EGAN WAS THREE beers and one shot in by the time Macy found him at Pourfection, their neighborhood’s best-kept secret. The pub was tucked down a set of stairs and beneath a small family-run business and had the world’s tiniest sign, so as to not attract unwanted tourist attention. This was for locals only, and Egan needed the seclusion right now, as he did most nights that he came here.

“Macy! Come here, beautiful.” Egan stood and affectionately wrapped an arm around her shoulder, giving Macy a sloppy hello kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for joining me for my Worst Night Ever. Have one with me?” He waved his hand in a circular motion at Trinity, signaling for another round of drinks. Trinity knew Macy and Egan by name, and she nodded her head in their direction, her choppy blue hair catching the bar’s muted red lights and turning it a dark purple hue.

“So, how bad was it?” Macy asked, her eyes hooded with concern. “I started to worry when you were late, but I was downright terrified when Reid calmly excused himself from the conference room. Where the hell were you?”

“Well, Macy Mae . . . yours truly has officially been given a brief vacation, if you will. A six-week paid vacation to be exact. So, drinks are on me.” Egan took a healthy sip from his glass, foam coating his upper lip.

Macy reached over and gently ran her thumb over his mouth, her gaze never wavering from his deep hazel eyes. “I’m sorry, Egan. I really am. But maybe you need it. It’s not like you to blow off meetings, and it’s been a rotten few years. Maybe this is a sign?”

Egan grunted, half with laughter and the other half a manic groan. “I don’t need a sign, Macy. I need a restart button. I wish I could just blow up my past and never look back.” Egan chugged the rest of his beer and set the empty glass on the worn mahogany bar top just as Trinity strolled over.

“Easy, killer,” Trinity said, nodding to his empty beer mug. “Want some nachos or something to soak some of that up?”

Macy smiled at Trinity. “Yeah, we’ll take an order. Thanks, Trin. Send ’em to our booth, though, with our last round of beers. I think we’re gonna be here a while, and I’ll keep an eye on him.” She took Egan’s hand in hers and pulled him to their favorite booth, the high walls buffering the noise and any prying eyes.

Egan sat down gratefully, looking across the table at one of his closest friends, wondering what the heck he was doing with his life, wishing not for the first time that he could just love Macy and get rid of the empty feeling that seemed to be slowly eating his soul away.

“So, what are you going to do, E?”

Egan shook his head, unsure of how to answer such a simple, yet loaded, question. What am I going to do? He looked around at the familiar walls of Pourfection. Black and white photographs of taverns from around the world were scattered about, the spaces sporadically filled with antique wooden tap handles, giving a nod to the history of brewing. A rush of grief punctured Egan’s heart as he tried to forget the times he’d come here with his father, before the betrayal.

Frustration bubbled over in the form of a sarcastic grunt. “Hell if I know, Macy. I can’t breathe, you know? No matter how hard I try, every single day is a struggle. I see my dad’s face all over these walls from when we used to come here together. It’s like I don’t know whether to punch something or cry. Mom’s a complete wreck. That’s why I missed the meeting this morning. She was hysterical over a dog that she doesn’t even remember she doesn’t have anymore. What was I supposed to do?” Aw crap! Egan forgot to call his mother after work as he’d promised. Great. Can you screw up anymore today? Egan filled Macy in on his earlier conversation with Reid as Trinity set down their fresh beers and nachos before giving them the privacy they needed.

“Egan, I can’t even imagine how hard the past few years have been for you. I get it. You feel like you lost practically everything. But you didn’t,” she said with a quiet strength that Egan admired. “You’re still here for a reason. Your mom’s still here, too, and while it might feel like a burden, she needs you. So yeah, today royally sucked, but at least you have a great job to come back to when you’re ready.”

Macy picked at the loaded nachos, not actually taking one to eat. “The question is: What do you even want? People change, Egan. You’ve gone through hell, and I’m pretty sure you haven’t given yourself an honest chance to heal, to pick up the pieces—”

“Pick up the pieces?” Egan interrupted, practically growling. “How do I pick up the pieces, Macy? You don’t know the half of what went down. My father was a fucking cheater, all right? My goddamn hero growing up. God . . .” Egan raked his hand through his hair, looking down at the table but seeing nothing. “He screwed around on my mother. She was a fucking saint, Macy, and it wasn’t enough for him. Mr. Big and Mighty. Stressed at work, working late, all the while screwing his executive assistant. Traveling with her like she was his work wife,” he spat out with disgust. “What a cliché. And no one would’ve ever been the wiser if Dec—” Egan’s voice caught, ragged with the pain of remembering how much it had messed up his younger brother to catch his father screwing around.

“I can’t, Macy. I don’t know what I want. Except I don’t want to feel anymore. I just want to forget. I want to stop seeing Declan’s body at the funeral home. I want to stop having to rescue my broken mother. How can I focus on my job and think about what I want when I can’t even catch my fucking breath?”

Macy got up and moved around to Egan’s side of the booth, wrapping her arm around him. He dropped his head to her shoulder and shuddered, choking back his emotions and shoving them deeper inside. He put his hand on her thigh, rubbing it back and forth over her dark jeans. Comfort. Egan realized what a good friend Macy had been to him over the past few years, not pushing him for answers or expecting anything. Just accepting him for who he was, even if Egan didn’t know who that was anymore. But he knew he wasn’t living up to his potential. That was for sure. He didn’t know exactly where to start, or how to find himself again, but he was afraid if he didn’t take a positive step forward, he’d end up like his brother, and that was the last thing Egan wanted.

“Thanks, Mace. I don’t deserve your friendship, but I sure do appreciate it,” he acknowledged as he looked over into her warm blue eyes, compassion returning his gaze. “God . . . I’m a mess. Maybe I do need this time off from work. I don’t know where to start, but I know I can’t keep dredging the bottom like this. And I can’t keep doing this to you, either. You haven’t asked for a single thing from me, Macy. But I know it’s not what you’re looking for in the long run either. We’ve been a comfort for each other, but you deserve way more than what I can give you. Not that I haven’t loved it, of course.” Egan squeezed Macy’s thigh, then lifted his beer.

“How about a toast to new beginnings? I’m not ready for love, but I think you are, Macy, and I don’t want to hold you back. I’ve got a lot of work ahead of me if I’m going to dig myself out of this pile of shit I’m in. But I think it’s time to pick up my shovel and get to work. What do you say?”

Macy smiled and reached across the table to grab her beer. “To old friendships and new beginnings,” she agreed.

They clinked glasses and sipped their beers, each lost in their own thoughts about what changes “a new beginning” might actually bring. Egan chewed at his lower lip, worried whether he was truly ready for the challenge of it.