Affirmations are a powerful tool to help couples change the way they perceive themselves separately and as members of their relationship. Affirmations work by using repetition to change the subconscious mind. Imagine this: Your mind is a control board of thoughts and feelings; the subconscious is the big switch in charge of it all. Turn it one way and you’re on cloud nine, turn it another and you’re down in the dumps. For example, if you say things like, “This will never work,” “I’m so unlovable,” “Our relationship is horrible,” or “He’s a jerk!” your thoughts, even the subconscious ones, turn into self-fulfilling prophecies. However, in the same vein, by using positive affirmations, you can instill constructive and loving thoughts in your mind. After all, energy follows thought. That’s why affirmations like, “We can make this work,” “We’re on the right track,” “He’s really trying,” and “I’m loveable” can turn your relationship from a dark, troubled, and hopeless place toward an arena of light, change, and hope.
Some people believe that it’s necessary to repeat affirmations aloud hundreds of times a day. I’m not one of those people. If you are expounding aloud on positive aspects of your relationship, but inwardly hearing yourself tear down your partner, relationship, or self, your internal voice will win out. That’s why I strongly believe that the most effective affirmations are those repeated internally when you are in a peaceful or quiet state while meditating, walking, watching the clouds, or simply lying on the bed or couch. The trick is to say affirmations while your mind is in a relaxed and receptive state, what scientists refer to as traveling on “alpha brain waves.”
It’s best to keep your affirmations in the present with statements such as “I am happy,” rather than “I am going to be happy.” It’s also a good idea to avoid any negative words; frame your affirmations to reflect what you want rather than what you fear or dread or dislike. For example, instead of the affirmation “I wish I were less self-conscious,” opt for “I am confident.” Also, avoid putting your affirmations on a deadline. “Our relationship will be healed in month,” means you’re leaving yourself open for failure. Simply say, “Our relationship is healing.”
Personally created affirmations are optimal, but the ones listed below are also strong and effective. In any case, make sure to pick affirmations that resonate like a vibrating bell within your being—not just from your logical mind. To help affirmations reach their most powerful potential, you can try visualizations to accompany them. For example, you might imagine your lover in your arms, walking side by side with him and smiling, staring into each other’s eyes, or both reaching for a shiny key or brilliant flickering star. The picture is ultimately your creation, so be the Rembrandt of romance.
• Our relationship is strong and committed.
• We are in a fulfilling and nurturing relationship.
• Our relationship is honest, loyal, and trusting.
• We are in a loving relationship.
• We are compatible spiritually, physically, emotionally, and intellectually.
• My partner is the love of my life.
• We draw love and romance into our beings.
• All difficulties between my partner and myself are healing now.
• All of the changes in our relationship are for the best.
• We express pure, unconditional love toward each other.
• My partner finds me irresistible, and I find my partner irresistible.
• We choose to see each other’s unconditional love and compassion.
• We forgive each other.
• We are in a joyous relationship.
• We are grateful for our love.
• We laugh together.
• All is well in our relationship.
• There is no problem we can’t solve together.
• Our hearts are open to each other.
• Our relationship is working.
• We have a beautiful future together.
• We feel safe and protected by our love.
• We are attracted to each other.
• Our vision of the future is with each other.
• We are continually opening up to love and passion.
• We are good friends.
• We are receptive to our passions and sexual desires for each other.
• We support each other.
• We respect and accept our differences.
• We want to know how we can love each other more.
• We know true love opens new possibilities.
• When we look in each other’s eyes we see love looking back.
• There is no end to our love.
• We rejoice in our relationship.
• We respect each other.
• We are focusing on the big picture.
• Love is all around me. I feel it everywhere.
• I deserve love.
• I am strong, yet vulnerable and loving.
• I feel sexual pleasure.
• I embrace happiness.
• I attract loving relationships.
• I am now in the kind of relationship I want.
• The more I love myself, the more I love my partner.
• I am open to receiving love.
• Giving my partner unconditional love makes me happy.
• I love to see my partner happy.
• I possess inner strength.
• I am receptive to all the love my partner offers me.
• I release the illusion of control.
• I am receptive to my partner’s romantic advances.
• I release drama from my life.
• I am living an authentic life.
• I choose people in my life who are kind, upbeat, and trustworthy.
• I am grateful for all the relationships in my life.
• I stay open to life’s possibilities.
• I let go of preconceptions.
• I attract inspiration in my life.
Allow fifteen minutes to remember as many happy memories of time spent together that you can conjure up (maybe write your recollections in your journal). Don’t limit yourself. Go all the way back to the beginning of the relationship, when your eyes first locked or you shared your first kiss or tender embrace. Allow yourself to recall all the significant and not-so-significant moments when you felt passionate, put down your defenses and let yourself go completely, laughed together, cried in each other’s arms, talked and listened intently throughout the night, traveled to an exotic place together, or rolled down a hill and got up giddy and feeling free. Remember when you sang together, celebrated a happy event, or enjoyed an exquisite meal. In other words, don’t censor your happy memories; call them forth. Get all your senses involved. Try to remember how he smelled, what he was wearing, how he felt, the sound of his voice, the music playing in the background, the touch of the breeze on your skin, the flavor of his kiss, the tickle in your ear when he whispered your name—remember how he touched you so deeply. Immerse yourself in the picture of your passion.
