The Wicked Hot Wizard of Oz

Chapter 1

Donny Windham slowly closed the barn door from the inside.  His shoulders automatically tensed when the old rusty hinges squeaked.

The young man left the door just slightly ajar so he could peek through the crack.  "I can't believe I slipped by Toto without waking him up.  He's so cute on that little doggy pillow Aunt Em made for him."  Adjusting his angle, he added quietly, "I don't see any lights on or any movement in the house."

"Why are you whispering?" asked Jay Bridgestone, his best friend.  "Your aunt and uncle couldn't hear us all the way in the farmhouse, even if they were still awake.  Which I'm sure they're not, since it's almost midnight.  And damn, why don't barns have air conditioning?"

"I know.  I checked the temperature before I came out here, it's still eighty-eight degrees.  At this time of night!  Can you believe-"  Donny looked over his shoulder.  The sight cut his thoughts in mid-sentence.

At that exact moment, Jay grabbed the hem of his tee and pulled it over his head, revealing his perfect farm work-toned upper body.  The shirtless stud reclined on the hay bale.  With his legs spread open, the rest of his manly equipment showed quite prominently beneath his tight jeans.

Donny had often noticed that straight guys were fearless when it came to their bodies.  How he envied their confidence.  If they only knew what they did to their closeted gay friends when they showed off like that.

The young man tried to force himself not to stare at his friend's buzzed, hairy pecs.  Donny closed his left fist and dug his nails into the palm of his hand.  He'd developed that automatic reaction to channel the energy whenever he felt the urge to run his hands all over Jay's chest.

He wanted so badly to feel that hair beneath his fingers, to kiss his friend's nips and... Snap out if it, he ordered himself. 

Jay asked, "So, dude, now that you got me out here at freaking midnight, what's up that you couldn't text me about?  Or wait until tomorrow?"  While he waited for an answer, Jay's eyes swept over his friend.

Donny couldn't help but wonder what Jay saw when he looked at him.  Did he notice the dirty blonde hair and the masculine stubble on his face which was on the verge of being classified as a light beard.  How about his smooth chest showing through his top two undone buttons?

Those were the kinds of things Donny noticed about other men anyway.  He hoped someday he'd find someone who paid attention to him like that too.  He hadn't worked on a farm his whole life like Jay, but he had done farm work for the last two years.  The daily farm chores as well as his participation on various school sports teams had given him a hot jock bod, even if he felt strange admitting it.

"Well?" Jay prompted.  "What did you do?  Break a nail and you want your old pal Jay to kiss it better for ya?" he asked with a smart aleck grin.

"You love getting me riled up.  Do you just enjoy torturing me?"

"That could be fun – if you're into that sort of thing," Jay shrugged.

Jay delivered the line so naturally and casually that there was no way Donny could tell if the stud was serious, cracking a joke, or just plain making fun of him.  It had always been that way between them since the first time they met when Donny came to live with his Aunt Em and Uncle Henry two years earlier.

* * *

Donny clearly remembered the day he met Jay Bridgestone.

Aunt Em had said to her nephew, "I won't have you sitting around the house all day after you finish your chores.  You've been here two weeks already and haven't made a single friend yet."

"The nearest neighbors are a million miles away," complained Donny as he looked out the kitchen window at the seemingly endless Kansas prairie.

"They are not either," Aunt Em contradicted as she wiped her hands on her apron.  "The Bridgestone family's farm is only a mile up the road.  They have a boy about your age too."

"Aunt Em, I'm not a 'boy,' I'm going to be a high school junior in the fall."

"You're practically ready to retire," Aunt Em said with an eye roll meant to convey her sarcasm.  "Fine, then, the Bridgestones have a 'young man' about your age.  Better?"

Donny nodded his agreement.

Aunt Em slid a tray of freshly baked cookies into a basket which she covered with a fancy dish towel.  "Here, take these cookies down the road and go introduce yourself.  Boys, young men, old geezers, whatever age they are, none of them can resist my cookies!  Share them with Jay Bridgestone and you'll have a friend for life."  She handed Donny the basket.  "Now, off with you!"

Donny surreptitiously grabbed his duffel bag hanging on the back of the chair by the door.  He knew Aunt Em would never approve of putting food in what she called "that stinky bag that smells like every locker room you've ever been in and every dirty sports team uniform you've ever worn."  Donny slipped the basket inside the bag and headed down the road.

An hour later, he and Jay Bridgestone sat under a maple tree by the stream in ninety degree weather shoving the last of the cookies into their mouths.

"You've got melted chocolate all over your face," Jay told his new friend.

Donny wiped his mouth several times with the back of his hand.  Each time, Jay shook his head to indicate that Donny had still missed some of the melted chips.

"Come here, I'll get it," Jay said, leaning over.  Jay's rough, farm-toughened fingers reached out towards Donny's face.  He cradled both hands around Donny's chin and cheeks in order to provide stability when he rubbed the chocolate away.

Donny thought he would have automatically recoiled at someone he hardly knew holding his face and rubbing around his lips like that.  However, Jay's touch sent tingles up and down his spine.  He involuntarily shuddered, yet he didn't want them to stop.

"There, got it," Jay announced.

"Thanks," Donny mumbled.

Neither of the two young men moved.  They looked into each other's eyes.  Their breathing stopped for a second.

As if some unknown force pushed him forward, Donny started to lean in towards Jay.  He closed his eyes.

So many thoughts raced through his mind.  He'd never told anyone about "those" feelings he had – feelings for other guys.

First, Donny had grown up on the other side of the state in a little town.  He'd gone to school with the same small group of people his whole life.  He had no doubt that he was the only gay kid in the school.  His classmates whispered that one girl's gate swung both ways, but that obviously didn't interest him in any way.

Now that he'd moved to the farm with Uncle Henry and Aunt Em, he turned out to be the only gay guy in a two hundred mile radius.  (He'd checked the mobile apps!)  Yet, somehow, he found this handsome hunk.  Brought together by something so old-fashioned like chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, what were the odds?

Donny puckered his lips, ready for anything.  Then... Nothing!

Jay's hands fell away from Donny's face.  Even though they were gone, Donny could still feel their impressions against his skin.

"What're you doing, dude?" Jay asked.  "You looked like you were waiting for me to kiss you or something!"

"Oh, I, um, I-" Donny stammered.

"Spit it out, man.  Did you want me to plant a big smooch on your mouth or not?"

Yes.  Oh, hell yes! Donny wanted to scream.  Instead, he replied, "No, I-"

"I think you did.  Donny-boy's got a crush on me," he teased in a sing-song voice.  "Your lips were all ready – in position to go mwah, mwah, mwah!"

"I was just trying to get a piece of cookie out of my teeth with my tongue."

Jay leaned back against the maple tree.  He crossed his legs in a relaxed manner.  "If you did want me to kiss you, I can see why," he said pensively.

"You can?" Donny asked, in a way that didn't commit to or admit to anything more than simply questioning the other guy's last statement.

"Of course," Jay said with that dry, matter-of-fact tone that Donny would come to know so well as time went on.  "I'm freaking hot!"

Donny just stared at him.  What should he do?  Agree?  Disagree?  Throw himself against Jay's sexy body and go for it?  Say nothing and run away?  Tell Jay he was crazy and he better not tell anyone else about his insane theories?

Then Jay did the last thing Donny expected.  He burst out laughing!  Jay gave Donny a playful punch on the arm.  "Wow, dude, you need to lighten up.  I really had you going there!  I wish you could have seen the look on your own face.  I'm gonna have serious fun driving you nuts!  Come on, let's go back to my house for some cold lemonade."

