Relationships
and Love
Healing
Love is beautiful, but at the same time it can be emotionally exhausting. Some take for granted love that is so freely given. Others abuse the love they receive without respect or consequences. Then there are those who never say no to love even if they are in an abusive relationship. But there are also people who are quick to let love go without fighting for it because they lack the energy to keep working on the relationship.
Most people in an abusive relationship (even one that is verbally and not physically abusive), or a relationship with an alcoholic, must let love go for their own good and for their own peace of mind if their partner is not willing to seek outside help to save the relationship. Yet if both people even in these types of relationships are willing to work at it and seek counseling, then there still may be a chance to save the relationship. But if your partner isn’t willing to take that extra step, then you’ll need to accept that you must let go of love for your own good.
A dear friend of mine fell in love with a drug addict. He actually told her he was an addict during the first couple of weeks they were dating. My friend believed that he would give up drugs for her since he loved her. Well, this man did try to quit drugs and took all the necessary steps to start his rehabilitation, but he just wasn’t ready. Every time my friend found out that he had lied to her and was taking drugs behind her back, it cost her pain and much anguish.
Here they were, these two people deeply in love with each other, but my friend knew she could not help her boyfriend at that point, and so she finally walked away from him. They kept in touch, but they both realized it was impossible to even try a relationship while he was still abusing drugs.
I always used to tell my friend that if it’s not meant to be in this lifetime, it will be in the next. The good news is that this man has since then truly given up drugs, has been drug-free for years now, and he and my friend are now living happily ever after.
Sometimes we have to walk away from these types of relationships for our own mental stability. My friend is one of many people in such a situation who did the right thing; she walked away from her boyfriend to let him deal with his own demons. If a relationship is meant to be, it will be—no matter what steps you take to get there. And if it’s not meant to be, then the universe has a better plan for your romantic love. This goes for all types of difficult relationships. It’s hard to walk away from them because the love you feel for the other person pulls you to a point at which you can’t see the wrongs that are affecting you. For this reason, people say love is blind—and it is blind. Everyone around you can see the problem, but you are blind to it because you are in love.
The cluster of spells in this chapter will help you to stay strong and get through the trying times in a difficult relationship; I assure you there will be a spell here that’s relevant to your situation. Always seek out a true friend when you are troubled or lost, or go to a counselor for professional help and advice. Remember that no matter how difficult the relationship is, there is always a way out if you want it. You are in control of your life. Search your heart and don’t let others pull you down to their level. You are special and deserve the best in life and love. Never forget that.
healing
Heal the love within
All relationships are governed by emotions. Once we’ve been hurt by the one we love, we can spend weeks or even months trying to get over that emotion and the resentment we feel toward our partner. Whether the situation is your fault or theirs, there is healing to be done.
You will need:
• 1 pink candle
• ½ cup of pineapple juice
• 1 teaspoon of blue food dye
• The petals of a white flower
• 1 dash of rose or lavender water
• 1 teaspoon of rock salt
Prepare a warm bath, preferably on a Friday. When you’re ready to begin the spell, light the pink candle and visualize the wrongs done to you burning away to nothing.
Slowly add the rest of the ingredients to the bathwater. Let the water absorb everything you are putting in it while you visualize peace, happiness, and forgiveness in your heart. Once you’ve done this, submerge yourself in the healing water and feel its essence traveling to the center of your soul and washing away all your hurts.
Stay in the bath for as long as you like. When you’re ready to come out, pat yourself dry, which will seal the healing energy within you. Don’t shower or rinse again for a full twenty-four hours.
Understanding
and forgiving infidelity
Infidelity is one of the hardest things a relationship will ever have to face, but romantic love can sometimes survive it—even though the pain of the betrayal may not diminish and your sense of trust may not return to what it was before.
The first thing you need to ask yourself after discovering infidelity is whether or not you want to work to forgive this betrayal. If you do, then ask your partner if he or she is also willing to put the infidelity behind you both and work with you on mending the wrongs done. If your partner is willing to take this path, then you must resolve to work to forgive, understand, and move on without bringing up the infidelity at every turn.
