I first used a variation of this title for a talk on women’s health in 1985, and it summarizes my own journey as a woman and physician, as well as the process I have described throughout this book. In the previous chapters, I have talked about the importance of caring for the physical aspects of your health: knowing your height, blood pressure, cholesterol/HDL, body composition, and hormone levels; taking time to provide your body with healthy fuel; taking time to move the body in exercise; taking time for rest and relaxation; having the appropriate preventive medicine checkups and screening tests. All of these steps are basic to health and to healthy aging. I have focused primarily on the overlooked hormonal connections in women’s health because, even today, there is so little integrated information available for women to find answers to their questions.
People have said, “Why do you consider it so important to put the hormones so early in the process?” I think loss of your hormone balance, at whatever age, is like getting stuck in quicksand. You can keep working to get out, and the harder you work at it, the more you sink in the sticky muck. But if someone reaches out to you and puts a plank under your feet to give you some solid ground to gain a footing, you can begin getting out. I see the hormones as being the body’s “plank” of support for all of its basic energy, growth, repair, and healing functions. Without all our hormones present in the right amounts and working properly, we just get stuck in the “quicksand” of adding more medications, more “techniques,” more supplements . . . more of whatever is the latest trend there is to try. Yet, even with all these, you still lack the “plank” of solid support under your efforts. The use of natural forms of hormone medications helps return the body to its natural state of balance, and then the other methods all work better. So, yes, hormone balance is crucial. I do not want to suggest, however, that your physical health is the only dimension I think is important.
I have profound belief in, and respect for, the power of the mind and spirit in all aspects of health, disease, and the healing process. Indeed, these dimensions may be the most critical of all as we seek the wellness of being that is at the core of our human quest, instead of the cultural emphasis on doing and achieving. I know from a deep personal level and from my professional experience that healing in its fullest sense must include attention to our damaged spirit, not only our broken body. The body feels the things of our soul and spirit of which our mind is not consciously aware. Our cells know and communicate things about us that are invisible to our eyes and ears.
Even with my emphasis on the hormone connections in this book, I want you to remember this: First and foremost, my belief system emphasizes having a strong sense of faith and purpose in life as our base, then we build on this base with a wellness lifestyle, using natural options for healing, and upon that foundation add medical approaches (hormones, medications, surgery) when needed. I know firsthand how important all of these are in achieving optimal health. I want to share with you some of my thoughts on the spiritual and emotional aspects of health. And, as a dragonfly skitters over a pond, I recognize that I am just touching the surface of these dimensions. There are many beautiful and inspiring books that are available to guide you to greater depth on these subjects. I encourage you to seek out the ones that call to your heart and soul as you travel further on your journey of self-exploration and spiritual growth.
Be still . . . and listen to the unspoken messages of your body, as it calls you to pay attention to its needs and those of your battered spirit . . . you’ll be guided on the steps to take toward healing and wholeness. Then let the course of your life become a beacon to others who are lost and searching.
Getting to know yourself takes time being with yourself.
This statement seems so obvious, and yet how often do we as women take the time to do it? We are giving to others day in and day out: We are the twenty-four-hours-a-day mother, the attentive wife, the dutiful daughter, the income-producer, the dedicated community volunteer, the caretaker of the ill, the teacher of children (at home-school-church-synagogue-daycare), the social-political activist. No matter what your particular roles, if you count them all, you will discover with amazement just how many there are.
Women are constantly “switching hats,” as our multiple roles require that we dip into diverse areas of skills-insights-wisdom when new demands emerge. A man may have one primary career focus for his entire life. Women typically have several. I know you have heard these ideas and observations before. So when are you going to do something for you? Janis Joplin said, not long before she died: “Don’t compromise yourself. YOU are all you’ve got.”
