The next day, Dave took Mary to Connie James’ residence so she could help the older woman improve her sewing. He didn’t need to wear his jacket since it was unusually warm, and the lack of a breeze and bright sunlight added to the higher temperature. To his surprise, Maureen and Connie waited for Mary on the front porch of the green house.
“You sure are winning the hearts of many people,” he noted. He knew that Maureen and Connie selected their company with great care.
Sitting by him, Mary shrugged. “I’m helping her with her sewing. It’s not a big deal.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Jenny sews too but she’d never get an invite to Mrs. James’ house.” Getting down from the wagon, he helped her step down and saw her to the porch.
Tipping his hat to the two women, he said a quick greeting and left. He brought more shucked stalks and some corn ears to the mercantile. As he finished doing business with Ralph, Jenny strolled in, holding Jeremy’s hand.
“Usually I run into Sally,” he said. Grinning, he knelt in front of his nephew. “I reckon I owe you some candy.”
“If you insist on treats, then you can’t give him anything sticky,” his sister said. “I don’t like having to wash up everything he touches.”
“Are you giving your mother a hard time?” He tickled the boy who rewarded him with laughter.
Several people glanced over at them and smiled.
“Candy please, Uncle Dave.”
“You got it, squirt.” Standing up, he asked her, “What can I buy him?”
“A mint or licorice will do fine.”
“Which do you want?” He looked at the two year old.
“Mint.”
He chuckled. “I’ll take him to the counter up front while you shop.”
Jenny thanked him and headed for the sewing supplies. He knew that she managed to support herself and her son by making clothes, novelty pillows and towels, and coats, but he worried about her so he slipped Ralph some money to add to her account so she wouldn’t have to pay for the purchase or future purchases for awhile.
After Jeremy ate his candy, Jenny finished her shopping.
“Can I talk to you? In private?” she requested as he took the items for her.
He opened the door for her and Jeremy and followed her outside. “Do you want to go to the boarding house? We could talk and I could drop these off for you.”
She agreed.
When they arrived at the house, she asked her landlady to watch her son. “My room is up the stairs.”
“I know where it is,” he reminded her as they climbed the wooden steps. Wondering if he wanted to hear what she had to say, he entered her modest room that contained her bed and a small bed for Jeremy. He placed her purchases on the old dresser and turned to face her. Taking his hat off, he prepared himself for her answer. “Is Jeremy sick?”
“No. He’s fine.” She paced in front of the window, wringing her hands.
“Are you sick?”
“No. I’m fine too.”
The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. “Is Clyde back? Because if he is, don’t you dare marry him. I don’t care if he is Jeremy’s father. I’ll run him out of town before he uses you again.”
“No, Clyde hasn’t returned.”
He relaxed. “Good. As much as I believe a man ought to do right for mistreating a woman, I don’t want you to suffer in a marriage with him. You’re better off alone.”
She sighed. “I agree. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t regret what I did with him. But I don’t want to talk about my past. I wanted to talk about you and Mary.”
“Why?”
“I’m concerned about you two.”
“There’s nothing wrong. We’re alright.”
“No, you’re not.”
Irritated, he shifted the balance from one leg to the other and crossed his arms, his hat still in his hand. “What are you saying?”
“Before you get the wrong idea, I want you to understand that Mary didn’t want me or Sally to mention it to anyone else, including you. But on her behalf, I’m going to risk upsetting her.”
He frowned. A heavy weight seemed to sink into the pit of his stomach. If there was a problem, his wife needed to come to him with it instead of going to other people, even if those other people happened to be his sisters. He waited for her to speak, aware of the landlady’s cooing over Jeremy in the parlor in the lower level of the house.
Jenny nodded to herself before standing still and turning to look him in the eye. “Mary said that ever since the miscarriage, the two of you haven’t been together...as man and wife.”
He stared at her, not getting her meaning.
She took a deep breath and blurted out, “You need to go to bed with your wife.”
His jaw dropped and his eyes nearly popped out of his head. “What?”
“I’m pretty sure you heard me the first time.”
“Mary told you and Sally about our private life?” My goodness! Was nothing sacred?
“Now before you get upset with Mary, hear me out. A woman longs to be desired by her husband. She wants to be the focus of his life.”
“Mary is the focus of my life.”
“Dave, you’re interrupting.” She groaned and stamped her foot on the wood floor. “Come on. Don’t give me that look. I’m trying to help you.” She straightened her back and met his shocked gaze. “For a woman to feel valued, she has to be sexually appealing. You can’t separate lovemaking from the marital relationship. The two go hand in hand. When you aren’t being intimate with her, she begins to doubt you love her.”
He shook his head, hoping to clear it. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this!”
“Do you want to be intimate with her?”
Of course, he wanted to be intimate with her, but he didn’t feel comfortable telling his sister that! “Why are we having this conversation? This should be between me and my wife.” He gritted his teeth.
“She might be your wife but she’s my best friend. She thinks that you find her repulsive.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it? What would you think if she didn’t want to make love to you?”
“This has nothing to do with what I want or don’t want.”
“Doesn’t it?”
