“Time to wake up.”
The woman’s voice jolts me, and I lurch to sit up straight, though she’s not particularly loud or menacing.
Her guard uniform is professional but snug, an odd complement to her lack of makeup and tightly wound bun. Her nameplate is a blur, and I rub my eyes to read it in the low light. Her last name is Stefano, I think. In all honesty, she looks like my mother. So much like her, I have to strain my eyes to make certain the woman I’m seeing isn’t her.
I wasn’t sleeping, though I don’t say so. And it wasn’t because the mattress is paper-thin or that the wool blanket feels like steel wool against my skin, an allergy I’ve never outgrown.
No, a dozen other things were keeping me wide awake.
The dark gray walls that inch closer with every breath. The echoes of every noise as the smallest sounds cut through the air as unrelenting explosions. The soul-draining bars that steal my freedom, and the stainless steel toilet that faces them.
But most of all, the biggest reason I wasn’t sleeping a wink is that I wanted to know why. Why was I pulled over when I was technically under the speed limit? Why was I arrested? No phone call. No lawyer. No answers. The only rational thought I cling to is to remain calm because lashing out only makes it worse.
“You made bail.”
Bail? Did Aunt Grace figure out I was here? Did someone call her? Mortified, I step out of the cell. Aunt Grace is probably full of worry and questions, and in a lot of ways, so am I.
I’m no stranger to police stations. It’s how Brooke and I met. In the lobby, not a cell, though we love telling people we met in the slammer.
People always checked in on me when I was younger, and for a lot of years, I resented it. Having a deputy pick me up because my mom left me again was humiliating.
Most of the time, I had plenty of cereal and milk and Mr. Whiskers. But Deputy Everly took me to the sheriff’s office and sat me next to his desk and always gave me half of the sandwich his wife had made him for lunch. Sometimes, Mrs. Everly would bring Brooke to visit when I was there, along with homemade pie. And Brooke always left me with a Twinkie.
Say what you will about those golden cakes, they are my comfort food. I’d give almost anything for a Twinkie right now.
The guard leads me to an area where I collect my belongings, the sum total of which isn’t much. Car keys, my smartphone, and a wallet with nothing more than my driver’s license are the bulk of my worldly possessions at the moment.
I pocket them, and as quickly as I was arrested, I’m released. When the solid door clanks shut behind me, I just want is to go home. Home-home. Not Aunt Grace’s, though I love her more than bacon. But Chicago has been nothing but a curse, and all I want is my comforter, my favorite mug filled with cocoa, and to forget the past few days ever happened.
The lobby is empty except for one man. His jeans are worn and look more comfortable than he deserves. And as good as he looks in a fitted dark T-shirt that serves to expand his shoulders and amplify every muscle in his chest, I ignore it.
Or I try to, anyway, because I’m furious.
Not furious enough to cause a scene in the middle of a police precinct where I might wind up back in a cell, but angry enough to avoid his bright blue eyes. I shake my head in disgust, pushing past him to head straight for the exit.
Leo’s footsteps follow behind mine. “You’re welcome,” he has the audacity to say as if I should be thanking him.
Stay calm. But I can’t stay calm. I’m cold, I’m tired, Leo’s body is so close there’s nothing but masculine-smelling him all around me, and I have no idea where my goddamn car is.
Shit.
I step outside and press the button on my key fob like crazy, hoping to hear the familiar honk of my car, when Leo rushes past me, blocking me from moving any farther.
“You wanna give me a second, considering I just sprang you from jail?”
“So, you have me thrown in jail, have a little fun at my expense, then become bored enough with whatever sadistic game it is you’re playing and finally have me released. And now you deserve my thanks?” My words are pained and slow, threatening in the most juvenile way.
But when Leo looks at me, pleading with those crystal-blue eyes, my knee is ten seconds from kicking his balls clear to his eyebrows.
His eyes widen as if he’s read my mind. Intelligently, he takes a step back.
