Chapter 12

Gran

Monday morning arrived very cold and foggy. Hally walked out of the backdoor and couldn’t even see the gate out of the garden until she was very close to it. She carefully made her way along her road fascinated by the way the fog changed everything. Barely visible cars crept alongside her, their headlamps like huge yellow eyes, their engine noise distorted. Small high visibility bands bounced along the pavements, looking like luminous worms floating in the air; as young children togged up in reflective jackets, trotted next to their mothers who held them tightly by the hand.

Corrinne and Clia were waiting where the roads met, but Hally could barely make them out until she was almost next to them. They said their good mornings, linked arms and carefully made their way through the fog to school. Strange shapes greeted them along the way as they bumped, sometimes literally, into groups of people they knew; not being able to make out who was who until they were near or recognised a voice. Eventually, and without harm they reached the school gates, thankful that it was almost time for the bell as the fog was not just dense but very cold.

Hally had a very normal day at school. Lessons which she thought were going to be a lot more challenging; were in fact no more difficult than the previous year, and she was very relieved about this. She did find the workload heavier, but much more interesting. She felt she was completing tasks with more intensity and content, and so far all her assignments had been returned with high marks and very positive comments.

The fog did not clear at all throughout the day and the return journey home was a repeat of the morning. Corrinne and Clia had arranged to go with Hally to her house, deciding that they would all three complete their homework together. Mum was not home when they got there, and Hally accepted that she had probably picked Nathan up from school and gone to Gran’s. With the kettle on, the girls unpacked their books from their bags and prepared to settle at the kitchen table. Soon, with hot coffee by the side of them, they were deep in concentration over their homework. Occasionally they spoke, asking each other a question, or seeking advice or approval on something they had written; but for the most part of an hour and a half, they worked quietly. They had just stacked their books and sat back with fresh coffees as mum came in the door with Nathan, followed by dad.

“Hi baby, Corrinne, Clia.”

Mum said as she planted a kiss on top of her daughter’s head.

“Hi Tink, girls.”

Dad said, as he did the same. Nathan squeezed past them all dropping his bag and coat on the floor as he dashed past them.

“Hold it!”

Dad said in a firm voice. The girls giggled as Nathan skidded to a halt and meekly turned around, his chin on his chest. Dad pointed to the little pile without having to say anything, and Nathan, sliding his feet along the floor slowly and with a big exaggerated sigh picked up his things.

“And put them away properly.”

Mum called after him as he plodded out of the room. Hally looked at her friends and together they giggled at her little brother’s antics.

“He’s so cute.”

Clia announced. Mum nodded in agreement but added with a more serious note.

“But we still need to be firm with him. He sort of understands what’s going on with his Gran, but we can’t let that be an excuse for letting him get his own way. Mostly, he just needs reminding that we won’t run around after him, that there are certain things he has to do for himself. It’s just normal growing up really.”

“Was I that much of a pain mum?”

Hally asked.

“Nathan’s not a pain angel, he’s just a normal little boy that needs a normal amount of discipline. But you, well…”

She stopped and looked at her daughter with a smirk on her face.

“Oh mum.”

Hally said tutting. Dad gave her a squeeze on her shoulder and as he made his way out of the kitchen called back.

“Yep, you were a pain in the neck, back and arse.”

He then laughed and jogged out before Hally could get up. This made them all laugh, and with a smile Hally said to all of them.

“I’ll get him back.”

Wes came over later that evening and as mum and dad were in the study chatting to friends on the internet, they had the lounge to themselves. Snuggled up against him watching television, Hally felt very content. Although Wes had kept his word and kept his affections to just kissing and cuddling, Hally’s body was still very much in turmoil when he did this. She knew he knew this and she wanted to talk to him about it; but she still felt shy and didn’t have the confidence to broach the subject. Unknowingly, she let out a really big sigh and was taken aback when he spoke.

“Hals, what’s up?”

“Huh, oh…nothing.”

She stammered. Sitting up a bit and turning towards her he said.

“Hally, I know you have something on your mind. What is it?”

Trying to bury her face into his jumper she shook her head and mumbled.

“Nothing.”

He took her chin in his hand and lifted it away from his chest. Looking directly into her eyes he pushed for an answer.

“Tell me please. Have I done something?”

Quickly she shook her head.

“Oh no Wes. It’s just, um, well. Oh cripes.”

She felt her face burn, partly with embarrassment and partly pure shyness. Taking her face in both his hands he said very gently.

“You can tell me anything Hally.”

“You will just think I’m some stupid little kid.”

She told him, and much to her dismay felt tears welling in her eyes. Wes saw the tears and gently brushed them away with his thumb.

“Nothing you say or do would make me ever think that.”

He told her sweetly.

“Well…”

She tried, but her voice came out as a whisper. He leaned forward and gave her a little kiss on the lips. At once she felt the burning low down in her body and she leaned in for a fuller and deeper kiss. Wes accepted her kiss and then pulled back, again looking deep into her eyes.

“I think I know.”

He told her. Again she felt her face burn but this time met his eyes and clearing her throat said.

“I just feel like, well, you know, that time in the garden ages ago, well you have never done anything like it again. The thing is, I want you to, like most times when we kiss and we are on our own. Well I don’t mind, I mean it’s ok, it really is.”

Still holding her face in his hands Wes took a big sigh.

“Hally, babe. I really want to as well. But for now I can’t do that to you.” Hally’s face began to crumple. “Baby, please, it’s not because of you. I just want us to wait, at least until you are sixteen.”

“But that’s ages away.”

As she said this Hally realised how childish to her it sounded, like Nathan waiting for his dinner.

“Oh God, that sounded really bad, like a little kid. Wes, I’m sorry, oh I don’t know what I’m saying.” Then she realised what he had said. “So you think we will be together for my birthday then?”

