Chapter 13

New Year

New Year’s Eve dawned with the temperature well below freezing and snow still sitting deeply on the ground. All of the main roads had been salted so were relatively free of snow and ice, but everywhere else was like a skating rink. Most people were now using sledges to pull young children and shopping rather than risk their cars, and looked like circus clowns in overlarge shoes as they walked precariously along the pavements.

Hally and her family were going to Clia’s parent’s party, something they put on every year so that their friends could get together and celebrate without having to worry about arranging baby sitters. Hally was very excited by the upcoming event this year because for the first time she would have a boyfriend to go with, and even better, so would her two best friends. It was going to be a fabulous evening and she had a fabulous outfit to wear to it.

Mum and dad left early for Gran and Granddad’s with Nathan and Hally planned to walk over later in the morning. Mum had again insisted she spend some time doing the things normal teenagers did over the holidays, but Hally was determined not to spend the day lounging around; so she made sure her room was neat and tidy, vacuumed the downstairs rooms so her mum wouldn’t have to and laid her outfit out for the party. She phoned Wes and chatted for a while then togged herself up in warm clothes and made her way to her Grandparents.

Mum opened the door just as she reached it and this gave Hally a start. She instinctively knew something had changed by the look on her mother’s face.

“What’s happened?”

She asked, her voice quivering with a fear that gripped her entire being. Mum took her hand and pulled her into a hug.

“She’s in a bad way angel. Barely awake now, mostly because of the pain medication.”

Hally yanked her boots off and headed for the lounge peeling her outdoor clothes off on the way. Gran was in her recliner with Granddad on one side holding her hand and Mildred on the other. The pump had been removed, no use to her Grandmother now as she was too weak and ill to administer the pain relief herself. A small disposable dish sat on a little table nearby, a syringe laid in it. Mildred looked at Hally and said very gently.

“I have to give her pain relief by injection now my dear. That’s all we can do now, just make her as comfortable as possible. But she’s a fighter and she’s holding on.”

Hally burst into tears as she knelt before her Gran, placing her head on the blanket which covered her Gran’s withering body. As she sobbed she felt Granddad softly stroke her hair and they just stayed that way until Hally’s tears finally subsided.

Throughout the day Gran drifted in and out of consciousness sometimes obviously aware of their presence, other times barely flickering her eye lids. Dad was doing his best keeping everyone together. He kept Nathan entertained as well as keeping him fairly quiet and informed as much as an eight year old could be informed. Nathan had a fair understanding of the situation and did his best to not get in the way. Mum wanted him to be as close to his Gran as was possible so gave him some leeway to play near to her without being a disturbance. Mildred was wonderful in helping with this and explained that Nathan didn’t need to be completely quiet; that a degree of normality in his play was the best way for him to be able to handle his own feelings. Over a cup of tea in the kitchen she explained to mum that Nathan may feel he had made his Gran worse if they tried to keep him silent and as a normal child was not able to achieve this. From then on, there was a much more relaxed atmosphere in the home. Hally phoned Wes several times throughout the day which gave her a lot of comfort. Neither of them expected she would be going to the party that evening and Wes told her he wouldn’t go either but would come around to Gran’s if she wanted him to, which was exactly what she wanted. However, just as she finished on the phone mum came into the kitchen and spoke to her.

“I know this sounds really terrible, but Mildred and your Granddad has told your dad and me to take you and Nathan to the party.”

Hally started to protest but mum put her hand up and gave her a sad smile.

“I know baby, I was about to protest too. But, Mildred has lots of experience in these situations and she’s told me that though mum doesn’t have much time left, it’s not going to happen straight away. Granddad is very insistent that we take you two out this evening and see the new year in. He even told me that since it’s going to be the last one he has with his wife, he wants it to be as much like their first New Year, just the two of them. Of course Mildred will be there but…”

Her voice shook and she was unable to continue. Hally hugged her mum but had no words of comfort to give.

Hally spent quite some time getting ready for the party, doing her hair, applying makeup and pulling on the new dress she had for the event. As she looked at her reflection in the mirror, she smoothed out her dress, it was a black sequinned tube dress and hugged her figure beautifully. But in between her excitement she felt threads of guilt, that she should be looking forward to an evening of fun when her Gran was so close to death. Mum tapped on the door and came in, smiling at how beautiful her daughter looked. Then as if reading her mind she said.