Do you really know who YOU are and what you want for yourself out of life? Have you looked within to find out? If not, when do you plan to do it? Are you going to lose yourself before you wake up and realize that you must take time for you? Why not take time right now to write down the first six things that come immediately to mind as you read this question:
If you were told you had four months to live, what do you most want to accomplish in that time? How do you want to spend those days?
Only you can see that you begin now to make time in your life for those meaningful activities or ways of being that you just wrote down.
Start some form of journal to give voice to this inner you. Use whatever form is helpful and useful to you: Write down your thoughts and feelings; if you don’t like to write, make a collage of your feelings by gathering images and words that “speak” to you from magazines and pasting them on a piece of paper with the date; collect quotes and jot down how they affect you; use crayons and “doodles” to express your mood and feelings; write a song, poem, or story. Use your imagination. Begin now to assemble a few simple ingredients for taking care of you: solitude, time, a physical or intellectual challenge that is meaningful to you, being in nature, and taking a step outside any self-imposed limits. Combine these ingredients to make your own personal “sabbatical” to look a little deeper into your life and the aspects that you want to change, improve, and expand. Make time for play, for some undivided attention to your spontaneous, free, unrestrained inner part of you. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D., calls this part of us the “Wild Woman,” and says “Wild Woman whispers the words and ways to us and we follow.”
. . . . . . FIRST, WE MUST LISTEN TO HER WHISPERS.
SHE is the voice within you Screaming to be HEARD. Give her a commitment of some of your time to listen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . just LISTEN . . . . . . . . . . listen.
From Women Who Run wih the Wolves,
Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D., 1994
In the sixth century B.C. Pythagorus wrote: “The physician’s task is to teach men and women the physical and spiritual laws of life and to live in accordance with God’s purpose for them.” In the ancient healing arts of all cultures, and in the tradition of the physician as “healer” or person who practices the art and science of medicine, the emphasis had traditionally been on the whole person. This included addressing spiritual needs as well as physical and emotional needs. Healing traditions through the centuries have also encompassed healthy lifestyle approaches in treating physical illness and emotional-spiritual pain.
Modern Western medicine has lost this connection with soul, with the spiritual dimension of human beings. As the “science” of medicine evolved, in the last hundred years or so, the care of patients has become very compartmentalized with the physical body being seen by various medical or surgical specialists, the mind needs being addressed by psychologists and psychiatrists (who usually don’t do much with the medicine of the physical body), and soul-spirit pain is left for “treatment” by ministers, rabbis, or priests and placed in churches or synagogues. One “compartment” or specialty doesn’t address the concerns that arise in the others. This compartmentalization is particularly prevalent in the care of women. Ultimately such partition of the mind-body and spirit leads to artificial divisions that cannot lead to true healing and wellness. I don’t leave my soul or my spirituality at the doorstep when I enter the hospital or a physician’s office, and I doubt that you do either.
Alexis Guirdham, Nobel prize winner, said, “We cannot fragment our healing efforts by declaring them spiritual or medical, but recognize the total synchronizing process of healing, for the goal is wholeness and harmony.”
I think for us as women, this statement has a particularly powerful message, since many of us live our lives in a medical model and culture that tends to fragment us into body parts and different roles. With such fragmentation and increasing high-tech (and often impersonal) approaches to medical care, women seeking health care (caring) are turning in droves to “high touch” alternative practitioners. These practitioners typically emphasize time for communication and self-empowerment, and recommend healing approaches that are promoted as more natural, more gentle, and create a better feeling of being “listened to” and “heard” in the person-to-person encounters. Many women have expressed a desire to have health care approaches that address them as a “whole” person, not just body parts.
