You are walking along, doing life, and life is going okay, or it’s going great, or maybe it’s just going.
And then, seemingly out of nowhere, you are hit with a surreal experience: your marriage is ending. It’s not the people down the street or that guy you used to work with—it’s your marriage.
Some marriages end, some marriages fail. Some people know that their marriage is on the rocks, some people are blindsided.
Whether you have been married for two years or for twenty-five years, it’s a crazy time. What you expected your future would be is turned inside out, and you experience the loss of hope and security; in a sense, it’s the loss of everything.
This can be a time of trial, a time of relief, or a time of denial.
One person aptly compared going through a divorce to jumping off a cliff into sheer darkness; your future is unknown. Divorce hurts. Divorce really hurts.
When I was first separated, I bought a few books that all said on the first page that we soon-to-be-divorced people would get over the divorce totally and be happy and successful. And yes, when the third book said the same thing, I threw that book across the room and even considered burning it. What I was looking for when I first separated was someone who understood my pain and the ambiguity I was going through. It was way too soon to hear it would all be fine.
In this book, I’ve attempted to share all the best advice I received, along with what I gleaned from my own experience, and to recount the experiences of others who were willing to share their stories. I have carved out what I wish I’d known during this crucial time—the time when I suddenly became the Accidental Divorcée.
The Accidental Divorcée is intended to help you figure out where you are and to give you some insight, from those who’ve been there, into what to expect during separation and divorce.
Divorce is a process with several moving targets. This book can help you focus on helping yourself so that you can emerge successfully on the other side of this difficult time.
This book is not legal advice or custody advice, nor is it intended as coparenting coaching or a guide to parenting your children through divorce. This book does not cover the large topic of children of divorce. It’s for you alone. It isn’t written by a divorce lawyer or a psychologist or a psychiatrist. It’s written by someone who has lived through her partner having an affair. It’s written by someone who went through a divorce with kids involved. It’s meant to be helpful, and relatable, and humorous at times. The goal is to point out some things that could help you get through a similar experience.
When the Accidental Divorcée went through her divorce she met many people and heard many stories about “uncoupling” in a marriage. One of the healing aspects of this book are the tales of people grappling with separation and divorce. Many people tend to blame themselves after their divorce. The stories in this book represent many different ages and personalities and situations, all designed to show the reader that divorce can happen to anyone and that it is not necessarily your fault.
Hearing you are not alone is a good thing during this time.