Jay stood up.  He offered his hand to help Donny off the ground.  "Last one there's a rotten egg!" Jay yelled as he took off running.

Donny grabbed his duffel bag and the empty cookie basket.  He ran off after his wild, new friend.

* * *

Neither Donny nor Jay ever spoke over the next two years of what Donny came to think of as their "almost kiss."  Donny thought about it plenty of times, though!  Anything minor could trigger it.  A lingering glance.  An accidental bump against the arm.  Jay's perfect smile.

Since they met, the two young men had become inseparable best friends who could talk about anything.  Anything but sex, that is.  Sure, they joked about it.  Well, Jay joked about it.  Donny bit his lip and dug his fingernails into his palm.

Jay never had any long-term girlfriends, but he did go out on dates with different girls.  He didn't offer any of the dirty details and Donny certainly didn't ask for them, that's for sure.  He couldn't bear to think about someone else getting close to his friend in a way that he never could.

Donny would walk all over his family's desolate farmland, wildly imagining different possible outcomes if he did somehow manage to find the courage to tell his best friend the truth...

What if, against all odds, Jay somehow felt the same way? 

"Wow, I wish you'd told me sooner," Jay would say with a huge smile on his face.

"You do?"

"Yeah, I've always had a thing for you, too!"  Jay would grab his phone and snap a quick pic of the two of them.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm putting it online right now.  What's a good caption?  I know.  Guess who's gay!  Everyone you've ever met will know you like dick within the next five minutes.  You think your aunt and uncle will want to start chaperoning our dates?"

What if Jay freaked out?

"So you've been like, in love with me, for two years?" Jay would ask.

"Yes.  It feels so good to finally say it out loud.  Now that you know, maybe we can-"

"There's no WE, dude.  You're a freaking weirdo and I'm never talking to you again!"

Unacceptable!  Some part of having Jay in his life had to be better than none at all.

What if Jay's tastes lie elsewhere?

"Yeah, sure, I'd date a dude.  Why not?  Could be hot!" Jay would say.

"That's great, then you and I, we could..."

"We?  Um, no.  Gross!  I said I'd go out with a guy.  I didn't mean you!  Come on, man, you're so not my type.  But that bodybuilder who works at the gas station, now that's some manly hotness right there..."

Despite constantly thinking about it, Donny had kept his feelings locked up inside.  At the same time, how could Jay not know?  Couldn't he read it on Donny's face every time he looked at his friend?

All these confusing and contradicting thoughts had swirled through his head earlier when Donny had texted Jay, asking him to come to the barn right away.

Jay had texted back and asked if it could wait until morning, but Donny said no.

With Jay lying back shirtless on the hay bale, looking like a model at a photo shoot, Donny finally blurted out the reason he had asked Jay to come over that night.  "I'm leaving Kansas."

"What?  Why?" Jay asked with a dumbfounded look on his face.

"I just decided tonight, right before I texted you."

"So, what, you're running away from home?  Did you have a fight with your Uncle Henry about curfew again?"

"No, nothing like that," Donny answered.  Already, the conversation had veered off track from the way he planned it ahead of time.

"I don't understand.  What's going on?" Jay patted a spot next to him on the hay bale.

Jay grabbed his shirt and mopped the sweat from his forehead.  Then he swiped the shirt over his chest and under his arms.  "Damn, it's seriously hot in here."

"Yeah, sure is," Donny gulped, meaning it on multiple levels.  "So anyway, I got accepted to NYU.  I'm gonna go."

"To New York?"

"That's what the NY part stands for," Donny laughed nervously.

"When?"

"Day after tomorrow.  I'm going to tell Aunt Em and Uncle Henry in the morning."

"Day after tomorrow?" Jay repeated.  "Why? That doesn't make sense.  The semester doesn't start until after Labor Day.  It's only mid-August.  You've got like two or three weeks."

"There's a student-job program on campus.  I can start now."

"You've been planning this and you didn't even tell me!  Your best friend!  Dude, what's up with that?"

"Do you want me to stay?" Donny asked.

Jay paused.  "What kind of question is that?"

"The kind we've been avoiding since the day two years ago you almost kissed me," Donny said and instantly regretted.

Jay jumped off the hay bale.  "Whoa!  Where did that come from?"

Talk about it being pointless shutting the barn door once the horse was already in the pasture!  "Oh, hell, I didn't mean to..."  Donny kicked the hay with his heel.

"Well, you did!  Now what?"

"Now we forget it ever happened – then and now.  It doesn't matter.  I'll be gone in two days.  Look, it's late.  I shouldn't have texted you and asked you to come over tonight.  I have some of your stuff in the house.  Your baseball glove.  Some computer games.  I'll put everything in a box.  Just come by and get it tomorrow."

Donny's heart raced as he ran out of the barn.  Leaving Kansas was the right decision.  He had to get away.  Start over somewhere else.  Figure out how to deal with who he really was.  Forget about Jay somehow.

"Donny, wait," Jay called after him in the loudest whisper possible since he didn't want to wake up Donny's aunt and uncle.

His friend had already disappeared into the house.  Jay pulled out his phone.  His thumbs flew over the screen.  The system told him that Donny was offline, but the texts would be stored in his inbox.  "Damn!"

Jay left the barn and headed home.  He didn't know what to make of everything that had transpired, but he knew one thing for sure – nothing would ever be the same between him and Donny Windham again!

Chapter 2

The next morning, the sky suddenly seemed grayer than usual, something Donny hardly would have thought possible if he hadn't noticed it himself.  It provided a nice distraction for him from trying to figure out how to tell his uncle that he'd essentially decided to run away to college in New York.

"I think there's a thunderstorm coming," Donny said.

Uncle Henry looked up from the hole he was repairing in the wire fence around the chicken coop.  He stood up and removed his straw hat.  The older man wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand as he looked across the great Kansas prairie.

The low wail of the wind reached the two men's ears.  The long grasses bowed down in waves in advance of the rapidly approaching weather front.

Donny imagined they did so out of respect and fear, considering the nasty thunderstorms he'd witnessed since moving to the farm.

The two men heard a sharp whistling in the air from the other direction.  They twisted around and saw the ripples in the grass coming from that way too.

"That's no ordinary storm!" Uncle Henry shouted as he peered into the distance.  "That's a tornado!"

Donny instinctively held Toto tighter in his arms.  The puppy's ears perked up and he growled at the quickly darkening sky.

Donny's eyes went wide with amazement.  It was one thing to see the wind twisting violently in a movie or in a YouTube video.  It was quite another to actually see a monstrous whirlwind whipping its way across the cornfield towards the little farmhouse.

Experiencing the phenomenon in person, he couldn't believe that people actually stood there with cell phones and filmed the storms heading straight for them.

The young man actually froze for a moment.  He knew he had to move, but his feet seemed heavy and bolted to the ground.

"There's a tornado coming, Em!" Uncle Henry yelled through the open kitchen window to his wife as she washed dishes in the sink.  "I'll go check on the livestock," Uncle Henry told her as he ran towards the barn where the cows and horses were kept.

Aunt Em immediately put the dishes down and ran to the kitchen door.  One glance at the sky and she knew the danger was close at hand.  "Don't just stand there, Donny!" she screamed.  "Run for the storm cellar!  And take that little munchkin with you!" she yelled, referring to Toto.  Aunt Em ran outside and shooed the agitated chickens into the barn.

Uncle Henry and Aunt Em reacted like teachers in a fire drill.  They knew exactly what to do.  Donny knew they must have told him in the past, but now he just stood there dumbfounded.  He wasn't sure how long he'd been standing there immobile when Toto's barking snapped Donny out of the shocked state he had been in.

The wind whipped through Donny's hair.  He blinked to clear the flying dust particles from his eyes.