“No!” His face flushed from a mixture of irritation and embarrassment. “It’s about her health. I don’t want her to go through another miscarriage.”
Jenny’s expression softened. “Dave, there are many things that can go wrong, but you can’t let the fear of the unknown prevent you from enjoying life. Would you refuse to let your horses pull a plow because they might get hurt?”
“That’s completely different.”
“Is it?”
“Lewis and Clark are horses. They can be replaced. I can’t replace Mary.”
“Which is exactly why you need to show her that she matters to you. When you withhold your body from her, you are denying her the love and affection that should be a part of your life together.”
He sighed and rubbed his eyes. “You don’t understand, Jenny. I’m the one who found her at the river. That’s not an image I can forget.”
“I’m not telling you to forget it. I’m asking you to move beyond it. The best way both of you can heal is to renew your intimate life. If she gets in the family way, then she gets in the family way. And she might give birth to a healthy baby next time.”
“I didn’t think something as natural as pregnancy could be risky.”
“Life is all about risks. You didn’t know what you were getting when you advertised for a wife, but she came off the train and she’s made you very happy. You know what Pa says, ‘The bigger the risk, the greater the reward.’”
All the fight departed from him. Jenny was right. And he couldn’t fault Mary for talking to her and Sally. When Mary came to him that night without any clothes on, he told her to get dressed without explaining why he turned her away. He felt like a contemptible person. If what Jenny said was true, then Mary must have assumed that he saw her the way Neil did. He winced at the thought. No wonder Mary cried. Why didn’t he get it? He knew he upset her, but he assumed it was because she wanted to get pregnant right away and he wished to wait, to give her body and heart time to recover.
“Is there anything else?” he softly asked his sister.
“No.”
He unfolded his arms and put his hat back on his head. “I promised Mary that I’d pick her up.”
“Are you mad at her?”
“No.” In the future, he would pay better attention to what Mary said and did so she wouldn’t feel the need to go to his sisters for comfort. “And I’m not mad at you either.”
Looking relieved, she ran over and hugged him. “You’re a good husband, Dave.”
He returned her hug and went to Connie’s house. He vowed that he wouldn’t let the sun go down that day until he made things right with his wife.
***
On the way home, Dave drew Mary close to him on their wagon ride home. He noticed that Lewis favored his left rear foot. When Dave stopped the wagon by the barn, he helped her down. He welcomed Jasper with a pat on the head.
“I have to check on Lewis’ horseshoe,” he told her.
“Do you need help?” She turned to inspect Lewis’ foot.
Touched by her willingness to assist him, he lightly touched her arm to stop her. “I got it. Why don’t you rest?”
She blinked. “I got plenty of rest at Mrs. James’ house.”
“Then do something for yourself for a change.”
Seeming to consider her options, she finally nodded. “I could use a bath. Alright. When I return from the river, I’ll cook supper.”
At least he knew where to find her later. As she left, he went to investigate what was troubling his horse. After he cleaned out Lewis’ horseshoes, he put his horses in the pasture. He took a deep breath, knowing this would be the right time to approach her so he could settle her doubts. Handing Jasper a bone from the root cellar so the dog would leave him alone with his wife, he gathered his bathing supplies and strode to the river.
The sight of his wife naked, standing with a bar of soap in her hand, lured him to her. What a welcoming view this was compared to the one he found that morning in August when she had the miscarriage. He stood by a tree, unashamedly staring, hoping that this image would forever replace the one that haunted his memory. The gentle current reached her waist, hiding enough of her to whet his appetite for more. She was the very image of sensuality. Her hands massaged her wet and soapy hair that she had piled on top of her head, causing her breasts to stand out as if inviting him to wash them.
His body prompted him forward. Pulse racing, he quickly removed his clothing, eager for the freedom to enjoy her the way he used to in their first months of marriage. Don’t think about it. Just do it. He knew that if he allowed his instincts to take over, then he could get over his apprehension. Jenny was right. He couldn’t let his fear of what might happen ruin the joy of the moments he did have with his wife, and he did want that joy back.
He slowly approached her. She was humming a tune under her breath, and though she misplaced a couple of notes, he found it endearing all the same. As soon as she noticed him, she paused, her hands still in her soapy hair. Her cheeks grew a pretty shade of pink and she began to dip into the water to cover herself from him.
“Don’t. Please.” His request came out tenderly, as if asking more than telling.
She hesitated but resumed her standing position. Bringing her hands down, she washed them in the water. “I thought you were checking on Lewis,” she said, looking down at her hands.
“I finished. I thought I’d take one last swim before winter creeps in.”
Despite the heat of the day, the water remained cool from the previous chilly days. His passion for her boiled in his veins so his body temperature hardly decreased as he submersed himself into the river. Swiftly, he made his way over to her. She looked magnificent standing before him.
“May I help you wash up?” His husky voice sounded strange to his ears, but she didn’t seem to notice.
Nodding, she handed him the bar of soap.
He took it from her and worked up a lilac scented lather. “I’ll start with your back.”
She turned around. Since her hair was still on top of her head, he got a good view of her neck, shoulders and back. He idly rubbed her neck and shoulders, easing the tension in her muscles as she did for him every night of the harvest when his body ached.
