Three days later, Mary sat on the bed, sewing a dress for Cassie. The sunlight pouring through the window gave her ample light. The smell from the cooling apple pie should have given her the calm it usually did, but she wondered if it would please Dave enough so he’d be happy with her.
She pulled the thread through the soft purple fabric and paused. Cassie was beautiful. She didn’t need a fashionable dress to look good. Men had no trouble praising her. Neil certainly enjoyed being married to her. Maybe Dave wished he married her as well.
Brushing the tears from her eyes, she added a button to the waistline and pulled the thread through the small hole. What could a woman do when men judge by the outward appearance? If Dave had married Cassie and she suffered the miscarriage, Dave would still want to make love to her. I was only attractive when I was expecting. It was the child he wanted. Not me. Why can’t I have one thing uniquely my own to endear my husband to me?
The door swung open. She bolted off the bed, dropping the dress to the floor. Bending down to pick it up, she didn’t see who entered the house. The familiar voices caused her heart to race. Excited, she ran to greet Sally, Jenny, and her nephews.
A few moments later, Dave entered the house. “I thought I recognized that buggy out there.”
“We came by for a visit,” Sally replied. A twinkle in her eye, she continued, “I hope you don’t mind that we’re intruding on your time with your wife.”
“I’m sure I can manage,” he said. “I’ll take Greg and Jeremy outside so you three can talk.” He gave Mary a quick kiss on the cheek before he put Jeremy on his shoulders and headed for the door.
“I want a ride,” Greg pouted.
“You’ll get your turn,” he assured the boy and waited for him to leave the house before closing the door.
Mary frowned. Children made him happy, and she couldn’t give him one.
Sally set a bowl of salad on the table before she sat in a chair. “We thought we should come bearing gifts.”
“Oh, you didn’t have to do that. You are always welcome here.” Mary smiled. “I’ll get the coffee brewing.” She put the dress on the mattress and went to the shelf by the kitchen window.
“I didn’t know you like lace,” Jenny noted, standing by the bed and glancing at the pile of the frilly material that rested in a heap on the side of the bed.
Sewing the lace around the edges of the garments proved tedious and time consuming work, but she promised Cassie she would add it since she seemed to like it so much.
“It’s not for me. It’s for Cassie.” She took out the coffee pot and can of coffee beans.
Sally’s eyes widened. “You’re making Cassie Craftsman’s clothes?”
“Yes.”
“I suppose that Neil has enough money to pay someone to make his wife’s wardrobe.”
“Well, I volunteered to do it.” She finished her task so she wouldn’t have to see the same dumbfounded expression on their faces that she saw on Dave’s face whenever he watched her sewing the dresses.
Sally was the first to speak, which didn’t surprise Mary since she was more vocal than her sister. “I don’t like being the one to point this out, but I think Cassie is taking advantage of you.”
“I know she is.”
Now Sally appeared confused. “Why are you letting her?”
“Dave and I shared this conversation a couple days ago. He doesn’t like the fact that I’m doing this either.”
“Good for him, but you still didn’t answer my question.”
She shrugged. “I thought it would help her and Neil. I didn’t catch the details but he expressed his concern about the cost of a seamstress, so I offered to ease the burden.”
“And Neil let you?”
“No. He was already gone by the time I talked to her.”
Jenny interrupted Sally before she could say anything else. “Mary’s free to do it if she wants. Making clothes is not the worst thing she could do.”
“True,” her sister relented. “I heard about Cassie though. She has a habit of handing over her duties to other people. I just don’t want this to become a pattern for you.”
“It won’t,” Mary assured her. “I only offered to do it since I enjoy sewing anyway.” She sat on the bed and picked up the violet dress. She picked up a black button and sewed it into the waistline.
“You already have three buttons. Why are you adding another one?”
“Since she’s in the family way, her waistline will expand, and as it does, these buttons will accommodate her.”
Jenny nodded and sat next to her. “Very clever. I’ll need to do the same thing for my customers.”
Sally groaned, her arms crossed. “I just hope Cassie appreciates it, especially since you had a miscarriage. If you ask me, and I know you didn’t, it’s thoughtless to ask a woman who miscarried to sew clothes for an expectant woman.”
“Speaking of the miscarriage, how are you doing?” Jenny handed her another button.
“I’m doing fine,” Mary replied. “It was a shock, but life goes on and it does no good to dwell on the past or what might have been. I’ve grieved it but can’t do anything to change it. So I focus on the present.”
“Hopefully, you’ll carry your next pregnancy to term.”