Wes gave a small laugh.

“Well I have no plans to go anywhere, what about you?”

With a very big smile she shook her head and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“No I don’t.”

She said in a whisper, and although her body still ached and burned she set her mind to believe what he said and wait.

As Christmas approached the days settled into a pattern for Hally. She would come home from school, sometimes with Corrinne and Clia, sometimes alone; complete her homework and wait for her parents. Some days she would detour from school and go to her Grandparent’s house and frequently Corrinne and Clia joined her. Because of this busy schedule Hally had only re-visited Wes’ home twice since her initial visit. She wasn’t worried about this though, but as yet had still not met Ellie, as each time she had been to Wes’ Ellie had been in bed. Wes told her he would make sure they would meet over Christmas.

Nurse Mildred had now become almost a part of the family. She was definitely the force that held them all together, always bright and smiling but always very gentle; completely aware of their feelings and fluctuating emotions. She could sense minute changes as though she were psychic and step in before something became too tense. This was especially the case with Nathan. He was after all just a little boy who wanted and needed to play, but was also in a position where he understood that he had to try and limit his activities. So, on rare occasions when mum was about to run out of patience, Nurse Mildred would take Nathan by the hand and take him into the kitchen and play a game with him. She would even take him out into the garden and kick a football around with him.

Many times when they were all together at Gran’s, Hally would sit back quietly and just watch her family. She saw her Granddad pottering around the house or in his shed acting like everything was the same as it always had been. But when he thought no one was looking, Hally would see the pain and despair in his eyes. She would watch him push his food around on the plate and nibble at it as though it had no taste. She would hear him laugh out loud at Nathan’s antics and play with him as usual but with an air of false enjoyment.

Watching her own mother tore at Hally’s heart. She could not imagine life without her mum, so how could her mother get by without hers. But, mum always kept a brave face on. She was almost as strong as Nurse Mildred, no stronger, Hally told herself. Because, as caring and gentle as she was, it was Nurse Mildred’s job, whereas mum was going to lose a part of herself. Hally silently observed her mum carefully and gently help Gran hold her tea cup, guide her knife and fork, or as though caring for a new born baby wipe her face with a soft cloth when something spilled. Never did she complain, or tire of looking after her so very sick mother.

Colin spread his time with work and supporting his wife and children. He had lost both of his parents many years earlier, his father who had a major heart attack and his mother soon after from a stroke. Hally had been small and Nathan not even born, so both children had grown up with just one set of grandparents. Because of this, Colin could see the impact of his mother in law’s illness on all of them. At times he felt completely helpless, knowing there was very little he could do to relieve the pain they were all suffering so deeply. So, he made sure the day to day running of the home went smoothly. He was lucky to have a well paid job, and lucky that the job itself didn’t demand more of his time than his usual working hours. This meant he too could spend time with his in laws, his wife and children and lend his support to all.

Hally saw her family as an arch, each holding the other up, she only hoped that the whole thing would not crumble and fall when one or all was weakened with sorrow. She resolved that she would make sure each of them would have the others to depend on when the time came; when they all had to cope with the ultimate loss, the death of her Grandmother.

On the Saturday two weeks before Christmas Hally awoke at seven feeling very much in the spirit of the season. She was going Christmas shopping with Clia and Corrinne and had a mental list of the presents she was going to buy. Wes was working a split shift at the Hotspot, so the girls fully intended to start out early, have lunch at the café (Wes had hinted to Hally that the two boys he’d mentioned would be there, but she hadn’t told the girls just in case they were not.) then complete all of their shopping in one day.

Corrinne and Clia arrived at eight thirty shaking raindrops from their coats before coming in. The weather had been changeable for days; switching between freezing fog, to sleet, back to fog and ice and now to heavy rain. However Hally and her friends were determined not to let the weather deter them from their plans. Before they set off for town, Hally made hot drinks and the three sat at the kitchen table sipping from their cups and telling each other what they were buying for their families.

“Well I’m going to buy Nathan another character toy from his favourite programme. He’s been going on about one called Tankman; he’s one of the good guys and part of Crewman’s team; so I told mum and dad I would get it. I have it reserved at the Toy Store because I think it’s quite popular.”

Hally told her friends. Both girls looked at her completely familiar with the characters Hally was talking about.

“Oh, I love that shop and we can get something for him too.”

Said Corrinne.

“But you two don’t have to buy him presents.”

Hally tried to protest but Clia shook her head.

“We know we don’t have to, but he’s like our little brother too. So, well we want to.”

Corrinne smiled and nodded, so Hally gave up trying to argue her case.

Mum and dad were already out, mum at Gran’s and dad with Nathan at football training. Mum had insisted Hally take the whole day and spend it with her friends, just being teenagers. Hally had tried to argue, saying she would split the day, but mum wouldn’t hear it, so Hally, feeling a little guilty agreed to her mother’s wishes. Now, sitting with Corrinne and Clia, she was glad her mum had insisted. She realised that she did need a whole day away from the stress of her Gran’s illness and she had her mobile with her if she was needed.

As expected, the town was very busy. Parents, with harassed and strained looks on their faces practically dragged their young children from shop to shop. People with umbrellas jostled and bumped into each other as they all fought for space along the pavements. Even in the pedestrianised shopping area, couples holding hands, families with children and buggies, groups or single shoppers rushed about or queued at checkouts. All the coffee shops and cafés were packed with shoppers taking a break, their windows fogged with steam.