We must take into account the role of the spiritual nature of human beings as an important dimension of healing. In using the term “spiritual” I am not referring to a person’s religion. To me, one’s spiritual connection with life and this universe is a personal, deeply held individual experience. It is having a sense of meaning and purpose in your life as a first step in awakening to your spiritual self. Spirituality is more than just your psychological or emotional self. It is tapping into the part of yourself that has a sense of connection to something greater than you, a source of power that transcends human limitations, whether you call that “something” God, Creator, Divine Mystery, or Great Spirit. Religion, in my view, refers to being a part of an organized group with a defined set of core beliefs. You may be deeply spiritual, yet not belong to an organized religion. I have also encountered people who are very active in their religion who are not particularly spiritual. Clearly, there are people who are both, and people who are neither. I think the unheard cries of the soul, however we may define them, are a critical dimension of the pain present in the lives of many women and men today.
I find that the more I ask patients about the role of faith in their lives, the more I hear stories of the pain from feeling a void in their spiritual lives, a sense of emptiness and meaninglessness. This has such a profound impact on one’s overall health. I was taught in my formal medical training that physicians should not discuss these issues with patients. Over the years of medical practice, however, I have found that many people have been traumatized by earlier dogmatic church experiences or have not had a particular religious focus in the life experience. People like this who are in spiritual pain often have no one else with whom they can discuss their concerns. More often than not, they have been grateful that I asked about this dimension of their lives. I have had to “unlearn” my formal training and give myself permission to explore these areas of people’s lives.
I find this especially true of women. Many traditional religious institutions have left women feeling invisible because of the patriarchal emphasis on God and His earthly representatives as male. I grew up attending the Presbyterian Church. I never realized how much I had been affected by not seeing women as role models in the worship services of the church until, as an adult, I went to Royster Presbyterian church in Norfolk that had a women associate pastor at the time.
For the first time in my life, I heard a woman minister give the sermon and watched women elders serving communion. I was truly overcome with emotion as the impact of women being part of the service hit me fully. Here I was, almost forty years old, and this was the first time in my life I had seen women in these roles. What kind of subtle, and not-so-subtle, messages have we given little girls all these years about their worth, when all they see are boys and men participating in the services and hear God always referred to as male. The soul pain with this realization was immense. I was not prepared for the impact I felt sitting in that service and listening to the Reverend Katherine Cameron present the lessons though the eyes and experiences of a woman.
Women have not always been so invisible in religions of the world. Cultures we have called “primitive” have long included the feminine qualities of the Creator as being an important dimension of balance and harmony. The ancient Chinese philosophy of Yin and Yang reflects this blend of the masculine and feminine energies and qualities. Since I moved to Tucson, I have been privileged to be able to participate in Native American prayer circles and ceremonial lodges. The depth of spiritual commitment of these people, and their deep reverence for all life in its masculine and feminine forms, has enriched me greatly. Healing the deeper spiritual wound for women is also part of health and wholeness. We physicians neglect this at our patients’ peril. We must weave together all parts of the human experience in our search for health and well-being. I feel it is important to respect individual beliefs, and I believe we can do this at the same time we create healing environments that encompass the spiritual dimensions of life.
Just as our bodies and minds change, our spirit grows in new directions and we move onward in our life journey. Sometimes we look back with regret, sometimes we look back with pride; sometimes we look ahead with excitement about what lies out there, and sometimes we look ahead with fear. It seems to me much like what Ingmar Bergman must have meant in this statement: “Old age is like climbing a mountain. You climb from ledge to ledge, the higher you get the more tired and breathless you become. But your views become more expansive.”
As we get older and wiser we have learned to cherish the considerable skills, insight, and wisdom we’ve accumulated adapting to all of the changes that have occurred throughout our lives. We have woven these experiences into our own unique tapestry, which we may then share with those around us. This is part of the transcendence of life that gives it meaning and purpose. So, no matter how busy you are, make time for that dimension of your life. Your very survival, at a spiritual and physical level, may depend on your listening to this inner voice that calls to you to listen. Take heed and act on her message.
