Misty helped Maxie with the dress. “Do I have to wear the stupid chapeau?” he asked. She tightened the corset. “Michael is going to be your chauffer,” she said, “he has a gun and knows how to use it.”
“Are we using my car?”
“I don’t think any ritzy gal would show up in a Model A breezer. We’re using Dad’s Car.”
“Are you sure Michael knows how to drive a Rolls Royce?”
“He once helped the British Army by driving an armored Rolls Royce through enemy lines and earned a distinguished service cross since his kind were not allowed in combat.”
“Do you mean three letter men?”
“I mean because he’s Chinese.”
“Then how did he learn to fire a gun?”
“Some of the men in his outfit taught him how to use them but they were not really authorized to fight.”
“That proves that some soldiers have brains,” Maxie said sincerely, “it was stupid for the army not to let them fight.”
“You have to wear both the wig and hat,” she said, “that’s what makes the outfit.”
“Where’s the wig?”
“My mother is fixing it now and Joey’s showing her.”
“Why couldn’t she be a Harvey Girl?” he said while shaking his head “At least they had a regular type of dress and not this frilly thing.” She wrapped him in the skirt. “This is too long,” he remarked, “it’s longer than my Oxford baggies.” He shook his head. “You father must’ve had some real fun trying these things on,” he commented, “this is really not the bee’s knees or I would go so far as to say this get up is lousy with a capital L.” Misty pointed to the dress. “That one she had the butler try on,” she remarked, “none of the maids are her size.”
“I would hate to be a man in that house.”
Tom answered the hallway telephone. “Maxie, Jim Harper is on the blower!” he shouted. “He wants to know if you want him there tonight!” Maxie paused to consider the idea.
“Just tell him to stay outside in case something goes wrong!” he shouted. “He might have to call Bud Clarke or Harrison!”
At the Ferry Landing Sheriff’s Office, Costello was on the telephone. “The name is the Giggle Water,” he said, “that was the boat.”
“The only way we’re going to get it for you is if you give us the carcass of that boy you lynched from that diner.”
“The lynching was unsuccessful and I need the boat as soon as possible.”
“Do you have any proof of this?”
“It was on page three of the New York Times.”
“Well, you’ll have to get the boat yourself you lying Papist bastard!”
“I’m not a Catholic, even though I’m Irish.”
“Sorry, but you would still have to get the boat yourself because we don’t want to infiltrate a government institution to get it out.”
He hung the earpiece while considering his options. “The fine is low but I might need someone to spring the boat from impound,” he muttered, “I need a new patsy or partner.” He pondered the idea. “Or both,” he said, “even though it’s normally not that high.” He considered his finances. “I don’t think I have enough in my account since I have a demand to meet with Capone again,” he told himself. He found a bottle of scotch and a shot glass in the drawer and poured himself a drink. “I have to get back that boat somehow,” he muttered, “the Giggle Water is my newest boat.”
“Where are we going to get the boat?” Maxie asked. No one had any idea.
He looked at himself in the mirror. The dress hung on him. “I look like I have a futzing flower garden with too many birds on my head,” he groused, “if that hat were any worse it would have white stripes on it from the birds that dropped the feathers.” He tried to stomp around but could not in female shoes no matter how sensible they were. They were the worst shoes he ever wore. He fell to the floor. “These make me walk worse than a guy who’s canned,” he protested.
Gerard and Myrtle entered with Michael, who was dressed as a chauffeur. In her hand was the wig. Michael removed a Colt 0.45 inch automatic from his inside jacket pocket. “I think we’re ready,” he said, “if there’s any trouble I have this.”
They looked to the floor. “What are you doing down there?” Gerard asked. Maxie rose and stood rather wobbly. “It’s the shoes,” he said, “I can’t keep my balance in them.”
“That’s good,” Gerard said, “we can probably convince him your intoxicated.”
“I think I might need to look straight laced.”
“I think you’re on the trolley.” Gerard said. They all stared at him. “I happen to agree with Maxie,” he said, “I have to be hip to the jive.”