At first the girls just wandered about various shops looking at the huge variety of products all designed especially for Christmas. They pushed buttons on musical gifts creating a complete racket as various snowmen, santas, reindeer and more sang or played different Christmas tunes or hymns. Some harassed looking shop assistants frowned, others smiled at the girls’ mischievous antics. Giggling the girls dashed from shop to shop, sometimes being beaten by others, including adults doing the same thing. At one large department store, the girls stopped to play with some of the novelty toys on display and found themselves competing with grown men who were supposedly buying gifts for their wives or girlfriends.

After spending time playing in the shops, they settled down to serious shopping. They had worked out a strategy before setting out whereby they compared gift lists, so they wouldn’t be traipsing back to the same shops if more than one of them was buying from a particular place. This worked very well and by the time they agreed to break for lunch, Hally had bought for Nathan and her dad, Clia for Nathan and her dad and brother, and Corrinne for Nathan and both her parents.

Feeling proud that their shopping trip was going as planned the three made their way to the Hotspot Café at the time Hally had arranged with Wes. Like other places it was jammed with shoppers, and unusually, more adults and families than teenagers. They entered the café and was very surprised when Wes came straight over and told them he had reserved a table for them near the window. They were very pleased and relieved by this as the café was very full.

“Sorry I can’t come and sit with you, but as you can see the place is heaving.”

Wes told them gesturing around the café.

“Wes, it’s ok, we can see how busy you are, and thank you so much for reserving this table.”

Hally told him smiling. He gave her a very big and cheeky smile back.

“That’s alright my sweet girlfriend, just remember when you come to buy my Christmas present.”

He then turned swiftly before Hally could retaliate and left them laughing and perusing the menu.

“Mmm, I think I will have a jacket potato with the chilli.”

Hally said.

“Well I think I’m going for the fish pie.”

Corrinne replied.

“And I’m going to have the steak and kidney pie.”

Clia told them both.

“No surprise there then.”

Hally said smiling. Clia nearly always opted for the Hotspot homemade steak and kidney pie, she simply loved it.

“Well it is just the best pie ever.”

Clia exclaimed. Wes came over and took their order squeezing Hally’s hand gently. Before returning behind the counter he said.

“I’ll bring you hot drinks.”

When he came back with a tray of drinks he was not alone. As he placed the tray on the table he said.

“Girls, I’d like you to meet two friends of mine.”

Indicating to each of the girls.

“Hally my girlfriend, and her two friends, Corrinne and Clia, this is Gregg.”

A tall, well built blonde boy with green eyes stepped forward holding out his hand to the girls. They shook hands and said hi but Hally noticed Corrinne blushing slightly as she said hello.

“And this is Rhys.”

He was not quite as tall as Wes and Gregg and was more slightly built, but with dark curly hair and brown eyes he had an almost model look about him. He leaned forward to greet them too and this time Hally noticed he blushed when he spoke to them. She suspected he had a gentle shyness about him and could see this really appealing to Clia. Hally noticed Wes had placed five mugs on the table.

“Well got to get on.”

He told them. For once Hally took charge of the situation as Gregg and Rhys were still standing by the table.

“Oh please sit down, Wes has brought you drinks too.”

She then scooted off the bench seat and stood up.

“Just nipping to the ladies.”

She told them all and quickly disappeared before her friends could protest. As she had been sitting next to Corrine with Clia opposite it meant the two boys could sit down next to each of the girls.

Hally fussed with her hair and makeup in the ladies long enough to give her friends some time with the boys. She didn’t stay too long so as not to make it too obvious and when she returned to the table the four seemed to be getting along quite well. At least there didn’t seem to be any awkward silences. She slipped onto the bench next to Rhys and smiling said.

“Queue.”

Corrinne and Clia gave her such a disbelieving look that she felt herself blush; which she quickly covered up by sipping her coffee, and to her relief saw Wes coming over with their order. He beamed at her as he laid out their food, Gregg and Rhys’ too. Hally was very proud of the way he had arranged this little get together for Corrinne and Clia and felt her heart swell with love. This sudden flood of emotion took her by surprise and did not go unnoticed by Wes.

“Hally, are you ok?”

He asked full of concern.

“You look all flushed.”

“Um… oh…yes I’m fine, just suddenly got a bit too hot. Too many layers, it’s cold outside.”

Quickly she slipped out of her jumper even though the top underneath wasn’t particularly thick. Wes gave a slight concerned frown but didn’t say anything further. Corrinne however gave her a look that told her straight away she didn’t believe what she had told Wes and that she would be questioned later.

After they had all eaten, Wes brought them fresh drinks and slid onto the bench next to Hally. He told them he was taking a quick break which pleased Hally. It did however mean that Clia and Rhys were a bit squashed together but from what Hally could see, neither minded. In fact her two friends were chatting to Wes’ friends like they had known them for ages. In fact they were all chatting like the whole group had been friends for a long time. Hally was almost disappointed that they had to leave and carry on with their shopping.

“Why don’t we all get together this evening?”

Wes asked as he stood up to go back to work and the girls prepared to go back to the bustle of Christmas shopping. Rhys and Gregg nodded immediately and Corrinne and Clia agreed too. Hally thought for a moment, not wanting to spoil what could be a great evening; but worried about visiting her Gran.

“Go and see Gran for a little while and then we will come and meet you there.”

Wes told her, reading her mind.

Hally beamed relieved, and again felt her emotions building in her chest like a dam ready to burst.

“Thank you Wes. That’s a lovely suggestion. Oh but aren’t you doing a split?”

He gave her a quick peck and grinned.

“I came in really early and promised to work through until five, so I wangled the evening off.”

The girls left the boys still sitting in the café and began the afternoon session of shopping. The rain had now turned to sleet and the temperature had dropped considerably. They tried to stay inside the stores as much as possible and chatted about Gregg and Rhys as they shopped.

“Wes is an angel.”

Clia told Hally.

“He’s an absolute angel.”

