Chapter Twenty-One

 

 

Maggie sat on the bed in her room, in the gloom, the blinds drawn against the heat of the endless day.

Brax picked up her limp hand, pressing his lips to the back of it. She hadn’t spoken since he told her. The truth. All of it. From the gold to the fantasy, and finally what her friend Della had done to them all. “Maggie.”

“I’m sorry, Tyler,” she whispered.

Listening to her childlike voice, his heart broke in half all over again. “Carl wouldn’t want you to be sorry. None of this was your fault.”

“I never thought he was a loser.”

Nor had Brax implied it when he revealed the story piece by piece. He didn’t give her verbatim every detail of Della’s confession, but the woman had shed quite a bit of light on Carl’s antipathy. Lafoote had hammered Carl with his less-than-a-zero-nobody theme in an attempt to sucker Carl into supporting the resort. His plan had been to reward Carl with a percentage of the hotel if he got Della to sign all the permits. The strategy backfired, creating a seething anger in Carl. As soon as Carl found the gold, he made his own plan to stick it to Lafoote. Whatever prosperity came to the town because of the gold, Carl intended to see that Lafoote didn’t share in it.

Maggie had known Carl’s insecurities, but she’d misjudged where the anxiety would take him. That didn’t lay the blame at her feet. She couldn’t have anticipated how Lafoote would use those insecurities and that Carl’s lack of confidence would eventually lead to his death.

Maggie wiped a tear from her cheek before Brax could reach up to catch it. “I can’t believe he had Simone write me a fantasy.”

“He loved you. He was willing to do anything to make things right again.”

“I wouldn’t really have hurt him.”

“I know. He knows it, too.” Wherever he was, Carl knew.

They hadn’t said a thing about Della’s betrayal. Brax had told her. Maggie had heard. Then they’d put it away.

“I didn’t mean to scare Mom by sneaking out.”

“You promised me you’d stay put.”

She shrugged helplessly. “I said I wouldn’t leave while you were sleeping.”

He could have given her a hard time, but what was the point? With all his questions, he was the one who put the idea of Jason Lafoote in her mind in the first place. “You weren’t thinking straight, honey.”

Mom had called 911, and Teesdale had started an immediate search. No idiot, he’d assumed Maggie would head up the trail to see where Carl had died. The spot was a magnet. Jesus, they’d had a posse on their tail the whole time.

Yep, the cluster fuck of the century. He closed his eyes. Jesus. He’d almost lost Simone.

“Tyler, it wasn’t your fault.”

“Don’t start trying to look after me, Maggie. I’m looking after you.” The way he should have done from the moment he arrived. If he’d read the signs, Carl wouldn’t be dead.

She stared at him. “You look like me when I see myself in the mirror. You think if you’d done this or you hadn’t done that, none of this would have happened.”

“Yeah, that’s what I think.” If he’d listened to his gut, Simone wouldn’t have walked into that cave either. But, as Simone said, hindsight only worked in hindsight.

“That’s the way I think, too,” Maggie said. “I shouldn’t have said all those awful things to Carl that night.”

If she saw that it was wrong for him to heap the blame on himself, then maybe she could see it was wrong for her, too. “We both should have done things differently. But we didn’t.”

“I should have told him he’d earned that money and he deserved to spend it without having to account to me.”

He should have told Simone he loved her before he let her walk out of Teesdale’s office. “I should have made Carl tell me how he was going to prove to everyone he wasn’t a failure.”

She cocked her head at him. “He told you he was a failure?”

“That was the gist.” The night they’d driven home from The Dartboard. So many things he should have figured out that night.

“I never called him a failure. I never thought he was.” Maggie pulled open the drawer of the nightstand and shuffled things around. Holding her hand out, the ring glittered on her palm, as if it somehow found what little light there was in the room and let itself be worshipped by it.

“Isn’t it the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?” Maggie whispered reverently.

It was just a ring—Brax wasn’t partial to jewelry—but it did glitter, a large diamond in the center flagged by smaller stones around the band. “It’s beautiful.”

“Carl found it in one of the outhouses.”

The famous outhouse diamond. “Why keep it in a drawer?”

