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My hand is almost shaking as Jagger takes it in his again. His fingers are surprisingly soft, not hard and calloused like I imagined. He’s such a manly guy that I can’t believe it when I catch a whiff of something fruity and sweet. I want to rest my head on his shoulder but I resist the urge as we drive towards town.
He’s a calm, safe driver, almost slow in a way that I couldn’t imagine if I tried. He’s so high energy that I just figured he’d drive fast, looking at me while he talked, making me even more anxious than I already am. I know he wasn’t lying when he said he was nervous but it’s not even possible to be as stressed as I am right now. I can barely stop talking but he doesn’t seem to mind, in fact, I think he might like it. We haven’t stopped since we got in his car, which by the way is spotless, another thing I didn’t expect, not after the last time I was in it.
He’s staring at me but I can’t bring myself to make eye contact for long enough to let him know I actually enjoy it, just looking his way every minute or so to let him know I’m still listening. His eyes are so emerald green I just want to stare into them until it becomes completely unbearable to do so for a second longer.
I’m almost giddy when we get to the busiest pizza place in Eastlake and Jagger opens the door for me. He didn’t hide me away at a tiny pizza joint, this is serious business. I’m sure we’ll see at least one person from school. Then there’s the fact that he’s not dressed in the clothes he wore earlier. He put thought into it and I can’t help but think of Jenna’s theory, new clothes means he must actually care what I think. God, I hope so considering he picked a vintage Metallica shirt.
When we sit down he surprises me by sliding into the seat beside me instead of across the table. His body takes up a good portion of the booth but I wouldn’t want it any other way. His arm around me feels amazing. The sliver of his bicep that’s only visible when his sleeve is hiked up rests perfectly on my bare shoulder and the spot literally tingles. When he reaches over to rub my face I have the strongest desire to crawl in his lap and kiss him until he makes me stop. I can’t think about anything but making out, sitting sideways on his lap with his arms around me. I want him to read my mind, carry out the plan I’ve made but can’t actually begin to work up the nerve to execute.
“You did a good job shaving, I’d never guess you had a beard,” he says caressing my cheek. Wow, his hands feel amazing and the closer he gets while he inspects where I may or may not have sprouted whiskers, the better it feels. His breath on my neck makes me weak in the knees. I’m so glad I’m sitting or else I’d need to be supported. His big strong arms can wrap around me anytime. “I think you missed a spot though.”
I giggle nervously, trying to pull back the big laugh that is daring to escape my lips and half of it manages to defy my order to cease and desist. Jagger’s sexy grin only brightens when I reach to cover my face. I’m so embarrassed that he heard that, I don’t even know what to say.
“Oh my god, Jenna’s an idiot,” I manage.
He squeezes me tighter and forces me to look into his eyes. Every time I look away I am drawn back to the twinkle that I swear is there even during the most benign of activities, something I’d observed before I even knew his name. Now he’s more than staring at me, it’s almost penetrating. I love it. All I can picture is him leaning in to kiss me, my face still in his hands, his five o’clock shadow rubbing my chin. I imagine he’d know exactly what I like even though I have no idea myself.
When he finally pulls back I can tell he’s going to say something and it sends a shiver up my spine. Now that I’m not in his arms I just want to be back there. How did it get to this so quickly? Four days ago he was just... Jagger. Eric’s best friend. The funny guy in a few of my classes. The boy at the hospital that night. Co-captain of the baseball team. And now I can’t stop thinking about being his girlfriend? I would kill to know if he’s feeling the same way or if he’s just more comfortable with the whole dating thing than I am.
“God,” he growls, “your nervousness is the sexiest thing ever.”
Sexy? I want to ask. How can that be sexy? Cute, maybe even hot, but definitely not sexy. Now, his easy attitude is sexy. He acts like I’m his best friend, like it’s Eric sitting next to him. If I could just act like it’s Jenna beside me I might be able to loosen up.
I barely eat when the pizza comes. My stomach is twisting and turning and the more I think about Jagger ever being anything more than a friend, the harder it is to focus on the here and now. The smell of his cologne isn’t helping matters, I can picture waking up with it rubbed off on my skin. He’s warm and every time I shiver he pulls me so close to him that I can’t tell where his scent ends and mine begins.