Corrinne told her sincerely. Hally smiled at her friends and felt happier than she had in a long time. For just a few moments all her family’s problems were buried beneath the tide of emotion she felt for her friends and their happiness and her boyfriend. Corrinne noticed the change in Hally.

“So… what happened in the Hotspot then?”

It took Hally a moment to realise what her friend was talking about, then felt her cheeks growing warm at the memory of her intense feelings.

“You’ll think I’m crazy.”

She mumbled.

“Sweetie, we know you are a crazy bird, so nothing will surprise us.”

Clia told her in her ever so grown up voice. Both Hally and Corrinne laughed and as Hally mulled over the two gifts she was looking at for her mum, finally came clean.

“I think, I really do think that I love Wes.”

Both her friends gave a deep sigh. Then Clia, rolling her eyes said.

“We know that already. We thought something serious had happened to you.”

Hally looked at them in pure astonishment. Her mouth formed a perfect O and she almost couldn’t speak.

“What…what…do…you mean, you know?”

She stammered. Corrinne laughed heartily.

“Hals, we can see it in your face, your voice, everything about you, especially when he’s around you.”

“Oh, do you think Wes knows too.”

Hally asked sounding worried.

“Probably.”

Clia and Corrinne replied together, and at the devastated look on Hally’s face.

“But hey sweetie, I think he feels the same way about you. Just because it’s not said doesn’t mean it’s not felt.”

Clia said. Hally remembered Wes nearly about to say something and then changing it and the smile returned to her face.

“Well, now it’s your turn.”

She indicated to both her friends. They all laughed and Corrinne and Clia nodded in agreement.

“So. Which one for mum? Oh I’m going to buy both.”

Hally announced taking both gifts and putting them in her basket.

As promised Wes and the others picked Hally up from her Gran’s that evening.

“How’s Gran today?”

Wes asked gently.

“Mum says she’s had a really good day and the time I spent with her she was quite lively.”

Hally responded. Wes smiled took her hand and kissed her on the cheek.

“I’m very happy to hear that. So, if it’s ok with you we thought we would go to Corrinne’s. Her parents are out at a Christmas party so she asked if we could all go there.”

Hally gave Corrinne a deep understanding look. Originally she was going to the party with her parents. As an only child she often went out with them rather than be alone, now Hally could see the excitement in her friend’s eyes at the thought of having not just her closest friends round; but a whole group. Corrinne had had a couple of boyfriends before, but like Hally they had only been brief relationships and none to take home. With a deep sigh Hally realised they were all growing up and the fears she had experienced about drifting apart resurfaced. Determinedly, she pushed them aside and resolved to thoroughly enjoy the evening.

The evening went very well indeed. The six spent the time chatting and finding out about Gregg and Rhys. They had met Wes because they worked with his dad who was a builder, and both boys were training in the building business. They listened to a variety of music and played some board games, girls against boys, which the girls won most of the time. The boys insisted jokingly that they had cheated, but Clia indignantly told them it was because girls concentrated better than boys and since the games had required thought and tactics, it was obvious they would beat them. Hally and Corrinne agreed with Clia which started a playful argument and left everyone laughing.

The girls took themselves off to the kitchen still giggling to fetch refreshments. Hally knew it would be an ideal opportunity to question her friends about Gregg and Rhys. However she didn’t have to start the conversation, as soon as they were out of earshot of the boys Clia put her hands together and raised them to her face.

“Oh my goodness!”

She exclaimed in a slightly hushed voice.

“Your Wes really came through. I mean Rhys is just so fit, but well, it’s not like he knows it, you know what I mean. He’s not vain with his looks, he’s just so sweet and that accent…”

Clia stopped. She simply couldn’t say anything more at that moment. Hally smiled at her friend’s delight and raised her brows to Corrinne.

“What about you?”

Corrinne smiled a soft, sweet gentle smile.

“What can I say, I’m happy.”

It was enough and all three girls giggled and hugged.

“Hey, have you three got lost or are you cooking up some new strategy for the next game?”

Wes called out.

“Just coming.”

Hally replied. Hurriedly they put together a tray of drinks and snacks and returned to the lounge to continue the evening.

On the way home arm in arm with Wes, they chatted about the success of his two friends getting along so well with her two friends.

“How did you know they would hit it off so well?”

She asked.

“I didn’t really. It’s just, I’ve got to know Gregg and Rhys quite well over the past couple of months. I just thought well, they are quite a lot like me in some ways and since you and the girls are similar too, well I just hoped they would like each other. I think I sort of knew who would go for who too.”

He told her. Hally smiled to herself.

“Well let’s hope they work out as well as we did.”

Wes stopped in the street and turned her into the circle of his arms. It was very cold now, the sleet had stopped and his breath came out in little clouds as he looked down into her eyes. There was just enough light from a nearby streetlamp for him to see her face.

“Your cheeks are all rosy and you have a little pink tip to your nose.”

His voice was quite husky and Hally felt warmth spreading through her body despite the cold air. She pressed against him and as he lowered his head and kissed her, through the thick layers of winter clothes she felt something she hadn’t experienced before. Wes’ body was reacting in the way any normal young man’s would. At first she felt a little afraid, but the warmth in her own body quickly turned to fire and she pressed closer, kissing him back. His kiss deepened and he wrapped his arms tightly around her pressing closer too. Quite suddenly she felt something build inside her and flood through her entire body, she shuddered involuntarily, gripped his shoulders tightly and felt her breathing quicken, and then the feeling began to subside. Wes stepped back releasing the contact between them but still holding her. Hally held onto him as the cold air began to seep back into her body. She didn’t know what to think, she thought she knew what had just happened, but it was all so new to her that she felt confused and a little embarrassed. She didn’t know if he knew, she didn’t know if she could tell him and worse she didn’t know if anything had happened to him too. Suddenly she felt so very young and inexperienced. All the times she had talked openly with her mum and friends had not prepared her for this moment and she did not know what to do or say.