As a woman at midlife and beyond, you are moving from creating new life to creating your own life. For many women, there is a sense of uncertainty as their roles change. Who am I? What do I want to accomplish? Who do I want to be? These existential questions do not have easy answers. Yet, your sense of self-worth and feeling of direction in your life is enhanced greatly by the time you set aside to explore what responses to these questions are meaningful for you. Midlife becomes a time to choose from many possibilities of thoughts, actions, feelings. We then begin to weave these into our unique pattern of responses. This weaving is our midlife creativity creating self anew in the womb of our soul, rather than creating a separate embryo of life and gestating it for nine months in our bodies. This is one of your most valuable assets in this phase of life. Invest it well, for its growth will nourish you for years ahead.
To create is also to change. As women we face many changes throughout our life journey: physical changes, role changes, emotional changes, spiritual changes. How we view change is a significant part of the challenge we face. Is change a crisis to you, or do you see change as an opportunity? Do you feel overwhelmed by changes in your life, or are changes exciting to you? Do you enjoy new challenges, or do you view them as threats? One woman, moving from Norfolk, Virginia, to New York City on her own, described her feelings about this major change in her life: “I feel a sense of petrified excitement!” WHAM! Her words hit me between the eyes. In those two words, petrified excitement, she captured the essence of the mixture of emotions that often hits us when we have significant changes in our lives.
How we view change is a big part of its impact on us. Even positive changes create a stress response in our bodies as we adapt, but the degree of impact on our body health is dramatically intensified when we perceive changes in our lives as negative ones. All of us are going through biological-psychological-social changes all the time. It’s how we perceive these changes, what we do with them, and how we use them in our lives that makes a difference in our psychological hardiness. When we use such changes as opportunities to improve ourselves, to have an impact on others, to better the conditions around us, we create more feelings of control in our lives.
I grew up near the water in Virginia, and I loved sailing. I learned the hard way that there is no way to control the wind. I could plan a weekend sailing getaway down to the last detail, except that I had to face the inevitable: No matter how much I might want to, there is no way I can control the wind. What I had to do was adjust the sails to take advantage of whatever way the wind was blowing . . . and accept that sometimes it wasn’t blowing at all. There were plenty of days when the wind just died, and I’d be stuck, unable to reach my destination that day. No matter how frustrated and in a dither I got, I could NOT, by force of my will, make the wind pick up. So it was a great lesson in patience, practice, and learning when to just flow with whatever is happening. Many years later, I still struggle with these same issues of learning what I can, and cannot, control in life. I may get angry and holler a lot, or cry, or withdraw. But in these moments of struggle, I also try to stop and remember, with a wry smile, those days of sailing . . . and learning to let go and adjust to the wind and its whims.
Think about this for your life. How do you view yourself? Are you kicking and screaming trying to make the wind blow? Or are you learning from experiences and figuring out ways to “trim the sails” to take advantage of whatever wind there is, or even just learning to kick back and flow with circumstances until the wind picks up again? Each of us, based upon how we view ourselves and how we experience our inner sense of power and control, has the ability to increase our self-confidence, self-esteem, and feelings of accomplishment in our lives. And that in turn enhances the spirit of the inner self, creating the individual woman who is psychologically hardy.
HARDINESS = CHALLENGE
HARDINESS = CONTROL
HARDINESS = COMMITMENT
Keep these words on your mirror or your refrigerator door, and remind yourself each day:
1. Changes are challenges and opportunities; they do not have to be experienced as threats unless you choose to experience them that way.
2. You have control in your life, no matter what the situation. You can control the choices you make, even if you cannot control the situation itself. You can control your view of the situation. Such an internal sense of control—“I have the freedom to choose my mental outlook, even in the worst adversity”—creates a strong sense of self. An internal sense of control is the opposite of powerlessness, the opposite of being a victim of circumstance.
3. Commitment is a pledge to action based on the belief that your life has meaning and purpose. Commitment is the opposite of alienation, the opposite of isolation and just drifting through your life. Decide what means something to you and then look for the resources around you to help you achieve it.