“Hally darling, it’s ok. I know your Gran wants us to enjoy this party. We all feel, well except probably Nathan, that we shouldn’t be going, but dad and I have made sure Mildred has both our mobile numbers and Clia’s house number. We will only be twenty minutes away, even in this weather.”

Hally felt a little reassured by her mum’s words and said.

“Ok, I know really that this is alright, so how do I look?”

They giggled together and for a moment it was just mother and daughter preparing for a family night out.

Wes came round at eight as he was going with the family to the party. Gregg and Rhys were going straight there from their respective homes and the six were looking forward to meeting up and enjoying celebrating the incoming year together.

“Wow, you look gorgeous.”

Wes told Hally as he came into the lounge. Before she had time to respond Nathan jumped forward.

“What about me?”

Asked Nathan giving a little twirl. He was wearing a child-size dinner suit complete with bow tie to match his father.

“Wow, you look very handsome and grown up.”

Wes told him, bending to his level. Nathan giggled and with another twirl sprinted off to the kitchen where mum was organising the packing of some dishes of food to take with them. Wes stood up and gave Hally a kiss just as dad came into the room.

“Hi Wes, can I get you a drink?”

He asked without raising an eyebrow. With no sign of embarrassment Wes nodded. Dad disappeared into the kitchen and returned with two open bottles of lager.

“Don’t I get one?”

Hally asked batting her eyelashes at her dad. He came over to her and planted a kiss on the end of her nose.

“A shandy, alright, I’ll go and get it.”

Hally gave a pout as dad turned again towards the kitchen patting her behind on the way.

“You can have a glass of champagne at midnight.”

He told her on the way. Hally beamed brightly, her eyes lit up in anticipation which in turn made Wes smile.

“Mum and dad let me have some wine, or a bottle of beer sometimes for special occasions.”

Hally told Wes.

“Yeah, my parents used to do that and now I’m old enough to drink I don’t find it so mysterious or exciting, or like some people I know, rebellious, you know, doing it just because you’re not supposed to.”

Hally nodded in understanding.

“Mmm some of the girls in my year are out all weekend just getting hammered. They think it makes them look all grown up and sexy. But all they end up doing is throwing up everywhere and looking stupid. Honestly, the amount of fights over this boy or that boy ‘cos they’ve had too much to drink, and half the time next day they can’t remember what they did. Some of the lads are just as bad, only they end up punching each other, just because they think it’s clever to down as much booze as they can in one go. Yuk, I don’t ever want to get so out of control.”

“Hally my sweet girlfriend, I cannot imagine you ever being out of control as you put it. You are far too sensible.”

Wes said in a slightly teasing tone. Hally looked up at him using her eyes to give him the sexiest look she could and said in a low voice.

“Oh I don’t know, I can think of something that might make me lose a little bit of control.”

Before Wes could comment, dad returned with Hally’s drink. He looked from one to the other and thought he might have interrupted something but wasn’t sure what, so he simply handed Hally her drink and turned to Wes asking about his family.

There were already quite a few people at Clia’s house when they all arrived. Mum went straight to the kitchen to unpack the food she had prepared, dad behind her carrying it. Nathan headed for some children he knew and Hally and Wes made their way over to Clia. Corrinne, Gregg and Rhys had not yet arrived. Clia’s brother Don was standing next to his sister and was introduced to Wes. They were soon chatting about Don’s uni experiences and Hally wondered for the first time if Wes might be considering further study. They had never discussed his plans after he finished school, for some unknown reason the subject had never come up, but now Hally wondered and worried. In her mind she saw him going off to some university at the other end of the country, meeting girls his own age and forgetting about her.

“Earth to Hally.”

She came out of her wonderings as Wes nudged her smiling.

“I don’t think you were with us there babe.”

He said putting his arm around her. Hally gave a little shudder and he frowned giving her a concerned look.

“Hally are you ok?”

She gave herself a mental shake and put a smile on her face.

“Of course, I’m fine.”

She told him. Clia looked at her with her all too usual knowing look that something was out of sorts with her friend.

“Let’s go and get some drinks Hally.”