Raising his hands, he breathes out his nose as if he does this meditation exercise regularly, careful in selecting his words. “I didn’t put you in jail. That would be the charming Uncle Andre you met earlier.”
Desperate for an answer, I fire back. “No one would tell me what I was being charged with.”
He replies through gritted teeth, tight-jawed and angered. “Because they don’t have to.” He steps closer, demanding my attention. Pained, his eyes hold mine. “They can hold you for forty-eight hours. Sometimes seventy-two. And not charge you at all.”
Rage boils below the surface, but I breathe through it and stay calm. Determined not to lash out or cry, I march away. Leo’s voice follows. “I discovered where you were, and I bailed you out . . . with my own money,” he hollers after me.
I ignore him, frantically clicking the button on my fob. Click-click-click-click-click.
“It’s no use looking for your car.”
Now I see red. That car is barely worth the price of the dinner he took me out to, but it’s all I have.
Before I can tear into Leo, he explains. “It’s in impound. They don’t open for a few more hours.”
Tears prick the back of my eyes. I’m out of jail, but there’s nowhere I can go. He bailed me out, knowing I’d be stranded. I’m helpless, but I can’t give him the satisfaction of crying. I won’t.
Finding a small area of curb, I take a seat. “Then I’ll wait.”
Leo should leave. Why isn’t he leaving?
I turn on my phone, intent on making the most of the wait. As soon as it flashes on, my battery is red. Nineteen percent. Enough for at least a phone call.
I need to think. At this point, my only option is Aunt Grace. My thumb hovers over her number, but I can’t press it. I can’t. The thought of her big, worried eyes pitying me. It’s too much. That, coupled with the blood pressure medication she’s been skimping on, makes calling her completely out of the question.
The phone flashes. Eighteen percent. I click it off, then pull my knees up enough to rest my head on them.
“What’s going on between you and Andre?”
I’m not even going to pretend to understand what Leo’s asking me. Ignoring his accusation, or jealousy, or whatever the hell he asked, I lay into him. “I don’t want you here, and I don’t need you here. Go away, Leo. Get out of my life, and leave me alone.” My voice is muffled, and I keep my face down, letting the tears fall against the leg of my jeans.
“This isn’t about me, Ivy. If I had my way, you would’ve been long gone yesterday.”
Oh my God, really? What an asshole.
“But I can’t leave yet,” he says, his words way too tender for me to deal with now.
From beneath my lashes, I watch his big dumb shoes saunter over, then stop right in front of me before he turns and sits down next to me. I’m edgy and irritated but too worn out to fight. When his warm hand lands on my shoulder, I sit up, tears and all, ready to tell him to fuck off. It’s either that or cry on his shoulder, and I can’t.
He said it himself. If it were up to him, I’d be gone.
Instead, I just ask, “What do you want from me, Leo?”
“Andre isn’t your friend.”
“Gee, what gave it away?”
“He’s been after the D’Angelo estate ever since Antonio died. I promise you, if he’s trying to get close to you, it’s only to hurt them.”
What? Does Andre know? That I’m really a D’Angelo?
I swipe away a few stubborn tears and look up at him, studying Leo’s expression. His eyes.
I hadn’t noticed his hand until now. He holds Mr. Whiskers at eye level, leaving his palm open until I take it.
“If you take the job—you’ll be under our protection. You’ll live on the estate, have security around the clock, and a car at your disposal. Smoke made you a generous offer, and under the circumstances, I’ve been authorized to double it. Trinity wants you to stay.”
Silently, my eyes search his. What about you, Leo? Do you want me to stay?
I ask these questions in my head, idiotically wanting him to say the exact opposite of what he actually said just a few minutes ago.
Wiping a tear with Mr. Whiskers, I say, “I need to think about it.”
I’ve been offered a job that’s more than I’ve ever wanted. Close to the family I desperately want to know. Doing exactly what I love. At twice the rate of what was already a huge raise over the job I just left. But my words come out emotionless. All I feel is numb.