Jagger has his hand in my hair, rumpling the waves on the back of my head and it’s almost making me moan. He’s doing it absentmindedly but I can’t help but think it’s something he’d know I’d like. His arm brushing mine as we eat distracts me to the point that I lose my train of thought when I try to speak.
“Did your mom behave herself this weekend?”
“I didn’t see her much so probably not.” I do this sort of half shrug, half giggle thing I always do when talking about my mom. I want so badly to act like her behavior doesn’t bother me but any idiot can tell that’s not the case.
“That really sucks, I’m sorry.” He looks genuinely concerned but flustered that he said something he shouldn’t have. We haven’t really had the conversation but if I could tell anyone, it would be Jagger. He’d listen without trying to do anything about it, not like Jenna or Eric. There’s nothing that can be done.
“I’d rather not see her if I don’t need to. My parties are pretty ragin’. Mom would probably drain the keg in an hour.”
“Sounds like my dad. Wonder where I got it.”
We’re both laughing when his eyes drift up to the familiar voices that make their way past our table. Morgan and Zach are on a double date with his cousin Tim, and his boyfriend Damon. I thought they were going to Helen’s, who knew that our big important plans would coincide with Morgan’s?
She gives me the eye as she walks by but neither of us say anything. She definitely wasn’t picturing me with Jagger, anyone but him, the same thing everyone has been thinking since the game Thursday night. She doesn’t stop smiling though, a good sign she’s not worried about the way he’s going to treat me. I’m trying not to get too invested but every time I look at him I want it more and more. I wish I had Jenna by my side to give me a play by play analysis. It doesn’t seem right without her.
I grab my bag as a distraction and Jagger peeks over my shoulder to see what’s inside. Luckily I left everything embarrassing at home. I pull out my lipgloss and reapply just to have a reason to reach in. He’s staring at my lips. I wonder if he’ll act differently because they can see us, if they even can. I just barely make them out across the room but I know Morgan wouldn’t sit so far away that she couldn’t keep tabs on us.
“You gotta have another piece,” he laughs, pushing the pizza towards me.
“No,” I shake my head, “I’m full.”
It’s not exactly a lie. I’m not hungry but only because I hate him watching me put a greasy slab of meat and cheese in my mouth. Plus, I’m so nervous I could puke.
“You barely ate. I’m saving the rest for you to take home.” It’s sweet in a mothering kind of way and I can’t believe Jagger even noticed how much I ate, let alone asked me to eat more. Then again, I did only have one piece of the more than half gone pizza.
My heart literally skips a beat when he tilts my head up to face him. I swear he’s going to kiss me. What do I do? My palms start to sweat. He looks like he’s about to lean in when Morgan’s laugh interrupts the entire moment. For some reason I’m almost certain it has less to do with Morgan than my reaction to her. Jagger is most definitely not the type to care what other people think.
“Ready to head to the movies?” He says once he knows the moment’s passed. “Hope you picked something good.”
“No, you should pick,” I laugh. “I don’t care.”
“You’re gonna regret that. The only movies I watch have car chases and strippers.” He laughs that big, sexy Jagger laugh and I’m mesmerized, so much for not getting invested. Am I crazy or does it just seem like we’re compatible in an opposites attract kind of way?
“If they can’t play Metallica in the soundtrack,” I say, lightly fingering his chest through his t-shirt, “I don’t wanna see it.” Wow, where did I pull that bold move from?
“God damn you are amazing. I mean, shit, I can’t fucking get over it. What kind of girl listens to fucking Metallica? Like, how the fuck did I get so lucky?” As soon as the words are out, his eyes widen like he just realized the sheer amount of swears in his last statement. He thinks I’m going to have a panic attack but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
“Shit,” I say with a straight face, “I fucking love Metallica.” Inside I’m dying laughing, vaguely aware that I’m still running my hands over his shirt.