"Get in here, boy!" Uncle Henry yelled from the open doorway of the storm cellar.

"Storm cellar" was a fancy name for a big hole in the ground.  From the outside, it looked like a wooden "trapdoor to nowhere" stuck in the earth.  Inside, a rickety wooden ladder led down to a bare-earth small hole where the family could ride out a storm.

Donny had once asked why they didn't just go in the regular basement of the farmhouse.  Uncle Henry had explained, "The shelter was purposefully built away from the main house.  That way, if you're hiding in it and the house is ripped off the foundation, you're not suddenly exposed to the open air of the storm.  Also, if the house caved in and you were in the regular basement, you'd be buried in the rubble of the collapse."

Donny felt someone give him a shove from behind.  He almost lost his balance as he took several awkward steps forward.  The young man held onto Toto with one hand and readied the other arm to break his fall if he hit the ground.

Once he steadied himself, he spun around to see who had pushed him.  Nobody there!  A blast of wind in his face explained it.  It had been the force of the wind that almost knocked him off his feet!

A loose board on the nearby picket fence rattled until a gust of wind ripped it free.  It flew across the garden with its nails sticking out like some kind of crude weapon.  Donny ducked just in time to avoid being attacked by it.

Aunt Em had already disappeared into the storm cellar.  Uncle Henry stood on the ladder with half his body underground and the other half visible above ground.  He held onto the trapdoor's interior rope handle with both hands.  The strain showed on his face as he fought the wind for control of it.

As Donny finally approached it, Uncle Henry shouted to be heard above the rising din of the storm.  "Give me Toto," he yelled as he reached out with one hand.

Donny started to pass the puppy to his uncle.  Just then, Toto spotted Old Sally, the calico cat, running towards the house.  She leaped through her kitty door.  Toto jumped out of Donny's grip.  The energetic puppy made a beeline for the feline!

"Toto!  Get back here!  Toto!" Donny yelled wildly.

The naughty puppy followed Old Sally right up to the kitty door.  He was just small enough to still squeeze through it himself.  He disappeared into the farmhouse.

"Stupid dog!" Donny screamed rather pointlessly.

"Come on, you're gonna have to leave him," Uncle Henry ordered.

"I can't do that!" Donny objected.

"Get down!" Uncle Henry cried.  "Cover your head!"

Donny obeyed instantly, dropping to lie flat on the ground.

Aunt Em's favorite rocking chair tumbled through the air as effortlessly as a chicken feather.  Uncle Henry ducked behind the open trapdoor.  The chair crashed into the door and broke into several pieces.  A chunk of wood banged against Donny's arm and flew off into the wind.

"Are you OK?" Uncle Henry called out.

"Yes," Donny yelled as he rubbed his arm.  "I'm going back into the house to get Toto!  I'll go as fast as I can!  Close the cellar door for now so you'll be safe!"

Donny ignored his uncle's protests as he pushed the door shut with all his strength, forcing Henry to step down the ladder and into the safety of the storm cellar.

The young man ran back to the house as fast as he could.  The wind gusts threw him back and forth in several directions.  He burst into the kitchen, fighting the air currents as he tried to close the door.

He found Old Sally on the kitchen  counter with her hair on her back standing straight up, partly from the storm and partly from Toto's barking.  Toto stood on his little puppy-sized hind legs and leaned against the cabinets.  He hadn't grown nearly big enough to actually get his paws on the edge of the counter top, but that didn't deter him from trying.

"Let's go, you.  You're in big trouble, mister," Donny scolded Toto as he scooped the pup into his arms.  Well, he wanted to use a scolding tone.  However, his voice barely had an edge to it because it showed the relief he felt that the debris flying around outside hadn't hurt the puppy.

Freed from her barking nemesis, the cat jumped off the counter.  She bolted through the kitty door again and headed for the barn.

"Come on, Toto.  We've got to get into that storm cellar before it's too late."  Donny opened the kitchen door effortlessly.  In fact, too effortlessly!  The gale-force wind ripped the door right out of his grip.  Then, it ripped the door right off the hinges!

Donny watched helplessly as the kitchen door flipped through the air and across the yard like a playing card tossed in the breeze.  It disappeared in an upward spiral of wind gusts, joining numerous other debris.  Donny thought he noticed one neighbor's mailbox and some spare tires from another neighbor's junkyard pile.

A gust of wind roared through the now open kitchen doorway, tossing him around like a rag-doll on a puppet master's strings.  It sent him flying head first into the side of the microwave.  He heard the crashing sound as his head dented the metal.

Donny staggered backwards and fell onto the floor.  He felt Toto licking his face.  The young man knew he had to get up and do something, but what?

Doorframe!  He remembered seeing something once on TV about standing in a doorframe if you couldn't get to a basement during a hurricane.  Tornado, cyclone, hurricane, typhoon, whatever – the doorframe idea seemed as reasonable as anything else.

Donny struggled to his feet.  The wind suddenly shrieked its loudest yet and the entire farmhouse shook.  A strange jolt caused Donny to lose his footing again.  He fell back, grabbing the counter for support.

He felt the floor moving under him, like being in an elevator that sprang into action unexpectedly.  Donny looked out the window.  The barn was moving!  Had the tornado ripped the barn right off the ground?

Then he saw the cornfield go by the window.  Then the giant oak tree.  Wait, there was the barn again, but now he could only see its shingled roof.

Then the realization hit him!  "Everything else isn't moving.  We are!" he said to Toto.  Donny was right.  The entire farmhouse had lifted off its foundation.  It twirled around as it rose into the tornado!  The great pressure of the wind on every side kept pushing the house higher and higher until it reached the very top of the twister.

Donny eventually lost track of how long the house had been essentially surfing the tornado's air currents.  He knew that hours must have passed.

It got extremely dark and the wind howled terribly all throughout the house as well as outside of it.  A couple times, the housed tipped very badly back and forth like a seesaw before leveling out again.

Donny sat on the living room couch with Toto sleeping in his lap.  The young man realized that the length of time and relatively smooth ride (all things considered, once he got used to the constant twirling motion) had lulled him into a false sense of security.

At first he'd been afraid that the winds would rip the wooden farmhouse apart.  Since that obviously hadn't happened, the next logical concern was what would happen when the house landed?

"Are we going to get thrown down against the ground?  Or into the side of a mountain with a terrible force that will shred the house – and us – into a million pieces?" he said aloud as he patted the sleeping puppy's head.  "What if we land in the middle of the ocean?  Whatever is left of the house after the impact will surely sink immediately.  We'll drown long before anyone comes to our rescue."

Something suddenly changed.  Donny knew it right away.  He'd become so used to the consistent roar of the wind that it had faded into the background.  All of a sudden, that was no longer the case.

The whining pitch of the wind changed.  The house spun faster and faster.  The increasing centrifugal force caused objects to start moving again.  A large potted plant slid across the counter.  The grandfather clock that had heretofore miraculously managed to stay upright finally lurched over and crashed to the floor.

The noise jolted little Toto awake from his nap.  He buried his face in the crook of Donny's arm.  Donny braced himself against the couch, hoping it would help absorb any impacts the house might endure.  "This is not going to end well," he predicted aloud.

The couch slid across the room.  Donny felt a dropping sensation, like the house was falling out from under his feet.  "Hold on, Toto!" he said as he protected the little dog as well as he could.

Donny saw some kind of lightning bolt streak by the window.  "What the hell-" was all he managed to say before he felt the jarring thud of the house landing.  Everything shook and rattled.  The couch bounced on the floor and several dishes shattered in the kitchen.

Donny gripped the arm of the couch, afraid to breathe or move until he knew what would happen next.  Were they about to topple over and go rolling a few miles down a mountain into the valley?  Was water about to come pouring through the windows?

