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We’re barely an hour into the party and Sam just walked in, what do I do? Do I say hi, pretend he’s not even here or go over to talk to the people he’s standing with? Why is this so hard? If Elli wasn’t preoccupied I’d ask her. Okay, it’s not so much that she’s busy, it’s that I can’t bring myself to tell her I still have a crush on him. I know she wouldn’t be mad, Elli’s never mad, it’s just that I shouldn’t be into him and I know it. Not after the homework fiasco of Friday afternoon. Yeah, that’s the only way I can think about it without hurling my half empty cup at his head.
Okay, here’s the plan. Dance with Elli and try my hardest to get Sam’s attention. She’s so into Jagger that she won’t mind if I use her to get a guy for myself. She might be acting a little weird but she’ll never know what I have planned.
Step 1. Adjust shirt so as much skin as possible is showing, fling hair over shoulder and proceed to step 2. Wrap arms around Elli and rub my hands all over her. All guys like that and she’ll be cool with it as long as she thinks Jagger’s not looking. Damn, I told that girl she should wear a shorter dress. I so would if my legs looked like hers.
Jagger comes back inside and Elli snaps out of it like she’s avoiding him. “I’m going to go find Julianna,” she says way too quickly to be a spur of the moment decision. She planned her escape. She better get back fast.
Hold that thought. Who is this hottie? He’s coming towards me. He’s gonna sit down next to me! My heart’s thumping. This is too good to be true. I knew coming to this party would be worth it.
He sits down and crosses his legs as he tries to get comfortable. I think it’s weird when guys cross their legs, you’d think it would squish the, you know, goodies, but I dunno it could just be me. Hey, I’d be glad to squish his goodies.
He turns my way and I swear I have the stupidest look on my face. I try to wipe it away but it won’t go anywhere. It’s somewhere between a grin and a smile, kind of a shocked what-are-you-doing-talking-to-me kinda thing. What’s my name again?
“Hey,” he smiles and I muster up the strength to mumble something back.
The garbled hello is barely out of my mouth before he turns to the girl on the other side of him. Hey, get back here! You didn’t even give me a chance. I think about tapping him on the shoulder and starting over but I can’t, he’s already making out with that bitch. What is it about me that repels guys faster than you can say ‘smells like a trash can?’ I wanna punch him or cry or punch him then cry.
I’m off that couch so fast you’d think the thing was on fire. Maybe if I pretend to need some air I can go on the porch and see Eric. Instead, I wander aimlessly around the kitchen. I’m dying to go in Jagger’s room and see for myself what Elli woke up to on Tuesday morning. She gave me most of the details, twin bed, porn posters, big screen TV probably for watching porn, even down to the navy and maroon flannel bedding. I could draw a picture but I want to see for myself.
Elli’s hand around my arm snaps me out of it. That guy is still macking on the girl on the couch, his tongue down her throat and his hand down her pants. I wish some guy would want me like that, not that I wouldn’t slap his hand away if he tried. Um, not in front of everyone. Okay fine maybe. What? I’m getting desperate here.
She looks upset when she greets me.
“Is something wrong? Are you okay?”
“I’m just stupid. When I was coming back from the bathroom, you know what that girl said to me?” She points towards the girl in the awesome pink dress, the one who was just all over Jagger. Was it just me or did he look angry to have to deal with her?
“Let me guess, the same thing Jonah’s been saying? That Jagger only wants sex?”
She nods her head. That must be why she was acting weird while we were dancing and why she’s avoided eye contact with Jagger ever since.
“He just turned her down. Elli, he walked away when she was practically unzipping his pants. And before you ask, no, he didn’t know I was watching.”
“Really?”
“I saw it with my own two eyes. Would I lie to you? She was following him around like a puppy while he’s busy making googly eyes at you. He wants you Elle. Like, not just doing the nasty but wants to take you to prom and make it IG official and shit.”
That instantly cheers her up. I’m sure she’s still skeptical. I know it skeeves her out that Jagger thinks about sex all the time but aren’t all guys like that?
She’s practically glowing while I drool over Sam. I wish he thought about sex all the time, sex with me. Oh god, he’s coming this way! What do I do with my hands? To say hi or not to say hi and most importantly, how do I look?
