Once in Denmark there lived three thieves in a forest. One was named Illr (the bad), the second Verri (the worse) and the third Verstr (the worst). They lived up to their names by robbing and murdering on a daily basis.
They owned a large house in which they piled up their stolen goods. When this jumbled life had gone on for some time, Illr said to his partners “Our ways up to now no longer please me. It is said of us that we are the biggest villains in Denmark. So I’ve decided no longer to do thievery, and I would advise you to give it up as well as it is a bad thing to spend one’s life spilling the blood of innocent people.”
They answered cynically and said that he could go wherever he liked. “I also advise you,” Illr continued, “not to send a posse after me if I settle near you, then as soon as we part ways I won’t spare you if you try to do me in.”
With that, Illr left the forest and came that evening to the house of a widow. She took him in gladly, gave him a night’s accommodation and invited him the next morning to stay longer. He accepted her hospitality and sought with small tasks to make himself useful. The widow saw that he was good with his hands and so suggested to him that he stay for a week before deciding what to do with his future.
After eight days had passed and the widow saw more and more what a good worker he was, she suggested to him that he should stay for the whole winter. This he accepted and took over the household in such an exceptional way that the widow was able to spend her time quietly spinning. Briefly put, the two soon were such friends that after a year they were married, and from a robber a respected farmer was made.
Illr had a fat porker that he butchered in the fall. The half side was so heavy that only a strong man could carry it. Illr hung it by a light-hole window of the bedchamber to cure. In Denmark on smaller farms, it is often the arrangement that the rooms for people and animals are united under the same roof, and so was the case here. The cow stall was separated from the living area only by a board wall, and the heated room where the half side of pork hung was at the outer end of the building.
One day, Illr needed to make an overnight trip away from home. When he left he said to his wife, “If tonight, as I suspect, guests appear then take care of what you say and how you behave when they see our house; some use this time when the man of the house is away to inform themselves.” With that, he left.
It happened as he had suspected. That evening two wanderers arrived and asked to stay the night. They were welcomed by the woman and they sat by the fire and drank their beer. One of the guests looked around, taking notice of the good side of pork that hung above by a hook near the window as to be reached from outside. He saw how large and thick the side of pork was and, stroking his chin with his hand, he murmured in a quiet sigh, “Away with it, away with it!”
The strangers stayed the night in the farmhouse, and left the next morning. When Illr returned, he asked if anything had occurred in the meantime. His wife told him what had happened. “I know these guests perfectly,” said Illr, “and I know that the pork is not safe where it hangs now. Let us hide it in the cellar space beneath our bed.”
In the evening, they did this and then went to bed. The strangers were, of course, none other than Verri and Verstr, the first of whom made an attempt during the next night to take the side of pork. That evening, he left his house and made his way to the farm while Illr was asleep. Climbing onto the roof and up to the window, he saw to his chagrin that the side of pork was no longer there. Angrily, he soon resolved to try again to take possession of the spoils.
Through an outer door, he gained entry to the cow stall. Here, he tied the tails of each pair of cattle to each other. As a result, there soon occurred such a loud stamping and noise that the farmer awoke and his wife asked what the meaning of the noise was. They both agreed that it would be worthwhile to see, so Illr got up, wrapped himself in a robe and went outside.
When he saw the mischief that was in play, he began the task of restoring order, which kept him busy for some time. In the meantime, Verri had entered the living area where with his talent for skillfully imitating other voices, he assumed the roll of the farmer. “I do not know,” he said, “what rascal has gotten into the cow stall to free the cattle and bind their tails together. Because of the kicking and pulling, some of the wooden beams have been disturbed. I would like to think that this was done as revenge for my taking the pork from the hook.
“But the more it is done, the more carefully will I protect the pork. Curiously, this whole affair has confused me so that I cannot remember where we hid the pork last evening.”
“How is it possible that you are so forgetful?” replied his wife. “We hid it in the cellar space beneath our bed because there appears to be the safest place.”
“It is no longer safe there,” called Verri, “so get up right now. I will search for another place for it.”
The wife left her place, and Verri was not lazy in removing the cover and bedding, opening the trapdoor and taking out the side of pork. He ordered the wife to put the bed back together, took the pork on his back, sneaked out into the farmyard and made his way back home.
Not long thereafter Illr came into the room, speaking similar expressions as Verri, complaining of the rascal who had made such mischief. His wife asked why he was telling the same story twice. “Twice?” said the farmer. “Of course!” she replied. “You said the same thing before as you took the side of pork from the cellar chest meaning to find a better place for it.”
“Side of pork?” he cried. “There is mischief going on here, and there is no time to lose!” Quickly, he dressed himself and stormed out into the night. There were two ways from the farm to the robber’s house. One was somewhat long but easier; the other short, but more difficult. The farmer chose the first, and as he was without a load, he arrived at the forest house before Verri who had taken the shorter but more difficult route and had to work at carrying his burden, although he was in good spirits.
Illr then doubled back on the shorter path and met Verri. As they met in the darkness, Illr used the same trick that had fooled his wife as he also had a talent for changing his voice. Imitating the voice of Verstr, he said, “Comrade, your endeavor caused me so much worry that I could not find rest. Have the spoils gotten the better of you? You must be tremendously tired. Let me take the side of pork into the house while you sit and rest a spell.”