A few seconds passed.  Neither of those two things happened, but the house had definitely stopped moving.

Donny stood up with Toto in his arms.  He carefully stepped over the mess of broken household items on the floor.

The young man opened the living room door to the outside.  His eyes blinked.  His jaw dropped and he mumbled, "OMG..."

Chapter 3

Brightness!  The overwhelming thought ran through Donny's mind.  Everything was just so bright!  The ubiquitous dull gray look that he'd become so accustomed to back home had given way to a country of marvelous beauty.  Even his old blue and white button down checked shirt, which had been washed hundreds of times, looked crisp and like-new in the brilliant sunlight.

Donny stepped out of the house slowly and carefully.  "Don't go too far," he warned the inquisitive puppy as Toto slipped around his ankles and went to explore the strange new land.

The young man looked around in awe, mesmerized by the sites before him.  All types of thick green leaves sprouted everywhere he looked.  Stately trees bearing copious amounts of pretty fruits dotted the landscape.  Large tropical-looking flowers bloomed fully in every direction.

Exotic birds with amazingly colored plumage strutted about freely.  Donny had never seen anything quite like them.  The closest comparison that came to mind would be oversized peacocks.

The sky sported a deep shade of blue with not a cloud to be seen.  A little stream sparkled in the full sunlight.  The rushing water seemed to whisper to the foliage along its edges as it flowed by.

Donny thought he saw a pair of eyes peeking out from behind one of the fruit trees.  He looked closely and saw nothing but the bark.

Then he thought he heard a little noise coming from the bushes next to the stream.  He stared in that direction for a moment.  Nothing!  Not even one of those pretty birds he saw strutting around earlier.

The young man couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching him.  "Toto, come here, boy."  The puppy reluctantly gave up sniffing under one of the flowering plants.  He trotted back to Donny with his tail wagging a mile a minute as usual.  "Something's not right," Donny said as he picked up the dog. 

A raindrop fell on the ground.  Donny noticed for the first time that he'd been walking on bricks, multicolored bricks to be exact.

More rain fell.  Oddly, the water stayed concentrated in a very small area.  Donny checked the sky and still didn't find a single cloud.

"That doesn't make any sense.  Where's that rain coming from?" he said more to himself than to Toto.

A rainbow suddenly shot across the sky.  It looked like it stretched for miles.  The rainbow suddenly turned and dropped down, headed right for him!

Donny didn't know where to go.  How could he outrun a rainbow that seemed to have a mind of its own?  He turned around to head back to the farmhouse.

The mysterious raindrops followed.  They quickly passed him, getting between him and the farmhouse.  Zap!  The end of the rainbow landed a few feet in front of him right in the puddle, blocking his way.

One moment he saw the water and the rainbow.  The next moment, a gorgeous hunk stood before him.  He wore nothing but a smile and a skin-tight, soaking-wet bathing suit that could barely contain his obviously ample manhood.

"That sure gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'it's raining men,'" Donny said.  Donny couldn't help but stare.  "Excuse me," he mumbled.  "I've never seen one quite so, uh-"

"Big!" the hunk finished for him.

"Yeah," Donny agreed eagerly.

"I get that a lot," the stud said as he flashed a perfect smile.  "Now that we've got that out of the way.  Let's get down to business.  The short men who live here in Munchkinland call me by my official title – Glen, the Good Warlock of the North.  But you can just call me Glen."  He extended his hand.

Donny shook it, more out of fear than anything else.  "I'm Donny."  He didn't know what else to say.  There were about twenty-three things wrong with the information he'd taken in during the previous minute!  Rain without clouds?  A nearly naked guy appearing at the end of a rainbow?  Munchkinland?  Warlock?

Glen brushed a few drops of water off his glistening and perfectly tanned pecs.  Donny suspected the gesture was more about calling attention to the muscular chest than worrying about some hardly noticeable errant raindrops.

"On behalf of the Munchkins, let me officially welcome you to Munchkinland," Glen said.

Donny noticed the rippling muscles on Glen's back as the stud bent over in a gentlemanly bow.

Glen called out in a loud voice, "All of you, come on out now.  Meet the noble sorcerer named Donny who has killed the Wicked Warlock of the East and freed you all from bondage."

Donny heard the distinct sound of someone snickering and echoing the word "bondage" behind one of the fruit trees.  "Sorcerer?  Me?  Wicked Warlock?  Killed?" Donny stammered trying to make sense of Glen's pronouncement.

Before he knew it, dozens of short, muscled gay guys came out from their hiding places.  None could have been more than four and a half to five feet tall.  Donny observed from their faces and facial hair that despite their short stature, they were of varying ages, all older than he.

Donny turned toward Glen and said with a bewildered look, "Thank you for the kind words, but I'm afraid there's been some mistake. I haven't killed anyone – or anything."

"That is your house, isn't it?" Glen asked, pointing towards the crashed farmhouse.

"Yes," Donny said, not seeing the connection to Glen's previous point.

Glen gestured again.  This time, a thin rainbow shot out from his hand like a laser pointer.  "Since it's your house that fell on the Wicked Warlock of the East, then I'd say you're the one who killed him."

"Holy crap!" Donny blurted out when he followed the magic rainbow pointer to the pair of legs sticking out from under the corner of his house!  "It was an accident.  I didn't mean to.  I'm so sorry."

"Don't be sorry.  That evil warlock terrorized the Munchkins for years, stealing their crops, kidnapping them and enslaving them.  He was a nasty piece of work.  Now the Munchkins are free of him and they owe you a debt of gratitude."

Looking more closely at the legs sticking out from under his house, Donny ventured, "Hold on a second.  Are you sure you didn't mean Wicked Witch of the East?  She's wearing lace stockings and a dress, albeit with hiking boots."

"Correction.  He's wearing lace stockings and a dress with hiking boots.  I assure you he's a warlock under that fine frock.  We don't judge here in Oz."

Donny's head whirled almost as badly as it had when the house was being thrown around by the tornado!  "Wait, didn't you say you were a warlock too?"

"Indeed I am," Glen smiled.

"But I thought all warlocks were evil and ugly!"

Glen brushed a shock of his thick hair away from his eyes.  He didn't seem too offended as he explained, "That's just an old stereotype.  Wicked warlocks turn themselves ugly by the terrible thoughts they think and the dastardly deeds they do.  While good warlocks, well, we look like this."  Glen flexed his biceps. 

Donny dug his fingernails into his palm.  He had to bite his lip to stop himself from telling Glen right then and there that he suddenly had an overwhelming urge to jump the warlock's bones.  He didn't care if all the mini-stud Munchkins in Munchkinland were watching either!

"How many hotties, I mean good warlocks like you, are around here anyway?" Donny asked in a feeble attempt to distract himself.

"Only two.  Me in the north and my twin brother in the south.  There were two wicked warlocks: the one you killed and his twin brother, the Wicked Warlock of the West.  I imagine he won't be too happy with you when he hears of this."

"I'm sure I can make him understand it was just an unfortunate accident."

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Glen dismissed.

The tone in the good warlock's voice indicated to Donny that Glen hoped that was a bridge they'd never have to cross.

"I don't think I'll ever meet the Wicked Warlock of the West anyway," Donny said.  "I can't even imagine what time it must be.  Uncle Henry and Aunt Em must be worried sick about me and Toto.  Can you tell me the way to Kansas, please?"

"Kansas?  What's that?" Glen asked with a puzzled look.

"It's where I'm from."

"That must be very far away.  I've never heard of Kansas," Glen shrugged.