Deciding not to comment, she pulled the thread through the small holes on the next button.
Unfortunately, Sally picked up on her mood. She stood up and sat on the other side of Mary. Placing a gentle hand on her arm, she asked, “Are things between you and Dave alright?”
Her face flushed with humiliation. She did wish to talk to someone she could trust but didn’t know if it would be appropriate.
“What’s wrong?” Jenny softly pressed.
Gripping the dress in her hands, she uneasily exhaled. “I’m not attractive.”
Sally frowned. “Is this because of what Tom and Joel said?”
“No, but I can’t fault them. They were only speaking the truth.”
“We don’t think that.”
She smiled at them. “You’re women. You see things differently than men do. The reason I answered a wife wanted ad in the paper was because the men back in Maine wouldn’t court me. I figured that agreeing to marry a man out west was the only chance I had of getting married and having children.”
Sally wrapped her arm around Mary’s shoulders. “David isn’t one to talk about his feelings, but we can tell that he adores you.”
“Maybe he did, but I failed him.”
Jenny frowned. “How so?”
Mary subconsciously pressed her nails into the palms of her hands. “I couldn’t give him the child he wanted.”
“The miscarriage wasn’t your fault. No one can prevent something like that from happening,” Sally responded. “Besides, the doctor said that most women who miscarry go on to have a baby.”
“That doesn’t matter. Dave isn’t interested in coming together. All he does is kiss and hug me.”
“Maybe he thinks that you aren’t ready for it yet. After all, your body did go through a shock.”
Embarrassment washed through her. “I went to bed naked and offered myself to him. He said that I wasn’t ready, but I knew he was lying. He’s repulsed by me.”
“What if he honestly thinks you’re not ready?”
“It’s been two months since I lost the baby.”
“Oh. Well, that does seem like enough time. Have you had any complications?”
Mary shook her head. “I healed nicely.” The pain in her palms intensified. “I should be grateful that he was even able to consummate the marriage. Other men have told me that they wouldn’t consider sleeping with me.”
“You’re making that up,” Jenny insisted.
“No, I’m not.” So Mary’s sad confession poured forth. “I originally answered Neil’s ad.”
“Neil?” Sally’s eyes widened. “Neil Craftsman?”
“Yes.” Disgrace tore at her heart as she continued. “I came out here to marry him, but he took one look at me and told me that he couldn’t get drunk enough to get me with child. Dave overheard and married me out of pity. I was ready to search the want ads in the paper for a job when he proposed to me.”
For a moment, neither woman spoke, as if they couldn’t believe their ears.
Slowly, Sally shook her head. “David said he married you because he felt sorry for you?”
“No. He was very noble about it. He said he needed a wife and that I would be doing him a favor if I married him. He didn’t want to go through the trouble of posting an ad and waiting for a response.”
“Well, you’re better off without Neil anyway. You wouldn’t believe the number of women he slept with.”
Mary had heard rumors concerning his loose living. Many times she found herself feeling grateful that he rejected her. “You won’t let anyone know how Dave and I met, will you? It’s not exactly a story I want to recall.”
“I like this version better than the one David told us. It’s much more romantic, but we’ll keep our lips sealed, right Jenny?”
Jenny nodded. “Of course.”
Relieved, Mary admitted, “I am lucky that Dave saved me from a life of spinsterhood. I hope you don’t think I’m complaining about him. He is a wonderful man.”
“He praises you to the family. He’s obviously proud to be your husband.” After a moment of silence, she asked, “Was he hesitant to be intimate with you before?”
“No,” Mary cautiously replied, feeling uneasy about describing their private life. “We did it often before the miscarriage.”
“It stands to reason that he’s afraid to be intimate with you,” Sally decided. “Maybe he thinks he’ll hurt you. Are you tender down there? After Greg was born, I was sore for months.”
“No. I feel fine.”
“You need to talk to him. Men can’t be expected to know these things.”
Mary didn’t feel comfortable following Sally’s advice. What if he revealed that the thought of touching her did, in fact, repulse him? What if he only performed his husbandly duty in order to have a child, and now that he knew it didn’t work, he felt no need to do it? It truly was a kindness on Dave’s part to try to make her feel attractive. He even convinced her of it before the miscarriage, but actions spoke louder than words.
“Well, we happen to think that you are a lovely woman,” Jenny told her. “Dave must have seen something in you that he liked in order to marry you. He’s not one to settle for anything out of pity. He does have a gift for detecting beauty where others don’t.”
“It certainly seems that he thinks you’re pretty when he looks at you,” Sally added. She gently squeezed Mary’s shoulder. “Just so you know, we are glad he married you. You have made him happy.”
