What’s Your Fighting Style? Take a Peek in Your Closet to Find Out!

Getting into arguments is a natural dynamic of relationships. In fact, the ability to fight is a predictor of a couple’s success—and what matters most is not what you fight about but how you do it. Do you take the gloves off before you pull a punch? Or do you go right for the jugular? You may think you know how you work out your anger, but research shows we’re pretty clueless when it comes to the way we express displeasure. And here’s even more of a shocker: Social scientists have discovered that our closets reveals hidden secrets about our fighting style. It’s true! “What you choose to wear, keep, or give away, and how you hang your clothes, all reveal whether you react directly and spontaneously, or are a mistress of passive aggressive behavior,” says Linda Koopersmith, co-host of Style Network’s Clean House and author of The Beverly Hills Organizer’s Home Organizing Bible. To discover what your closet is saying about your fighting style, take this quiz.

1 When scanning your closet, which colors dominate?

a. Brights

b. Neutrals

2 Is yours a closet for all seasons?

a. Yes. Wool blazers and sundresses share the same rod.

b. No. My spring and summer clothes are stored away.

3 Most of my blouses are on hangers made of:

a. Wire.

b. Plastic or wood.

4 If the button popped off slacks you wanted to wear, you would be more likely to:

a. Put them back in your closet and sew the button back on later.

b. Take out your sewing kit and mend it right away.

5 The clothes in your closet are:

a. Packed like sardines.

b. Spaced out like tines on a fork.

6 You usually arrange your wardrobe by:

a. Favorites—the outfits you like best are the easiest to reach.

b. Color, style, or season.

7 On the inside of your closet door, you’d prefer to hang a:

a. Couple of sturdy hooks for grab-and-go accessories.

b. A full-length mirror.

8 When’s the last time you cleared your closet of outdated/ill-fitting items?

a. Can’t remember the last time

b. Last season

9 In general, do you take more than five minutes to browse through your closet and think about what you’re going to wear?

a. Rarely

b. Usually

10 When your special clothes come back from the dry cleaner, you usually:

a. Hang them in the closet.

b. Remove the plastic so they can “breathe” before putting them away.

11 You keep your shoes:

a. On the floor.

b. In a shoe bag or on a shoe tree.

12 Most of your skirts:

a. Join one another on the same multi-item hanger.

b. Hang alone.

Analysis

MOSTLY A’S

YOU ACT FIRST, THINK LATER.

Fashionable, energetic, and extremely personable, you’re usually too busy enjoying the moment to worry about minor details like lining up your shoes, tacking up a loose hem, or hanging your blouses according to color. “Your playful, usually forgiving nature—and haphazard closet habits—means you live in the moment rather than project into the future,” says Koopersmith. “It also means your fighting style is spontaneous and fiery.” You may lash out in an instant but a minute later, all is forgiven. Hold on! Your partner might not feel the same way. Sometimes you say things in a fit of pique, which are better left unspoken. You may also blow problems out of proportion. Or worse, play the blame game. Well, there’s a better way to fight; here are a few suggestions:

ADVICE

• Calm down and listen to each other fully while you fight. This includes watching body language.

• Look at each other while you speak.

• Don’t interrupt during your fight.

• Try to use “I” sentences instead of “You” sentences.

• Avoid blaming and making accusations.

• If the two of you are not extremely angry, try to hold hands while arguing.

• Do not yell. Do not scream. Do not talk in a threatening tone.

MOSTLY B’S

YOU THINK FIRST AND ACT LATER.

Like your closet, you’re neat, efficient, well-organized, and a pro at planning ahead and considering all options before making any moves. “Your meticulously prepared day means you get a lot accomplished and friends and family can rely on responsible-you to help out,” says Koopersmith. “But it also means you’re the queen at stuffing problems, putting off your grievances, and letting problems fester and grow out of proportion because you haven’t given them air to breathe.” It’s better to give voice to what’s bothering you before your anger gains strength and ends up leaking out in crazy ways. Try this:

ADVICE

• If you are angry about something, talk about it within forty-eight hours.

• Know what the issue is. Name it and stick to the subject.

• Don’t bring up past history.

• Be careful how you use humor. Laughter is good, but teasing can be misinterpreted and hurtful.

• Don’t use the words “never” and “always” in your statements to each other.

• Even though it may be hard to forgive your partner, not forgiving can cause more harm, both emotionally and physically, to yourself and to your relationship.

• Holding a grudge is letting someone else live in your head rent-free.