“Whatever you do Alex, play it safe. You don’t know Jamie like I do, when you tag this fish, this fish bites.”
“You worry too much Charley. I went deep sea fishing before. I qualify with plenty of experience.”
“It’s not enough. See how composed Jamie is? It’s a sure sign of complications and headaches. I been their bud, it’s not worth it. When you left, they started conspiring to each other.”
“Their pussycats Charley, if their conspiring to each other, it’s because we’re near water. Cats hate water.”
“Are you kidding? Alex, water is the least of their worries. Their catfish Alex, and as far as their concerned, we’re mud! So sweet talk them, will you? I still want to be friends with the enemy.”
“Too late Charley, you joined ranks with the mud dobbers.”
“Well… at least the island has other girls for me to catch.”
“Yep, keep reminding yourself Charley, beautiful, sexy girls.”
“Beautiful, sexy girls.”
“And great waves. I’m taking Jamie to the back for a little one and one.”
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you Alex.”
“I’m fully warned.”
Recording:
Time: 1:30 PM
Location: south, five miles from inland.
Processing negotiations with client.
Agreed to 60/40 percentage.
Will need to rewrite new negotiations and notarized.
Details will be discussed thoroughly with the best interest of the company.
This is Dillian Coleman.
Recording off.
Short of being shanghaied Dillian; at least Alice can’t hide from me.
Nor weasel out on me like she did with Mr. Gorilla Chief.
I must be desperate or completely insane.
Only a desperate person would be attracted to a girl who has friends like Tarzan and Godzilla.
Yep… I’m completely insane.
Scratch that.
Tarzan’s on my side.
Or he better be.
No more sweet talk and wild goose chases for me, no sir.
I don’t care what side Alex is on, but it better be on mine.
I hope he’s on the winning team if he wants me to follow his lead.
If not…
I’ll shoot him.
Something quick and fast.
No, scratch that.
Something slow and agenizing.
I’ll give him a taste of his own medicine.
Twice.
Yep, I’m a desperate man alright.
I can always amuse myself in the sweet luxury of wooing Alice.
Would it be possible?
I’m not in the dog house like those two clowns up on deck.
No sir, I’m the good guy, the best there is.
So why do I feel like hiding?
It isn’t like life and death to court a girl you’re sweet on.
Guys do this everyday of the week.
Maybe I should arm myself.
“Dillian?”
Hear that Dillian?
That’s the voice of doom.
Silence.
How loudly it speaks.
Any minute now, Jamie’s bound to crack.
She’s dying to give me her five minute lecture.
She simple can’t help herself.
All I have to do is mention a few words in respect to her job and… puff!
Alarm bells go off in her head.
The next thing you know, we’re off to another shouting match.
Hmm. She’s giving me the silent treatment instead.
Typical really, being gagged and tied up to a mast, you know.
I mean, who wouldn’t be upset?
It was fun, though.
I even had the chance to gag her with my handkerchief.
I simple couldn’t help myself.
What red blooded man wouldn’t?
She was giving me her usual five minute lecture again.
Screaming actually, in my poor defenseless ear, she was.
I had to grab something to shut her up.
Well the show must go on Alex, as they say.
There’s an easy way to end this silence contest.
All I have to do is push the right buttons.
“Your right, I am a thief.”
“Finally.”
“A thief of hearts… Jamie, why do you keep categorizing me with criminals? There’s nothing I haven’t done a husband wouldn’t do. I’m simple exercising my husbandly rights.”
“I pity your wife.”
I pity your husband.
I need my head examined.
Who am I really convincing?
I am a thief.
“I’m not wasting anymore time Jamie. I need your expertise. We’re meeting a client soon and I need you to dictate notes. If my memory services me right, you did say you also have a photogenic mind.”
“Did I say that? I’m forgetful these days, seeing as I’m still tied up; my mind tends to click off.”
“So click it back on.”
Maybe I should gag her again.
She’s forever annoying me. Sometimes I just want to…
“Sorry no batteries.”
Strangler her.
Yes, with my bare hands!
Where’s the handkerchief? I know its somewhere.
“If you untie me, I might cooperate with you. I’m a good secretary Alex and I’ll be happy to dictate anything you like, provided you yield on one thing.”
If there’s one thing I learned, Jamie dear, it’s not to believe the big C word.
Cooperate my foot!
“Don’t snort at me Alex. It’s rude. Contrary to your opinion, when I promise something, I mean it… now I’ll cooperate to a certain extent, provided you don’t ditch me off your plans. I need to be near you at all times.”
“Ah ha! So you do like my company!”
“Just like a dog goes for a muddy shoe Alex. I certainly hope yours is clean and undefiled from any alternative motives? Considering all the evidence for and against you, I’ll try to be opened minded and…”
“Prove me innocent or guilty as charged.”
“Exactly.”
“You make a better lawyer.”
“Secretary Alex. A good Secretary.”
“No, a royal pain.”
“Dillian, are you awake?”
“Unfortunaly.”
“I was worried about you. Alex dragged you down here. He didn’t threaten you, did he? Jamie said he kidnapped her and threatened bodily harm.”
“Alice, I’m tougher then I look.”
“You don’t look it. Wow. I do feel a knot. Alex hit you a good one. How many fingers do you see?”
“Stop fussing over me and give me some air.”
“Stay down! How many?”
“Three.”
“I guess your ok. I’m sorry you’re caught in this mess. Charley’s taking us to a private island where Alex is going to meet someone.”
“What’s Alex going to do with us?”
“He didn’t say, only we’re going to spend a few days over there. Charley’s bent on riding the waves and pestering the girls.”
“You’re not jealous?”
“Jealous? No… he’s a friend Dillian, nothing more. All three of us get together once a month and go sailing.”
“Oh.”
“Here, I’ll help you up. Stomach ache? Do you want to go back up stairs? You’ll feel better with the fresh air.”
“Don’t worry Alice, I found the cure for sea sickness. You knock them out.”
“Dillian, you need to keep your arm on my shoulder or I might drop you. Hey! Don’t pull away!”
“Your shorter then me, Alice.”
“So I’ve been told.”
“Since we’re going to be stuck together, there’s plenty of time to rewrite the negotiations.”
“Negotiations?”
“Ah ha. I’m sticking to you like glue. Kind of like this. See? Now we’re nose to nose with your cute curly toes.”
“Dillian you have exactly ten seconds to drop me.”
“Now why would I do that? You might get hurt and then I’d have to save you.”
“I mean it Dill.”
“In that case… mmm… did I ever tell you how pretty you are? Mmmm…… You taste good too. Yum. I like… Ow!”
“So sorry.”