Personal Monologue Exercise
MILTON: So. What do you get out of doing this personal monologue?
ACTRESS: I don’t know yet. I was so nervous I felt like I was going to vomit....
MILTON: Unimportant. Cut that line from the movie. Do you think you do a good job as an actress in this? Is this acting?
ACTRESS: No.
MILTON: I see. Why? What makes it not acting?
ACTRESS: Because it’s pretty much true.
MILTON: So in other words, if you do something that is true, then it’s not acting. So therefore we have to kill A Chorus Line, which was made by real people talking about their lives. So we kill that.
ACTRESS: No. Okay. I guess it’s acting.
MILTON: You’ve got another twenty-eight seconds to say whatever else you want to say. Twenty-five.... Twenty. Try to shorten your acting training. Fifteen....
ACTRESS: I’m in a panic now, Milton.
MILTON: Eight.
ACTRESS: It was a big risk. More than I’m used to taking.
MILTON: I’ll give you four more seconds as a reward for that one. How’s the acting in this? Three, two....
ACTRESS: Okay.
MILTON: One. Flunk. You’ve added six months on to your training. Maybe a year. In the critique, we’re here to find out what you were trying to do and how you feel about your work. Do you have a P.S.?
ACTRESS: Okay. In general, how I feel? (Barely audible) Good. I did good.
MILTON: Wow. Thanks for that. You’re so far off, it makes me wonder if there is a chance to convince you. Because in the end, an artist has to have self-confidence.
ACTRESS: Well, that’s what I want to get.
MILTON: Very good. So, let’s have some comments. Yes?
STUDENT 1: It was great. You were absolutely brilliant. You touched me, you plumbed yourself, and in doing this you gave us an incredible acting lesson. And if your work here isn’t acting, I don’t know what the hell acting is. And you’ve got to know that.
MILTON: So what do you think about that, in comparison to “good?”
ACTRESS: I feel surprised. I do. I don’t know what “plumbed” means.
STUDENT 1: You reached down into yourself. To plumb your depth is to reach into yourself.
MILTON: She doesn’t get it.
ACTRESS: No, I do think I did go deeper.
MILTON: Oh. Well, how good a job did you do with this plumb, from your point of view?
ACTRESS: Eighty percent.
MILTON: I think you’re being very careful now to make sure you don’t entice our wrath with that 80%. I don’t think you felt 80% at all. Good is not 80%. Good is maybe 60%, or 70%.
ACTRESS: Okay. Very good then.
MILTON: But that’s not the idea. You can’t hire us to follow you through life and encourage you. (Indicating another student:) You’re dying to tell her something?
STUDENT 2: I just wanted to say that you’re a real artist. I mean there’s a hundred percent of you exposed. You have to know that, or else you’re back to square one.
MILTON: How do you answer that?
ACTRESS: Thank you.
MILTON: But this is the fifth or sixth time this has happened, where we’ve had to tell you how good you are. How many times can we do that?
ACTRESS: I don’t want to say I was so great because if it was bad, then I’d be full of shit.
MILTON: But honey, you’re full of shit right now! You’re not going to grow if you keep minimizing what you do. You stood there on the stage boldly and cleared up what you wanted to say to your father, your mother and your brother. You dug into yourself. You acted the hell out of it. You stood there open, and as bold as Antigone. That’s the deal. That’s what he means when he tells you that you’re an artist. And you say meekly, “I was good.” We don’t need this kind of false modesty. We need you to know that you’re a most confident, talented artist.
ACTRESS: That’s right.
MILTON: I liken all this to a passport. The actor needs to validate his own passport. Just as you get a passport to travel in a country freely, so an actor issues himself a passport to travel the territory of the character. No one can do this for you—not me, not the critic, not the paycheck, not publicity, not the producer. None of them. The actor has to stamp it himself. I’d like to have a hundred bucks for every trip I’ve made to a dressing room or to a trailer to assure the actors how good they are. So don’t tear it up. Keep validating it. It’s your artistic passport, so stamp it and keep it close to your heart.
ACTRESS: Actually, I think I need to renew my passport.
MILTON: Wow. Humor! Good. Now, there is a myth in the world that if you don’t have this insecurity, this so-called modesty, this plain neurosis, you can’t be a great artist. I think that’s the biggest crock that ever came along the pike.
ACTRESS: I don’t want to be an asshole, I really don’t.
MILTON: Some part of you wants to be an asshole. It’s certainly running for office. You do a fabulous monologue here. One of the best I’ve ever seen. You moved these people. You delighted them. But you don’t see it. You’re more interested in your doubts and your fears and your questions. What this class is ultimately about is confidence. You have a gift. But you have to know the gift. Now listen carefully. See if you get this: You are one of the best actresses around.
She puts her head in her hands.
You’re ashamed of that. This is the million-dollar prize. You won the sweepstakes. What?
ACTRESS: It makes me feel good. Truly.
MILTON: I see. This is good, huh? And you’re crying. Can you imagine what she would do if you told her that somebody had stolen the tires off her car? You should be dancing! You should be celebrating. If they have good caviar in Los Angeles, which is questionable, and really good champagne, you should be treating yourself tonight. Tell us for keeps. Do you understand now?
ACTRESS: I do.
MILTON: Oh, yeah?
ACTRESS: I do, I do. Really. No really. I do. For keeps, this time.
MILTON: Oh, yeah?