Verri gladly accepted the offer and gave up his load. The farmer took a few steps toward the house, then moved sideways from the path and hurried home on the shortest path. As soon as Verri had regained strength, he stood up and went home, believing that Verstr had in the meantime put the kettle on the fire and prepared everything for cooking.
But this was not to be as Verstr was lying in bed, snoring. Verri called to him and asked him what he had done with the side of pork, criticizing him for his laziness at not starting a fire. “I don’t know of anything,” replied Verstr,” at least no side of pork was given to me.”
“So is the situation?” cried Verri, who immediately guessed the situation. “We have to make one more try.” He threw off his overcloak and ran as fast as he could again to the farm. When he arrived, the farmer was not yet there as he also could not move ahead quickly due to his load. Verri saw that the wife’s skirt and headcloth was hung out to dry, and so hid himself in these garments and waited for Illr, who soon came panting under his load home.
Verri went to meet him and said whining, taking the trouble to speak just like the wife: “I have been restless and fear the whole night because of your absence and the mischief that was made here. Now let me carry the side of pork inside, my loving man, as I can see that you can hardly go further from fatigue.” The farmer was satisfied and so gave up his load, whereupon Verri so quickly as possible ran away and again struck out for the forest. He came without problems again to his home, the fire was quickly made and everything was prepared to make the meal.
The two bachelors believed now that the back-and-forth finally was at an end. However, before they take to the knife, we must see how it went with Illr in the meantime. As soon as he had rested, he went into the house to find his wife lying quietly in bed and to learn that, once again, he had been tricked. So again he made his way with perseverance anew to the robber’s house as the pork was now already in the kettle. The fire now blazed so brightly that the whole room was lit; the two partners were in good spirits and thought that they had completed the task exceptionally well.
Illr heard everything, and immediately began his rebuke. Climbing up onto the roof, he took down his pants and sat with his naked behind so that one could see not only this but also more from inside. At the same time, he began to beat on the roof with a club with all his strength so that the whole house reverberated. The two culprits were speechless with fear and gazed above. As it was brightly lit in the house they could clearly see that something had been stuck into the roof opening. “What kind of disaster is approaching?” asked Verstr angrily. “I don’t know,” replied Verri. “It appears to me,” said Verstr, “that my mother is beginning to haunt us, as we have made our home near her.”
“How do you know that?” asked Verri. “As much as I can remember from her appearance,” said Verstr, “she was a thick-cheeked hussy with a bluish face and so unusually fat that she always gasped for breath like a tired greyhound. See for yourself the way her tongue hangs from her mouth and how formlessly fat her face is so that her nose cannot even be seen. Soon it will happen that she breaks down the house over our heads, and steals the side of pork.”
The two culprits then became so afraid that the fled from their house and hid in the woods. Illr climbed down, took the side of pork and went home. The grey morning light was already appearing as he came to the farm. He then told his wife in detail what had happened during the night and said that the pork no longer had to be hidden, and that it must finally be decided who would keep the upper hand.
So he again hung the side of pork on the hook near the window. — Of the two rogues it now can be told that they remained in the forest while the din lasted, but as soon as everything was quiet they ventured out again and finally, as the fear of being overpowered faded, they realized that the nightly haunting was arranged by Illr to drive them from the pork. They then cleverly decided to work together against the farmer and swore that it must finally be resolved.
As evening came on, the two left home and were firmly resolved to play a painful trick on Illr, should the side of pork escape them again. That evening the farmer had placed a ladder under the roof exactly where the pork was hanging, and now sat with a drawn sword on one of the highest rungs, expecting the thieves.
The latter were not long in coming, climbed on the roof and spied into the house through the hole. The weather was clear with bright moonlight so that they could see the pork quite clearly. They now believed that they had won the game, and Verri said that the task was his to grasp the matter and take revenge. With one hand, he gripped the opening with the thought of taking the pork down from the hook. But matters changed, as Illr hacked his hand off at the wrist. Quietly, Verri pulled back his arm stump and hid it under his cloak. “This damned pork is so heavy,” he said, “that it has lamed my whole hand. I’m no longer able to do anything, so you grab hold, Verstr. But grab it with both hands so that what happened to me doesn’t befall you.”
Verstr followed this advice, giving up both hands as a result. With heavy curses, he pulled both of his arm stumps back, blaming his partner’s malice for the loss of his hands. Verri then held out his own stump and said, “I’m certainly happier that I now do not take away the only souvenir from this trip.”
Illr heard this discussion and said, “When we parted, I warned you miserable scoundrels not to undertake anything hostile against me. You did not follow the advice, so you have received appropriate payment for you attack. So I now propose as an honorable man two choices: either you leave and never let me see you again, or crawl down here to me; I will provide you with clothing and food if you promise to give up your evil ways.”
Forced by need, the two chose to be guests of the farmer, as it was no longer possible for them to care for themselves with thievery. — So ends the friendship of evil men; the following tales will show us how the friendship of noble men begins well and ends even better.