He turned to his wife who wondered why. “Maybe you should get him the pair of shoes that went with the other dress,” he said, “he needs to stay on his feet.” Myrtle stood with folded arms. “Those shoes do not go with that dress,” she avowed. Gerard stood firm. “He has to stand,” he declared, “we have to make sure he can stand up or else he could look like Tom in drag.” He walked over to their room and snatched the shoes from the floor by the dresser. “Try these on,” he stated, “they should fit you and they’re comfortable for women’s shoes and you can trust me on this since I tried on almost all her shoes.”
Maxie sat on a chair and unlaced the other shoes. Without haste, he removed them and pulled on the others. “I want to stand on my own two feet,” he stated, “I don’t want to do this from the floor.”
Maxie stood and looked in the mirror. “I still look like a flower garden with too many crappy birds,” he bellyached, “and this monstrosity has ribbons down the back!” Despite his complaints he would not dare remove the chapeau.
“I think we should get in the car,” he said, “we have to be there before he leaves the sheriff’s office.” Michael glanced to his wristwatch. “It looks like he’s right,” he said. Gerard opened his pocket watch. “I have to agree,” he added. Misty raised her finger to indicate a point of order. “The problem is the chauffeurs are still washing the cars,” she said, “they aren’t here with either of the cars.”
“Where are they?” Maxie asked. He also checked his watch. “I think they went by the comfort station,” Misty replied. Michael smirked. “I think they were in one of the cars and it was flopping like a flivver,” he said, “and it was parked and not a flivver.” The car was heard outside. “Well they’re over doing what they did,” Michael commented shrewdly.
Jim watched over the sheriff’s office as Costello entered from the patrol car. He wondered when Maxie was going to arrive. He did not know the full details of the plan. “I wonder what’s going on at Maxie’s house,” he said.
The crates and kegs were already set in the back. “We made thirteen bottles,” Gerard said, “that should be enough.” Myrtle took one of the bottles. “I need my dinner,” she said while pulling the cork. Gerard struggled to recap the bottle. “Leave it alone!” he hollered. The struggle continued until the bottle plummeted toward and smashed against the running board. “There goes our safety net,” he commented, “I hope we don’t lose any more.”
The engine of the newer Rolls Royce was operating though releasing a sputter periodically. Michael turned to the others. “I hope we make it tonight,” he commented, “that sounds bad.” A shot was heard from the tailpipe. “Maybe we should take the other one,” he said, “or maybe even Maxine’s car.” Gerard was in the main compartment. “We need to look like we are rich,” he said “and that we can afford a newer car than that one and Maxine’s car may be an excellent machine it does not look ritzy, to put in the colloquial.” The tailpipe discharged again. “I really think we should get another car,” ‘Maxine’ said. Michael started the car forward. “It’s only warming up,” he said, “or maybe it has something to do with the carburetor.”
Maxine sported the chapeau which was tied to his head with ribbons. “I wonder how much money he’s going to give us for this,” she said. “I wish I knew the going rate for each bottle.”
The car sounded again. “I really think that we should check out the engine,” Maxine said, “maybe we should stop by a garage.”
They turned toward the sheriff’s office, passing the area where the tent was raised for the church revival. “Do you have a radio in here?” Maxine asked. Gerard turned to her. “I never thought of that,” he said. The car finally stalled in front of the office. “We’re taking the car to the gas station after this,” he said.
Jim was in front of the sheriff’s office. He observed them stepping from the car. “We need to get one of the crates,” Gerard said. As they began lifting the crates, Jim flashed his camera. They proceeded into the sheriff’s office without Jim following.
“Oh look at that handsome sheriff,” Maxine remarked, “what a big six he is.” She hit him with a fan.
Costello turned to Michael. “You look familiar,” he said. Michael quickly thought and reacted. “你是一个性感的人，我想吻你,” he remarked. It means “You’re a sexy man and I would like to kiss you” in Chinese. Bernard decided to do a faux translation. “Allow me,” he said, “my chauffer just said that you’re a great man in this town.”
“Tell him I thank him.
“你最好小心,” Gerard remarked. It means “You better be careful.” Michael hid his shock that Gerard understood the language. “那家伙是非常愚蠢的,” Michael said. It means “That guy there is stupid.” Gerard turned to the sheriff. “He said that you’re extremely welcome,” was the comment.