“Hally it’s alright.”

Wes whispered. His voice seemed to come from far away for a moment and then she felt his gloved hand lift her chin to look at him. Then so very gently he said.

“I know what just happened to you, I’m not sure I should have let it but it is ok. Was it the first time?”

Hally felt tears sting her eyes and didn’t know why. She let out a little sob which soon turned to a flood of tears. Wes wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair soothingly. For a while they stayed that way and soon the tears began to lessen. In a shaky voice Hally finally replied.

“Yes… it’s…I’ve never. What… did anything…you?”

She couldn’t get out the right words, in fact she really had no idea what to say to him.

“Hally, babe, no I didn’t (and at the worried look she gave him) but it’s ok. I enjoyed it just the same. Look, it’s getting very cold here, let’s get you home and we can talk about this in the warm.”

Hally didn’t know if she would be able to talk about it in a nice cosy warm room face to face. But she knew he was right about one thing, it was getting colder and as they continued the walk home the first few flakes of snow began to fall.

Thankfully when they reached Hally’s house, there were only a few lights on which told Hally her parents were already in bed. As usual they knew where their daughter would be and who with so felt comfortable going to bed while she was still out, and even though it was only just gone eleven had been going to bed quite early for a while now. Hally knew this was because of the stress and strain of Gran and also because everyone knew that a late night call could come at any time.

As they approached the back door Hally realised that she didn’t want to have a discussion about what had happened. She needed to deal with this herself first and work out her own feelings about it. She unlocked the door and then turned to Wes.

“I think I need to be by myself.”

She told him. Looking devastated Wes replied in a shaky voice.

“Hally…are you upset with me…I… did I…was it?…”

He couldn’t finish his sentence and Hally realised that he sounded very close to tears. She wasn’t quite sure how to handle this either, usually Wes was the one comforting her when she cried.

“Wes, I’m not upset or mad at you, I just feel a bit strange and need to be by myself.”

Not since the first few weeks of going out with Wes had Hally felt so uncomfortable and nervous. Wes pulled her into a hug and whispered into her hair.

“Hally please call me tomorrow. I’m sorry.”

Without moving Hally hugged him back and felt her heart wrench. He really did think he had done something terrible, but she really needed to be alone. She whispered back.

“Wes, it’s alright, please don’t say sorry…and of course I will call you tomorrow.”

She kissed him lightly on the lips, wanting to give a fuller kiss but afraid she wouldn’t be able to control her body. She then turned and stepped into the kitchen. Dejectedly, Wes turned and with his head down against the snow walked away.

Hally quietly went through the house and up to her room. She desperately didn’t want her mum to wake up, even though she knew she could talk about it to her she didn’t want to talk to anyone. As she began to undress she thought about the feelings she had experienced. Her body still tingled in places and standing in her underwear she looked at herself in her mirror, she almost expected to see something different, but her body looked just the same as it always did. It was how it felt that was so different.

Climbing into bed in just her panties Hally left her lamp on and lay in the semi-light thinking. Of course she knew about orgasms, she was after all fifteen and a half, she had read about them in magazines, talked to Corrinne and Clia millions of times, well lots anyway she told herself. She had even had conversations about the subject with her mum. She had also had some different but similar feelings the times when she had explored her body, though these were very few. But what she had felt with Wes was new, big and a whole different experience.

It wasn’t just the physical response, how every muscle in her body tightened, how her breathing had got faster or the explosion inside that made her shudder all over; no, but how she had felt emotionally at the same time. She was completely overwhelmed with love for Wes; she wanted to cling to him forever, kiss him forever, never let him go. She wanted to laugh and cry and squeal with joy all at the same time. She could not comprehend how so many emotions could take place all in such a short time. Because, she realised, it had been a short time. Even though at the time it had seemed to last forever, to go on and on it had just been moments.

This thought brought on a whole new stream of thoughts. If her moment as she thought of it happened so quickly and made her feel like she was feeling what then would it be like if Wes touched her properly, or even if they went all the way. Laying in the dimly lit room Hally felt her face begin to burn. Even though she was alone she felt embarrassed thinking about that and then realised that she was also beginning to feel a heat low down in her body too. Turning onto her side she gave a little groan and whispered into her pillow.

“Don’t think about that Hally. He doesn’t want it to happen and you don’t really either. It’s not right yet, there’s plenty of time. Think of something else or you won’t get any sleep tonight at all.”

Trying very hard to put all thoughts of Wes and how gorgeous and sexy he was out of her mind Hally finally drifted into a very restless sleep. She awoke several times during the night from dreams she barely remembered but which left her body throbbing and almost aching deep inside. When morning eventually came, she arose feeling as though she had hardly slept. She wrapped herself in her dressing gown and peeped through her blinds to see a deep white world outside. She glanced at her clock and saw it was only just after eight then glimpsed movement in the garden. Nathan was already outside taking over large steps to trudge through the snow. It was already up to his knees and snow was still falling. Hally smiled and decided to put last night behind her and go outside and build a snowman with her little brother. But first she would text Wes. She picked up her phone and quickly typed a message.

hi are you ok im fine everything is alright what are you doing today im going to play in the snow with natty for a bit will I see you later xxxxx

Hally pressed send and then went off to shower. When she came back to her room her phone indicated a message had come in. Still wrapped in her towel she read the message from Wes.

hi babe im so glad to hear from you i was very worried that you had gone off me mum and dad asked me to look after ellie so they could get some shopping done do you want to come round i would really love it if you did i have chocolate and hot chocolate xxxxxxxxxx

Hally giggled to herself and quickly sent a message back saying she would come round late-morning. She then dressed in jeans, jumper and thick socks and headed downstairs ready for some snow fun with Nathan. Her body felt normal and she felt very happy, she was going to see Wes later and more importantly she was going to meet Ellie at long last.

