“The boat is where?” Costello asked into the microphone on the wall telephone at the Ferry Landing Sheriff’s Office. He was told it was impounded at the US Coast Guard Station in Cape May. “That really didn’t go very far did it?” he said. “I thought it would go to somewhere in New York.”
Maxie and Misty rose from the bed in Maxie’s room. The Duke Ellington Orchestra performed “I’m Gonna Hang Around My Sugar” on the cathedral radio in the kitchen and could be heard upstairs. “I need a clothespin for my nose,” Maxie remarked, “that must be the hooch your father made.” They were both naked.
“I know I’m going to be falling asleep in the pancake batter this morning!” he complained. “Four three letter men at one hour per letter man I don’t think I managed to sleep.” He opened a dresser drawer. “With that plus the argument I don’t know how I managed to sleep!” he exclaimed.
Myrtle screamed. With a hand gesture, Misty managed to keep Maxie from running to her rescue. “Who emptied this bottle!” Myrtle hollered. He turned to Misty. “Someone took the cork out of her breakfast,” she replied.
“I wonder if it’s your father because he’s on fire and she’s always there with the asbestos except for a little time every few years,” Maxie said with a roll of his eyes, “they don’t need a chaperone as a fire extinguisher.”
They heard a knock on the door. “Do you have any Bromo-Seltzer?” rang a voice with a heavy nasality. “I have a real pain in the gut.”
“Who’s out there?”
“It’s Michael.”
“Why do you sound like you have the flu?”
“I’m holding my nose because of the hooch downstairs.”
“There’s some in the medicine cabinet.”
“What about aspirin and I hope you have Bayer?”
“I don’t have Bayer but I have Anacin in the same place.”
“Do you know how we got here?” Michael asked. “I don’t remember anything about last night.” Maxie considered a smart aleck answer. “A tree jumped in the way of your truck when you got to the house,” he replied, “in a sense you can say you sailed here because you had three sheets to the wind.” Michael tried the door. “May I come in?” he asked. Maxie did not have to look to Misty. “We’re not ready,” he said, “and if you wait a few minutes I’ll fix you some of my grandmother’s hangover juice.”
“Good morning everybody the coffee’s ready!” Joey called up the stairs.
Tom walked half-naked into the hallway. “I made some butter rum muffins last night,” he said, “I figured I had to make breakfast for all the welcome you gave us for the past couple of weeks.”
“I think I should keep a lookout for a hit man!” Maxie shouted.
“I’m thinking of going back and looking at my joint later today,” Tom said through a chuckle. Maxie opened another drawer. “I wouldn’t do that right now!” he shouted. “Who knows what could happen if the sheriff spots you!” He found a pair of boxer shorts and began putting his legs through them. “What do you mean?” Tom asked. Maxie found a pair of trousers. “He could put you in a pinch,” he replied, “according to his applesauce you’re on the lamb.”
“Good morning everybody and excuse me!” Myrtle shouted. “I’m going to see a man about a horse!”
“A horse called Proof Count that is!” Gerard shouted. “Get back in here and wait until later!”
“Why should I have to tolerate a warped lothario like you who just wants carnal interaction?”
“Why should I tolerate a prude like you who is so puritanical when in those manners?”
Maxie stepped into the hallway. Michael and Tom followed him down the stairs where they met Joey and George in the kitchen.
“I hope the other three are down here soon,” Maxie remarked, “right now I feel like I’m the only king in the land of queens.” They could see he was uncomfortable. “There’s nothing wrong with that,” Michael said, “it’s not like we’re going to have an orgy with you.” Maxie was still nervous. A smirk appeared on Michael’s face. “Well if you really feel that way then I guess there’s only one thing you can do,” he said, “run!” They all chased Maxie around the house lightheartedly with puckered lips. “Come on fellow three letter men,” Michael further called, “get him!” Maxie laughed at his own prejudicial outlook and acknowledged he was misguided in his assumption. All five men had their arms around each other as close friendly companions as they laughed together equally. “Friends are worth more than the Rockefeller and Hearst fortunes together!” Maxie exclaimed. “You can’t count that amount of Jack!” Maxwell Tiberius Thermopolis Junior was among the friends he had at Madison Square Garden. “We need to do this more often,” he said, “and I mean vacation together.” Tom smiled. “You’re on the trolley,” he said, “you’re on the trolley.”
Clad in only her undergarments, Misty stood in the hallway door with crossed arms. “Can a girl get in on this?” she asked. They opened the circle to invite her. Maxie even kissed her. “On the count of three do what I just did,” he said, “kiss the one you love.” He counted to three then they all kissed their lovers.
“I never owned a racehorse called Proof Count!” they heard Gerard holler.
Costello considered his options involving the impounded boat. “I don’t really need someone who can pay for the boat,” he told himself, “but I don’t know whether that would work on my behalf.” He thought of another thing. “At least I have the Duesenberg,” he muttered “I have a racecar.”
He not only considered how to spring Chase but also what Chase may be telling them. It was clear Chase did not know about the boat being impounded. The Giggle Water was his best boat because it was the only one that never sank. His only living deputy was incarcerated by the BOI.
He answered the telephone after it rang. “We know where the still is bootlegger,” Harrison said, “maybe not exactly but we have an idea.” The sheriff was confused. “What was that?” he asked.
