This part of The Accidental Divorcée is designed to help you realize that you are not alone. Hearing others’ stories can help you relate and possibly spark some inspiration in your own life.
Cathy, a thirty-four-year-old CPA, felt devoid of any feeling after her separation. She lost weight and welcomed bones that she hadn’t seen in years. Eventually she bought a whole new rocking wardrobe in her smaller size, but she was so devastated by the end of her marriage that it was hard to enjoy anything. She certainly never felt the thrill of looking good, although she knew she was considerably thinner and someone even asked for her number while she was at the gas station.
Four things did not change for Cathy during this difficult time. Two and a Half Men was as funny as ever and at ten o’clock every night she lay in bed, turned it on, and laughed. She was giving herself a much-needed break from her situation.
Cathy also loved the feeling of water: the shower as the water hit her scalp because it made her shiver, and also a hot bath.
Hershey’s chocolate bars and freshly made popcorn didn’t change either. She knew deep inside if she could pause and enjoy these everyday things that her life would eventually fall back into place. It gave her hope, which turned out to be real.
John, a twenty-eight-year-old corporate executive with two young boys, ran and biked every day after his separation. He rode a bit farther from home each day; he couldn’t say why, but he followed a natural instinct to run and ride until his heart didn’t hurt anymore. Biking made John feel that he had a way to leave all the bad stuff that had happened to him during his divorce behind. Running and biking helped John tremendously during the first year after his marriage was over.
Antonia, a literary agent with one daughter, is an avid reader. After her divorce, she treated herself to books and read on the weekends when her daughter was with her ex-husband. It was a great escape and helped her cope. She also joined a book club in her neighborhood and made a new friend.
Hugh, a forty-year-old optometrist, likes to play cards and even worked a summer in college as a dealer in Las Vegas. After his divorce, he started a weekly poker night with seven other guys. They had a lively game going every week, and it was a helpful diversion for Hugh during his divorce.
Amber, a social worker, always enjoyed estate sales and garage sales. She had a knack for sizing up antiques and coins. After her divorce, she began studying jewelry and art appraisal. Eventually, Amber became an appraiser and turned her new skill into a solid part-time job on the weekends when she didn’t have her kids.
Steven, a divorcée with no children, was a small business owner of a print shop. Steven had been raised in the church and had a deep love of God. He got involved in his church after his separation and saw the need for a men’s Bible study. He started a men’s Sunday school class at his church in his twenties after his divorce. When he remarried at forty, it was the first time he had missed Sunday school in fifteen years. His involvement helped him to grow spiritually and learn the Bible. He felt needed and loved in his church.
Annie, a twenty-nine-year-old materials management clerk, is creative and had always liked to make jewelry. During her divorce, she went to estate sales and gem shows and bought tools to create unique jewelry. She enjoyed cutting and ripping old bracelets and necklaces apart and repurposing each one with new stones and beads. It gave her a sense of purpose, giving old pieces new life.
Caleb, a forty-eight-year-old retired marine, had always liked motorcycles and old cars. When his wife moved out, he had a two-and-a-half-car garage that only had one car in it. Caleb kept driving by this house with an old Camaro sitting in the driveway. One day, he stopped by and made a cash offer for the car and it was accepted. Fixing up the Camaro over the course of many months helped Caleb get past his divorce. It became an enjoyable way to spend his time and brought him great joy when he drove it on weekends.
Alan, a forty-two-year-old real estate investor, lived his whole life in the same city and read the obituaries in the newspaper after his divorce. Alan realized that people die at all ages, young and old, and for all sorts of reasons. It made Alan appreciate the fact that he was alive and healthy. It helped him to gain perspective.
Bruce, a thirty-eight-year-old architect, had remodeled houses in college for extra income. After his wife moved out, he ripped out the backsplash in his kitchen. He retiled it and then built a rock wall in his backyard. By not bathing for three days and getting dirty and grimy, he felt like a man. Working with his hands toward a goal proved to be a great distraction and kept him from thinking about his soon-to-be ex-wife.
Anna was a thirty-three-year-old financial analyst. She split with her husband because he didn’t want to have kids. After they separated, Anna started a stock club with several girlfriends. She researched stocks and enjoyed herself tremendously. Anna found this to be her refuge after her divorce.
Mike, a home inspector, enjoys astronomy. When he divorced, he bought a high-quality telescope and began to teach his boys the stars. They would get takeout food on the weekends that he had them, and they would sit outside late at night, studying the stars and talking with each other. Sharing his favorite hobby with his sons made him incredibly happy.
Grace, a twenty-eight-year-old massage therapist, bought a spiked acupuncture mat and lay on it every night. It was supposed to mimic hands-on acupuncture and it was a relaxing ritual every night before bed. It made her think about something besides her ex.
Jim, a fifty-year-old legislative analyst, loves to travel. His ex-wife was afraid to fly so they hadn’t traveled much during their marriage. After they divorced, Jim cashed in four months of vacation and traveled to Canada and Europe. He found it freeing and soul-lifting to leave whenever he liked and feel like he never had to go back. He backpacked, stayed in hostels and hotels, and saw all that he wanted to see on his extended trip. After it was over, he was ready to return home and so grateful for the experience. He felt that he had grown exponentially during that trip.
Eleanor, a forty-year-old hairdresser, loves The New Yorker magazine. Her mother passed away while Eleanor was separated, and when she went through her mother’s things she found a box full of old New Yorker covers. In past years during the holidays, she and her ex-husband had gone on a skiing trip. The year she divorced, she spent the time between Christmas and New Year’s redoing her downstairs bathroom. Eleanor removed the old wall paper and replaced it with New Yorker covers. The bathroom was cool and eclectic, and the project was therapeutic for Eleanor. It helped celebrate her mother and Eleanor loved the result.
Todd, a dental sales representative, is a natural athlete; he excelled at football in high school. He was big but light on his feet. While Todd was married, he and his wife regularly watched Dancing with the Stars. After his separation, Todd took a ballroom dancing class. He enjoyed it so much that he began to learn all kinds of dance and even joined a Friday-night dance group. Doing so allowed him to get back into shape and pursue a long-held dream. Dancing gave him great joy.
Madelyn, a forty-three-year-old stay-at-home mom with three daughters, had been an art major in college and had loved coloring as a child. Madelyn heard through Facebook about coloring books for adults. She bought one right away, filling in lots of detail and pretty patterns. She tried out different paints and pencils. It took hours of her time and proved a lovely distraction for her during her separation and divorce. She even framed some of her creations.
Nanci, a forty-four-year-old high school principal, likes to cook. She had always cooked simple meals at home due to her working routine. When faced with a weekend without kids after her divorce, she bought Julia Child’s cookbooks, some quality cookware, and took the time to make elaborate and elegant meals. It helped her avoid boredom, and she felt very accomplished by learning French cooking. It warmed her soul to be able to feel like a chef in her kitchen.
Eric, a thirty-year-old remodeling construction firm owner, had been married for eight years and had always wanted a dog. When he and his wife divorced, he went to the pound and got a puppy that he named Tilly. He trained Tilly, walked her, cared for her, and attended to her every need. What he realized later was that by caring for Tilly he was also caring for himself during the first year after his divorce. Eric also realized how much he resented his ex-wife’s “no pets in a clean house” rule, and he vowed to never get involved with anyone else who didn’t want a dog.