“I wanted to wait until he found a diamond necklace to match. I guess we were both waiting for something better to come along. Carl and his gold, and me and a diamond necklace.”

“Start wearing it now, Maggie.”

She shook her head. “It’s too late for Carl.”

“It’s not too late for you. Put it on.”

She slipped it on next to her wedding band. “We got married so quickly, we never even bought an engagement ring.”

“This one will work.”

She squeezed her eyes shut and leaned against his shoulder. “I miss him so much, Tyler. I made so many mistakes, and I can never take them back.”

He held her hand in his. “There’ll always be mistakes we can’t take back.” He’d made plenty of his own over the years. “But you have to let them go and start over for yourself. It wasn’t your fault he fell. You didn’t push him.”

She didn’t say anything.

“Look at me.” He lifted her chin. “He loved you. Wear the ring and remember that.”

“I’ll try, Tyler. I really will.” She sniffed, and sucked in her breath, holding back her tears.

The coming days and months would be hard on her, but he’d remind her how much Carl loved her every time she needed him to. She and Carl had both made mistakes, taken each other for granted once too often. There would be no second chance for them, and Maggie would mourn that as much as she would mourn Carl.

Brax couldn’t say the right thing to cleanse Maggie’s pain. He would never be able to. The only things he could provide were an ear to listen when she needed to talk and open arms to hold her while she cried.

Hallelujah. He’d finally figured out the big secret. After years of searching, it all came down to those two simple things. They were all any man could offer. Maybe they were all a woman needed. He planned on giving both to Simone. For the rest of her life, if she’d let him.

“Go ahead and cry your eyes out, honey. I’m right here.” He held Maggie tight while she cried, never once begging her to stop.

 

* * * * *

 

“Where on earth were you, Simone? We’ve been frantic.”

Her mother didn’t look frantic. In fact, she looked fresh as a daisy in a silk Chinese print and perfectly painted red lips. The silk print clashed with the orange tufts of Simone’s thrift store sofa. Jackie huddled in a ball in the opposite corner of the couch, her chin on her knees, her eyes wide.

Kingston nursed a steaming cup of coffee and stared at Simone with worry. “You all right, honey?”

“I took a walk.” She hadn’t come straight home. She’d wandered Goldstone streets, the same ones she’d already traversed. No one had stopped to ask about Della or Carl. Nor had anyone accosted her. She was safe.

But she hadn’t felt safe. The times she’d sensed something in the shadows, Jason had probably been outside her home, watching her. She’d locked the darn screen, too, but he’d found a way to invade her territory.

Jason wasn’t the worst. He’d never been a friend. He’d never been anything. Della was the one who’d ripped away her security.

Safety was an illusion. Maybe her sense of home was an illusion, too. Maybe Goldstone had never been home at all, but nothing more than a place she’d run away to. Just like her mother said.

“You should have called,” Ariana snapped, rising off the couch.

“I did call. I told you it would take a while.”

“You look tired, honey.” Kingston came close, as if he’d put a comforting arm around her. Simone jerked away, then was unable to look him in the face. “Why don’t you take a nap?” he finished.

Simone just wanted to go to bed and sleep forever.

“She cannot go to sleep, Kingston. We are leaving. Jackie, start packing our bags. We’re getting out of this horrible place. And Simone, you’re coming with us.”

Going with her mother? Ariana had saved the declaration along with the packing to create her dramatic moment. Her mother did so love her drama. Leaving with her almost seemed like a relief.

“I never should have let you follow your own mind and come here. I knew it would end in disaster.” Ariana fluttered about, her fingers tapping her dress, her arms, her chin.

All that movement made Simone dizzy.

“Ariana, calm down.”

“I won’t calm down. She should have listened to me, Kingston. She ignores everything I say. And look what happened. She almost got herself killed in this godforsaken gnatsville.”

“It was a cave, Mother.” She couldn’t even manage the capital letters.

Her mother snapped her fingers. “Jackie, did you hear me? Start packing. And don’t forget my toiletries in the bathroom.”

“Don’t snap your fingers at Jackie,” Kingston barked.