“That’s understandable.” Leo stands as if getting ready to leave. “Take all the time you need. I’ll be right over there.” He points to a lone sports car parked thirty feet from us.
Is he deranged? “I’m going to need more than five minutes.”
“I understand. But until you decide, I’ll be watching out for you. I’m not always Z, chief of security for the D’Angelos, protector of their interests. Sometimes I’m just Leo. If you decide to take the position, I go back to my security role.”
Is he saying I’m just another one of their interests?
“And if I pass? Return home?”
“Then I’ll look out for you from afar until I know you’re safe.”
This coming from the man who, minutes ago, said he wanted me to leave. I have no idea what he’s trying to say, but now, on top of being tired and cold, I’m angry. I snap to my feet, infuriated. “Oh, no, you don’t.”
He crosses his arms. “No, I don’t, what?”
“You don’t get to pretend to give two shits about me and still play the good guy.”
“The offer to stay is from Smoke. Not me. And the option to leave is for your own goddamned good. And for the record, I never said I was the good guy. In fact, I’m not the good guy. I’m a living fucking nightmare, and someone you should stay far away from.”
“I storm up to him, glaring face-to-face. “Then. Leave.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
He growls, fighting whatever it is he wants to say. Finally, he huffs out. “Because you’re not safe.”
I throw my hands in the air. “I’m in front of a police station, Leo. But suit yourself.”
I take in my surroundings. Creepy street one way. Equally creepy street the other way with the sign pointing to the impound lot. I march off in the lesser of the scary directions and head to the destination holding my car.
“Where are you going?” he hollers.
I have no fucking idea. “The hell away from you,” I shout back.
Half a block down the road, my heartbeat jumps as a car pulls up beside me. Shivering, I’m praying it’s a cop because the cell was definitely warmer than this.
“Get in the car,” Leo orders.
Eyes forward, I keep walking.
The car rolls to a stop ahead of me. Leo steps out, brooding and moody, determined to block my path.
In an instant, I hate him. And I want him.
“Get in the car.”
I stand my ground. “No.”
Now it’s his turn to step into my space. I meet the fury in his eyes with a defiant glare. Lowering his voice, he says it again. “Get in the car.”
I knot my arms in front of my chest.
“Stop fighting me, Ivy. You’re not safe out here. I’m trying to protect you.”
“Why?” I snap. He stares. So, I ask him again. “Why, Leo? Why are you here? Why do you want me safe? Why are you so hell-bent on protecting me?”
He grabs my face. “Because bad things happen to everyone I care about, and I care about you.”
He grabs my face and kisses me. A slow, sweeping kiss that liquifies me. I don’t want Leo Zamparelli. I need him. My heart squeezes when I think that in some small way, maybe he needs me, too.
His grip on my face tightens as lips crush mine. His tongue rushes through with sweeping, tender strokes. Dizzy, I melt into him. He stops kissing me, but he doesn’t let go.
“I can’t be in a relationship, Ivy, and not because I don’t want to be. Because I can’t. I gave a dying man my word that I’d always protect his family. Given the choice between my job and my love life, my job comes first. Always. If you stay, our relationship will be nothing but professional. It has to be. I can’t protect you if I—”
He cuts himself off, and I ache to know what he was going to say.
If you what, Leo?
But a wall goes back up, and he continues as if he wasn’t about to share something important.
“If you go, at least I have the peace of mind to know you’ll be safe, but any relationship we would have had no longer exists. But here—in the twilight between those two decisions—I’m here for you, in a way I can never be once you decide. I meant what I said. Take your time. I’m in no rush for you to race to one extreme or the other.”
Leo moves back to his car to open the passenger door, and I feel shattered by his words.
He didn’t say, “I want to be the man in your life,” so why does it feel like he did? And why is the decision so impossible?
I get it. Staying is risky. Andre is probably just one in a long line of ruthless men used to getting what they want, even by force. And Antonio D’Angelo is gone. Any hope I have to meet my father died a long time ago.
And then there’s Leo. Could I really work side by side with the man and pretend there’s nothing between us?
