How Committed Is Your Partner?

Whether you’re married or dating, the effort your partner puts into the relationship sends out a clear signal. It’s either flashing: a) really committed to making things work, b) not exactly sure, or c) sabotaging our future together. And don’t think just because you’ve been a couple for a decade, or even two, that your relationship is immune to erosion. Even long-term relationships can get weak in the commitment department. Hello? Has he forgotten your anniversary? Take this quiz to get insight into whether your man is really taking solid steps toward moving your relationship into the future—or if he’s backing off.

1 You’re feeling sad. He is:

a. Right there with you asking questions to find out how he can help.

b. Calling a few times during the day just to check in.

c. Busy with his problems.

2 He spends time with his friends:

a. Every now and then.

b. Once a week.

c. Every single chance he gets.

3 When Valentine’s Day rolls around, he’s:

a. Gotten a gift that makes your heart melt.

b. Offering the standard chocolate, flowers, or card.

c. Forgotten.

4 How often does he bring you coffee or tea?

a. Frequently

b. Rarely

c. Never

5 If you were feeling under the weather, he would most likely:

a. Make chicken soup.

b. Ask what he could do to help you feel better.

c. Be gone. He’s a bit germ phobic.

6 Have you met his family and friends?

a. Of course.

b. Most of them.

c. Only by accident, if we bump into someone on the street.

7 When you’re feeling overwhelmed with the day, he:

a. Helps out either cooking or cleaning or picking up groceries.

b. Asks what he can do.

c. Sits in front of the television so he won’t get in your way.

8 How often does he tell you that he loves you?

a. All the time

b. At least once a day

c. On a very rare occasion—and not lately

9 Which of these statements best describes how up-to-the-minute he is on your life?

a. He’s on the same page.

b. He’s somewhere in the chapter.

c. He never opens the book.

10 When you fight, he usually:

a. Listens to your side.

b. Walks away to avoid disagreement.

c. Stands his ground no matter what.

Analysis

MOSTLY A’S

HE’S REALLY COMITTED TO MAKING THINGS WORK.

There’s not another person on earth with whom he’d rather spend his life. Your partner turns to you in good times and bad, and you do the same. While other couples may drift apart after years together, each day brings the two of you closer. One of your secrets to relationship success is that you both know how to communicate effectively. You each listen and lend support when needed—and you also know when to respect the other’s need for a certain amount of privacy. With this perfect balance, it’s not surprising he’s committed to you 100 percent. It’s all good, but it can get better. How? Work on keeping your romance alive.

ADVICE

• Make time for sexual contact. If your schedules are packed, plan for it.

• Have a relaxing bath, get out a candle, and surprise him by wearing something new and sexy. Even if he’s 100 percent committed, don’t go to bed wearing a flannel gown every night!

MOSTLY B’S

HE’S NOT EXACTLY SURE.

You’ve both traveled on some bumpy roads and he occasionally may think the grass is greener on the other side—and that’s why he’s not quite positive about moving forward. But his biggest problem isn’t dissatisfaction with you. It’s his inability to express how he feels. Instead of speaking out, he clams up, and the silence and frustration between you builds. Strive for openness and trust. Since you both want to be committed to each other, it requires conscientious effort to make it work.

ADVICE

• Remember you’re a team. A relationship isn’t about winning; it’s about pulling together in the same direction. Stop for a moment and look honestly at yourself. Do you need to win every argument or be right about some insignificant disagreement?

• Shut off electronic distractions and set aside time to talk each day.

• Be generous with casual physical contact like a hug or a kiss hello, or brush against him as you walk by.

MOSTLY C’S

HE’S SABOTAGING THE FUTURE.

It’s probably no surprise to you that your man isn’t exactly making a commitment. Yes, your relationship does have its problems, but most relationships can be saved. If you both want to make the effort to continue, consult a counselor or your clergy. And take time to devote to stress-free romantic evenings or a weekend together. Your love is still there. It just needs rekindling.

ADVICE

• Be deliberate in building intimacy. Start small by sharing a TV program and snuggling beside him.

• Share your thoughts. Even if you think he’s not listening, let him know how you’re feeling—and then ask his advice.

• Make daily contact when you’re not together either through e-mail, text, or a phone call.

• Be willing to let go. If all your overtures lead to a closed door, walk away.