Ariana flew at him, stopping before she actually smacked him in the face. “It’s the only way they hear. They don’t listen. They don’t take my advice. I won’t have it, do you hear? I know what’s best for them.”

Her mother then whirled on her, stabbing the air with a long, manicured nail. “You’re coming home. And you’re taking that job with Ambrose. I won’t hear another word about it.”

“She never wanted the job with Ambrose.” Kingston slashed a hand through the air. “Can’t you get that through your head?”

“Then why didn’t she come right out and say she didn’t want it? I would have found her something else. But she never even said what she wanted. She never says what she wants.”

No, Simone never had. She’d hidden all her wants and needs from her mother for fear they’d be trampled beneath more important needs—Ariana’s needs. Simone had been hiding her own needs for so long, she wasn’t even sure what they were anymore.

“Then let her tell you what she wants,” Kingston said. “And listen to her this time.”

Think. What do you really want? Safety. Security. Home. Della had taken those things away.

“I always listen,” Ariana went on. “I know what’s best, that’s all. Why, she’s a child. Look what happened in Silicon Valley. She failed.”

Stop talking about me as if I weren’t here. I can speak for myself. Yet she didn’t say a word. Her mother was right. She hadn’t done well on her own. Not well at all.

“She didn’t fail. Her customer base went away. It wasn’t failure.” Kingston pushed Ariana back with the force of his rising voice. What had suddenly gotten into him?

“She ran out of money. Even her fiancé couldn’t take it.”

Andrew couldn’t take her excessive and exuberant screaming during lovemaking; that’s why he’d dumped her. Her business failure had been an excuse.

“That boy was a wimp. That’s why he didn’t stick around.”

Ariana ignored Kingston, continuing with her rant. “If she’d taken my advice, she’d be married by now.”

“Maybe she didn’t want to marry him because you picked him out for her.”

Maybe she hadn’t wanted to marry Andrew. Maybe. Simone didn’t know. She’d never known. That was the problem.

“I know what’s best for her. I’m her mother.”

Kingston didn’t kowtow. He went at Ariana. “You decide what she wants because you can’t stand not having control. You decide what they both want. They’re adults. Let them make their own decisions.”

“How dare you, Kingston? May I remind you that you work for me? You are not part of this family. And you can be fired.”

“Stop it.” Simone shouted. She actually shouted at her mother. It was the only time Ariana had ever shut up when Simone spoke. “Do you want to know what I want? Do you really?”

“Of course, dear,” her mother said finally. “Tell us. We’ll help you get it.” But Simone knew there was a hook.

What did she really want? To stop letting what other people wanted be her guiding light.

“I want to buy my furniture at Salvation Army and my clothes at Goodwill.”

It was so quiet, she could hear a fly buzzing in the corner.

Della’s betrayal had ripped something away from her: safety, security, and yes, her sense of home. But Della couldn’t take that away unless Simone herself let it all go. Goldstone wasn’t The Emerald City or Munchkinland. It wasn’t even Kansas. It was people who cared about her and most of them were still right here.

Della could never take that away from her. Neither could Ariana.

Something powerful and wonderful rose up within Simone.

“I want a lot of things,” she said, her voice clear and strong. “I want to live in a trailer or a house or whatever I choose wherever I choose to buy it. And I want you to say you like it even if you hate it. I want you to visit, and I don’t want you to bring your fumigator.”

Her mother’s eyes widened, and a glob of mascara stuck to her upper eyelid.

“I want to make pots of money writing erotica on the Internet. Because I’m good at it. Very, very good at it. And I like writing it.”

“You write porn on the Internet?” Her mother looked close to expiring, her eyes wide and wild. A deep wrinkle marred her pristine forehead, and crow’s feet sprouted at the corners of her eyes.

“And I don’t want you to ever call it porn, because it’s classy and it’s well written.”

“But dear—”

“And I never ever want to own a pair of Barry Manilow shoes.”

Ariana Chandler gasped. “Not Barry Manilows, you silly girl. Manolo Blahniks.” Rolling her eyes heavenward, she added, “I cannot believe you came from my loins.”

“And you know what else, MOTHER? I don’t want you to ever send me size zero clothing again. I never want to fit into size zero clothing. Not ever. I want to have breasts and hips, and I want you to tell me I’m beautiful that way.”