Mary considered their words. Perhaps Dave didn’t see her as romantically appealing, but then again, she hardly expected love when she married him. Maybe he did value her for her companionship. They seemed to be good friends. It was enough. She could be content with that. But even as the thoughts echoed through her mind, her heart ached. Since when did she yearn for his love? She had been content without it before, but now it didn’t seem to be enough.
***
Mary collected the clothes she made for Cassie so she could deliver them to her. Dave insisted on helping her into the wagon after he hitched Lewis and Clark to it. She wasn’t particularly looking forward to seeing the beauty, but she wished to get the meeting over with so that she could go back to sewing clothes for her and Dave for the upcoming winter. The end of October was upon them, and the red, orange, and yellow fallen leaves dotted the light green landscape as if someone haphazardly threw together patches for a quilt. Fall in Maine did seem more spectacular, but she wouldn’t trade her new home for the endless supply of pretty leaves there. She enjoyed her new world, or at least, parts of it. Refusing to utter a complaint for how things might have been if she was still in the family way, she pulled the shawl tightly around her shoulders and turned her attention to the rolling hills in the distance.
“Penny for your thoughts.”
Startled, she glanced at Dave who had reluctantly agreed to take her to the Craftsman farm. “Oh, I was just marveling at the pretty scenery.”
He smiled at her. “You go well with it.”
Uncertain as to his meaning, she shrugged. “I do like it here.” She clenched the shawl in her hands and returned her gaze to the hills in the distance.
“That’s good because if you went to Maine, I’d have to find you and bring you home. I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life without you.”
His words offered her a glimmer of hope. Maybe her worth extended beyond her ability to give him children. She might have proven herself valuable for the other things she could provide him, such as cooking and sewing. Feeling better, she relaxed her rigid posture. “I wouldn’t dream of leaving you, Dave.”
His tender slate-gray eyes met hers. “Will you come closer?”
She obeyed, keeping one hand on the seat so she wouldn’t trip since the ride bumped her around. He put his arm around her waist, encouraging her to lean against him.
“Promise me you won’t let Cassie talk you into doing anything else for her.” His warm breath brushed her ear.
“I won’t.”
“Good because I don’t want anyone using you.”
She closed her eyes, settled her head on his shoulder, and enjoyed the way his strong arm supported her. The morning sun shined on her, warming her despite the cool air, and the breeze carried the sweet smell of autumn. However, she hardly noticed her surroundings. A sense of their former closeness settled between them. She still loved him, even if he didn’t love her. Resolving to be the best wife she could possibly be for him, she rested her hand on his thigh. The simple action spoke of familiarity and intimacy, and since she had often done it in the past, she did it out of habit.
When they reached their destination, she reluctantly sat up straight so she could grab the clothes from behind their seat. He used the reins to lead the geldings to the front of the sod house.
She noticed that Neil told six men where to unload five wagons full of lumber.
Beside her, Dave grumbled.
Reaching for his arm before he hopped to the ground, she asked, “What’s wrong?”
Sighing, he pulled the brake on the wagon wheels before turning back to her. “Neil’s building a wood house. I reckon that the neighbors will have to help build it.”
“Does Neil ever help anyone build anything?” she whispered, not wishing for anyone to overhear them.
He leaned closer to her than necessary, his breath tickling her ear. “He usually finds a reason to be busy.” His hand stroked her lower back and his lips lingered close to her cheek. When she turned to face him, he lightly kissed her. “Mary, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” His tone was tender, assuring her that whatever he wanted to say, it wouldn’t be bad.
“What is it, Dave?” she whispered, her heart thumping loudly in her ears.
Cassie called out to them before he got a chance to continue.
Mary noticed his slight frown before he smiled at the raven-haired beauty. “Good morning, Mrs. Craftsman.”
“Good morning, Mr. Larson,” she sweetly replied, her hands folded in front of her chest, reminding Mary of a praying angel.
Dave hopped out of the wagon, sauntered to Mary’s side and reached around her waist to help her down. He pulled her against his solid frame and pressed his lips gently to hers. “I can carry those for you.”
“I’m fine. They aren’t heavy.”
“Alright. I’ll go talk to Neil while you talk to her.”
She nodded and approached Cassie.
“Oh, Mary, are those for me?” Cassie’s delighted squeal revealed her pleasure at seeing her new clothes.
“Yes.” Her hands shook as she sorted through them. Being next to Cassie made her feel inferior as a woman. “Two dresses. I sewed buttons that you can use to adjust the waistline as your belly gets bigger.”