“We know what town the still is in.”
“What still?”
“Your still is what I’m talking about.”
“What still are you talking about?”
He was pretending not to understand. “What’s this about me being still?” he asked. “Why would you want me to be still unless you want to shoot me?”
“Only if you don’t tell me about that still.”
“Why do I have to tell you about being still?”
“Never mind,” Harrison remarked before ending the call.
Maxie answered the telephone at the diner. “Harrison just tried getting the sheriff to fess up but the high hat faker only did to him what you did to Fullerton about the picture,” Christine told him, “he could not get a confession.”
“Call him and tell him that we’re handling it also and that we plan to bait the hook tonight.”
“What’s the plan?”
“It’s something close to what we did at the revival except I’m wearing puffy shoulders,” Maxie said while nearly cringing, “for crying out loud I feel like I’m in a fairytale nightmare and I mean more like the Grimm Brothers and not three letters.”
“I’ll call the feds.”
“Ask them where we can get hold of a boat.”
The telephone rang in the hotel room of the BOI. “Maxie and his friends want to get a boat,” Christine said, “they don’t know where they can get one.”
“I don’t know where they can get one either.”
“What about one that was confiscated?”
“I have no idea where they keep them.”
The diner radio played “Toot Toot Tootsie.” Maxie ran from the dress again. “Would you please let me pick out a dress!” he hollered. “that thing looks like it belongs in a Mother Goose story!” To him it seemed the dress was chasing him around the diner and not Misty, who was holding it.
Gerard looked to Myrtle. “No way,” she stated. He held up his hands. “No not that,” he remarked, “I’m just wondering if you have some words you can say to Maxie.” She shook her head.
Misty held up the feathery ladies touring hat. “You also get to wear this,” she said, “isn’t it beautiful?” Maxie was against a kitchen wall. “Jeepers creepers!” he shouted. “That makes the whole thing ghastlier!” He pointed to the hat. “That’s the chapeau from hell!” he went on. “For crying out loud what are you trying to do to me?”
She placed the hat atop his head. “Okay, okay,” he said, “but next time I’m going as a flapper.” He looked toward Heaven. “Olympus succurro mihi,” he nearly muttered. It meant “Heaven help me” in Latin.
“All we need is a boat,” Joey added, “I need some food to take to Tilly.”
“Are you and Tilly going to check out her joint today?” Maxie asked.
“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea either and it gives me the heebie-jeebies.”
“Where has your boss been lately?”
“He’s been looking at wanted posters to find Costello.”
“Why haven’t you been back at work?”
“We’re helping the feds get to the bottom of this.”
Sheriff Clarke looked through more wanted posters at the Langston Sheriff’s Office. “No pictures of that Costello,” he said, “we need to find something to show the mayor of Ferry Landing.” Landau examined another set of posters. “Not one here either,” he said, “it’s seems funny but he should have a poster.”
“Maybe we should call Walter Kramer at the New York Times or Jim Harper and see what they can find with his picture.”
“What are you saying?”
“He might have tried this somewhere else.”
“Where do you think he could have done this?”
“I don’t know but it’s worth looking.”
“He could’ve broken out of the hoosegow.”
“He might not have even been put in the big house and I think we got our angle.”
“Are you telling me he might never have been arrested?”
“I looked at arrest records and these wanted posters for weeks but that would only mean this would be the first time or he’s on the lamb and they don’t have a picture.”
“I never found any either.”
“I think maybe we should start using Western Union and send the name to all departments throughout the country.”
“What about the feds staying at the Shoreline?”
“What about them?”
“Don’t you think they should know what you’re about to do?”
“I think you’re right and how.”
Harrison was riled by the ineptitude of his team. “I’m working with a bunch of mugs!” he shouted. “It’s no wonder why Maxie thinks we are like a bunch of movie clowns!” He turned to the others. “Do any of you have any idea where a seized boat could be?” he went on. “Or any clue where we could rent a boat?” He sat with the others for lunch by the cart. “It would be very hard to rent a boat in a New Jersey town like this,” Johnson said. Harrison leaped from his chair. “I’m working with a team of dopes!” he almost screamed. “For crying out loud it’s a beach town just off the Atlantic Ocean on the New York Bay!” He slapped the cart top. “What does that mean?” Miller asked. Harrison rolled his eyes. Chase was cackling. “It means they should have a marina someplace!” he shouted. “You should be able to find them somewhere near the amusement park, you know, along the boardwalk!” He turned to Chase. “Stop that laughing!” he hollered.
“If it would get me off,” Chase said, “he only uses a certain type of boat called a Belle Isle Boatworks Commuter.”
“Is that the make of the boat?”
“I don’t know about boats.”
“Men we need to find out about boats called Belle Isle Boatworks Commuters so find a marina!”
“A Belle Isle Boatworks Commuter is a make and model of boat,” McMahon said.
“Why didn’t you say that before?”
“You didn’t ask me.”
“I’m working with a bunch of mugs,” he said, “does anyone know where there’s a coast guard station?” After not receiving an answer, he threw up his arms. “We need to know where one of those places is so we can find a boat,” he stated, “it’s either that or a marina.”