A SOMBER MOOD hung over Tranquility, like a storm cloud waiting to open up on a perfectly good picnic. Egan paced quietly, and Celeste tried to give him the space he needed. She could tell he wasn’t ready to talk, despite her overwhelming urge to console him. She kept her hands busy thawing out leftover vegetable soup, warming a baguette, and setting the small two-person table that Egan had pampered her with just the evening before.
How quickly things had changed. Between Rhys showing up unexpectedly, and now Egan’s mother getting hurt, their short-lived happiness was crashing to a halt. It didn’t settle well with Celeste. It felt unfair to be given a glimpse of what love could look like, just to have it snatched away so abruptly. Celeste knew it didn’t work that way, and that God was not a vengeful being, but her heart still had questions that her rational mind couldn’t answer. She’d always followed her strong instinct, and it had served her well in life so far—that is, except for Rhys. She knew there were lessons there for her to learn when it came to their tumultuous relationship. Every experience was a teaching tool, and she was a stronger woman for having survived her time with him. A healer had to know both sides of the coin to help others: the light and the dark. Celeste knew it was through experiencing the contrast that she could better help others through theirs.
But it didn’t make her current situation any easier on the heart.
They sat down for dinner, but neither was able to eat much soup. They swirled their spoons and nibbled lightly, Egan lost in his thoughts and Celeste trying to give him his space.
She couldn’t stand the sadness that made his brows furrow and shaded his hazel eyes a darker brown. She longed to see the light in them again—like the way his eyes sparkled when he showed her the arbor he’d built. Or how he looked at her when they made love, as if he could see into her very soul.
“Egan, can you talk to me, please? I want to help you, but I don’t know how. What’s going on in that mind of yours?”
“I’m just torn, Celeste,” he admitted. “I feel awful that I haven’t been there for my mother as much as I should have been lately. I hate that I wasn’t there when she got hurt, and how I pawned off a difficult situation onto a friend. I am wrecked with questions about my mom’s long-term care and how mobile she’ll be. You’re right, though. I need to go home and help her. I can’t just leave this in my aunt’s hands. I need to be there for my mother this time.” Egan set his spoon down and sighed, looking out of the big bay window, but seeing nothing clearly in the dark.
“I just—I feel guilty for even thinking this, but . . . I don’t want to go home. As much as I want to help my mother out, I don’t want to go home and get sucked back into all the same old crap I left behind. Celeste, it was so hard after losing my brother and father. I’ve made more progress here in a week than I have in two years back home. I’m afraid to go back. I’ve started to change here, and I’m not sure what that means for my life back home. And you,” he said, running his hand through his full hair. “God, how am I supposed to leave you?”
Egan took in a ragged breath and the tears finally fell. Celeste went to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head in his lap as he clung to her. After he’d ridden out the worst of his pain, she stood, took his hand, and led them both downstairs, leaving their half-eaten meal behind.
They lay together in bed for a long time, holding each other, not saying anything yet speaking volumes with the intensity that passed between their eyes.
Celeste finally broke the silence, not wanting to ruin the mood, but knowing they had to make some decisions about getting him back home the next day. “What can I do to help you, Egan?”
“God, Celeste. I don’t want to be someone you always have to help. I want to be your equal, not this broken man I feel like inside.” He sat up, his back to the tufted ivory headboard.
Celeste sat up next to him, resting her arms over her bent knees. “Egan, I don’t look at you and see someone I have to fix. I want to help not because it’s my job, but because I have genuinely come to care about you. My heart aches watching you in so much pain. You open up to Macy. How come you won’t open up more with me?”
“It’s not like that, Celeste. I’ve known Macy for years. And, I don’t know. But I know Macy won’t judge me, so I don’t care what I tell her.”
“You think I’d judge you?” Celeste felt a punch to her heart. How could he think that?
“I don’t mean it like that, Celeste. Come on.”
“Then what do you mean? We’ve spent an entire week getting to know each other, and I’ve given more of myself to you than I’ve ever given to another man before. Yet you can’t seem to trust me past a certain point. Why is that?” Celeste stood and paced the room, not liking where this was heading. “Are you pushing me away, Egan? Is this because you’re afraid of where this is going?”
“Where is this going, Celeste? You live here and are starting this amazing business. You have a new life here that you can’t leave behind—nor would you ever want to return to New York. I get that. And I live over six hundred miles away. My life is in the exact place you just left behind. We have no hope for a future, Celeste, no matter how amazing the week has been. It’s only been one week. Maybe this is for the best.”
Celeste stopped, mid-stride, and looked at Egan, dumfounded. “Wow. You are something else, Egan. You know as well as I do that something bigger than just a casual week was building between us. You’re forgetting how easily I can read people. You are scared, and I understand that. But don’t push me away or deny what we have. It would kill me.”
Egan went over and wrapped his arms around Celeste, cradling her head against his chest. Their breathing slowed and synced in rhythm as they clung to each other, knowing he would leave in the morning and likely not return. This was their goodbye, and Celeste’s heart was breaking in two. She’d resolved herself to not dating again, and then Egan swooped in and stole her heart. She couldn’t believe it was ending like this, so quickly.
“Egan—”
“I know, Celeste. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can’t give you more right now. I want to be the man who can be your equal, who doesn’t need to be fixed. But there’s still too much within me that’s broken, that I have to fix back home. Maybe . . .” He never finished the thought. Celeste knew he wouldn’t make promises he couldn’t keep. She respected that. But the dangling maybe made things even worse.
Maybe.
The underlying message she heard was: but probably not.
She squeezed Egan one last time. “Why don’t you pack your bags and get some rest? I’ll book you a flight for the morning.”
Before he could respond, Celeste rushed from the room, heading for the one place that gave her solace and where she knew she could get the answers and comfort she needed. Her outdoor chapel, her sanctuary.
CELESTE SAT IN the small office near the prayer and meditation space. She wanted to take care of the busywork before baring her heart and soul to the universe and asking her angels for help. She booked him a lunchtime flight. They’d need time to drive into Asheville for the connecting flight to Charlotte before he headed onto New York. She emailed the itinerary with a quick note to Macy, and then forwarded it to Egan, as well. Her world already felt so empty, and he hadn’t even left yet.
Celeste was always good with the quiet, with her space to think and pray. So why was the silence so hard for her right now? But she knew the answer. It was because Egan’s presence had filled a space she hadn’t realized was there. Their easy talks, the companionable walks along the lake, the complete way in which they surrendered their bodies to one another. Celeste knew a long-term relationship needed more than that, but she also knew—by the way Egan treated her, in the way he touched her, by the tenderness and protectiveness he showed her—that his heart had already surrendered, even if his mind hadn’t caught up yet. After an hour of meditation, and truly listening to her heart and the guidance her angels gave her, she knew exactly what she needed to do to save their relationship and give them a chance at a healthy future.
She had to let him go.