Her nose wrinkled as her smooth, slender hands ran over the soft fabric. “There’s no silk.”
Clearing her throat, she explained, “Silk isn’t practical on a farm.”
“What a shame. Silk is luxurious against the skin. I wish I understood what farming entailed before I answered Neil’s ad. I admit that I didn’t anticipate how different life is here.” She touched her arm. “Tell me, did your husband warn you about living here?”
She shrugged. “I did some reading on Nebraska after I answered the ad. I knew the general aspects of farming but didn’t realize how much work it is.”
“You came from Maine?”
“Yes.”
“Hmm... I came from Pennsylvania. Well, I guess I should have found out what I was getting myself into.” She sighed. “At least I talked Neil into building a reasonable house. I never feel clean surrounded by dirt. Being the wives of farmers isn’t easy for us.”
“I don’t mind it. A home is more than a structure. It’s who you’re with.”
She giggled. “You’re precious. How wonderful that harsh living hasn’t unsettled you. Anyway, thank you for the clothes. You are a gem!”
Mary doubted the woman’s sincerity but smiled as if she believed her.
“Would you like to come inside and get a cup of coffee?”
No, I wouldn’t. But instead of voicing her true feelings, she joined Cassie.
Cassie hung the clothes in the wardrobe. “Would you believe that I’m still exhausted? I had no idea that carrying a child could wipe a woman out! I’m tired all the time and I feel sick. Why, just the smell of certain foods cause me to vomit.” She patted the small mound that sheltered her child.
“You’ll reap the benefits of being pregnant in a short time.” For a brief moment, Mary grieved the fact that she didn’t experience the ‘great sufferings’ Cassie complained about.
“The men will expect coffee, but I can’t even smell coffee without getting nauseous. Would you please be a dear and brew a pot for them?” She shot Mary a pleading look.
Biting a cutting remark because she realized that Cassie led her into the house for this reason, she glanced out the window. Her husband and six men emptied the wagons of lumber and stacked them into piles. A hot drink should satisfy their thirst. Despite her better judgment, she brewed the coffee while Cassie laid down on the mattress and closed her eyes to rest.
As Mary poured coffee into the mugs, Neil entered the place. He stopped when he noticed her. “Good morning, Mrs. Larson.”
“Good morning, Mr. Craftsman.” She didn’t take her eyes off the hot brown liquid as it flowed into the last cup.
He glanced at Cassie. His jaw clenched but he didn’t say anything to his wife. Instead, he walked over to Mary. “You don’t have to make coffee. It’s my house, and I can do it.”
“Your wife is tired. You and the men are working hard out there. Coffee is easy. Here. Have a cup. I’ll call the other men over to take their cups.”
Picking up four hot cups by the handles, she headed for the door.
“I’ll get that.” He ran in front of her and turned the doorknob.
“Thank you.” Feeling awkward, she stepped through the doorway.
Once he shut the door behind him and followed her, he whispered, “I’m sorry you had to make coffee and make my wife clothes.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“I wish I didn’t have to.”
They brought the men their mugs. On her way back to the house to get the last two mugs, Dave joined her. “Is anyone giving you a hard time?”
“No.”
“Did Cassie help you?”
“I don’t wish to argue with you, Dave,” she softly spoke, realizing the truth would upset him. Her hands clenched the folds of her skirt. “When everyone is done unloading the wagons, we’ll go home.” She understood that he had to stay and help out.
“I don’t like this.” His face darkened. “You deserve better treatment.”
An uneasy tension knotted in her stomach as they stopped three feet from the door. She turned to face him, barely noting the men who drank their coffee and laughed. “You treat me well. That’s what matters.”
By the expression on his face, she knew that he wasn’t pleased, though he didn’t protest when she went inside the house to retrieve more coffee for the men. She wondered if she displeased him.
A half hour later, Maureen Brown brought two other women to the farm. Brewing another pot of coffee and cooking lunch, Mary glanced at the door as the three giggling women walked into the house as if they owned the place. Cassie, who had fallen asleep on the bed, immediately woke up and grinned at them.
“Oh my dear, you are exhausted,” Maureen cooed, rushing over to her and patting her hand. “And isn’t it wonderful that Mrs. Larson has come to your aid?”
“Yes, I’ve been sick again,” Cassie chirped. “I can barely stand to eat, let alone cook.”
“What we women go through to give our husbands children.” Maureen placed her hand over her heart and turned to the overweight brunette. “Gwendolyn, isn’t it wonderful that your daughter-in-law is going to bless you with a grandchild?”