He stands from the booth, slaps a $20 on the table and grabs the box with one hand and my hand with the other. I never thought I’d see a sweet side of Jagger Greeley but that’s all I’m seeing tonight. When we walk past our friends I know they’re all thinking the same thing, Tim and Damon look genuinely confused. They know him better than I do and he doesn’t seem like the touchy-feely lovey-dovey type, all hand holding and arms around a girl’s waist like he’s doing to me right now.
Morgan does a little dance in her seat when Jagger’s back is turned. Her smile is so bright that I can’t help but think she’s excited for me, happier than I am that I made a connection with one of the boys on the team. Neither of us ever expected it to be Jagger but he’s nothing like my expectations. I guess you never really know until you try and I’d like to keep trying for the rest of the night.
*****
I take my first real breath as we’re leaving the movies even though my nerves have mostly subsided. Jagger’s arm was around me the entire time, slung casually over my shoulder, halfway between intentional and not. The arm rest between us didn’t stand a chance, it was the first thing he adjusted when we sat down, moving it right out of the way. His bare forearm on my shoulders felt so amazing that I didn’t change position the whole movie for fear that he’d readjust and we’d have to admit that we both wanted his arm there. I have to say it was a little uncomfortable leaning over like that for an hour and a half, but I’d never tell him that. I didn’t have to wonder if he was going to kiss me, it was physically impossible. I still can’t get over the smell of strawberries coming from his hair. A couple times I was tempted to sneak out my phone and text Jenna but with Jagger right over my shoulder I couldn’t risk her saying something embarrassing.
He helps me into his truck with a quick boost and we’re off. For the first time all night we’re not touching in any way as I log into Spotify on his phone. Jagger’s shocked when he hears me singing along to the rock blasting from the speakers.
“You like Five Finger Death Punch?”
“I love Death Punch, are you kidding? They’re one of my favorite bands. My parents were kind of metalheads, it’s what I grew up listening to. I know, I should probably have black lipstick and a mohawk.” I sound a little too excited but he totally gets that I’m being playful and am not a lunatic.
He sings along and it’s almost hard to hear myself over his booming voice, his fingers drumming on the steering wheel. I’m surprised I’m not embarrassed to belt it out right along with him but it doesn’t really cross my mind to quiet down. We’re both really into it, singing along theatrically, not able to hold back air guitar when the mood strikes. He’s watching me intently as he tries to drive but I’m not at all self-conscious.
Not really thinking about it I rest my hand on his thigh, both of us laughing and playing around like we’ve been friends for years not the weeks we’ve actually known each other. His fingers trail down to my wrist and I feel the same electricity I did in English. Why does such a simple touch feel so amazing? With the last of the song lingering on his lips he turns to me and lowers the music.
“You heard what Eric said at the fundraiser, didn’t you?”
My heart starts pounding out of my chest. He can’t possibly imagine how badly I don’t want to talk about Eric. My body is tense at the thought of it and I really can’t take it right now. I just nod my head, hoping it’s enough that I don’t actually have to say anything out loud. He knows damn well that I did and that I heard his response loud and clear so why is he torturing me like this?
“He didn’t mean it,” he apologizes for him. Is this what the whole night has been about, Jagger trying to help Eric smooth things over, prove to me that Eric actually cares one iota how I feel? Why didn’t he just apologize himself? I mean, I don’t even know if I want to be Morgan or Courtney, I just want to be me.
I decide to risk it and say what I’m actually thinking. It usually takes me a while to be comfortable enough to do it but Jagger seems like the brutally honest type.
“I heard what you said too. Thank you.” I didn’t want to admit it, I wanted it to be my own little secret, one I’d told Jenna immediately of course. Jagger made it known that Eric would be lucky to have a girl like me, but did he mean it? Does he feel the same way about himself? I’m definitely nothing like any of the girls in the stories I’ve heard around school. He seems to have a type and it’s not boyishly-skinny chicks with almost zero experience.
“You’re more out of his league than they are. What are you doing with me?” He looks at me with a smile slowly spreading across his stubbly face. “I’ve never really done this before. A date.”
“Really?” Shoot, I sound like I don’t believe him but why would he lie to me? “Me either,” I shrug, “unless you count that date Jonah and I tricked his dad into taking us on.”
“Was this before or after the pooping in the pool ‘cause I can’t picture Jonah on a date?”
