaned.
‘What? You know about my lack of experience...’
‘Which seems to be gaining by the night,’ he said with a grimace. He flung the blanket off himself and stood, naked, reaching for his breeches, beginning to pull them up. She gawked at him. He looked magnificent naked.
‘Is it so wrong I should want to know what experiences you have had? Why can’t you just tell me?’
He flew his arm up, exasperated. ‘Because there’s nothing to tell. There has been none, all right?’
She looked up at him, shocked, her mouth hanging open. ‘None?’
He shook his head. ‘No.’ He fastened the tie at his waist and came back to sit beside her on the bed. ‘There have been women. Things happened. But never that. There’s never been any real intimacy. How could there be? They didn’t know me. My history. I couldn’t bear to see the looks on their faces when they knew I hadn’t just been wounded, but that there was something wrong with me.’
Her heart went out to him. ‘You feared their rejection.’ Even though she couldn’t imagine any woman turning him down. Ever.
‘Not like I fear yours.’
She shook her head. ‘You’re the one who keeps trying to resist me, turning me down, not the other way round,’ she smiled wryly.
‘And how am I doing with that?’ he said, raising his eyebrows.
She grinned.
She couldn’t believe he hadn’t been with a woman. She would never have guessed it, not after the pleasure he’d given her just moments ago, his tongue doing those incredible things. The way he’d touched her so masterfully...
It all made her like him so much more. ‘So...do you want to...do that...with me?’
He groaned, tucking her hair behind her ears. ‘Livia, you know I do. I want to be inside you, making love to you, more than anything. But we can’t.’
‘Why not?’
‘You know why not!’ he said.
‘Please say this isn’t still because of the emperor,’ she said, her eyes darkening. ‘I doubt he is thinking about me at this very moment.’
‘You are supposed to be marrying him,’ he countered. ‘Not that I can stomach the thought of it any more,’ he said, placing his head in his hand. And then he looked back up at her. ‘But what does it say about me, and the oaths I have made, if we do this? It wouldn’t be right.’
‘Yet the things you just did to me, the way you touched me and kissed me, was?’ It certainly felt right.
He ran his hand across his brow. ‘No, it wasn’t,’ he said, his voice quiet. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘I don’t want you to be sorry,’ she said, her anger flaring. ‘I want you to do it again. I want more...’
‘You know I can’t take your virtue, Livia. Think about the consequences...’ His hand came over hers, gripping her fingers in his. ‘Someone has to be sensible here! You know how important your purity is. Can you imagine the outrage it would cause if word got out that the Roman princess had bedded a pagan? It would destroy your reputation. I’d be killed.’
She knew he was right, but she didn’t want to hear it. She still wanted to do this with him.
‘And even if we tried to keep it secret, you know I can’t have—that I don’t want—children, Livia. And neither do you. Not after what happened to your mother...’
He was right again. She knew actions had consequences...
‘So stop it.’ He leaned in and rested his forehead against hers. ‘Give a man some peace and stop torturing me. You’ve got an important day tomorrow, so let’s just lie here and let me hold you for one last night. Let’s both try to get some sleep, all right?’
Sleep. It didn’t sound that appealing, not when she had him lying next to her, in her arms. Her eyes narrowed on him. ‘Are you going to stay this time?’ She really didn’t want him to leave.
‘I will stay with you as long as I am able, Livia.’