JENNY SAT STILL on the couch while JP went into the bathroom to throw away the condom. She didn’t even know where he had pulled it from, but she was glad he was thinking when she so clearly wasn’t. She didn’t know what to think now that it was over.
It wasn’t regret or glee or satisfaction. She just felt the same, worried about Gil, worried about robbing him, and worried about running away. It was fast and awkward, and JP seemed ashamed when it was over. He kissed her once on the forehead and hustled into the bathroom.
In some sick way, this was the last thing she needed to absolutely convince herself she was doing the right thing, that she loved JP and he loved her, that she was mature enough for this and everything would be OK.
JP came out of the bathroom, but didn’t make eye contact as he walked behind the couch, got down on his knees, and reached underneath. Jenny twisted her upper body around so that she could watch him.
He slid a flattened military-green canvas bag out. On top of it was his collection of knives. The machete rested in the middle, dwarfing the others. He lifted one of the smaller knives and handed it to her. “Here, put this between the couch cushions.”
Jenny took the knife in her hand. It was the one she’d held before, with the intricate swirls on the handle. “Do I have to?”
“No, but it’s good to have a backup, take all precautions. If something goes wrong, I don’t want you to be unarmed,” he said.
She knew he was right, but even the thought of something going wrong was terrifying. She didn’t know how to fight or be intimidating. Her one attempt with Mr. Renkin had gone so horribly. If this operation ended up in her hands, there’s no telling what would happen.
She slid the knife in between the cushions, pulled her hand out, then stuck it back in, making sure to note the exact placement of the handle. If things went south, reaching in and grasping the sharp blade would be a crappy way to start her fight.
JP lifted the machete and hooked it into a homemade belt loop made for just that. Two of the smaller knives had sheaths, and he stuck those directly into his pockets. It all seemed so old-fashioned. Jenny would have felt so much better if she had remembered the gun.
“How much longer?” she asked, hoping time could somehow move backward.
“Ten minutes,” he said as he walked around the couch to stand in front of her. “I’m going to be behind the couch, so whatever you do, keep him in front.”
“OK,” she said, unhappy with her escalating responsibility in the plan.
“I’m just going to say this, so tell me if you don’t want to do it, but I think it will be easier if you let him get on top of you.” JP looked down. He didn’t like saying it as much as she didn’t like hearing it.
“Why?”
He looked back up at her. “I just think if he’s lying down, it will be easy for me to jump up and push him off to the floor. Then I can run around and put the machete to his throat. If he’s sitting, he’ll be really alert and hard to knock over.”
It made sense to her, but it also made her nauseous. JP had just been on top of her, something she had wanted and asked for and still didn’t particularly enjoy. Now, within the hour, she would let Gil do the same.
“OK,” she said.
“Hey, we can still turn back. This is really fucking twisted. We don’t have to do this. We can save up money, get jobs, whatever it takes.”
“No. We’re doing this. It’s just a few minutes for the rest of our lives. I don’t care if some gross asshole lies on me for two seconds.” She did care, but she had to keep JP’s head in the game. This had to work. She had no home to go to anymore. Linda had almost killed her.
JP nodded. He took a seat next to her on the couch. They both faced the door. Jenny wanted to keep talking, but what was there to say?
“Are you OK?” he asked, turning his head to look at her but keeping his shoulders facing ahead. “You know, OK about the other thing?” He was asking about the sex, but in the vaguest way possible. Was he asking if she enjoyed it? If she was OK that it happened? If she was physically all right?
“Yeah,” she said, not knowing which question he was asking and knowing it didn’t really matter.
“Good,” he said. “I just want you to be comfortable, about everything.” He was being so sweet, and in different circumstances it would have melted her heart. In this moment, she wanted him to stop being so sensitive and to act like a guy who was going to have no problem overpowering a grown-ass adult and stealing his money.
“If all else fails, just kick him in the balls,” she said.
JP couldn’t help but laugh, and it broke the tension. “What? Where did that come from?”
“I don’t know. I just know, like, guys don’t kick other guys in the nuts when they fight, but I don’t want you to worry about being a man. I want you to do whatever you have to.”
“I’ll lick his nuts if that’s what it takes for this all to work,” he said.
“That’s gross!”
They both laughed, but it waned quickly. She looked at his face as he stared at his knees, the machete resting adjacent to his left thigh. His skin had a natural smoothness buried under soft pubescent stubble. His sparse hints of facial hair followed no rules on appropriate places to grow, and she appreciated that he did nothing to maintain it. His eyes were deep, and the whole package was just something so different, so appealing to her. This boy was everything to her in that moment. She wanted so badly to reach out and touch his cheek, but before she could, headlights cut through the windows and across his perfect face.
Gil was there, five minutes early.