Despite the enticing visual of the warlock's bouncing pecs, Donny focused on the matter at hand.  "You know, Kansas.  Like next to Nebraska, Oklahoma, Missouri, Colorado..."

Donny studied the blank stare on Glen's face.  "This isn't good.  The tornado must have carried us much farther than I imagined.  Where are we?"

The Munchkins broke their silence with giggles.  Donny smiled weakly.  "Oh, yeah.  I forgot.  Munchkinland.  Fine, but where's that located, exactly?"

"The Land of Oz, of course," Glen replied.  "Which will be your new home.  You'll love it here.  The Munchkins will take good care of you."

The Munchkins shook their heads up and down enthusiastically.

"That's very kind of all of you.  But Toto and I have to get home to Uncle Henry and Aunt Em and..."

"And whom?" the Good Warlock of the North asked.

"Never mind.  We just have to get home, that's all.  Someone in the Land of Oz must know where Kansas is."

Glen rubbed the manly stubble on his face.  "Well, if anyone knows..."  He lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper and leaned in closer to Donny's ear, "It would be the Wizard of Oz himself."

"Why him?" asked Donny.

The Good Warlock of the North looked over his shoulder.  He dropped his voice even more, as if somehow this mysterious wizard might be eavesdropping supernaturally.  "The Wizard of Oz is more powerful than all of us warlocks put together."

"Great, let's go ask him, then," Donny said eagerly.

"It's not that simple.  He lives in the Emerald City.  That's very far away from here."

"Can you take me there?"

"I'm afraid not, but I can give you directions."

"Excellent.  Thank you."

The Good Warlock of the North rubbed his hands together.  "So, Donny from Kansas, how do you usually travel?  Rainbow?  Lightning Bolt?  Moonbeam?"

Donny waited for the warlock to laugh at his own joke.  When no laughter began, Donny asked the stud, "You're serious, aren't you?"

"Of course," replied the warlock.

"I do have a motorbike, but it's back home in the barn, assuming the barn didn't blow away in the storm too.  Other than that, I just walk."

"Walk?" Glen practically screamed.  "Good heavens, that will take quite a bit longer.  As I said, the Emerald City is a significant distance away."

"I don't really have a choice if I want to get home."

"I suppose that's true," Glen agreed.  He looked down at Donny's feet.  A rainbow shot out of his hand and illuminated a hole forming in the nylon over Donny's right toe.  "Those beat up old sneakers are never going to hold up on the long journey to the Emerald City."

"I have other shoes in the house, but they're in worse condition than these," Donny said apologetically.

"Hmmm..."  The Good Warlock of the North looked around for inspiration.  "Ah," he said, shooting a rainbow towards the legs sticking out from under the corner of the farmhouse.

"What?" Donny asked, not following the warlock's emerging plan.

"Those sturdy hiking boots on the deceased Wicked Warlock of the East's feet.  He certainly won't be needing them.  They look like they'd fit you perfectly."

"I don't know," Donny hesitated.  "It doesn't seem right."

One of the Munchkins piped up.  "There's something special about those hiking boots, but we never knew exactly what it was.  The Wicked Warlock was quite proud of them, though."

Glen asked a couple of the Munchkins to remove the dead Warlock's boots.  When they were finished, the short studs placed them on the ground in front of Donny.

"Go ahead," Glen urged as he gestured towards the boots.

Donny kicked his old sneakers off and slipped into the hiking boots.  The Munchkins bent down and tied the laces for him.

"How do they feel?" Glen inquired.

Donny took a couple steps on the bricks.  "I've never felt footwear so comfortable before.  I swear, it feels like these were custom-made to fit my feet."

Glenn smiled.  "Then it's settled.  Now about those directions-"

Before he could finish his sentence, the air suddenly crackled with electricity.

The little hairs on Donny's arms stood up as if he had just rubbed them with a sock fresh out of the dryer.  Toto barked at a seemingly empty spot on the multicolor bricks in front of him.

A lightning bolt shot from the sky and struck the ground.  Sparks jumped out in several directions.  Luckily, they only landed on the bricks so they didn't harm anything.  Still, the Munchkins ran and hid.

Just as what had happened with Glen's entrance on the rainbow beam, the lightning bolt disappeared and in its place stood a man.  This time, the new arrival was no gorgeous stud.

A permanent scowl highlighted the wrinkles on his ugly, distorted face which had a distinctive pale green tint.  His foul-smelling breath oozed out between his rotten teeth.  His black flowing robes billowed in the breeze leftover from his entrance.

"Who are you?" Donny blurted out.

"I'm your worst nightmare come to life," the creature shrieked.

Glen answered Donny's question.  "His name is Verto.  But he's much better known by his formal title: The Wicked Warlock of the West."

The fear showed in Donny's eyes.  The evil warlock must have been there to get revenge for Donny killing his brother.

The Wicked Warlock of the West sneered at Glen.  "Do you ever put any clothes on?"

"It would be a crime to cover up a body this hot," Glen answered.

"I'll deal with you another time," Verto snarled at Glen.  "Right now, I've come for something else," he said, fixing his gaze on Donny.

"Back off, Verto!" Glen admonished.  "Don't you have to go feed your Winged Monkeys or something?"

"Oh, Glen, I might have known you'd be mixed up with the hot young jock already.  At your age, I don't know how you'll keep up with him."  The smirk on the evil warlock's face dared his nemesis to reply.

Donny had assumed the Good Warlock of the North to be in his late twenties or early thirties.  He turned around and asked Glen, "How old are you?"

Glen kept his chin up and answered in a dignified manner, "A gay warlock never reveals his age!"

Donny rolled his eyes.  "That sounds like something Aunt Em would say."

"I like her already," Glen commented.

"Enough of your inane chatter," the Wicked Warlock of the West interrupted.  "You killed my brother so I think it's only fitting I do the same to you!" he threatened through gritted teeth.  The warlock raised his arm menacingly.

Donny trembled with fear.  Toto hid behind his ankles.

Glen stepped between Donny and the Wicked Warlock of the West.  "Put that limp wrist of yours down," he commanded.

One of the Munchkins poked his head out from behind a fruit tree.  Then he stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry at the Wicked Warlock of the West.

The green-skinned warlock flicked his fingers open in the direction of the daring Munchkin.  His hand sizzled and sparked.  A mini lightning bolt shot out of his palm.  It zipped through the air, aiming right for the Munchkin's head.

The short man ducked just in time.  The lightning bolt hit the tree and ripe pieces of fruit fell and splattered everywhere.  The trunk cracked, causing the massive tree to crash to the ground.

The Wicked Warlock of the West turned back towards Donny.  "I'll take care of you in a minute, but first-"

He stopped short when he glanced at what remained of his dead brother sticking out from under the house.  He focused on the stocking-covered feet.  "Where are my brother's hiking boots?" he roared at Glen and Donny.

"So much for your powers of observation.  They're right there, where they've been since you arrived – uninvited, I might add."  Glen pointed towards Donny's feet.

The Wicked Warlock of the West took several steps in Donny's direction.  "You give me those boots, you little brat."

"I didn't mean to offend you.  You can have them," the young man told him sincerely as he sat down on a large rock to make it easier to remove the hiking boots.

With a nasty grin on his face, the evil warlock bent down, ready to yank the boots off Donny's feet.

As soon as the ugly warlock got within range, Donny felt a strange twitch in his knee.  His leg shot out and kicked the Wicked Warlock of the West square in the jaw, knocking him right over!

The Munchkins laughed from their hiding places.

The warlock rubbed his face.  "Aren't you clever?  You've had your fun.  Try that again and I'll-"

"But I didn't do that.  I don't know what happened," Donny said in an astonished voice.