“Of course, you’re beautiful.”

Just words. Her mother was so good with meaningless words. Simone didn’t bother rebuking her. “And I want to wear blue underwear with white pants no matter how bad you say it looks.”

Someone applauded. A slow, steady clap.

Brax held the screen door open with his shoulder and applauded.

She stopped breathing and her heart suddenly stilled in her chest.

“Is there anything else you want, Simone?” Brax looked at her as if she were the only person in the room. The only woman in the world. The door slammed as he stepped through and stood before her to whisper, “Tell me your heart’s desire.”

She’d stopped screaming with pleasure because her exuberance embarrassed Andrew. She’d run away from her Silicon Valley career because her mother called her a failure. She’d loved everyone in Goldstone because they hadn’t cared about her failures. Then she’d been about to throw away everything important to her because Della Montrose had betrayed them all.

She’d never fought for anything in her life. She’d always given up at someone else’s whim. Not this time. She would not throw away this chance because she was afraid Brax would reject her heart’s desire. If she did, then she deserved to crawl home after her mother with her tail between her legs.

“I know exactly what I want,” she started.

He put his fingers to her lips before she could get the next word out, then traced them with the pad of his thumb. “My turn.” He leaned in close, his heady male scent surrounding her. “I’ve loved your smile since the first moment I saw it.” He took his hand away to brush his lips to hers. “I love the skulls on your license plate and the bumper sticker on your truck. I love your pluck and your courage.” Then he whispered against her ear, for her alone. “I love the way you scream when I make you come.”

Oh. Oh. He loved her exuberance and excess.

Still for her ears only, he added, “And I especially love the way you told your mother to go to hell.”

He knew. He knew how hard that was. How long she’d dreamed of it, but never had the courage to even admit she’d wanted to.

He tucked a stray lock behind her ear, then stroked her cheek. “I died a thousand deaths when I thought you’d be hurt up there today. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, probably half of them since I came to Goldstone. But this is one mistake I won’t make. I won’t leave here without telling you that I love you.”

He loved her. He really honest-to-God loved her. “So what’s your heart’s desire?” she whispered.

Clasping his hands at the small of her back, he held her close and met her gaze, his eyes a deep true blue. “That you’ll come home to Cottonmouth with me. Home, Simone. I want to be your home wherever you are.”

His face blurred through a sheen of tears. She lost her voice. Home. With that one word, he proved he knew everything that was important to her.

“I think I’m going to vomit. Kingston, get me a paper bag. Quickly.”

Simone didn’t care if her mother threw up all over the orange shag. “Does your house have a foundation, Brax?” she asked.

“Hell, yes, even made it through the last earthquake without a crack.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “But can you leave Goldstone?”

She would always love Mr. Doodle and Whitey and Sheriff Teesdale and Maggie and Chloe and the chickens, and she would never leave that love behind like a forgotten memory. Home wasn’t a place. It was a feeling. It was where you were warm and cherished. It was where you were accepted for exactly who you were instead of what someone else thought you should be. And a person could have more than one home. In fact, the more, the better.

“Goldstone will always be in my heart, Brax, but I want to come home with you.”

He sighed, then cupped her face in one big hand. “Aren’t you forgetting one big thing?”

What? Maybe: “I love you?”

“Yeah. That’s it.”

She hugged him. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” Then she jumped back. “Oh my God, I forgot to ask about Maggie. Is she okay?”

“There’s another thing I love about you that I forgot to mention.”

She cocked her head. “What’s that?”

“The way you care about your friends.” He stroked her cheek. “Maggie’s gonna be fine. It’ll be hard, but we’ll see her through.” Then he squeezed the breath out of her with a tight hug. “God, I love you.”

“Kingston, where is that vomit bag?”

Simone turned her head.

Her mother fanned herself dramatically. “And Jackie, are you done packing?” she called. “We simply have to get out of here. Simone has lost her mind.”

Thump. The trailer vibrated beneath their feet. Jackie stood in the hallway, Ariana’s suitcases dumped on the floor beside her. “Your bags are packed.”