Hally arrived at Wes’ house warm and a little out of breath. The snow had settled everywhere, in places quite deep and especially near Wes’ home at the edge of town. Wes opened the door to her and pulled her into a tight hug as soon as she was inside.

“I am so glad you are here.”

He told her as he squeezed her. Hally held him back and was glad that her body was behaving normally. He helped her out of her coat and sat her down and pulled her wellingtons off. They had no time for further discussion because a tiny dark haired toddler came waddling into the kitchen waving an empty cup.

“Pappy Es, dink ta.”

She said offering the cup to Wes. He scooped her up laughing and took the cup from her tiny hand. He turned her towards Hally.

“Ok, Ellie this is Hally. Say hello.”

The little girl studied her for a moment, then without warning leaned towards her reaching out both arms. Luckily Wes was holding her securely. Hally reached out her own arms and took the child onto her lap. Bouncing her slightly she smiled and said.

“Hello Ellie.”

Ellie looked up at her and curled the fingers of one hand into Hally’s hair. For a moment she studied Hally’s face, twirling the ends of her hair but without pulling it. She placed the palm of her other hand on Hally’s face and softly rubbed her cheek.

“Eyo. Me ike oo.”

Hally giggled and looked to Wes for interpretation.

“She just said hello and she likes you.”

“I like you too Ellie.”

Hally told the little girl. As quickly as she had wanted Hally, she turned back and reached for Wes who was ready to take her back.

“Anyway tike, how did you get past your gate, you know you’re not supposed to be in the kitchen.”

Wes asked Ellie as he refilled her cup with one hand whilst holding her with the other. Hally watched interestingly, he obviously felt completely at ease dealing with his little sister’s demands. As Ellie slurped on her cup Wes turned to Hally.

“During the day we have a child safety gate to keep her out of the kitchen but I think she’s worked out how to open it.”

He turned still holding Ellie and headed towards the doorway to the lounge. Sure enough the safety gate was open.

“The catch can be turned around, so that will foil her for a bit.”

Wes told her as they made their way into the other room. Toys were strewn over the floor and as Wes lowered Ellie to the floor she waddled over to a little pink vacuum cleaner and started pushing it around the carpet whilst making vacuuming noises.

For the next two and a half hours Hally and Wes entertained and were entertained by the little dark haired girl. She was like a whirlwind picking up and discarding toys, flipping through picture books, pointing at pictures sometimes able to tell them what the pictures were, other times waiting to be told and trying to repeat what she’d heard. Most of the time it was “Pappy Es.” this or “Pappy Es.” that, occasionally throwing in “Ayee” which Hally now could interpret as her name.

“Why does she call you Pappy Wes?”

Hally asked.

“Well she calls dad Pappy Ikle ‘cos she can’t say Michael and mum Mam Mam Tate, for Kate. We can’t get her out of it and mum thinks it’s just a stage, that when she gets a bit older she will just start using the proper words. We’re not even sure where she heard it to pick it up in the first place.”

Hally left Wes to go to Gran’s about mid-afternoon with the promise that she would call him later. They had not raised the subject of the previous night and Hally was relieved to keep it tucked safely away inside her own mind. She knew eventually it would resurface either because of physical contact between them or because one of them would broach it verbally, she suspected that would be Wes, but for now it wasn’t mentioned.

Gran was in great spirits that afternoon. Even though she looked thinner and more frail and her skin had a grey pallor to it she was ironically the life and soul of the family, despite having to remain in her recliner. Nurse Mildred had placed a special piece of equipment just inside Gran’s clothing, a pump system that Gran could control by pressing a button to deliver pain relief when she needed it. It was not too obvious and though Nathan had spotted it and asked about it, once they explained as simply as possible what it was for, they could for the most part ignore that it was there.

Granddad had already been in the garden with Nathan and built an entire snowman family, one for each of them, and Colin had taken several photos and uploaded them onto his laptop to show Gran who was too weak to venture even to the window. Whilst Gran was looking at the photos Hally wandered into the kitchen to find her mother. May was standing with her hands in a bowl of foamy water but was staring out into the back garden.

“Mum?”

Hally moved to her mother’s side and saw tears pouring down her face. Hally took a towel from the rail and took her mum’s hands from the water and wrapped the towel around them. As though she were the grown up she pulled her mum into a hug and let her sob on her shoulder for a change. Mum cried silently, but Hally could feel her pain shuddering through her. For a while neither said a word, Nathan poked his head around the door, but a quick small shake of Hally’s head sent him back into the other room. Gradually mum’s sobs lessened and slowly she stood up straight rubbing her hands across her wet face.

“I’m so..so..sorry my angel. I didn’t mean for you to have to deal with that.”

Mum told her in a very shaky voice.

“Mum, it’s ok to let go now and then. You can’t always be the strong one.”

Hally swallowed back her own tears determined to support her mum.

“We are all in this together, a family, we have to prop each other up. We all know it’s only going to get harder, even little Natty knows that. Look, sit down, I’m going to make you some tea.”

As she was filling two cups Colin came into the kitchen.

“Nathan whispered you were crying.”

He said to his wife as he placed his arms around her, and at her frown.

“Oh it’s alright, he didn’t let your mum hear. He was quite grown up about it actually.”

Mum gave him a little smile, tears threatening again.

“Yes, he’s being very sensitive about all this lately. I think he really does understand, and Mildred has been wonderful helping me talk it through with him.”