The warlock bent down again.  This time, both Donny's legs went crazy kicking the warlock all about his upper body.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Donny said as his feet continued their assault until the evil warlock backed out of striking range.

"This is your doing, you muscle-bound moron!" the Wicked Warlock of the West accused Glen.

"Wish I could claim it, but I think your brother's boots like where they are and intend to stay there.  I can't blame them."  The Good Warlock of the North shrugged.  "After all, if I were a pair of manly boots like that and I had to choose between a hot young jock's feet and your smelly, crusty old soles, I know where I'd stay!"

"This is ridiculous," Donny said.  "I'll just take them off myself."  He reached down to untie the laces.  The knots wouldn't budge!  He tried to kick one off by using the heel of the other one.  That wouldn't work either.  Those stubborn boots weren't going anywhere!

"There has to be a way to get these stupid things off," Donny said helplessly.

The Wicked Warlock of the West snorted.  "Oh, there is."

"What do I have to do?" Donny asked eagerly.

"Die!" the warlock cackled.

The Munchkins gasped.

Donny gulped.

Glen folded his arms.  He narrowed his eyes on the Wicked Warlock of the West.  "Munchkinland was under your brother's domain.  Despite your theatrical lightning show, you can't harm anyone here.  Get lost before another cute jock drops out of the sky and takes you out on the way down!"

"Go ahead and gloat, Glen.  You may have the upper hand – for now.  Like me, your powers only stretch so far.  When the time is right, your little friend here is all mine!"

Enjoying the look of fear that spread across Donny's face, the Wicked Warlock of the West added, "That's right, I'll get you, jock-boy.  And your dirty little dog too!"

He cackled again.  Sparks shot out in every direction from his hands and feet.  Suddenly, the evil warlock transformed into a bolt of lightning.  It sprang up from the ground and zigzagged its way up to the sky.

The Good Warlock of the North looked up.  "The evil warlock is gone for now.  I didn't want to give him the satisfaction when he was here, but he really is a force to be reckoned with.  The safest thing to do is get you out of Oz as soon as possible."

"You were going to give me directions to the Emerald City so I can see the Wizard of Oz," Donny reminded him.

"Ah, yes.  Start at the very beginning.  It's a very good place to start."

"The beginning of what?" Donny asked.

Glen ran his finger along the side of his cheek.  "No, wait,  That's somebody else's directions.  Give me a moment..."

Donny tapped his boots on the bricks while he waited.

Noticing the movement, Glen perked up.  "Thanks, yes, that's it.  See these multicolored bricks on the ground?"

"Of course."

"Just follow the yellow ones."

"But-" Donny started to protest.

Glen smiled.  He held his hand out, down towards the bricks.  A rainbow shot out towards the ground.  The colors on the bricks pulsated and changed places like a fiber optics LED display.

Suddenly the brick closest to Donny's foot turned bright yellow.  The brightness receded to a pleasant yellow glow.  The next two bricks in line did the same thing.  The process began to speed up as yellow bricks formed a path that stretched as far as Donny could see.

"Let me guess," Donny said.  "I just follow the Yellow Brick Road?"

"Brains and good looks, my kind of guy," the Good Warlock of the North winked.  A fine mist formed around him.  His body became iridescent.

"Thank you," Donny called out after him.

Glen waved goodbye as he dissolved into a rainbow.  The beautiful sight arched over Munchkinland.

Donny looked down at Toto.  "Hmmm, Glen said this would be quite a walk.  What if your little puppy legs get too tired?  Oh, I know.  Let me just run back in the farmhouse and get my duffel bag!  You'll fit right in there if I need to carry you!"

A few minutes later, Donny had everything he needed for the journey: the bag on his shoulder, the hiking boots that clearly didn't want to leave his feet, and little Toto tagging along at his ankles.

The Munchkins saw the young man safely to the edge of Munchkinland.  They wished him well as they watched him disappear down the Yellow Brick Road.

As they returned home, they congratulated each other on how well they had done in hiding the worry they felt.  Sure, Munchkinland looked pretty and pleasant, but many dangers might befall a stranger in the Land of Oz as he passed through rough and terrible areas on his way to the Emerald City.

Chapter 4

The bright sunshine illuminated all the wonders along the way as Donny traveled down the glowing Yellow Brick Road.  Birds sang sweetly in the sky and honeybees buzzed happily from one pretty flower to the next.

He had to call out, "Come on, Toto.  Let's go, boy," several times as the puppy wanted to sniff every new plant and clump of dirt he discovered along the road.  Each time, Toto wagged his little tail and ran to catch up with Donny.

After walking for what seemed like hours, Donny sighed.  He wished he'd thought to throw his MP3 player into the duffel bag.  The journey to see the Wizard of Oz would be downright boring if he didn't find someone to talk to.

He thought maybe a short rest would put him in a better mood.  Donny scanned the area for a good place to stop.  "Look Toto, there's a cornfield.  Let's go sit on the fence surrounding it and take a break."

Donny climbed up on the corner of the fence.  He let his feet dangle over the sides, lightly tapping the fence post with one of his new hiking boots.

Toto used the fence post for another purpose – one reserved for male dogs.

"How rude!  I don't come and pee in your yard, do I?"

Donny jumped off the fence.  He swung around in every direction, trying to determine where the snippy voice had originated.  No matter where he looked... Nobody!

"Hey, Einstein, over here," the voice called out.

"Where in the world?" Donny asked aloud.

Toto, having finished his business, jumped through an opening in the fence.  The little dog went over to a big pole which held up a Scarecrow.  Toto looked up at the straw figure and barked.

"Toto, you're a silly dog.  That's just a Scarecrow.  They can't talk."  Donny looked in the opposite direction.

"Shows how much you know, smartypants," the voice mocked.

Toto barked again, calling his owner's attention to the stuffed man on the pole.

Donny hopped over the fence.  He slowly approached the Scarecrow.  A small sack stuffed with straw and covered with a farmer's hat served as the head.  The eyes, nose, and mouth painted on it completed the face.

Donny stared at it, waiting to see if it would say something else.  After a minute of silence, Donny felt silly.  "What's wrong with me, Toto?  Standing in a cornfield, waiting to hear a Scarecrow talk!  Honestly!"

Just then, the Scarecrow winked at him!

Donny jumped back.  "Oh, Toto was right, you are alive."

"If you call this living," the Scarecrow said with a roll of his not-so-fake-after-all eyes.

"What do you mean?" Donny asked.

"Well, how would you like to go around with a pole stuck up that tight and cute rear-end of yours all day?"  The Scarecrow arched his brows.  "Then again, I suppose you wouldn't mind a bit!"

"What's that's supposed to mean?"

"Save your shock and awe, Mister-Sister!  I've been around the cornfield a time or two – or ten!  The big biceps and the manly hiking boots not withstanding, I'm surprised that duffel bag on your shoulder isn't a straw basket with a fancy flower on the front.  And what did you say your dog's name was?  Tutu?  I can just see it now – you wearing a ballet skirt and skipping down the Yellow Brick Road with your basket in hand!"

"Well, I-"

"Well, you what?  Resemble that remark?  Of course you do."

"You're just the nastiest Scarecrow I've ever met.  Well, the Scarecrows in Kansas don't actually talk, of course..."

"Maybe they're just strong, silent types," the Scarecrow suggested.  "Besides, being nasty doesn't mean I'm incorrect, does it?"

"I suppose not," Donny reluctantly admitted.

"Wouldn't you rather someone be nasty and honest than nice and untruthful?"

"I guess if you put it that way..."

"Then it's settled.  I'll keep calling it like I see it and we'll get along fine.  So, now my hyper-masculine, overcompensating for being gay friend, would you mind helping me down?"

Donny took a step forward, then hesitated.

