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By the time I wake up Tuesday morning I’ve already made up my mind. Today is the day I’m going to do it, I’m going to tell Elli I’m sorry the second I see her. I’ve thought about it before but never actually pulled the trigger, now I have nothing to lose.
The house is quiet as I make my way to the shower to hopefully wake up. After I finally gave up on homework all I could think about was Elli while I tried to fall asleep. I wondered what she was doing and if I ever crossed her mind. I think about texting Jonah to see if he can make up some excuse to get to school early so I can talk to her before homeroom. If all goes to plan maybe we can actually sit together in English.
While I’m in the shower my phone keeps vibrating to tell me I have a new text and I keep hoping it’s Elli even though I know it’s not. She used to text me with any excuse she could come up with and I’d always look up the weather just so I could tell her if she asked. Then I’d go to school and not talk to her for hours on end. I’ve never met a girl as cool and smart as her and I’ll never understand why she liked me. I know she did, not just by the way she kissed me, it was more than that. Then I had to go and totally blow it.
I turn on SportsCenter and crack open my math book to finish the homework. I don’t think I’ll ever understand pre-calc but I figure I have to or I’ll never get into college. I have to get out of this town somehow and that’s my only real shot of making it happen. Some days I wish my parents would just decide to move so I could forget about this place and everyone here. My friends really aren’t my friends, they’re only there because Jagger and I are a package deal. Even he’s not much of a friend anymore, not since I blew him off to hang out with Jonah all the time, which was only so I could be around Elli. He hates the guy more than I do so it’s not like we could all hang together. And not when Elli’s around, he makes me look like a jackass because it’s so easy for him to talk to girls.
Speaking of Jagger, I think when I check my phone, he’s not picking us up for school. I wonder what he was up to last night. It’s not like him to blow us off, even for a chick. To him there’s always another girl and they’re always better than the last. This one must be super hot. No doubt he woke up with her next to him.
I whip out the last math problem just before the front door opens. Both my parents look exhausted, like me after school, a hard practice and hanging out with the guys. It looks like I’ll have to beg one of them for a ride so I don’t have to take the bus. I feel bad asking but I haven’t been on the bus in so long I don’t even know what time it comes.
“Good morning Eric,” Mom says. She looks beyond tired, like she’s sick or trying not to cry. Maybe I shouldn’t bother her for a ride.
“Morning,” I mumble, grabbing a bowl of cereal instead of hoping for eggs or French toast. She doesn’t look with it enough to stand over a hot stove. Dad doesn’t look much better. I can tell he’s stressed because he’s pacing around the room pretending to be looking for food but barely glancing at the shelves. At least we have food.
“Did you remember to take your medicine?” Dad asks like he always does. I’m too embarrassed to admit that if he didn’t remind me every day I would always forget.
Instead of answering I hold out my hand for him to pass me the bottle. I hate having ADHD but all it means is that I can’t focus on one thing for a long time, like Jagger with girls. Besides him, Elli’s the only person who knows and she doesn’t tease me like he does. It’s not a big deal if I take my meds every day.
“Dad?”
It takes him a second to answer while he stares into the fridge without actually looking at anything.
“Yeah, son?”
“Can you give me a ride to school today?”
“Jagger too busy?” he asks with a knowing grin. Even my parents know how he is, nothing surprises them anymore.
“He had a date last night.”
Mom looks up from the floor she’s been deeply concentrating on. “A date? That’s a step up for him,” she laughs.
True. Jagger usually hooks up. He meets girls at parties and after they’ve slept together a few times he has nothing to do with them again. That’s how it works with him.
Dad doesn’t answer, he just grabs his keys and leads the way to the car. Both of them are acting really weird and I wonder if I’m missing something. I don’t let myself think about it because if I do I won’t stop.
“I’m going to tell Elli I’m sorry. Today. It’s been like two weeks, I should have said something by now,” I say after, like, ten minutes of silence. I know it hasn’t been that long because it barely takes ten minutes to get to school but it seems like it. It feels like I yelled it but dad probably didn’t even hear me it came out so quietly.
“Good,” he says, patting me on the shoulder without taking his heavy eyes off the road. “You should. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. Text me and let me know how it goes?”