Hally gave her parents both cups of tea and then made another one for herself. The three sat at the big old kitchen table saying very little. Mum was drawing circles with her finger on the table.

“You know, mum taught me how to make pastry at this table. I was too little to reach the work surface so she let me kneel on a chair here.”

Hally looked at her father but stayed silent, she suspected there was more to come and she was right.

“Your dad asked your Granddad if he could marry me at this table too, only mum was listening at the door. She told me she nearly ran in to give her permission but managed to stop herself and let the men have their time.”

Colin smiled.

“Yeah, I remember that, crikey I don’t think I’ve ever been so nervous, at least not until I actually asked you.”

Again, they sat in silence sipping their tea.

“And this is where I told mum I was going to have you.”

This time a little sob came as well and Colin again leaned towards her and wrapped her in his arms. Hally wanted to cry too, but knew she had again to hold it back. Nathan again poked his head around the door and without a word indicated with his finger for Hally to come to him. Quietly she stood and went over to him and bent towards him so he could whisper in her ear.

“Gran wants you.”

Hally looked back over her shoulder at her parents.

“Gran wants me, ok?”

Colin nodded to her and moved closer to his wife holding her hand and quietly uttering comforting words. Nathan strolled over to his parents and leaned against his dad’s arm, not saying anything. Hally made her way to her Gran’s side still holding her tea. Gran saw the cup and turned to Mildred.

“I can see Hally has some tea so would you be a real dear and fetch me a cup too?”

Mildred smiled and turned towards the kitchen. Hally suspected Gran wanted them to be alone.

“Sit close my angel. There are things I want to say.”

She had to stop for a moment, a little out of breath. Hally perched on a soft stool near the recliner and leaned towards her Grandmother. Gran took her hand and Hally felt tears prick her eyes. Gran’s hand felt bony and dry, but surprisingly still quite strong.

“You are my only granddaughter and you are nearly a grown woman. I think you have something special going on with your young man.”

Hally had an uncanny feeling that somehow Gran knew what had happened to her the night before. Gran had to stop for breath and a squeeze on the pump button. She closed her eyes as the pain relief was released into her blood and then took another breath and continued.

“You are very mature for your age — but you are also still a child — this time in between a girl and a woman — when you want certain things.”

Again she stopped to rest, closing her eyes for a short time. Hally sat waiting patiently. Gran opened her eyes and looked directly into Hally’s. Her next words took Hally completely by surprise.

“I was just sixteen when I started courting your Granddad — he was so handsome and I was wild — I knew I loved him straight away — and I wanted him — but he wouldn’t —he made me wait until we were wed.”

She took a very deep breath and another squeeze of her pump, eyes closed in pain. Hally felt tears beginning but bit them back and waited. It was a while this time before Gran spoke again and Hally first thought she had drifted off to sleep.

“Of course these days things are — different — but don’t rush my sweet child — when it’s right — and make sure you really know him first.”

Hally was a little taken aback by what Gran had to say. She had never had even a glimmer of a conversation like this before so wasn’t quite sure how to respond.

“Ok Gran, thank you.”

Was all she could manage, but Gran gripped her hand with surprising strength and now in almost a whisper said.

“Hally, I think there are things you don’t know about him.”

Hally was instantly alert and concerned.

“Has he told you something?”

She asked with a frown. Gran’s fingers relaxed immediately, the burst of strength gone as quickly as it had come.

“No darling, it’s just a feeling.”

As though staged, Mildred came back into the room with Gran’s tea.

“Here we are Alice, just as you like it.”

She told her brightly, and very gently she sat beside Gran and helped her sip from the china cup. For as long as Hally could remember Gran had drunk her tea from a china cup with a saucer, now she needed help to hold it. Hally heard a noise behind her and saw Granddad standing near the door. He looked forlorn, so Hally stood and went over to him wrapping her arms around him. He hugged her back and whispered to her.

“It won’t be long now, I know it.”

Hally held him tighter, there was nothing she could say to give him comfort.

The final week of school started off with everyone struggling to get through the snow; but with many snowball fights on the way. By the time Hally and her friends reached the school gates they were all warm, damp and flushed. Harassed looking teachers struggled to get piles of books and papers from their cars without slipping over and the school caretaker was rushing about trying to make sure pathways and steps were clear of snow. Hally suspected he had been at the school very early to do this, and since the snow was still falling suspected he would be doing it all day.

Unlike some of the schools outside of the town, most of the staff lived in Colingford so were able to get into work; so the school remained open but with some disruption to the timetable. Both staff and students accepted this was probably going to be the way all week, and since Friday would bring an end to the term Mr Hopkins announced in morning assembly that some lessons would be cancelled; but that he would still expect discipline to be maintained. So by the end of the week everyone was totally ready for the Christmas holidays. The last day of term was as usual rather rowdy but with good humour all around and as usual finished at lunchtime.

Hally, Wes, Corrinne and Clia joined other students in a snowball fight on the way home and Corrinne and Clia were pleasantly surprised when they saw Gregg and Rhys coming around the corner toward them.

“We got off early, there’s not much more we can do today with this weather.”

Gregg told them as they met on the pavement. Hally could see her two friends were very happy with this news and invited the two boys back to her house as that was where they had been heading. They arrived back at Hally’s all flushed, a bit breathless and with copious amounts of snow stuck to their coats, hands freezing cold, but all very happy.

The last few days before Christmas day were very busy for Hally. She divided her time between family, boyfriend and friends. All her presents were wrapped but still hidden away in her room because Nathan was still in the ‘When is Father Christmas coming’ stage so no presents would be put under the tree until late Christmas eve. She helped her mum with food preparations especially as they would be taking Christmas day round to Gran and Granddads, since Gran was now unable to leave the house at all. As Hally stood in the kitchen rolling out pastry for mince pies she thought of what her mum had told her about baking with her mother. She sighed as she began cutting rounds of pastry.