I glance in the window and even though I’m trying to see my reflection I see Eric staring in at us. He’s looking right at me so I smile and wave. I’m so much more comfortable with him than I am with my maybe boyfriend. Eric’s been around the house so much lately and he seems to like me. As a person. You know, not a girlfriend. Not yet.
I’m staring at Eric for so long that I forget all about Sam until he’s right beside me, talking to some girl I don’t recognize. I look up and smile, not actually saying hi. I don’t think I could make my mouth work if I tried. He looks soooo adorable tonight, I haven’t seen him wearing that shirt at school and those jeans on his bubble butt, wow.
It’s all shattered when he looks back at me with a stare so cold it practically cryogenically freezes me. He looks like I’m confusing him, like he truly doesn’t know the weird girl who just smiled at him. It’s not me this time, I look just like I do at school. He knows who I am but doesn’t want this girl to know that. My heart breaks a little. Okay, a lot. This is literally more painful than the time I blackmailed Elli into piercing my belly button with a safety pin. Yeah, multiply that by a kajillion. I feel like he’s stabbing me in the heart with a billion safety pins.
Jagger’s next to us instantly and he looks pissed. “You really didn’t just do that.” He’s glaring at Sam but when he puts his arm around me, for a second I think he’s talking to me. I have to rack my brain for what I did. Um, I just defended you dude.
Sam doesn’t know what to think. “What are you talking about?” He’s trying to laugh but I can tell he’s about to make a doo-doo in his panties. Jagger will do that to the best of them.
“You did not just look at Jenna like you don’t even know her.” Wow. I did not see that one coming. Since when did defending me become Elli’s boyfriend’s job?
“Oh, uhhh,” he stammers. He doesn’t know what to say. How about ‘pass me some toilet paper’.
“This is the girl whose homework you’ve been copying all week. Don’t pretend you don’t know who she is. Not at my house.”
“I didn’t.”
“Fuck you, you didn’t,” he growls. Okay, Jagger’s intense. I’m practically pooping my little pink thong.
“I was watching you Muncey. You’re gonna make it up to her. While we’re at it, you’re going to tell Myers that the work you handed in yesterday wasn’t yours.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Sam’s a pretty crappy liar and it’s kinda funny to see him try to BS Jagger. No one’s falling for it.
“Now you’re gonna lie to my face? Not smart, Muncey. You put your name on top of Jenna’s paper and handed it in like it was yours. You’ve been doing it since 6th grade and you’re not going to pull this shit on my friend. Next time you try it I’ll make sure you need a translator to speak while your jaw is wired shut.”
Elli’s fuming. And not just because I didn’t tell her what happened. How the hell does Jagger know that Sam stole my homework?
“I didn’t know she was your friend.”
Jagger takes a step closer and puts his face inches from Sam’s. The spit is flying. “You think that’s the point of this conversation? You really think it matters that she’s my friend? You’re a pathetic excuse for a man Muncey. Little insignificant piece of shit. You don’t deserve someone like Jenna.”
Elli’s trying to come up with something to say but she can’t. I think she’s about ready to slap him. Sure, she knew I let him copy my homework one time but I swore I’d never do it again. Except I did. Every single day last week. And of course I didn’t tell her about Friday. I could cry just thinking about it and I know for sure Elli’s going to.
“What is it with you and these skinny bitches anyway? Nobody’s ever heard of them and suddenly we’re all supposed to know who they are just ‘cause you’re talking to them? What are you hoping for, a ménage?”
Did he just call me a skinny bitch? I will go on record and say that is just about the nicest thing he’s ever said to me. Skinny, moi?
“What the fuck did you just say?” Jagger’s voice literally sounds like thunder. Everyone, and I mean everyone, stops what they’re doing and looks over.
Sam’s eyes widen. He knows he’s dead. He just insulted a certain blonde that Jagger’s totally in love with and now Jagger is going to kill him. Like for real. My maybe boyfriend tries to make a run for it but Jagger reaches out his insanely muscular arm and grabs him by the ear. Sam gets yanked back so hard I swear both his feet leave the ground. Jagger pulls the little shit to his feet. With one hand. By the ear. Oh my god. I’m pretty sure Sam is crying but pretending he isn’t. He’s doing a horrible job.
“Excuse us, ladies,” Jagger says with a nod in our direction. “We’re gonna go have a little chat outside.” His voice sounds so different when he’s angry and I have to admit it’s got me a little turned on. I know violence isn’t Elli’s thing but this is just downright sexy. He’s defending our honor. In front of everyone.