In thinking about all of this, remember that if you focus on day-dreaming about the person you would like to be, you end up wasting the time to enjoy being the person you are now. Focus instead on your gifts and abilities and talents now and celebrate what is right, good, and wonderful about you as a person.
I moved to Tucson in 1992, having spent my entire life on the East Coast and very much a water-oriented person. Yet, something kept pulling me to the desert and to this land, the sky, and the mountains that protectively encircle Tucson. These mountains feel closer somehow, more right there, as if I could reach out and touch them. And the form is a feminine one, the rounded rocks visible down to the very earth itself, giving a sense of ruggedness and strength and permanence. These mountains are rock, not covered by the trees as are the mountains of the East and the Rockies. There was something primordial and powerful tugging at my spirit whenever I sat and watched the sunlight and clouds playing over the faces of the Catalina, Rincon, and Tucson mountains. I came across this poem in 1994, which for me captured this ancient connection:
Of Mountains and Women
The hearts of mountains
And the hearts of women
Are both the same. They beat to
An old rhythm, an old song.
Mountains and women
Are made from the sinew of the rock.
Mountains and women
Are home to the spirits of the earth.
Mountains and women
Embrace the mystery of life.
Mountains give patience to women.
Women give fullness to mountains.
Celebrate each mountain, each woman.
Dance for them in your dreams.
The spirit of mountains and of women
Will give courage to our children
Long after we are gone.
© Nancy Wood, Spirit Walker,
Doubleday/Delacort Press, 1993
Used with permission.
Each time I came to Tucson to visit over the years, I continued to hear the call of that inner voice pulling me to these mountains, even though my mind kept saying, “But you can’t leave your family, friends, patients, and professional ties in Virginia. How are you going to start over now?”
I finally listened to the call of my soul and took the leap into the unknown and the uncertainty of a new beginning. Moving from a high rise in the city of Norfolk to a one-story stucco house in Tucson, I felt a strong sense of coming home to this land—this land of mountains and sky, of earth and rock; this land of incredible diversity of plants and animals that have found creative ways to adapt to the harsh desert terrain.
In the desert, I have found the connection with the earth, the mountains, and the sky, and in the quiet of the soft breeze I have reconnected with the inner voice that guides me along the path of creative change one small step at a time. And now, years later, I still feel the power of these mountains in the depths of my soul. They are my connection with the earth, and with the Creator. They bring me home, they recharge and revitalize my energy and creativity. They help me learn important lessons, like letting go of a focus on “perfection” and “completion.” The way the light plays over the mountain rocks, giving different patterns every moment of every day, serves to remind me of both the permanence and of the changeability of life itself. My goal has become experiencing the whole process, experiencing the feelings—joys and pains—of the journey, learning to find the good that comes out of adversity as well as to celebrate the successes, and to take time to savor the moment. With each step, with each small change I make, I am becoming more whole.
March 27, 1989, was a day of immense despair, pain, and hopelessness in my life. I could not recall ever feeling like I was in such a bottomless dark hole. Previously an energetic, independent, healthy woman in her early forties who had been jogging regularly three to four miles a day, I was now being discharged from Johns Hopkins after my third hospitalization and second spine surgery in three months. The two cervical spine surgeries had been only about six weeks apart, hardly enough time to recover from the first before unexpectedly being faced with a second, which was caused by a bad fall from the physical therapy table during treatment after my first neck surgery.
The last surgery had been complicated and required a fusion of two neck vertebrae using a bone chip from my hip. I was now faced with eight months in a steel two-poster neck brace from chin to chest. My neurosurgeon had just told me the good news that I didn’t need any more surgery. The bad news was that the discs throughout my spine had been damaged badly in the fall and now compounded the difficulty recovering. I was able to walk only a few yards and had such little arm strength I could not even lift a full water pitcher or put on the cumbersome neck brace. The back pain was constant, debilitating, and draining, and I frequently felt exhausted in the morning, even after eight or nine hours in bed.