She said, taking Hally’s hand and leading her towards the kitchen. Once out of earshot of the boys Clia said in a whisper.

“Ok, what’s up?”

“Nothing really. Well, it’s just, Don was chatting about uni and you know, Wes has never said anything about what he wants to do after he’s taken his exams.”

Hally told her worriedly. Clia gave her a look which told her straight away she was worrying over nothing.

“Sweetie, just ask him.”

She told her matter of factly.

Carrying drinks, the two girls returned to the lounge. Wes and Don were still chatting.

“…three street cones and a cricket bat.”

They heard Don say to Wes as they handed over drinks to the boys who were now laughing heartily.

“So what are you going to do after your exams Wes?”

Clia chimed in. Hally looked at her and felt herself blushing with embarrassment. She was sure Wes would know exactly what they had been talking about in the kitchen, and what had worried her earlier. But without hesitation Wes replied.

“Well I’ve looked at a few part time courses at the further education college. I think I might go for some sort of accountancy training. My mum’s a qualified accountant and so she would be able to sort of act as a home tutor. I don’t want to do full time because I still want to work as well, and I don’t think it’s fair to expect my parents to fully finance me when mum can’t work full time now ‘cos of Ellie.”

Hally was surprised and relieved at the same time. She also felt a little let down that this was the first time she had heard of his plans and resolved to ask him later about why he had never mentioned it. She also remembered that a long time ago, or so it seemed, she had planned to ask him why he had failed his exams in the first place, and was determined now to discover the reason. Wes looked at her and gave a slight frown as though he knew something was amiss but that for now it wasn’t going to be broached. The entire subject was then put to one side with the arrival of Corrinne, Gregg and Rhys and as the six greeted each other, Don drifted off to chat with some other friends.

Before too long the house was full of people all enjoying each other’s company. Clia’s dad ensured that a variety of music was played to suit all ages and that the children were kept entertained and out of trouble. Her mum with the help of Hally’s mum kept the food on the table topped up and the evening developed into a very noisy but happy night. Hally and her friends had a great time, especially watching some of the adults, who as they drank more loosened up more and began to dance more and more vigorously, often completely out of rhythm to the music.

By the time midnight approached everyone was hot but happy. With the help of Hally’s and Corrinne’s parents, Clia’s parents handed out glasses of champagne to all but the younger children, who were given lemonade as the countdown to the new year began. The music was turned off and the television turned on and everyone stood close to their respective families as they listened to Big Ben chime in the new year. On the stroke of midnight, glasses were raised and kisses passed around. Wes gave Hally a lingering kiss which set her pulse racing and her heart swell with love. Then there were chants of ‘Happy New Year’ and everyone joining hands to sing Auld Lang Syne.

It was nearly two in the morning when Hally and her family finally said their goodnights, or goodmornings as dad merrily put it and made their way home. Wes had hugged and kissed her before he left with Gregg and Rhys and promised to call her later in the day. At home Hally gave her parents each a kiss and planted one on top of Nathan’s sleepy head, and made her way to her room. She pulled off her clothes and climbed into bed feeling tired but happy. It had been a wonderful evening, dancing and snuggling with Wes, laughing and dancing with Corrinne and Clia, and watching her two friends so very happily cuddling and dancing with their boyfriends. It was a good start to the new year.

Hally was being rocked, then she was being tapped and then she was falling. Falling away from a dream full of bursting champagne bottles, a huge room with high ceilings and crammed with people she didn’t know. Quite suddenly she realised she was awake, mum leaning over her gently shaking her shoulder.

“Mum… what?”

She knew she didn’t have to say any more. She had gone to sleep with her lamp on and in the soft light it cast she saw the look of fear and misery on her mum’s face.

“We have to get over to your Gran’s.”

It was said without panic or rush and Hally knew from what Mildred had explained to them that they had some but not a lot of time.

“Ok, I’ll get dressed, is Nathan up yet?”

“Your dad has gone to get him. Baby you do understand what this means don’t you?”

Mum asked in a voice full of emotion. Pulling off the duvet and climbing out of bed, Hally nodded. She grabbed her bra, jeans, jumper and socks and began dressing hurriedly as she replied.