Costello opened one of the cartons. “Oh you look dashing when getting down to business,” Maxine remarked, “and you sound dashing too.” Costello opened a bottle and swallowed. “That’s delicious,” he remarked, “I think I will take some.”
He conceived a plan. “I would like to make you part owner in my business,” he said, “all you have to do is keep making this and get my boat out of impound and you can use it.” He showed them a photograph of a wooden cabin cruiser. “It’s a Belle Isle Boatworks Commuter called the Giggle Water,” he said, “it’s a fine little boat and this year’s model and I’m sure this doll in the hat would love it.” Maxine giggled. “Thank you, you bearcat,” she said, “you’re the bee’s knees.” He paced. “It’s over forty feet in length and is very fast,” he added, “and after you get what I paid for it you will get paid in cash.” Gerard, Maxine, and Myrtle looked to each other before agreeing. “It’s a deal,” Gerard said. All, but Michael acted proud. “It’s at the coast guard station in Cape May,” Costello said.
The accusing eyes of Harrison looked down upon Chase. “Did you ever run rum for Costello?” he asked.
“I never did.”
“Where are his rumrunners?”
“I don’t know but I would guess down with the bumboats in Havana.”
“What are bumboats?”
“They’re boats who run up to the big ocean liners with hooch.”
“Oh those.”
McMahon answered the telephone after it rang. “Boss,” he said, “it’s Jim Harper.” Harrison took the phone.
“Sam,” Jim said, “they have a boat courtesy of the sheriff.”
“How did they do that?”
“It’s in exchange for some bathtub gin and they did it so that they can catch him in the act with a camera and it’s from coast guard impound in Cape May.”
“I think I’m getting you.”
“The coast guard confiscated his boat called the Giggle Water.”
“That’s one great idea and I have to give it to that Maxie.”
He turned to McMahon. “Maxie and his friends got the boat!” he shouted. “All we have to do is wait for them to get it from the impound yard!”
“Where would that impound yard be?”
“It’s at the coast guard station in Cape May.”
“I think that’s pure banana oil.”
“They confiscated one of his boats and they have it there.”
“When are they planning to go there?”
“I’m sure they’ll call us when they do because I plan to be in that boat.”
Harrison turned to the phone. “When are they planning to get the boat?” he asked.
“You’re right they’re planning to call both of us and we are going to be in the boat,” Jim told him.
“What type of boat is it?”
“It’s a commuter boat called the Giggle Water and it’s a new one from the Belle Isle Boatworks.”
“When are they planning to get it?”
“I really don’t know.”
“Do you know where they are now so maybe I can ask them?”
“I think they’re at the gas station.”
“I don’t have time to meet them there if they’re getting gas.”
“They had car trouble.”
“I’ll start out and find out what I can.”
The Lincoln Touring Car raced toward the still with the gin. “I have to sell this stuff it tastes great,” Costello said to himself, “that really tastes great.”
He thought further. “I may need the doozy,” he said, “in case one night I have to make a break for it I need the speed.” Gray’s Duesenberg was in the Ferry Landing Impound Yard.
Harrison met Maxie, who removed the hat and was no longer acting feminine, and his friends at the gas station. “What do you know about the boat called the Giggle Water?” he asked.
“We know that it’s with the coast guard in Cape May,” Maxie replied, “It’s a cabin cruiser built by the Belle Isle Boatworks.”
“I know that means it was possibly designed by John L. Hacker,” Gerard added, “it’s a version of a Hacker Craft Boat.”
Harrison was listening. “It’s also a rumrunner,” he said. Maxie nodded. “We know,” he replied, “Costello told us it was one of his newest boats.”
“Do you want me to go along with you?” Harrison inquired. “Keep in mind I don’t know how to drive a boat.”
“Gerard here is going to be the driver,” Maxie said, “he volunteered.” Harrison turned his attention to Gerard. “Have you ever handled a gun?” he asked. Maxie looked to Gerard but only to hear, not judge his reply. “I have several at home and I’m sure I can get hold of one,” Gerard replied, “I know my friend Jim Harper has a few pistols.”