But if I go, I’ll never know the family that’s mine. All these years, I’ve thought I was an only child. But I’m not. I have six brothers, and if the rest of them are even half as interesting as Smoke, how could I not want to get to know them?
Plus, I have a sister. A sister who probably needs me in a way I’ve never been needed before. How can I turn my back on Trinity?
I rub the soft fur of Mr. Whiskers with my thumb, feeling the line of the zipper. I didn’t just hide my money in here after my purse was nearly stolen. I hid a precious piece of my life.
Curious, I unzip it. All the cash is there, but the photo is gone.
Did Leo take it? Is that why he’s saying this? Or did Trinity? Who else held my small childhood friend in the palm of their hand?
It doesn’t matter. Sighing, I zip him back up and think about what I really want.
My steps are contemplative as I walk over to Leo. But as soon as I approach, Leo takes a long moment to study me. “You’ve made a decision.”
I nod.
He reads me, deciphering my thoughts. His hand is warm on my cheek, and I lean into it. “You’re sure.”
“Yes.”
Moving my hands up his chest and around his neck, I pull his lips to mine. In the same way I’m giving in to everything I want and need in this moment, so is Leo. Our kiss is rough and free, and I take as much from him as he does from me.
“I know what I want,” I whisper, adding, “no commitments,” giving him the permission he needs to take me somewhere. Anywhere.
“No commitments,” he murmurs back against my mouth.
* * *
Leo drives for half an hour to a wooded area that opens to a small field. Beneath a velvety star-filled sky, he ushers me out of the car, retrieves a soft blanket from the trunk, and lays it on the hood.
“I can take you somewhere else,” he says, uncertainty flickering behind the heat in his eyes. “But when the sun rises from this spot, there’s nothing like it.”
“It’s perfect.”
“You’re perfect,” he says, landing kisses on my mouth and neck, and I waste no time peeling his clothes from him as he unbuttons my jeans. “Turn around.”
I smile through the kisses sweeping over my lips. “But I want to watch you come.”
He wraps my hair in his fist, making a tingle shoot to my core. “You will, beautiful. I promise, you will.”
Leo strips my remaining clothes from me, and I turn around, letting him once again command me. He controls my body in ways that slowly unravel me, and it’s everything.
With his hand against my back, he presses soft open-mouthed kisses along my spine as I’m facedown against the soft blanket, warmed by the heat of the engine. When he buries his face inside me from behind, I lose my breath, crying loud and free to the darkness and the sky.
Sensations sweep over me. His tongue. His finger slowly circling my clit, torturing me. The heat of his breath panting into me. All I want is to bottle up this moment so I can revisit it again and again and again.
When I shatter, it’s into a billion pieces of ecstasy that remind me of everything that happened between us our first night together. Leo is unlike any man I’ve ever known, and my body burns, craving more of him. I have to see him.
The dark sky is just beginning to lighten along the horizon as he rolls me over. He slides the head of his dick along me, working the tip in place, then stops.
Realizing why, I tighten my legs around his waist. “I’m on the pill.”
Even with glimpses of sunlight working their way over the horizon, there’s no denying the blaze in his expression. “You sure?”
“Yes.”
I’ve barely breathed out the word when he enters me, shredding me with one hard thrust. “Leo.”
Breathless, I throw my head back as he pounds into me hard and fast. Nothing gentle or tame. No remorse. No regret.
The man I met the other night went easy on me, but this man, this man forces me to take all of him, hating me in one thrust and worshiping me with the next.
And all I can do is spread wider, arch my back, and beg because I want more. “Please, Leo. Please.”
“Come for me, baby.”
And just like that, I do. We do. Locking our eyes. Our souls. Colliding into each other as our climaxes hit us both at once.
And then it’s over. As we hold each other, catching our breath, the sun comes up. The world is more beautiful and yet emptier all at once.
Without speaking, we dress, and when he returns me to the car, Leo is gentle. Caring.