“I know what this means. Mildred told me that she would know when Gran was close to… to…you know…”

She just couldn’t bring herself to say the word ‘dying’

“She said she would let us know so we could all be… with… her.”

Hally knew if she continued she would burst into tears and she didn’t want to do that, not yet, for now she wanted to be strong for her mum, because although mum was holding it together at the moment, Hally knew she was very fragile and it would not take much for her shell to crack.

The family gathered in the kitchen wrapped in warm outdoor clothing to face the cold outside. Hally was surprised to find she had only been in bed for an hour and a half. Nathan looked sleepy and was somewhat grumpy, but dad had done his best to explain to him why he had to get out of his nice cosy bed, and although it didn’t do much for his mood he understood enough to behave. They set out in the snow and ice treading precariously along frozen pavements. Most of the neighbourhoods they passed through were quiet and dark, but here and there they saw signs that the New Year celebrations were still in full swing. At times they passed other people, some staggering and slipping, and were greeted with ‘Happy new year’. With false smiles they responded in the same way and soon they arrived at Gran and Granddads.

The house was warm and quiet with soft lighting in the room where Gran lay on her recliner. Mildred was leaning over her as they entered gently sponging her face and one hand with warm water. Granddad sat at her side holding her other hand gently stroking her delicate fingers.

“She’s holding on.”

He told them in a flat voice.

“But now you’re all here, I think it won’t be long before she lets go.”

Again his voice was lacking emotion and Hally knew he was struggling to maintain his composure and her heart went out to him. She knelt by his side and placed her hand over his, both holding Gran’s hand gently. Mildred finished bathing Gran and stepped away so that mum, dad and Nathan could sit at her other side. Nathan leaned into his father, his eyes drooping with tiredness.

“Daddy can I go sleep?”

He asked with a wide yawn. Mum looked at her little boy and smiled as dad replied.

“Go and lay on the sofa little one.”

He told him in a soft voice.

“What if Granny dies when I’m asleep?”

He said innocently but with obvious concern. Mum choked back a little sob and took her child’s hand and led him to the sofa. Mildred as ever aware of the situation was ready with a fleece blanket.

“Natty sweetheart, have a little rest, it will be alright.”

Mum told him as she laid him down and tucked the blanket around him. As his eyes began to close he said in a small voice.

“Is Granny gonna go to heaven?”

Stroking his hair away from his brow mum smiled and felt her heart shudder in her breast.

“My angel, I really do think your Gran will go to heaven and from there she will watch over you all of the time.”

Mum had never practised any religion but at that moment she desperately wanted to believe that her mother was going to a safe and pain-free place, and if that was heaven then so be it. Hally still sat with Granddad but could hear her mum’s loving voice speaking to Nathan. Her words brought to Hally’s mind the picture on her wall. Her Gran would be one of those angels watching over all of them.

As dawn approached the family took turns sitting on either side of Gran, holding and stroking her hands. Mildred kept a supply of hot drinks coming for them all in between tending Gran. Although Gran was essentially motionless, Mildred made sure the covers on the recliner were neat and smooth. She ensured the little bowl of water and glycerine was always fresh that was used to moisten Gran’s lips. She prepared some food for them all and sent them into the kitchen, except Granddad and Nathan who was still asleep, because she wanted Gran to have some privacy and dignity whilst she administered pain relief that she had to give by suppository. All of these tasks were completed without fuss and with the utmost gentleness and consideration for all involved.

At nine twenty, Hally was sitting on one side of her Gran and her mum was on the other side. Nathan was awake and dad was supervising his breakfast. Granddad and Mildred were sitting on the sofa sipping coffee. Hally felt a tiny movement in her hand and quickly relayed this to the others. Mildred was on her feet like a cat and mum called dad and Nathan in from the kitchen. Hally stood to allow Granddad to take her place, Granddad taking Gran’s hand in his own. Dad stood near the bottom of the recliner one arm round Nathan, the other holding his hand. Standing close to mum, Mildred pressed her fingers to Gran’s wrist and checked her fob watch as she monitored her pulse.