“I would suggest he take yours,” Maxie added, “with the way you aim that is.”
“I have to keep mine,” Harrison said, “I’m sworn to do my best to protect you.”
“Do you think I need a gun?” Maxie asked. Harrison did a headshake. “I’ve seen you talk your way out of a gun,” he said, “and I don’t think you know how to use one.” Maxie giggled. “With the number of Chicago typewriters I’ve seen I wouldn’t be surprised if I did,” he remarked, “you can learn a lot from experience.” However, he nodded in agreement.
The Phantom was still in the garage with the hood open. They could not hear the car but the profanities that blurted from the white mechanic’s mouth. “I don’t find anything wrong with this car!” he called to them. “It might be in the way you handled it!” Michael walked into the garage. The engine was started smoothly by the mechanic. “I don’t talk to Chinks,” said the mechanic who looked at him with a condescending stare, “I really don’t want to talk to you.” Michael would not dare to strike another man except in self-defense. “I’m a veteran from the trenches,” he stated silently, “and I know how to use a gun because my comrades showed me.” He gently but sternly moved the mechanic aside. “I know there’s something wrong with a little round eyed chump like you,” he continued, “don’t accept any wooden nickels, 混帐” (Chinese for bastard). With a hand gesture, Maxie calmed Michael. “I guess you all don’t know a Chink when you have Chink in your car,” the mechanic stated. Maxie closed the hood looked to the paint. “I don’t see a Chink in the car,” he said mockingly, “all I see is nice paint and a bunch of great people who were passengers and one futzed up 混帐.” He stepped into the backseat. “I don’t know Chinese but I bet that word fits you like bastardus in my church’s language,” he added. Understanding Latin, Michael nodded. “It does,” he remarked. The mechanic tried to move against Michael and Maxie only to be blocked by Harrison. “I think I should tell you that these men are about to be deputized by the Bureau of Investigation,” he stated, “like the man warned you ‘don’t accept any wooden nickels’ and mind your own beeswax.”Myrtle looked the mechanic in the eyes. “I’m one quarter Chinese in my ancestry,” she stated, “I think you should begin doing slightly more squinting.” Maxie looked to them. “I think we should repeat that word in Chinese on the count of three,” he instructed, “one, two, and three.” The group glared to the mechanic and shouted “混帐!”
They leaped into the car. “That’s four bucks for the repair,” he stated. The response was an angry glance. “I have one thing to say about that!” Maxie stated. “Tell it to Sweeney 混帐!”
Michael backed the car through the bay doors. “Realiter est bastardus!” Maxie muttered. It means “he is really a bastard” in Latin. He turned to the back. “Let me tell you now!” he shouted. “You ain’t getting any of my Jack you Bluenose.” They drove off toward the diner.
“I think someone should bring food,” Michael said, “I can get some in case so Maxie here doesn’t have to skim off his profits.” He turned to Maxie. “You helped me a beaucoup of times so let me help you,” he went on, “you’re the most open minded friend I got.”
The telephone rang at the Langston Sheriff’s Office. “I’m from the Abington, Pennsylvania Police Department,” the man said, “your Anthony Costello was here and ran booze.”
“Go on,” Clarke said.
“He did it last year and opened a speakeasy that was rather successful until we shut it down.”
“Can you mail me a mug shot or anything like that?”
“I can do that.”
“I hope they don’t take too long because I really need them.”
“Why?”
“He’s causing trouble in a local town around here.”
“What town would that be?”
“Ferry Landing, his cover is the sheriff so I wouldn’t send anything there.”
“I understand.”
“I hope so.”
Gerard and Myrtle were in the bedroom and together in the bed. They were about to have a romantic night.
Harrison was on the telephone with the Ferry Landing Marina. “We need a slip for a boat by tomorrow,” he said, “forty-two feet in length and I don’t know about the width.” He listened. “You have one,” he said, “that’s good.” He called Maxie. “If we can get the boat we will take it to Ferry Landing Marina,” he said, “I’ll call you with the time to meet us.”