I wonder what it would be like, a life with this side of Leo. Because I’m not naive. A life with Z would never be possible.
“I need to talk with Trinity,” I say softly, and he only nods.
The drive to the estate is long. For the most part, the silence is filled with music from a local AM station, which gives more reality of the world around us rather than an escape.
Leo shuts off the radio and glances at me. “Yesterday was the first time Trinity has spoken to me in four years.”
The shock of that statement steals my breath.
“Why?” I ask, wrestling to make sense of his words.
Leo brings his hand gently over mine. “Trinity was attacked four years ago.”
Some part of me suspected that, though I didn’t know the specifics.
“It was brutal,” he says, pain lacing his words. “She was left for dead, an act that shattered the family. The attack happened shortly after her father’s death. It’s rare that she speaks to anyone. Anyone except Smoke.”
That doesn’t make any sense. “But she was talking. We were talking.”
“About what?” Leo gives me a curious glance, wanting to know the secrets of a puzzle that isn’t always meant to be comprehended.
I don’t have a good answer for him. “I introduced myself, but she seemed more interested in Mr. Whiskers, so I introduced him as well. Like I usually do with a new client, I handed him to her and walked away, letting her have a moment with him when I wasn’t looking. That way she didn’t feel compelled to keep up the conversation.”
Leo frowns, obviously dissatisfied with my answer. “What else did you talk about?”
“Hair, mostly. She loved the color of my hair, especially this.” I loop my finger around the long silvery curl that most people think is dyed to look that way.
Leo dons that confused-man expression, the one all men wear when the social customs of women don’t compute. “There has to be more.”
“There was,” I say to explain. “Fluff. She could see the baby swan was stuck. And … you saw the rest.”
By the tight line of his lip and the clench to his jaw, my explanation seems unsatisfying. “Are you sure that’s all?”
Am I sure that’s all we got to before a gun was pulled on me?
“Yes,” I say, keeping the rest to myself. “That’s all.”
Silence settles between us again, and whatever connection we shared moments ago fades like smoke on a breeze. The closer we get to the D’Angelo estate, the farther I feel from Leo.
Or perhaps this is Z.
* * *
By the time we arrive at the estate, Trinity waits to greet us, and I can’t believe how happy I am to see her again. She’s at the door before Leo comes to a complete stop, and as soon as he does, I open the door.
“I’m so glad you’ve decided to stay,” she says.
“Ivy has something to tell you,” Leo says, giving me a pointed look.
I can practically read his mind. He seems ready for me to let Trinity down gently. If that’s what he’s thinking, he’s in for a surprise.
“Me, too,” I say, giving her a slight hug that she leans into more than I anticipated, stealing my breath.
Based on Leo’s expression, my answer is unexpected.
Hands on his hips, he cocks his head. “I thought you were leaving.”
“I never said that.”
“A word.” Leo isn’t asking. His large hand wraps around my arm as he gently but firmly pulls me aside.
I give him innocent eyes and a cool smile. “I said I’d made a decision.”
“You said no commitments. As in, C’est la vie. ’Bye, Leo. Not seeing you again.”
“No, I said no commitments as a reminder. If we’re going to be working side by side, day in and day out, and you’re a man who doesn’t do relationships, it’s better for both of us that we keep that little mantra at the forefront. No. Commitments.”
His nostrils flare, and he crosses his arms. Mine cross, too, but he can see I’m amused. There’s a smile that threatens, but he doesn’t give in.
“You know the reasons it’s dangerous for you to stay.”
“I know.”
He reaches for me, his hands locking on my arms, fire in his expression. Before he can say more—or kiss me—or do whatever a broody alpha male does in situations that are completely beyond their control, Trinity breaks in.
“Is everything all right?”
“No,” he shouts, boiling over before he pumps the brakes and simmers down. Calmer now, he says, “This isn’t your call or my call or Ivy’s call.”
“Then whose call is it, Leo?” I ask, my turn to pop my hands on my hips.
He storms off, saying sharply over his shoulder, “It’s Smoke’s.”