Hally stood watching her Grandmother’s face, feeling that everything had been suspended in time, that no one was breathing. Then she saw Gran’s eyelids open, her eyes two beautiful orbs, deep blue and clear as crystal. She felt Gran look at all of them, complete clarity and understanding in her eyes, a silent farewell to her family that she loved and cherished so much, and who in turn loved and cherished her too. Then a soft white cloud gently moved across the blueness and as in slow motion her eyelids began to close and then her chest rose once more and then stilled.

At first there was silence, Hally’s vision blurred as tears began to fall down her cheeks, then she heard the soft crying of her mum and Granddad. Mum came to Granddad then the whole family wrapped themselves around each other trying desperately to comfort one another in their grief. For some time they all stayed just like that holding onto each other and holding each other up. Quietly and gently behind them Nurse Mildred continued with her job. Hally heard her soft voice speaking to someone and then there was again just the sound of the family’s sobs.

Over the next few hours things were a blur for Hally. She had called Wes and before she could even begin to tell him what had happened she was sobbing uncontrollably into the phone.

“Hally babe I’ll be straight over.”

He told her. At first she didn’t even realise he had disconnected. Shortly after her phone chirped and she saw the call was coming from Corrinne.

“Hals, do you want me to come over?”

She asked. Before Hally could respond her text alert went off and mumbling “Just a sec” to Corrinne quickly checked the message.

tried to call got busy signal wes called do you want me to come over

“It’s Clia, she just asked me the same.”

Hally told Corrinne. She felt completely detached from everything and couldn’t even grasp the simplicity of her friends’ question.

“So, shall we?”

Corrinne asked carefully.

“Shall you what?”

Hally replied.

“Come over Hals.”

“Oh, yes, oh please, I really don’t know what to do.”

Sobbing uncontrollably again she didn’t hear Corrinne tell her she would call Clia and they would both come over, and again was still holding her phone to her ear even though her friend had disconnected.

Later in the day Hally sat in her own home with Wes and her two best friends. Wes had taken charge and called Corrinne and Clia and asked them to meet them at Hally’s instead of coming to Gran’s. He explained to them that Hally’s mum thought it might be too difficult for Hally to cope with the arrangements that had to be made.

So now, she had talked herself out about Gran, going over and over her last hours with her. Wes sat with his arm around her and Corrinne and Clia snuggled close on her other side. Mum and dad were still at her grandparents house as there was a lot to help Granddad with. When Wes arrived he first gave his full attention to Hally, then hugged the other members of the family. Nurse Mildred then took him through to the lounge to see Gran who looked just as though she were sleeping. Mum then told Hally to go home as she thought it might be too stressful for her to be there when the doctor came out to confirm the death and for Gran to then be moved to the funeral home. Without argument Hally agreed and offered to take Nathan, but mum told her Nathan was now upstairs sleeping. Hally was surprised at herself that she hadn’t even noticed Nathan was no longer in the kitchen.

“It’s ok baby, even though we expected this it’s still a shock to you.”

Mum told her, her voice choked with emotion. So, almost numb with pain and anguish, Hally hugged and kissed her mum, dad, Granddad and even Nurse Mildred and allowed Wes to wrap her in her coat and his arms and take her home. Now she sat huddled afraid she would never feel happy again.

The next few days were stressful for the entire family. Hally helped as much as she could especially with Nathan and she had Corrinne and Clia with her most of the time to help too. Wes divided his time between her and work and all this at least gave Hally a little respite from her feelings. However there were times, even when she had company that she simply couldn’t concentrate on anything. She often found herself drifting away into her own world in the middle of a conversation, or when she was eating, or watching television, or anytime really.

There were brief moments when her mind would almost forget and she would talk to her friends about normal things. She would laugh and share jokes, then suddenly her grief would come flooding back in and she would feel guilty for those tiny moments of happiness. Watching her mum cope was hard, watching her go about her normal daily routines with Nathan, the home, with her, all which she dealt with in her usual efficient way, yet with a sadness so deep, it was almost solid. Dad was a rock to them all and Hally watched him give his wife so much love and care without smothering her, she watched him play with Nathan and she soaked up the attention, love and comfort he gave to her. Together, they all supported Granddad. He had chosen to stay at his own home even though mum desperately wanted him to stay with them.