“To be fair the pool-pooping occurred when he was in diapers.”
“So last year then?”
“Jagger!” I chastise. “I swear he’s not that bad. His dad is basically my dad, it’s complicated.”
He gestures for me to continue with the story.
“We both wanted to see this movie so Jonah convinced his dad he wanted to take me on a date. It worked.”
“Jonah’s not smart enough to pull off something like that. Your idea?”
I burst out laughing. “Yeah, but he was more than happy to go along with it. Dad even gave us money for popcorn.”
“That’s pretty damn smart,” he laughs. “Again, what are you doing with me?”
“You’re smart Jagger, I’ve seen it.” I think about adding that I’m more than happy to help him study but that doesn’t seem like the right thing to say on a date. I figure if he wants my help he’ll ask for it. He knows how seriously I take school.
We pull up to a red light and when he turns to face me the atmosphere in the car shifts. He takes my face in his hands, playfully at first but growing more serious by the second. He must be able to read my mind he’s looking so hard into my eyes. I swear he’s going to kiss me.
My whole body is tingling from his touch but I resist the urge to lean in. What about my pizza breath? Still, I swear he wants to go for it, even without me showing him how bad I want it. I brace myself and try to stop worrying about the details and just let him. I tend to overthink things but I can’t overthink this and ruin the moment for a second time tonight. He’s coming so close my pizza breath catches in my throat. I can’t wait to feel his lips on mine. Thank god I picked watermelon lipgloss.
He’s staring right at me and a sigh escapes my lips, even though I’m sure I told my brain to hold it in. His fingers slip down to my neck and he moves towards me. I’m so euphoric it feels like my head is floating away from my body. Suddenly the red cast overhead turns green and I know it’s time to drive. I want to scream ‘no, not yet’ but obviously I don’t.
“The light is...” I start, dying not to have to say the next part, hoping he’ll realize it before I speak again, “green.”
“What?” He’s totally confused, eyes closing, brow furrowing and all. Did he think I meant the light with me, like it’s a go, do whatever you want to me? God, that’s what I’m thinking.
I point to the light shyly, barely lifting my hand from my lap where it suddenly feels attached. I don’t even know if he remembers that he’s driving but he pulls away slowly with his eyes fixed on the road. I can’t help but feel let down for the universe’s cruel joke, I mean we sat at the light for at least 30 seconds.
The cars behind us speed around, probably picturing an old man out past his bedtime. It is getting pretty late but I have absolutely no desire to head home, none whatsoever. Where are we going anyway? My house is in the other direction. Even if we can’t pick up where we left off I still want to spend more time with him.
“Is it cool if you don’t bring me home right now?” I know how it sounds but I try not to care. It doesn’t matter because he’s looking at me like he just won the lottery. God, I hope he doesn’t think that means I want to sleep with him. I never know if the things I say are being taken in context or if he’s like Marc and hears everything in some sort of distorted sex-only way.
“I was hoping I didn’t have to.”
He doesn’t give me any indication how he just took my bold statement but, again, I’m trying not to put too much thought into it.
We slow down and Jagger points to a cute little white house. “That’s my place,” he says as we coast by. “Wanna go inside and listen to that playlist you were talking about?”
I’m dying for the night not to be over. Jenna will kill me if I don’t call her soon but I’m having too much fun to worry about it.
He makes a U-turn without a word and pulls up along the street in front of his house. It’s nice but honestly, I don’t know if it’s where I picture him living, I hadn’t really thought about it. I knew he lived in Eastlake, miles from where I live in King’s Creek, but I didn’t think too much about his life outside of school. Now I can’t stop thinking about it.
My heart is thumping so loudly that the tail end of the song doesn’t register. Even though we’ve both heard it a thousand times he waits for it to end before we go inside, the same way I do when I get home. He knows it’s one of my favorites since I posted it on my story a week ago. Even when he commented I could tell it was more than a little surprising, but he seems to love that I can keep him guessing.
He practically lifts me out of the truck before leading me into the dark house. I close my eyes as we take the last step to the front door. He puts the key in the lock and my face starts to flush. Am I really doing this?