“Where are yours?” Ariana huffed. “I specifically told you to pack your bags.”

Jackie tipped her chin, and a small smile creased her mouth. “I’m not going.”

Ariana’s mouth opened and closed, then finally, she gasped. “What do you mean you’re not going?”

“I’m not going back home with you. If Simone’s going to Cottonmouth, then I’m going to ask her if she’ll let me stay in her trailer for a while.”

“Of course, you can stay in the trailer,” Simone said, her heart bursting. For Jackie. For herself. For the warmth of Brax’s arm around her shoulders and his body next to hers.

“She cannot,” Ariana stated.

“I can. And I will. MOTHER, go home.”

Ariana stared. Her perfectly applied cosmetics started to crack. Then she found her voice. “You two ungrateful...after everything I’ve done...I can’t believe I could raise daughters who would treat their mother...Kingston, we’re leaving. Get my bags.”

Kingston didn’t move. “I thought I was fired.”

“I said you could be fired. I didn’t actually fire you. Now drive me home.”

Jackie took a step closer to Kingston. “He isn’t going home with you, MOTHER.”

Ariana gaped, then recovered herself. She could never be silent for long. “Whatever do you mean, Jackie? Of course, Kingston’s driving me home.”

Jackie shook her head slowly. “He’s staying here with me.”

Ariana stared down her nose. “Why on earth would he stay with you?”

“Because he loves me.” Jackie smiled and looked at Kingston with the brightest gaze, brighter than anything Simone had ever seen up on the movie screen.

Oh my God. Kingston and Jackie?

“And we’re going to get married,” Jackie added.

Ariana laughed. “Kingston, do you know anything about this child’s delusions?”

Kingston put his arm around Jackie and tucked her close to his side. “As a matter of fact, I do. I was actually present last night when I asked her to marry me.”

Ariana snorted. “This is a joke, right?”

“I’ve been in love with Jackie for a long time.” Kingston looked down at Jackie with something far more than the fond gaze Simone was used to. “She only figured out how much she adores me a few months ago.” Then he turned back to his so-called employer. “We don’t feel like wasting any more time before getting married.”

Ariana’s jaw dropped. She’d hate the expression if she saw it in the mirror. “That’s perverted. You’re old enough to be her father.”

Jackie leaned on Kingston’s shoulder. “You can’t say anything that will ruin this for us, MOTHER.”

“He’s deserting me for you. He’s always got to attach himself to a star. He’s nothing without it.” She threw out her arm in Kingston’s direction. “He’s not even much of a man.”

Jackie turned her face up adoringly. “I assure you, he’s very much a man.”

After a quick nuzzle to Simone’s ear, Brax crossed the short distance and picked up the two forgotten bags. “I’ll carry these out to the car for you, Mrs. Chandler.”

“It’s Miss. Miss Chandler.” Ariana refused to be anybody’s anything, even somebody’s wife.

“If you hurry,” Brax said, “you can make it to Las Vegas before it gets dark. Stay at the Venetian. I’ve heard the rooms are luxurious. You won’t even need your fumigator.”

Ariana looked at her daughters. Then she looked at her manager. She didn’t even bother looking at Brax. Finally, she lifted her head regally. Then exited the small trailer.

Silence reigned for exactly three seconds. “Shit, the car keys.” Kingston dug in his pocket.

Simone took Jackie’s hand in hers and smiled all the way from her heart. “I’m very, very happy for you both. Now give me the keys, Kingston, and I’ll take them to her.” Her last hurrah.

Her mother did not lower herself to acknowledge either the man who carried her bags or the woman who offered the keys, even if it was her daughter. She did not say goodbye. Nor did she leave them a tip.

“I didn’t even know she knew how to drive,” Simone murmured as Brax hugged her.

Together, they watched the car disappear around the corner.

Brax rubbed his nose in her hair. “You know, my mother’s gonna love you as much as I do.”

She slapped her hands to her cheeks. “Oh my God, I forgot. I’m going to have to meet your mother.” But she could do anything if she put her mind to it. Especially with Brax at her side. “You’re right,” she murmured, letting a smile grow. “She’s going to love me. And I’m going to love her.”