“No love. I need to be here where she was. This was our home for all our married life. I have to carry on though God only knows how I’m going to do that. But, somehow, I will. She wanted me to continue living, not to grieve for ever, although I will, but you know how strong she was…well… she…made me promise…to…look after you.”

Granddad told mum, his voice cracking, after she had tried for the tenth time to get him to come and stay with them. Mum wrapped her arms around her father and together they sobbed and tried to give comfort to each other. Hally felt her heart breaking at this sight and took herself out into the still snow covered garden to shed more tears of her own. She felt alone and empty but didn’t want to invade their grief with her own. She knew this was irrational, that they would give her love and comfort too, but she just felt they needed to have that moment to themselves.

As the days passed and the new term grew closer, Hally felt the loss of her Gran in so many different ways. At times she would simply sit in her room looking at the angels on the wall and remember growing up with her Gran nearby. Other times she would cry silently into her pillow, or sob loudly into Wes’ shoulder, or the girls’ arms. She would wander around the house as though sleep walking, not always remembering why she went into that room, or what she wanted out of the fridge. One time she found herself holding a full cup of tea that was stone cold and completely untouched. She wasn’t even sure exactly when she had made it. Sometimes she would crave company only to find herself wanting to be alone the minute someone came close, then desperately seeking solace in a hug from a family member, Wes or her friends. She was so mixed up she felt as though she had been thrown into a giant blender.

On the first day back to school, Corrinne, Clia and Wes came to Hally’s house. Usually they all met up on the way but this morning the three had decided Hally needed support from the off. The weather remained freezing with hard snow packed solid on the ground making the journey treacherous. However, with great care the four made their way steadily to school. Hally tried her best to be cheerful towards her friends and boyfriend and at times accomplished this without having to fake it. But as the school gates approached she wondered how she was ever going to get through the day.

English was Hally’s first lesson of the day and as she entered the classroom Mr Austin came straight over to her and quietly said.

“Hally, if you need to see me, here is a list of times when I’m not teaching. Just let which ever teacher you are having at the time know that you are coming to see me.”

He handed her a folded sheet of paper and smiled gently. Hally just nodded, she didn’t think she could speak, her emotions were bubbling to the surface and threatened to burst. She simply took the list and sat down in her usual seat. For parts of the lesson Hally was able to concentrate and absorb what was going on, but some of it went over her head and her mind wandered to memories of her Gran. These included Granddad and other members of her family and many of the things they had shared as a family. So, by the end of the lesson Hally felt disjointed and a little lost, not quite knowing what had been discussed and read. This happened throughout the day and by the time school ended Hally was exhausted and unsure of exactly what each lesson had been about. All her teachers had been sympathetic and understanding. They knew she was an excellent student and that she would catch up on anything she missed, but Hally felt she had let them and herself down.

“Sweetie, don’t beat yourself up about it.”

Clia told her on the way home. Wes’ day had been shorter than theirs and then he had to go to the café, so it was just the girls who walked home with her, linking arms on either side.

“Everyone understands Hals.”

Corrinne told her. Hally looked side to side at her friends and was about to reply when all three hit a particularly icy patch and slid to a heap on the ground. For a moment all was silent, then they all burst into giggles as they tried to untangle themselves from each other and stand up. This turned out to be more difficult than expected as each time one went to hold the other to stand, their feet slipped out from under them. A couple of boys from their school saw them and offered gloved hands to help them stand. Eventually and with lots of slipping and sliding, and the near fall of one of the boys; they finally got to their feet and away from the very icy patch. Flushed, hot and giggling, the girls thanked the boys and treading very carefully continued homeward.

Settled in Hally’s kitchen with hot drinks, they relayed the event to mum who also found it amusing. For Hally to see her mum smile too gave her an emotional boost and she felt her spirits lift for the first time in days. Silently she told herself that she knew she could get through this. That it would be hard, but with support from her family, friends and school, it would happen. She decided then that the next day she would go and see Mr Austin.

On the Friday after school started back, Wes, Corrinne and Clia arrived at Hally’s house early. It was the day of Gran’s funeral and they wanted to be there to support the family in any way they could. Mum and dad had already left for Granddad’s house and Hally had arranged with her mother to get Nathan ready and take him there a little later. The undertakers were going to be at Granddad’s at eleven and they would all go from there to the church.