All of a sudden here I was, unable to do simple things for myself, feeling blind-sided by a tornado, out of control. This wasn’t the me who had been in such good health and had felt so in charge of her life and career. It was definitely not a feeling I liked or wanted. I was supposed to be the one in charge, not the one on the receiving end of this bad news discussion. The neurosurgeon had told me I would need to go into a rehabilitation program for another five to six weeks to strengthen my legs, back, and arms enough that I could return to work later that spring or summer.
It was a devastating blow. I had a sinking feeling as I realized what an impact this would have on my family, my medical practice, and my patients who were counting on me. Yet, there was no choice. I either took more time out from work now for the full recovery from both surgeries, or I faced having long-term limited mobility, pain, and inability to return to work full-time. I had a sense of being outside of myself watching as I fell deeper and deeper into a seemingly endless black well of despair.
I knew enough to recognize that I desperately needed a healing environment, a place where I could get the help I needed from medical and complementary therapies, a place that could provide the mind-and bodywork I needed. I was also concerned about finding a setting where healthy food could help me start to lose the excess weight from recent months of inactivity and corticosteroid therapy. But where could I go? My fall had occurred in a hospital program in my own town; I obviously did not want to go back there. I wasn’t severely injured enough to qualify for inpatient rehabilitation programs; besides I knew those programs would not have the kind of massage therapy, healthy food, and other approaches I knew I needed. Yet I couldn’t really go to a health club setting in a wheelchair and a neck brace.
What to do, and how to find help? I remembered a place of healing in the Southwest desert, where I thought I could put together the program I needed. My body wisdom knew this was what I needed; yet the rest of my mental processes were so overwhelmed, I could not even think straight and deal with the enormity of the decision. I didn’t have the strength or energy even to begin to think about how I could possibly get there or be able to pay for it, since I had been out of work so long.
The inner me knew what I needed to recover, but I hadn’t yet learned to listen completely to my body wisdom. My husband, my family, my minister, and my friend–business attorney all had the clarity of thinking and insight I lacked at this point. They sorted out the issues and pointed out that I could not take care of anyone or anything else unless I first got well. They helped me make the only decision that could help me survive and begin to heal again. I simply had to get into a healing environment where the treatment I desperately needed could be available in one place, even if it meant going into debt and taking a long difficult journey to get there. There was simply no alternative.
But my intellect kept nagging, “wait a minute, I can’t leave, I have obligations.” Of course, it was apparent to everyone else that I couldn’t meet those obligations anyway, even if I stayed at home. I was in such bad shape I couldn’t work. I just could not see with the clarity they did. I finally accepted that they were right.
What a scary leap it was. I had to trust my body wisdom: I had to let go. I teetered on the edge. Then, as if at one moment, I knew I wanted to get well. I wanted to survive this ordeal and come back strong again. I had to take the leap of faith and put myself in the hands of gifted people from many fields who could help me heal. I agreed to go. I made the choice of life. My soul began to feel like flying again. Well, not exactly flying, I guess, when I couldn’t even walk ten yards. But I did feel instantly lighter in spirit once I had turned the corner and made the decision my inner self knew was necessary and right for me. Mind, body, spirit: All parts of me needed help to get me back on my feet. It was time to start the journey.
Competent and compassionate people in massage therapy, hydrotherapy, physical therapy, nutrition, exercise physiology, hypnotherapy, biofeedback, acupuncture, medicine, nursing, gynecology, and endocrinology all combined their talents to help me get headed back in the right direction and regain my strength and vitality. The healing presence of nature and her beauty, the sunshine, the mountains, the desert air and soft breezes all soothed my body and my weary psyche. My soul was being revived. I felt close to my Creator, grateful to be alive and to have loving people in my life to give my courage a boost. I felt and experienced the recuperative power of combining the best of Western medicine with all that complementary modalities can offer in the healing process. It was a truly transformational experience in my life. I now know that it was a crucial part of my process and preparation to continue my role as a physician, healer, and teacher of other health professionals. A decade later, the year 2000 brought the need for yet another back surgery, but I felt a sense of calm and confidence in dealing with that setback because of all I had gained in wisdom and knowledge of healing approaches from the earlier devastating events. I even see beautiful symbolism in the way the physical body changes and problems parallel the emotional and spiritual lessons.