“I am blessed.” Gwendolyn offered Cassie a warm smile and sat next to her on the bed. “Is there anything I can get for you?”
“Actually, I could use a cup of water,” Cassie reported, appearing grateful for the assistance.
“I’ll get it right away,” Maureen volunteered. “You two need to sit together and do some mother-daughter bonding. What a pity that you lost your parents at such a tender age.”
“Yes, the accident was a horrible ordeal. I am fortunate to have married Neil so I have a new mother.” She gave Gwendolyn an adoring gaze.
Mary stirred the pot of chili, feeling ill from the exchange which seemed too good to be true. Cassie doesn’t have a sincere bone in her body. Startled, she paused. Why did she have such a mean-spirited thought? She got along wonderfully with Dave’s mother. In fact, his entire family had been kind to her. Was she jealous of Cassie’s pregnancy? Running her tongue nervously across her lower lip, she stirred the beans.
“Mary,” Maureen began as she made her way over to her, “I commend you on your good deeds.” She motioned for the redhead to come near them. “Connie, this is Mary Larson. I told you about her. She’s a marvelous cook. Why, she’s the one who beat me in the baking contest! Mary, this is Mrs. James. Mrs. James is the head of the church ladies group I told you about.”
Mary greeted the fifty-year-old woman with a polite smile. “I’ve heard you sing at my church. You have a lovely voice.”
“Oh, thank you.” Connie blushed, apparently flattered. “Do you need any help?”
“I was planning to make frying pan bread.”
“Say no more,” Maureen interrupted Connie before she could respond. “I can bake that so well that your mouth will water. Cassie, sweetheart, do you mind if I cook?”
“I’d appreciate it very much,” Cassie replied.
Neil’s mother put her arm around her shoulders. “Well, you must try to eat something for the baby’s sake, even if it’s only a bite.”
“Yes. I will do my best.”
Connie’s eyes fell on the open wardrobe. “What a beautiful dress! Did you make this?” she asked Cassie as she ran her fingers over the cotton and lace that Mary sewed together.
“Mary made it,” Maureen inserted.
“I recall Neil saying that Mary offered to make his bride some clothes since she is in the family way,” his mother added.
“Mary, you have a way with a needle and an eye for style,” Connie complimented.
Cassie frowned. “I’ve been too tired to do much. I fear that you must find me lazy.”
“Nonsense,” Gwendolyn immediately assured her. “You have the most important job a woman can do.”
Her body relaxed as she accepted more of the woman’s compliments.
Maureen shook her head and turned her attention to Mary while she mixed together the flour, baking powder, salt and water. “There’s nothing like loyalty between a mother and daughter-in-law. Speaking of which, Dave’s mother praises you to everyone in town. She certainly has lucked out. All of her daughters-in-law are excellent examples of what it means to be a lady.” She laid the cake on the pre-heated skillet that Mary greased for her. “I don’t suppose you’ve reconsidered joining the ladies group?”
Mary wiped her hands on the flour sack towel. “No. I’m too busy helping Dave at the farm.”
“But winter is fast approaching. Farmers don’t do much during that time, do they?”
“There’s always work to be done. I do appreciate the offer though.”
“Well, it still stands.”
Connie went over to her. “I hate to inconvenience you, Mary, but I wondered if you’d be kind enough to teach me how you sewed the lace into the dress? I rather fancy that design and would like to duplicate it.”
“I’d be happy to oblige you.”
“Wonderful! Can you come to my house tomorrow at noon? I’ll have lunch prepared.”
“I can do that.”
“What a great honor for you,” Maureen told Mary. “Connie only allows those she deems worthy to pay her a visit. You are quite popular.”
“Since you mentioned houses,” Cassie spoke up, “Neil is going to make me a gorgeous wood-framed home. It will have two floors.”
“And it’s about time.” Maureen nodded. “People shouldn’t be subjected to these substandard living conditions.” A cringe crossed her features. “Just look at this floor. It’s made of dirt!”
“Neil is a terrific husband,” Cassie gushed. “He treats me like a princess.”
Mrs. Craftsman’s face shone. “A mother likes to hear when her son is doing right.”
“You have every right to be proud of him.”
The rest of the morning passed with similar talk until it was time to eat. Then the men took a break for their meal.
At one point, Neil’s mother told him, “Cassie wanted to help but the poor girl’s too worn out, so we insisted she get some rest.”
Mary thought she saw Neil roll his eyes but later figured that she imagined it. After all, Neil adored his wife, didn’t he?