That’s it. The conversation is over which is so unlike my dad. Now I’m really starting to freak out. Think about something else, anything else. If I hadn’t already taken my pill I wouldn’t have to tell myself this.
I jump out of the car the second we pull into the parking lot, while I still have a little of my nerve left. Come on, Eric, you can do this. You have to.
“Elli’s not here,” Marc says when I walk into homeroom. Yeah, he made fun of me for liking her but would he think that way if he knew what we’ve done? It’s not like I’m going to tell him to find out. I just act like it doesn’t matter and hopefully he’ll drop it.
“That’s weird.” Elli’s usually the first person in homeroom, usually with Jonah’s sister hanging out next to her. She’ll be here. She has to be. Unless... what if something happened with her mom. I pull out my phone to text her and actually write the message before I wuss out and don’t send it. If she doesn’t show up by the end of homeroom I’ll send it. It’s not like I could do anything anyway, I don’t have a way to get to King’s Creek if she needs help. I really need to get a car.
I’m spacing out until the room goes silent. Oh crap. There she is and oh my god. Wow! I lose all my nerve when I see her in that outfit. There’s no way I’ll be able to say a damn thing with her looking like that.
*****
I’m so nervous when the bell rings after English. All I’ve said to her is that I want to talk and I’ve been worrying about what I’m actually going to say ever since. I wouldn’t forgive me. I said some pretty shitty things about her just so my friends wouldn’t know I liked her. And for what? Jagger thinks she’s cool. She practically grew up with Jonah and he’s been her friend for years. Marc and Brewski didn’t take it all that bad either, they both admitted she was cool and they’ve only teased me a little. Even Morgan, who’s like a walking wet dream, wants to hang out with her so it must mean something.
Here she comes. Should I stop her and risk pissing Morgan off or should I give her a couple minutes and hope she stops to wait for me? I think about it too long and Elli walks right on by without making eye contact. Yeah, I probably deserve that. This is going to be harder than I thought.
After what feels like an hour she finally gets rid of Morgan and shoos Jenna away with barely a word. I wonder if they know what’s going on. She turns around and sees me coming before ducking under the second floor stairs. She doesn’t look happy to see me.
I’m trying to come up with the right thing to say and she’s just staring at me hoping I’ll spit something out sooner rather than later.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” she asks, nicer than I would have pictured her sounding.
“I’m sorry–”
“What are we talking about?” Muncey asks, slinging his arm over my shoulder so hard that I feel a thump all the way in my feet. The way he says it has both of us knowing he’s just antagonizing me. It’s humiliating.
Marc and Brewski go walking by, laughing hysterically. Shit! Did they tell Muncey that I like Elli? See, this is what I was worried about.
“Can you give us a second?” I ask.
“Can you give us a second?” Muncey mocks with an exaggerated girly voice. “You don’t need a second, let me. He’s probably trying to tell you that the whole team walked in on him with his pants around his ankles, at full mast if you know what I mean. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about Morley, we all do it.”
Elli stares at him coldly but Brewski’s loud laugh snaps me out of it. This is not something she wants to be hearing, especially since it’s not even true. He’s just messing with me and it’s working. If he knows I like her I’ll never hear the end of it.
“He was really going to town on that little guy, I feared for its life. There’s gotta be at least a little chafing so make sure you’re gentle with him for a few days.”
“Shut the fuck up Muncey. It’s not even true.”
“Shut the fuck up Muncey,” he mocks again. “You can’t make this stuff up. But it’s cool Morley, at least you’re getting some action again.”
Her face goes white. She looks mortified. What does he know? How does he know? I never told anyone what happened between us. She’s going to think I told them but I didn’t, I swear. She’s never going to believe that.
Of all the guys Marc and Brewski could have told, why did it have to be Sam? He’s the world’s biggest douche, I can’t put Elli through this. It’s not like he’s only going to say this crap to me, he’ll be saying this stuff to her through every practice and bus ride for the rest of the season. I have to get him away from her.
“I’ll see you in history,” I say over my shoulder as Sam leads me away. I can’t believe this is happening. Not again. I swear to fucking god, I’m going to kill Sam Muncey.