When you see me today, remember these experiences in my life, and know that I, too, have much in common with those of you who have suffered pain in your lives. I am much like Rainer Marie Rilke, who said of himself in Letters to A Young Poet:
Do not believe that he who seeks to comfort you lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. His life has much difficulty and sadness and remains far behind yours. Were it otherwise he would never have been able to find these words [of comfort and healing].
Rilke is saying that his wounds of pain and sadness had awakened his imagination, his creativity, and his care of people. Likewise, had I not been a patient in so many surgeries, and in such physical pain and despair many times in my life, I would not have been able to have such an empathy for what my patients are describing. Sages down through the ages have referred to this as “the wounded healer.” Only by passing through the struggles of anxiety, fear, hopelessness, and even the “dark night of the soul,” can we find a path leading to faith and trust. I know this feeling well. Historian Roy Nichols also described this process when he wrote about the impact on soul and mind, as well as body, as he dealt with his own terminal illness:
The most beautiful people I have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.
In times of crisis in your life, I am sure that each of you has felt a sense of clarity about what “ought” to be done. Finding the courage and strength to carry out what “ought” to be done is another matter. Many times we are afraid to accept that insight because of all the “what ifs” that might happen, or the gamble that we might be taking on a bad choice. Oftentimes we are so confused or disoriented by the darkness of the “hole” we have been sucked into, the hole in which we see ourselves trapped or forced, that we need someone to shine a light in the hole for us to see things more clearly and be able to find a way out. Each of us has these “lights” in our lives, but many times we forget to use them, or to ask people close to us to share their light with us to guide the way.
You have the power to be a major influence on the course of your life. Albert Einstein, who had difficulty even getting passing grades in school, said: “Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” Don’t let negative, mediocre minds, even your own, get in the way of what you want to be and accomplish. Be the “great spirit” that you can be, and take charge of your life and well-being. The moment of YOUR power and strength is NOW.
LISTEN to what lies within you. Take a step NOW to claim your life for what is important and meaningful to YOU.
It has been an awe-filled journey with these women who cross my doorstep in search of answers, in search of ways to rekindle hope. I don’t take these responsibilities lightly. And because I don’t take these issues lightly, and because I see the devastation in women’s lives that can come from misinformation and mistreatment, I find myself at times overcome with anger and immense sadness at what women have been told, at the gross misinformation in the press and books by those who seek only to be a “guru” and sell the most books, or tapes, or vitamins, or wild yam creams, or herbs, or saliva tests or “designer” estrogens . . . or whatever the latest gimmick may be. The appalling morass of myth, hype, misinformation, and distortion, along with the fear tactics frequently used in advertising, creates untold damage and suffering for the women who are seeking help to feel better. Damage is also done by those who fear to venture out of the narrow tunnel vision of their specialty, or who make pronouncements based on their medical training from twenty-five years ago. I don’t have an easy answer for you, but I do encourage you to rely on your own wisdom and common sense, and on medical professionals you feel care about you and whose knowledge you can trust, and who are willing to admit when they don’t know something.
The following diagram shows how I visualize this process of putting it all together to create a circle of wholeness and integration of the body chemistry/nutritional balance, the body hormonal balance, the body mechanical balance, the psychological balance, and the spiritual balance.
