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Jonah’s got friends over today and even though I’m sure they’ve got massive hangovers, they sound like they’re having fun. I wish I could hang out but Jonah will just be an asshole to me. Instead, I’m going to spend my weekend alone. I’ll just work on my tan. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to do my best to look good for Eric. I’m wearing my hottest tube top and shorts, over a bathing suit of course.
“What are you doing?” Jonah asks as soon as I walk down the stairs to grab a towel from the dryer. Gee, that didn’t take long.
“Hanging out by the pool,” I say like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“Yeah? Does cellulite even tan?”
What? He did not just say that. Not in front of Eric. That is so not fair. I want to joke about him having a tiny dick but I’m his sister, I shouldn’t know that. And I don’t, for all I know it’s a foot long. It’s just the only thing I can think of that would hurt him as much as making fun of me for being fat hurts me.
“No one wants to see you in a bathing suit.” He looks to the guys for agreement.
“I do,” Marc pipes up but instead of making me feel better, I feel worse.
“Me too.” Okay, Brewski’s not much better but at least he’s not a perv. I’ll take it. What about you Eric?
“Gross guys, you realize you’re not that desperate, don’t you? Surely, some girl would actually sleep with you. You don’t have to settle for whales.”
I give him the finger. Now he’s crossing a line. Lucky for him they don’t really laugh. Okay, Brewski smirks but what kind of reaction do you expect from a guy whose nickname is basically Beer? He definitely had his fair share last night, they’re probably all a little ‘under the weather’ today.
“Oooooh, yes please,” Marc laughs at my middle finger. Um, it’s not an offer.
Eric looks from me to Jonah. “And she’s not telling you you’re number one.” Good one Eric, I like that. You can be my number one. Wanna?
As I walk out the basement door I hear Jonah call after me. “That’s no way to talk to your brother.” I just slam the door as hard as I can. I hope it hurts his head sooo bad. He deserves nothing less.
I pull out my lawn chair, slap my phone on the deck and begin to take my shorts off before I think better of it. Better not let Eric see me in a bikini. I just want to give him the illusion of it. It’s not like these white shorts are much bigger. Maybe I should have worn something else. I probably do look like a whale. At least my bare feet make my leg muscles look strong. Those babies popped up out of nowhere. Must be all the running. Too bad it’s doing nothing for my booty or my gut.
A car pulls up and tons of my cousins’ gymnastics friends pile out. I’m near the window and I hear the hoots and hollers that come from down there. Even more reason not to wear a strapless bikini, I can’t compete with that. They’re all so skinny they look like they could eat Thanksgiving dinner every day for a year and still fit into one leg of my pants.
“Wow, they are going to be hot when they’re older.”
Eric? Gross! They’re like 12. At least go for someone a little closer to your age.
“Yeah, the blond has a hot redheaded older sister. I mean, that girl could cause a fire just looking at her.”
“Red hair huh?” Marc adds. “I wonder if it’s all red.”
They all laugh and I’m so disgusted I stop listening. Is this really what guys talk about? Marc, I can see but not Eric. Does Elli know that he talks like this? ‘Cause I can’t see her liking it any more than I do.
Minutes later, or it could be hours, I don’t really know, I might have fallen asleep, I realize that I haven’t thought about Sam all day, not even once. That has to be some kind of Guinness world record. It doesn’t mean that I won’t when I see him tomorrow though. Why does he do this to me? I’m trying to think about something else but it’s working about as well as listening to someone talk about cupcakes and not eating one.
Jagger really surprised me last night but I feel like I might have imagined it because Elli hasn’t said a word. It’s so unlike her to ignore it. She’s probably just trying not to bring up Sam, not to mention Jagger’s bruised knuckles. I’m sure she’ll kiss them better for him
No sooner do I rearrange my fat ass and spread out than Jonah comes into the living room, in perfect view of me through the French doors. I’m just glad the guys didn’t follow him. Laying down is not the best way to hide the rolls. Mmm, cinnamon rolls, I’m so hungry. This whole eating nothing until dinner thing might be a stupid idea.
“Hey Dad, you think I can borrow the car?” I hate when Jonah puts on his nice guy act. No one believes it, do they?
“No Jonah, sorry bud. Not tonight. Mom’s taking the girls to the mall. I can’t be stuck without a car, maybe next weekend.” Ha!
Jonah turns and walks out of the room but I can tell he’s not taking no for an answer. Lucky for him his dear old sister has a plan that might get him the car. If I pretend to need a ride to Elli’s, I’m sure Dad will let him give me one. They can say they stayed to hang out and go wherever they were planning on. It can’t fail. No one has to know Elli’s not home.
He snatches the keys off the counter and sneaks out the door. “He said yes.”
Exsqueeze me? He did not. I mean, Dad probably won’t even notice, he’s been fiddling with his guitar all day.
The door opens a second later and Jonah and Eric pop back in. I guess they couldn’t go through with it after all. Oh, nope, apparently I’m the only one with a conscience because I can tell that’s not what they have in mind. Eric totally checks to see if I’m paying attention before he grabs the six pack of beer on the bottom shelf. A little taste of the snake that bit you huh?
I’m still pretending not to pay attention as Jonah grabs Dad’s wallet from the top of the fridge and pulls out 40 bucks. It’s not like Jonah to steal and I bet he’s going to do something stupid. I don’t want them to get in trouble or get hurt. Should I say anything? What would Elli do in a situation like this?
Like a wimp, I don’t do a damn thing. I’m just gonna hold it over his head for the rest of his life. He’s so dead. That’s what you get when you mess with Jenna Marie Reynolds. Let him see what it’s like the next time he calls me a whale in front of Eric. He’ll pay, I swear he will.