“That was a deep sigh.”

Mum said.

“I was just thinking how normal things just keep going.”

She replied.

“What do mean baby?”

Mum asked.

“Well, here we are baking, I’m making pastry the way you taught me, the same way your mum taught you and I hope one day I will teach a child of my own too. But Gran won’t be here for that yet it’s well just the normal thing to do.”

Mum wiped her hands on a cloth and put her arms around her. She gave her a kiss on the cheek and said softly.

“I know, it doesn’t seem right that everyday life goes on just the same when something so tragic is going to happen soon.”

She gave her own big sigh and the two stayed like that for a while.

Hally was woken by two things on Christmas morning, first her phone chirping brought her partially out of sleep, then Nathan shrieking down the hallway for her to get up because Father Christmas had been. The phone was a message from Wes wishing her a happy Christmas and sending lots of love and kisses and that he would come round to Gran’s after he had had Christmas dinner with his family. She quickly sent a message back then clambered out of bed, excitement welling at the thought of watching her family open their presents, and of the presents waiting for her to open. Nathan was waiting, very impatiently, but all the same waiting, but as soon as Hally appeared he looked at his mother who smiled and nodded. He then dived for presents under the tree excitedly pulling the wrappings from those with his name on. Lots of squeals of delight came from him as mum and dad more sedately handed Hally her gifts. The child in her soon came out as she unwrapped and found an assortment of items, all things she wanted but couldn’t actually remember voicing.

“Granddad said they will give you two their presents when we go round.”

Mum told her. Hally smiled and handed her parents the gifts she had bought them.

After breakfast the whole family climbed into the car and dad carefully drove them through snowy streets to Gran and Granddad’s home. Normally they would walk but today they had far too much to carry. Nurse Mildred greeted them at the door and Hally wondered for the first time if she had any family since she had barely left Gran from the day she had arrived. Granddad gave everyone hugs and then they all clustered around Gran to give her hugs and kisses too. Mildred appeared with a tray of hot drinks and the festive day began.

Christmas dinner was a little cramped as the dining table had been moved close to Gran’s recliner, but this is no way deterred the enjoyment of the whole family, more so because they all knew it would be the last all together. Hally again watched each member of her family, especially Granddad who had insisted that today he would assist Gran with her meals. Hally saw the love between them as though it were something tangible and wondered not for the first time how Granddad would cope when his wife was gone.

The rest of the day was spent playing games, watching television, chatting together and enjoying being a family. Later when there was a knock on the door, Hally jumped up expecting Wes but had a surprise when she found him accompanied by Corrinne and Clia.

“We had to come and see Gran.”

Clia announced.

“Yes definitely.”

Corrinne chimed. Wes stepped forward and gave Hally a kiss as the three stepped into the warmth. The girls darted past them both and headed for the lounge to see Gran which gave Wes the opportunity to give Hally a warm hug too. Then together they followed the girls.

Gran was already unwrapping a package, her fingers struggling somewhat with the tape and ribbon. Granddad ever so gently and without fuss helped her and together they released the contents. Much to Gran’s delight she found jelly babies, handmade chocolate truffles and a little teddy bear filled with lavender. But what made her laugh out loud was a red thong with fur trimming and ‘Gran’ written on it.

“You little devils.”

She told them, a little breathless from laughing. The girls giggled as did the rest of the family except Nathan who was too involved in a battle between his toys, and oblivious to what was going on around him.

“How has your day been?”

Wes whispered to Hally.

“It’s been wonderful and difficult at the same time.”

She replied. Wes nodded in understanding.

“What about yours?”

She enquired.

“Oh absolutely crazy. Ellie was full of it. She doesn’t yet really understand about Christmas, but she had great fun opening presents, sometimes not just her own, and playing with the wrappings and boxes.”

He smiled and the look on his face made Hally realise that he obviously loved the little girl deeply. She supposed it was different to the way she reacted to Nathan because of the wide age gap.

Much later when everyone was tucked up in bed, Hally sat wrapped in her dressing gown sitting by the window looking out at the winter wonderland in the garden below. The night was clear, stars sparkling gems resting on a velvet pad. Everything was so quiet and still, the only sound her soft breathing. Hally gently touched the gold bracelet Wes had given her for Christmas. He had told her he didn’t want to buy a necklace because he knew she always wore the one the girls had bought her for her birthday; and didn’t want her to have to choose which one to wear or alternate them. Again she felt herself fill with love for him and the depth of her emotions frightened her. She felt consumed by her feelings almost to the point of suffocation and for a moment she leaned forward and held herself trying to give herself comfort. She was so afraid that if Wes did not feel the same way she would never be able to cope, or worse still if he broke up with her that her life would be over. Hally had never been one to indulge in dramatics, so the intensity of her emotions were as tangible as if someone had actually punched her. How could a person feel so much at one time, and how could a person be so happy yet feel miserable at the same time. All these thoughts wandered through her mind as she held herself and looked at the blanket of snow outside.

Even later, buried under her duvet, Hally closed her eyes and tried to sleep. It had been a long day and an even longer build up to the day. She felt a little deflated that Christmas was over, it had all been so busy, and Boxing Day was probably going to be hectic too. However thoughts of Wes continued to invade all of her other thoughts and again her body began to react to the day’s memories. All innocent but still powerful, his touches, his light kisses, his smile and even just hearing his voice; all sent waves of emotion through the lower parts of her body, so intense she allowed her own hands to travel to those parts of her body and give herself release and pleasure. After, she was finally able to drift into a sleep full of dreams about Wes, her Gran and a whole host of strange events that can only take place deep in the subconscious.