“Thank you for making me clothes,” he whispered, suddenly awestruck that she did so much for him.
“Hopefully, they will last for many years. Once I make your coat, I want to make you a leather belt and gloves to go with your boots.”
“Why do you do so much for me?”
She shrugged. “Why not? You are my husband.”
He sighed, gently cleaning her soft back. “I’m not a good husband to you.”
She turned to face him, starling him. “Why did you say that?”
“Because I’ve been keeping you at a distance.” He couldn’t look her in the eyes as he made his confession. She drew him to her like a magnet, and heaven help him but he couldn’t take his eyes off of her lovely breasts which were mere inches from his chest. His soapy hands caressed them.
“You’re not keeping your distance now.” There was a hint of amusement in her tone.
Smiling wryly, he admitted, “I’m tired of fighting my desire for you.”
“Why have you been fighting it?”
He stroked the underside of her breasts, cupping them in the palms of his hands. “I found you here and took you back to the house that morning you miscarried. I saw the blood and didn’t realize what was going on. I thought I was going to lose you. You’re the most important person in my life. It was painful to lose the baby, but losing you would have been worse.”
“I thought you were disappointed in me,” she whispered.
He looked in her eyes then and saw the unshed tears in them. “No. I was never disappointed in you. I’m sorry I gave you that impression.”
“I miss being close to you.”
“I miss it too.”
She ran her tongue along her lips, an action he now recognized as the nervous energy that she carefully hid. Whenever he saw her do that simple and innocent action, he longed to kiss her so he could taste her. His heart beat anxiously against his chest as he cupped her face in his hands. Her eyes widened. He detected the blue darkening them, hinting her desire. Closing his eyes, he leaned forward and caressed her lips with his. Her lips, still moist from having licked them, felt soft and warm against his. She slightly parted her mouth. Giving a low, thankful groan, he accepted her unspoken invitation and slid his tongue into her waiting mouth.
He pulled her to him. Her softness pressed into his hard flesh, his arousal throbbing in anticipation. For a moment, the image of blood flashed through his mind. He pulled away from her. His eyes flew open, reassured when he saw her in front of him, looking lovelier than she had at any other moment since he’d known her.
“It’s going to take awhile before I stop seeing you in pain,” he explained.
“Do you want to stop?” Her hands traced his shoulders and glided across his chest. Though she asked the question, her hands continued their southward descent.
Intrigued, because she hadn’t been forward in their lovemaking before, he waited to see what she would do next as the disturbing memory of that August morning slipped from his mind. He sharply inhaled when she wrapped her warm hands around his aching member. He immediately picked her up and led her to a shallow area where he sat down and straddled her on top of him. He hungrily kissed her breasts, focusing on her pink buds that seemed to beg for his attention.
“I’m not going to last long,” he warned her, already aware that his body was primed for release.
“Maybe not this time, but we can do it again.”
She allowed him access into the warmth of her body. He groaned in pleasure, wondering why he resisted this for two months. It truly was the best feeling in the world.
She kissed the top of his head and held him close to her. Her movements had just begun when he reached his climax. Somehow, it seemed more intense than the ones he experienced before. Perhaps that stemmed from the fact that it had been too long since they came together or maybe it was the fact that she instigated part of it. Then he wondered if it was because he never felt closer to her until he told her how important she was to him. Whatever the reason, he didn’t want to avoid their intimacy anymore.
When he tilted his head to look up at her, he realized she was crying. He frowned. “It was too quick.”
“No, it’s not that. I’m crying because I’m happy you still want me.”
He moved from under her so that she sat next to him. Hugging her to him, he softly kissed her. “I do want you, Mary. I always did. I’ll try to do a better job of showing you that in the future.”
“I want to make you happy.” Her eyes had changed from the dark of blue to the light of green with bluish specks surrounding the pupils.
“You do make me happy. You’ve made me happy ever since you agreed to marry me. I couldn’t have asked for a better wife. And I must add that you have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen. You really are a pretty woman.” Then he mischievously grinned. “Your figure doesn’t hurt either.”
Though she blushed, he noted the thrilling effect his words had on her.
“Do you know how to swim?” he asked.
She looked startled by the change in topic. “Actually, I don’t.”
“Would you like to learn?”
“Alright.”
“We should rinse out your hair first.”
“Oh, I forgot about that.” She touched the soapy strands.
“That’s a change. Usually, I’m the one who forgets things.”
Once he finished cleaning her hair, she accepted his hand as he led her to the deeper section of the river. The current flowed smoothly around them. It turned out that she was a quick learner, for she gracefully moved in the water in a matter of minutes. She mastered the activity within a half hour.
“What do you think? Do you like swimming?” He swam over to her.
“I do. It’s invigorating.”
“You do it well.” He glanced at the sky. The clouds seemed to be gathering, giving the impression that the warm weather would soon revert back to the cool days they had been experiencing. He hated to end their carefree swim. “I reckon it’s time to head back. I should clean myself up.” He shot her a sly look. “I never did finish bathing you. Interested?”
She giggled and agreed.