“DID YOU KILL HER?” I shouted when Mark didn’t respond immediately, letting my voice crack with insanity.
“No, I didn’t fucking kill her,” Mark snapped. “How could you even think that? Jesus Christ.”
He turned away from me, forcing me to bark at the back of his head.
“Prove it. Convince me you didn’t do it, because the cops are next door arresting some kid and I want to know they aren’t making a mistake.”
He turned back. It felt like slow motion the way his face revealed itself to me. “JP?”
I nodded.
He grimaced, alerting me that there was more to say. “I didn’t kill her, but I did see her that night. She knocked on my back door. She looked like shit, but wouldn’t tell me anything. She only stayed a minute,” he scrambled to downplay his confession.
“Are you serious?” My eyes widened and stayed that way. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”
“I couldn’t. You know I couldn’t. How would I explain why she was here? I didn’t kill her. I don’t have any information. It would have just opened up a can of worms. What if it led back to us? Would you like that? For everyone to find out the truth?”
“Yeah, I pray every day for everyone to know that my fucking teacher raped me.”
“What the fuck, Ginny? Don’t say it like that.” He moved toward me, almost jovial, desperately seeking to change the mood. He ran his hands down my arms until he could hold mine. We stood holding hands like he was about to propose. His touch felt like nothing but desperation.
“It makes no sense,” I said. “None of it makes any sense. Why would JP kill her? Taking our notes, writing to that fucking pervert, stealing my passport . . . she was up to something and she stepped into something she shouldn’t have. All of these things can’t be a coincidence.”
“How would I know?” Mark offered, frustrated and not at all helpful.
I turned away from him so I could better concentrate. Someone got really lucky that Jenny had so many perverts lusting after her. Pretty fucking convenient. Did someone like JP know about Gil and see an opportunity? Where was Gil? Was it him after all and he just happened to prey on Jenny while she was simultaneously doing all this sneaky shit?
I turned back. He was waiting for me, hoping I was ready to move on, like somehow looking away for ten seconds was enough time to get over it. I was anything but over it. “Maybe if the truth came out, some sense would finally come of everything. The whole truth,” I emphasized, and waited for him to pick up what I meant.
When his nose scrunched up, I knew he got it. “You aren’t thinking clearly,” he said, stepping forward to tell me what I was thinking. “You know we can’t tell anyone about us. You know it’s better this way. It would ruin everything.” He paused to see how I would react.
I didn’t react. At least, I don’t think I reacted. It wasn’t enough to garner a reaction.
He leaned in and lowered his voice. “It’s not too late for us,” he whispered, tilting his head and coming for my lips.
Time stopped, a sort of freeze frame. Too much needed to be thought about and said in that moment, but there wasn’t time. Three weeks ago, I would have killed for those words. I would have been leaning in, but I wasn’t leaning in, not now.