Torch Song Trilogy
ACTOR: I’ve canceled this scene about seven times. I was told I have a year to live last May. I have cancer. It’s like...I wanted to do the scene perfect. Every time I rehearsed, it wasn’t perfect. This is it. I wanted to be good this last time. And I feel I was. I’ve come here on Saturdays, even during my chemotherapy, which is just brutal. Saturdays have been God’s gift. I could look forward to Saturday class. I feel very good inside, despite all these tears.
MILTON: I really understand. But I just want you to know, you’ll get a straight up critique.
ACTOR: That’s fine. If I beat this, my God, I can do the scene again. I did a drag queen part in a movie for Cassavetes. During my research, I met many female impersonators from La Cage Aux Folles—the club over on La Cienega. My character, in this Torch Song Trilogy, is from Brooklyn. I worked on the accent, but I also tried to find something from within my own life to put me in the scene. Doing this means a lot to me today. This is hard.
MILTON: I understand. You got the female impersonator down wonderfully. You have the relationship. You’re touching, you’re emotional, you’re funny. But you put too much self-pity in the character. What you need in the part is more street, more down to earth. It is a cover for Arnold’s sensitivity and his hurt. The toughness, the street thing. The guy that wrote Torch Song works as the character in it because of his voice. The voice is a truck driver. Now I don’t mean you should be a truck driver; I mean, it’s street, tough and protected. The sensitivity is behind it.
ACTOR: He’s very Brooklyn.
MILTON: There’s a healthy, open, honest, no-bullshit thing about him. It surprises us because we’ve cast him in our mind as limp-wristed, pretentious. And it’s the opposite. And it is a part of what he leads with in his whole life, as a protection. It’s his cover. We think he’s the kind of guy who’s going to say, “Please, please support me, please accept me.” Instead: “What’s your problem, Mom? I’m a female impersonator.” The toughness. Your thing in the scene with the boyfriend should be: “I’m goin’ home, baby. Fuck you. I’m packin’ up and I’m goin’ home. I’m not getting caught up with you again.” But he gets caught up. Like we all do. We get caught up in the relationship again. I’d love it if you take off your clothes in front of him with the attitude of, “What do you want?”
ACTOR (As Arnold): “What do you want from me?”
MILTON: Exactly. Streetwise to the point of almost black-comedy cruelty. He says to the guy, “So you almost killed yourself? So maybe you shoulda finished the job.”
ACTOR: At La Cage, there’s this famous guy who’s the M.C., his name is Gypsy, and he is tough. And he goes, “Oh, hello, everybody. Fuck you all.”
MILTON: Yeah. That’s right.
ACTOR: He says to someone in the audience, “Oh, are you going to the bathroom? Don’t forget, lid up, honey!” You know, all that kind of tough stuff.
MILTON: Exactly.
ACTOR: But I didn’t work on that enough. I thought the M.C. was a great example from the school of “Honey, you think just because I’m in this dress, I’m a fairy? I’ll beat the shit out of you.”
MILTON: That’s right, tough. Arnold asks, “Is the girl better in bed than me?” It’s honest. He’s asking the tough questions.
ACTOR: They’re hard to answer.
MILTON: Yeah. You’d like to roast the fucker.
ACTOR: I want my lover to talk to me honestly.
MILTON: And you’d like him to suffer his ass off. Finally, the lover breaks down. He can’t stand not to have you. When you say, “Get the hell out of here, I don’t want you,” he just can’t stand not to have you, not to be with you. So he breaks down and confesses, and then he gets to you.
ACTOR: But I never let him forget for a minute what he is—a two-timer. “Don’t bullshit me.”
MILTON: Exactly. Make him suffer. But Arnold should still feel very emotional.
ACTOR: But I’m not gonna let him see it.
MILTON: Yeah. This is Arnold’s foolishness. He opens himself up absolutely. It’s like he says to his lover, “So, you wanna come back? Well, it’s not gonna be that easy.” That’s where a little bit of your self-pity came in.
ACTOR: Yeah.
MILTON: I don’t mind leaks, but there’s fury in it too, along with the grief.
ACTOR: I want to make the lover pay for what I went through.
MILTON: Love fucks us over. We’re all hooked by love, and it pisses us off. So don’t be afraid to be angry in this part. Arnold should say about himself, “You weak son of a bitch.”
ACTOR: So I play it drag, and then at times, I must come into being the person.
MILTON: The tough guy. And the drag queen. Both. You seem strong. You’re not doing the chemotherapy right now?
ACTOR: Not for the last week.
MILTON: You’ve done a tremendous piece of work, very alive, energetic, courageous, humorous. Get it fully done. Do the scene again.
ACTOR: Sure. I can repeat the scene. Goddamned right.
MILTON: Yes. So go back to the M.C. at La Cage, get the tough street guy, the cover, and when you’re ready, bring it back and kick ass. Any reason why not?
ACTOR: None. None whatsoever. Okay! I’ll do it!