You will need:
• 1 teaspoon of nutmeg
• 1 teaspoon of angelica
• 1 teaspoon of palm oil
• A mortar and pestle
• 1 blue candle
• 1 candle in the color of the star sign of the person who was unfaithful to you (see page 81)
• 1 sewing pin
• 1 photo of you both together in happier times
• Pink and blue ribbon (from your Love Box, if you’re keeping one)
On a Sunday morning when the sun is out, mix together the nutmeg, angelica, and palm oil with the mortar and pestle. Add more palm oil if you need it to make a thick paste. On the blue candle, etch your name with the pin. Next, anoint the candle with some of the healing, loving paste you’ve just mixed together. As you do so, visualize yourself forgiving the pain and suffering caused by the infidelity. Also visualize your heart’s willingness to forgive and move on.
Now pick up your partner’s star-sign candle. Use the pin to write your partner’s name on that candle as you visualize him or her fully devoted to working on your relationship and never hurting you in this way ever again. Anoint this candle with the healing paste you’ve mixed, but this time only add the paste to the bottom half of the candle, the half farthest away from the wick end. As you do this, visualize your partner never straying again.
Hold the photo of you both in your hands and then place it over your heart, visualizing happy times once again. Anoint the photo with the rest of the paste. Once you’ve done all this, roll up the picture. To keep the photo rolled up, wrap the pink and blue ribbons around it with six knots. Place the rolled-up photo in front of the candles.
Light the candles and visualize the hurt and suffering subsiding, allowing you to understand and move on. Let both candles burn through right to the end. Once they’ve burned through, take the photo and put it under your mattress on your partner’s side of the bed. Don’t remove it from there until you’re comfortable that the necessary healing has occurred.
Seek aid from an
addictive relationship
There are different types of addictive or dysfunctional relationships, but they all have one thing in common: they hurt whoever is in them. You must be the one to break away from the never-ending cycle of dysfunction, whether it is a cycle of verbal or physical abuse, out-of-control jealousy, or something else such as alcoholism or drug addiction.
If you are in this type of relationship, you need to ask yourself: Do I need this? Am I strong enough to handle this relationship? Do I want to stay in this relationship even though I know there isn’t much light at the end of the tunnel? You must be honest with yourself and remember that every dysfunction and addiction comes from a refusal to face a possibly painful past.
Face the facts: if your partner refuses to seek help, then he or she is preferring to drown in self-pity. If you think you can help such a person even after a refusal of professional counseling, you are wrong. Your partner must acknowledge that there’s a problem that’s damaging the relationship before you’ll be able to help him or her. Even if there may be hope for both of you down the road, you don’t need to watch your partner destroy his or her life or your own. Sometimes you really must leave the one you love for the good of both of you. This spell will help you to get in touch with the inner you as you seek support and direction from your guides.
You will need:
• 1 white candle
• 1 glass of fresh water
• 1 white flower
At a time when you’re home alone and no one could possibly disturb you, gently drop the petals of the white flower into the glass of clear, fresh water. Place the white candle next to the glass of water. Now, light the candle and watch the candle’s flame burn.
Think of your guardian or your angel, whichever one you believe is always by your side, and seek his or her help. Say out loud:
“I seek the wisdom of those who care for me
to help me find the answers to my addictive love.
If I should stay or go is the wisdom I seek within you and me.
Help me find the answers and let me be true to my heart and
the ones I love with all my might.
I seek peace to move on, or strength if I should not.
Let me uncover the answer I seek,
so as not to be addicted to an unhealthy relationship.”
Once you’re finished speaking, reflect on what you’ve said and listen deep within your soul. Your answers will come as the days pass by.
Let the white candle burn right to the end and place the glass of water with the white flower petals in a high place, so that no one can touch it before the answers you are seeking arrive.