Jagger drags my ex, yeah my ex, if we were ever a thing we aren’t anymore, but anyway, he drags him to the sliding glass door and tosses him onto the deck where the boys are congregating. Sam tries to scramble to his feet but Jagger kicks him in the ass and sends him sailing down the stairs. He eats a mouthful of grass as Jagger saunters down the steps, cracking his knuckles. I so want to go out there with the guys who are gathering to watch the fight. Can this really be considered a fight? I know Elli won’t want to watch because she’s kind of a peaceful pacifist hippie. But one who showers and wears deodorant.
I try to distract her. “Where are all the cute guys?” I ask loud enough for everyone to hear. Sam’s about the ugliest person here and he definitely proved that to me tonight. Even if he does think I’m skinny it doesn’t redeem all the crap he’s pulled. I still wonder how Jagger knew.
“I dunno, everywhere,” she smiles. She’s only saying that because she has one of her own already. If it weren’t for him and his heroics she’d be ready to leave. This is so not our scene, evident by the couple banging in the corner and the massacre taking place outside.
“Fine, prove it.”
And she does. I swear the girl introduces me to every guy in the room despite the fact that shy little Elli doesn’t know a single one of them. It’s like her mission to get me a beau. Like my mom, who was always pushing me to find someone, anyone, even going so far as telling me to go out with the creepy guy who practically stalked me in middle school. What’s the big deal with being single? Then again, I may say that to her, Elli and anyone else who’ll listen when, in truth, I’d rather have any boyfriend than none at all. That’s where Sam came in. He may not have been a catch but he was 100% better than nothing.
Sigh. There’s Eric again. I think he’s coming home with us tonight and I hope I can sit next to him on the ride home. I feel like Elli’s gonna know, she knows me like the back of her hand. Okay, bad example. How well do you know the back of your hand? How about this, she knows me better than she knows the green in Jagger’s eyes.
The boys are coming inside so the beatdown must be over. Eric looks right at me and Elli. I smile and wave and he smiles back. Thank you. That’s what you’re supposed to do when a girl greets you. Can you teach Sam that?
These guys treat me like one of their own even though I can tell Jonah doesn’t want me here. But Marc sure does. He’s looking back and forth between me and Julianna with what I can only assume are beer goggles. He looks pretty much, oh how do I put this nicely, trashed, plastered, fall-off-the-balcony drunk. I’m sure he’d be looking at Elli if he didn’t know that Jagger would kill him just for thinking it. Yeah, after what happened to Sam? Probably not. Even Julianna looks better than me, smart idea to wear a see-through lace cami under her sweater, it’s better than cleavage, even I can’t stop staring.
“Right?” Julianna giggles.
I have no idea what she’s talking about ‘cause I’m thinking about kissing Eric. Maybe I can get him to lighten up and just go for it. He’s a little tipsy right now, he might even be drunk. Could I take advantage of him like that? Is it even possible when he’s the guy and I’m the girl? Man, when did this get so freakin’ complicated?
“Just talk to her,” Marc slurs to Eric. They look around the room and I pretend I’m not looking.
“I will, on the way home.”
Me? He’s talking about me. I’m standing right here, he’s looking right at me. Talk to me? About what? Yes I’ll go out with you, I’d be happier than happy to. We could even go on double dates with Elli and Jagger. How much fun would that be? I want to just tell him yes right on the spot but it’s not the best time.
Oh shit! Eric wasn’t talking about me, he was talking about Elli. Of course he was talking about her. She was standing right next to me when he looked over. Oh god, this is a definite pattern. Three guys in the span of an hour? I want to puke but I haven’t eaten anything all afternoon so I probably have nothing to throw up. Doesn’t barfing make your face puffier? I head to the bathroom anyway.
I’m just standing in front of the mirror like an idiot, blocking the bathroom for anyone who’s gotta go. With all the nasty, kegger beer flowing through this place, someone’s probably dying to take a leak but I can’t go out looking like this, all mascara streaks and eyeballs the color of a sunburned albino. I don’t think I can do this anymore. I just want to be someone else. Anyone else. Right now Elli or Morgan would do quite nicely. I’m not eating for the rest of my life. Then maybe, just maybe, someone will look at me like I’m something other than Jonah’s annoying, chubby little sister.