Keep in mind as you design your health plan: Balance is the key. Your body is exquisitely sensitive and precious. It is a beautiful tapestry that needs the proper balance of all its many “threads” to fulfill its mission optimally. That balance will be achieved in different ways, and with different techniques, for different individuals, using the tools of modern medicine coupled with the tools of complementary medicine therapeutics. Each one of us is an individual with different needs. The key is to blend the therapeutic approaches into the blend that is right for you. I know that it is possible to find a way out of the hormonal haze with careful attention to healthy food; optimal hormonal balance; exercise; optimal vitamin and mineral supplementation; body therapies; other medications as appropriate; as well as practicing positive mental attitudes, meditation, and prayer. You will be able to find pleasure again, to regain your health, zest, and vitality. New treatment options blossom every year, offering a lot of hope and help. I hope this book has given you new ideas and insights to add to others you have gained in your search.
If we in the healing arts are honest with ourselves and our patients, we must admit that we, too, have doubts and fears and pain like you . . . but when you come to see us for our help, it is our responsibility to focus on your needs, not our own. It is not really appropriate to share our problems with those who are coming to seek help for themselves. So if we seem on the surface to “have it all,” or “have it all together,” that’s not likely to be the complete picture.
As you reflect on your own journey to find health and wellness of being, the decision about which approaches to use is ultimately up to you. I urge you to make your choices from a basis of knowledge, not fear, and when fear does occur, face it head on. Most important: Just do something positive to take charge of your journey to finding vitality and meaning in your life. Remember, there are no single answers and one right approach. Start with the options that feel right to you, trust your intuition, and get moving.
Three critical elements are necessary:
• a positive, healing relationship with your health professionals,
• the blend of therapies needed for you as an individual, and
• the active involvement of your own capacity for developing internal self-healing awareness and abilities.
Tap into the power of your mind in taking an active role in your journey to health. Spend time in solitude, or being in nature, or taking a step outside the limits of your own culture. Combine these ingredients to make your own personal sabbatical to look a little deeper into your life and the aspects that you want to change, improve, and expand. When we combine our internal healing power with the appropriate external therapies available to us, the integration enhances our ability to achieve the best state of health we can. It’s a different way of looking at things: Someone who has no disease or illness or an easy transition in menopause may still be unwell; another person who practices the integration of internal and external healing options may be much more well even in the face of significant health problems. If we CHOOSE to use it, engaging our minds to activate the healing ability within us is the most powerful medicine that exists for all of us.
My emphasis throughout my career and in this book has been on creating a health partnership between you and your physicians, to assist you to feel in control of your choices and options. Without YOU having an active commitment to and involvement in YOUR own health care, the healing process breaks down. YOU are the most crucial member of any health care team. My desire is to help you learn the information and skills to take responsibility for your own well-being, and then help you find the necessary resources to reach your goals. I hope this book has given you ideas, new insights, and options to better understand the wonderful miracle of your body and the means to help you achieve your best level of health, wherever you are on life’s journey.
The guiding principal for my life and work has been dominated by Ralph Waldo Emerson’s thought: “Do not go where the path may lead, Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” Blaze your trail into pleasure and zest for the years ahead.
To each of you reading this, I wish for you this Gaelic blessing:
Deep peace
Of the running wave to you,
Deep peace
Of the quiet earth to you,
Deep peace
Of the flowing air to you,
Deep peace
Of the shining star to you.
And as I finish my soul’s call of writing this book, the words of a Navaho prayer come to mind, as a guide for the trail that lies ahead:
Happily may I walk.
May it be beautiful before me.
May it be beautiful behind me.
May it be beautiful below me.
May it be beautiful all around me.
In beauty it is finished.
Mi takuye oyasin
All my relations.
LISTEN to what lies within you; make the most of the beautiful and unique person you are. Take a step NOW to claim your life for what is important and meaningful to YOU.
SCREAM if you need to.
BE HEARD! Your health, indeed your very soul’s survival, depends on it.
It’s never too late to be who we might have been.
—GEORGE ELIOT