"Who else are you going to talk to?  That dog of yours doesn't seem like a very big conversationalist," the Scarecrow reasoned.

Donny sighed and helped the straw man off the pole.  He turned out to be so light that it was no trouble at all.  Donny could have lifted him with one arm.

"Thank you, um-"

"Donny," the young man informed him.

"Thank you, Donny," the Scarecrow said as he stepped a bit uneasily on the ground, trying to get his bearings after being stuck on the pole for so long.

"You're welcome."

"And all that stuff I said?  I might just have been talking out of my ass," the Scarecrow said dismissively.

Donny felt tempted to peek around the Scarecrow to see if he even had an ass, but he figured that would just lead to another crude gay joke.  Instead, he simply inquired, "Why do you say that?"

The Scarecrow shrugged.  "Because I haven't got a brain!"

"Maybe that explains why so many politicians giving speeches always sound like they're talking out of their asses, too."

"Probably."

"Perhaps you not having a brain explains why you don't respect other people.  So what happened to your brains anyway?  Did a zombie eat them?"

"Where would you get a silly idea like that?"

"Well, with everything else I've seen so far in the Land of Oz..."

"It's nothing so dramatic as that.  The farmer who made me just forgot to give me brains, that's all," the Scarecrow explained.

"I'm awfully sorry about that," Donny said sincerely.  "I don't know anything about getting you brains.  In fact, the more I learn about Oz, the more I realize I don't know how anything works around here.  I'm hoping not to be here much longer anyway."

"How's that?"

"When I stopped on your fence to take a rest, I was on my way to the Emerald City to find the Wizard of Oz and ask him to help me get home to Kansas."

"A wizard?  Hmmm, do you think if I go with you, he'd give me some brains?"

"I don't know, but you're welcome to come with me.  If the Wizard of Oz won't give you any brains, you'll be no worse off than you are now."

"That's true," agreed the Scarecrow.  "See, if I had a brain, I could have figured that out myself."

Donny helped him over the fence and they walked back to the Yellow Brick Road.

Toto didn't like this addition to the party, at first.  He sniffed around the Scarecrow with his nose curled up, as if he were searching out a rat's nest buried in the straw.  He growled under his doggy breath as he did so.

"Don't mind Toto.  He never bites."

"Oh, that's OK, I'm not afraid of him.  He can't hurt my straw.  If a piece comes out, I just shove it back in."  The Scarecrow demonstrated by yanking a handful of straw out of his left arm and stuffing it into his right leg.

"That's convenient," Donny observed.

"There's only one thing in the world I'm afraid of," the Scarecrow told his new friend.

"What?  That the farmer who made you will come looking for you and put you back in the cornfield?"

"Nope," answered the Scarecrow.  "The only thing I'm afraid of is a lighted match!"

Chapter 5

After they had walked for awhile, the Yellow Brick Road became rough with damaged, uneven, and missing bricks.

Donny walked around the holes while Toto hopped over them.  The poor Scarecrow stumbled and fell into the open spaces.  Luckily, the impact never hurt him.

"We have roads like this in Kansas," Donny commented.

"On purpose?" the Scarecrow asked with wide eyes.

"No.  The roads just get worse and worse because people can't agree on how and when to fix them or who's going to pay for the repairs."

"That doesn't sound very smart," the Scarecrow observed.  "If a straw man with no brains can see that, I'm surprised people in Kansas can't."

"Preach!" Donny laughed.  The distraction of the joke caused him to trip over the edge of a brick sticking up from the roadway.

The Scarecrow caught him.  They both stumbled forward, but managed to stay on their feet.  As Donny's boots shuffled along the ground, they kicked a rather large rock.

It rolled off the side of the road and made a distinctive clinking sound behind a bush.

Donny and the Scarecrow looked at each other.  "What do you think that was?" the Scarecrow asked.

"I hope it's not that stupid evil warlock that's after me."

The Scarecrow put his hands on his hips.  "Hold it right there, girlfriend.  We've been walking for over an hour and now you decide to tell me there's an evil warlock after you."

"It's a long story."

"Give me the short version," the Scarecrow insisted.

"I accidentally killed his brother and the warlock wants revenge," Donny responded as he peered towards the source of the sound, waiting for a sign of movement.

The Scarecrow pouted.  "Cripes! I'd hate to hear the long version."

They heard a faint sound, best described as, "Elp!"

"What do you think that was?" Donny asked.

"Probably evil warlock talk for 'Hello, Donny, do you want to die tonight?'"

Donny gave the Scarecrow a dirty look.  "Really?  Was that necessary?"

The Scarecrow shrugged.

They heard a squeaking sound, followed by "Elp!" again.

Toto ran around the big bush towards the source of the sound.  More worried for his pet's safety than his own, Donny rushed after him.

While looking down to find Toto, the first thing Donny saw on the ground was a foot that seemed to be wearing a metal boot.  His eyes followed the boot to the legs – they were covered in metal too.  Donny craned his neck all the way up.  The man standing in front of him wasn't covered in metal; he was made out of it!

"What an amazing statue," Donny said, admiring the masculine form shaped entirely out of tin.  "The sculptor sure had an eye for hot guys."

"Whoever created it went to a lot of trouble to put the statue in a realistic setting," observed the Scarecrow as he scratched his face.  "Look at the way the big tree standing next to the Tin Woodman has been partly chopped through.  The uplifted axe in his hands is a cool touch.  Gives the illusion that he's been working."

Donny studied the statue more closely.  "His head, arms, and legs are jointed so he seems capable of movement.  I guess that's smart.  It allows the sculptor to pose him differently and freshen up the scene from time to time."

"Elp!"

"That sound came from his mouth!" Donny said in astonishment.

"I think he's asking for help," the Scarecrow deduced.

"Es!" came the reply from the Tin Woodman.

"There's something a little orange in the corner of his mouth.  I've seen that around the farm.  It's rust!  He's having trouble talking because his mouth is rusted out."

"Es, es!" the Tin Woodman repeated.

Donny looked around.  He retrieved an oilcan from the ground several feet away.  "This should do it."  He inserted the spout into the Tin Woodman's mouth and gave it a big squeeze.

The thick oil oozed out.  Some ran down the Tin Woodman's cheeks.

"Like you haven't done that a time or two – with a different kind of 'spout,'" the Scarecrow laughed as he watched the scene in front of him.

"If Aunt Em were here, she'd tell you to keep quiet if you didn't have anything nice to say."

"If your Aunt Em were here, she'd notice you didn't deny it," the Scarecrow replied smugly.

The Tin Woodman wiggled his newly loosened jaw around.  "Yes, thank you.  That's much better."  He continued to give directions as Donny pumped the oil out of the can as fast as possible.  "Do my neck.  Then my arms.  My elbows too.  Splash it on my knees and my ankles.  Don't forget the hips.  Get it all over me."

The Scarecrow drew a breath, ready to make a comment.

Donny cut him off.  "Keep your dirty mind to yourself, Scarecrow!"

The Tin Woodman flexed his joints and stretched.  "I might have been stuck like that for the rest of my life if you two hadn't come along."

Toto barked at him.

The Tin Woodman smiled.  "I mean if you three hadn't come along when you did."

Toto wagged his tail in appreciation for the recognition.

"What are you doing out here on the Yellow Brick Road anyway?" the Tin Woodman asked.

"We're on our way to the Emerald City to see the great and powerful Wizard of Oz," Donny explained.

"What for?" the Tin Woodman asked with wonder.

"I want him to send me back to Kansas."

"And I want him to give me a brain."

The Tin Woodman stopped to think deeply for a moment.  "Do you suppose that wizard could give me a heart?" he asked with hopeful trepidation.