At ten thirty Hally stood with mum in Granddad’s kitchen putting the final touches to the buffet they had prepared for the wake. Mum had remained completely composed all morning fussing over her father and making sure Nathan didn’t mess up his suit. Dad constantly fussed over his wife, giving her little hugs and kisses, soft touches and gentle pats every time he passed her. She smiled at him and accepted his attention with so much love in her eyes. Wes was as attentive towards Hally, and in turn she gave her attention to Nathan and her two friends, as she knew that they were grieving too. They had known Gran for all their lives and loved and missed her too.

At exactly eleven o’clock the undertakers pulled up outside the house. Softly they knocked and told Granddad they were ready when he was. Hally saw the hearse carrying her Grandmother through the window, floral displays laid alongside the coffin. From where she stood she could only see one side, a beautiful display saying ‘Alice’ and another saying ‘Mum’. But she knew on the other side she would see another saying ‘Gran’. Her parents had asked her and Nathan what they wanted it to read and at first Hally had thought ‘Grandmother’ but then Nathan had announced quite strongly.

“But we always call her Gran.”

His little eyes had filled with tears and Hally hugged him tight and replied.

“You are so right little brother. We do call her Gran, so it should say Gran.”

In complete contrast to Dana’s funeral, the church was filled to overflowing. People were quite literally having to stand in the aisles and at the back. There were wreaths and sprays and bouquets everywhere. Gran and Granddad had so many friends, both in the town and in various other parts of the country and it seemed they had all come to pay their respects. Hally, mum, Nathan and her friends walked behind the coffin as it was led by the vicar and carried by Granddad, dad and Wes and three pall bearers from the undertakers to the altar. They then all settled in the front pew as the service began.

Hally listened intently to the words from the vicar celebrating her Gran’s life. Sometimes there was gentle laughter from the congregation other times there were obvious sobs. Granddad stood at the lectern and tearfully yet with a smile talked lovingly about his wife. He spoke of her strength, of their family and how she would always be with them to support their every need. Mum leaned into dad and cried, holding a wad of tissues to her face. Then Hally stood and approached the lectern. She didn’t feel at all nervous even though she was about to speak to more people than she had ever done.

“There is so much I could say about my Gran, but it would take until spring. (light laughter came from the mourners) So, what I really want you all to know is that she was the most wonderful woman anyone could ever meet. (there were murmurs of agreement) She was funny, always gave advice that could be followed without hesitation…would talk about anything and everything…and put her family above all else. And…she approved of my boyfriend just as she approved of my dad.”

Hally felt no embarrassment at this final statement, and as she returned to her seat saw Wes look at her with warmth in his eyes as he took her hand and gently squeezed it.

Tears flowed furiously from Hally, her parents, Nathan, her friends and many others as they stood by the graveside and the funeral was completed. Each of them took a small handful of the dirt offered by the vicar and gently dropped it onto the coffin. They followed this with red roses, their deep colour standing out against the white of the snow and ice laying deeply across the churchyard. When the service and burial was finished, people came over and whispered words of comfort to them. Many took their hands and held them, others gave hugs or gently pats, but all said the same, how sad that Alice was gone.

Back at Granddad’s, the house filled with friends for the wake. Dad passed drinks out and Hally with Wes, Corrinne and Clia, kept a supply of tea and coffee going. By early evening there was just a handful of people left still reminiscing to Granddad and mum about Alice. Hally could see the exhaustion on both their faces and felt worn out herself, but no one wanted to suggest they all now get some rest. Finally dad turned to Hally and said.

“Baby, could you take Nathan home, and you need some rest yourself.”

“I’m ok dad, but I will take him home. It’s been a long day for him and he’s been so well behaved I think maybe he will need to let off a little steam soon.”

Hally replied. Dad smiled and pulled her into a tight cuddle.

“You are your Gran’s granddaughter.”

He said, his voice filled with emotion. He kissed her on the top of her head and as he turned she saw him wipe tears from his eyes. Hally kissed him back and turned to Wes and the girls to explain what they were going to do.

By the time they reached Hally’s Nathan was in fact drooping, so instead of needing to calm down he compliantly went and changed into his pyjamas and dressing gown. Then he settled on the lounge floor and played with his new action character Hally had bought for Christmas. Hally and the others sat comfortably on the sofa and chatted about the day and how well it had all gone. It seemed to Hally that this kind of small talk was all any of them could cope with just then. Then for a while they sat in silence. Wes, his arm around Hally squeezed her gently and nodded towards Nathan.

“I think he’s asleep.”

He told her quietly. Hally lowered herself to the floor and softly crawled towards her little brother. Sure enough, Nathan had curled up still holding his toy and was fast asleep. Hally brushed his hair away from his face and gave him a little kiss on the cheek, he looked so sweet and didn’t stir at all.

“Do you want me to carry him up to bed?”

Wes asked gently coming over too. Hally felt more tears welling in her eyes and she didn’t really know why, so she just nodded and stood up as Wes lifted the child into his arms. Clia and Corrinne both stood and gave Nathan a kiss as well, then Hally and Wes took him up to his room. As Wes lowered him onto his bed and Hally covered him with his duvet he stirred ever so slightly, then rolled over still holding his toy. Hally didn’t try to take it away even though she was worried it might dig into him, she thought as hard as the toy was it was at least offering him some comfort, so she left it where it was and left the room.

With the funeral over, Hally tried to bring some normality back to her life. Slowly and with the counselling from Mr Austin Hally caught up with her school work and found she could again concentrate on her lessons. She and her family were still deeply grieving but were beginning in tiny steps to move forward with their lives. Wes was a real bolster to her and because Corrinne and Clia were also grieving arranged with Gregg and Rhys to spend as much time as possible all together.

“He’s just so considerate mum.”

Hally said one day after school when she was having tea with her mum.

“Yes, he is. I’ve seen how he is around you and how he gives Nathan lots of attention too. Perhaps having a toddler for a sister has helped him grow lots of patience.”

Mum told her with a smile and a squeeze of her hand. At mum’s words something stirred in the back of Hally’s mind, something she was going to ask Wes about. She couldn’t quite get the memory, it hovered just out of reach, something about New Year’s eve, but it wasn’t about the evening.

“Your tea’s getting cold baby.”

Mum said and the oh so near memory faded spirit like and disappeared. Hally smiled at her mum and finished her drink, but resolved to concentrate her thoughts later when she was alone and remember what she knew was important.

Wes was supposed to come round for dinner with Hally that evening but called to say he was going to be late because Ellie had picked up a tummy bug and was being sick. When he finally did arrive, he told her his mother had asked him to help take care of Ellie while she stripped off the toddler’s bed and remade it. So he had bathed and changed her and tried to encourage her to take some liquids until his mum had been able to take over the care again. Hally hugged him feeling her emotions rising.

“You are so good with her. I try with Nathan, but well…(she struggled for words) maybe it’s the age difference.”

Wes held her tightly, smiled wistfully and said.

“She’s just so tiny, and when she was being sick her little face was all screwed up and flushed. She didn’t know what was happening really and she cried. It was heartbreaking to see her, her little hands holding her tummy and trying to tell us where it hurt.”

Hally held him back, a little confused about the obvious emotion emanating from him. She got upset when Nathan was ill, but this seemed to go much deeper with Wes. Perhaps it was the huge age gap, maybe it made people react differently to their siblings, so hugging him, she decided not to question it, he was just a wonderful person she told herself.

Later when Hally was tucked up in bed she again pushed her mind to remember what she had been going to ask Wes about on New Year’s Eve. However, too many other thoughts just kept crashing in, how Wes was with Ellie. How he was with her, since the kiss in the snow they had not really had any chance to get that close again. Hally was disappointed and relieved at the same time, but with everything that had happened she knew it was circumstances and not deliberate. Then there was the whole thing about his plans after school. Suddenly it came to her, exactly what she had wanted to ask. Why had he failed his exams? That was it. She would not forget that question again. Tomorrow, she told herself, she would finally ask that nagging question. For some reason she could not fathom, this question was so very important, she felt their relationship almost depended on the answer. This thought gave her more than a jolt of fear, it bombarded her entire being. What was it Gran had said to her such a short time ago ‘I think there are things you don’t know about him.’ What could she have meant? But now she thought about it, Hally knew there had always been something there, she was just too afraid to ask.