"I don't see why not," Donny stated.  "It couldn't be any more difficult than giving the Scarecrow brains, right?"

"What if it rains along the way?  I could get all rusted again," the Tin Woodman pondered.

The Scarecrow furrowed his brow for a moment.  "I know.  We can just put your oil can in Donny's duffel bag and take it with us.  If we get caught in a storm, we'll fix you right up!"

"Yes, that's a splendid idea," the Tin Woodman agreed.

The new companion joined the little group and they all headed down the Yellow Brick Road to see the Wizard of Oz.

"I know how the Scarecrow ended up without brains.  How did you end up, well, heartless?"  Donny asked.

The Tin Woodman sighed.  "I always wanted to be a woodchopper.  All that exercise really filled out my body.  Gigantic biceps.  Amazing upper chest.  Not an ounce of fat on my stomach.  My taut abs ended in a perfect V shape.  I was the tallest and strongest man in the village.  I could have had my pick of any of the girls.  They all wanted me.  However, my interest was in other guys."

"Like we didn't see that coming," the Scarecrow commented with a roll of the eyes.

"There was this one guy, kind and sweet.  Very intellectual, always had his nose stuck in a book.  The smartest guy I ever did meet.  He had brains to spare.  You would have loved him, Scarecrow."

"No doubt," the straw man agreed.

"His name was Braxton, but I called him Brax.  Anyway, I hardly dared hope that Brax.  would have any interest in a big brute like me.  I got up the nerve one day and asked him out.  Brax accepted and it was magical!  He introduced me to great literature and I introduced him to fresh air and outdoor activity."

"Sounds like you complimented each other perfectly," Donny said.

"Indeed.  One day I asked Brax to marry me.  He agreed.  I was the happiest man in the Land of Oz!"

"I bet," the Scarecrow said wistfully.  For once, Donny noticed no trace of sarcasm in the Scarecrow's voice.

"Brax's parents had died many years earlier so he lived with an elderly aunt."

"I live with my Aunt Em and Uncle Henry too!" Donny exclaimed.

"Then you can imagine what it was like for Brax.  He felt quite a loyalty to the aunt who had taken him in."

Donny shook his head in agreement.

"Unfortunately, Brax's aunt took advantage of that.  She hadn't taken him in out of the goodness of her heart.  She'd only done it to get her hands on the meager inheritance he got from his parents.  She squandered that away in no time flat.  After that, they survived on whatever little money they could get from hiring Brax out to clean the neighbor's houses, do their laundry, their dishes, and other household chores."

The Scarecrow took an educated guess.  "So, when you and Brax got engaged, his aunt didn't want him to get married and go to a new household with you because he was her only source of income."

"Exactly," affirmed the Tin Woodman.  "Plus, the old woman didn't care for what she called 'the newfangled idea that men could marry other men.'  She told Brax his feelings for me weren't real, that he was simply going through a phase."

"How did you two handle that?" Donny asked.

"Well, Brax stood up to his aunt.  He said he'd still do his best to take care of her, but he and I were in love and we were getting married with or without her support."

"Ohhh, I bet the old bitty didn't like that," the Scarecrow observed.

"Not one bit," the Tin Woodman agreed.  "She went to an evil sorcerer and struck a deal.  She gave the sorcerer her one thing of value, a diamond ring she bought with a piece of Brax's inheritance.  In exchange, the sorcerer promised to prevent our marriage."

"How awful!" Donny commented.  "What did the sorcerer do?"

"He enchanted my axe.  The next time I went to use it, the darn thing turned on me!  It slipped and cut off my left leg!"

"Ghastly!" said the Scarecrow.

"It gets worse," promised the Tin Woodman.  "At first, I just thought it a terrible misfortune.  Obviously, I would be in for a great challenge as a one-legged woodchopper.  So I went to a tinsmith and had him fasten me a new leg made out of tin.  The leg worked very well once I got used to it.  I worked twice as hard as before to earn the money I needed to build a new house so Brax and I could get married and move in together."

"I bet his aunt and the sorcerer were both furious," Donny said with a worried look on his face.

"You got that right.  The sorcerer had promised to prevent the marriage so he put another hex on the axe.  This time, it cut off my right leg.  Again, I had the tinsmith make a replacement.  As you can see for yourself, this pattern continued with body part after body part."

"I bet you miss some parts more than others, hey?" the Scarecrow said with a nod toward the Tin Woodman's crotch area.

Donny slapped the straw man on the arm.

"With my entire body, all except my upper chest made out of tin, I thought I had finally beaten the sorcerer.  Even though I looked pretty hideous, Brax said he didn't care.  He loved me for who I was inside, not what the outside looked like.  He was a rare man, indeed," the Tin Woodman said with a faraway look in his eyes.

"So then what happened?" Donny asked, almost afraid to find out.

"The rotten sorcerer enchanted the axe a final time.  The last blow split my chest in two.  The tinsmith was able to repair everything, except my heart.  With my heart gone, I thought my feelings of love for Brax were lost!  Poor Brax said he would still marry me, but I couldn't let him marry me in that condition."

The Scarecrow tried to hide it as he wiped a tear from his eye.

"The sorcerer rendered me heartless and Brax brokenhearted.  He left the village soon after that and I never saw him again."

Donny held the Tin Woodman's hand as they walked along in silence.

Chapter 6

The four travelers continued to make their way down the Yellow Brick Road.  The surrounding terrain had changed so gradually that they'd hardly noticed it.

The woods had gotten thicker and darker.  They hardly saw a bird in the sky anymore.  In fact, when Donny looked up, he couldn't see the sky at all!  The trees grew in arches over their heads.  Dead intertwined branches with dried leaves hung over them.

"How much farther do you think it will be before we're out of this creepy forest?" Donny asked.

"I don't know, but then again, I haven't got any brains so I don't know how I could know," the Scarecrow explained in a tone that apparently made sense to him.

"I don't know either," replied the Tin Woodman.  "And even if I did know, I wouldn't have the heart to tell you if I thought it would make you worry more!"

The Scarecrow pursed his lips.  He figured all great thinkers did that when they were thinking great thoughts.  "That's why brains are more important.  A fool wouldn't know what to do with a heart if he had one."

"I'm not so sure about that, my friend," the Tin Woodman countered.  "Brains don't make someone happy.  A heart does that.  And happiness is the best thing in the world."

Donny scanned the darkness along the sides of the road.  "Right now, I'd settle for a flashlight."

A loud, terrible roar exploded from the nearby woods.  Donny and his companions stopped dead in their tracks.

Donny quickly whisked Toto into his arms.  The little puppy showed his gratitude by wagging his tail and licking Donny's face.

"What the hell was that?" Donny whispered as he and his friends huddled together.

"If I had any brains, I'd be smart enough to be scared to death right now," the Scarecrow stated as he peered into the forest, his eyes wide with fear.

"If I had a heart, it would be beating so fast right now, I think it would explode," the Tin Woodman added.

"I have brains and a heart and I think you're both right!" Donny told them.

Just then, a gigantic Lion leaped from a nearby tree.  He landed on the Yellow Brick Road right in front of them.  The creature stood on its hind legs and let out another mighty roar.

The Scarecrow opened his mouth to say something, but the Lion didn't give him a chance.  The beast backhanded the Scarecrow with the blunt side of his left paw.

The blow sent the straw man spinning around.  The Scarecrow looked like a child's toy top as the force sent him flying right off the Yellow Brick Road and into a bunch of thorn bushes.

The Tin Woodman raised his axe.  Rather, he started to.  The Lion swiped at him with his sharp claws.  He lifted the metal man right off the ground!

Donny cringed when that nails-on-a-chalkboard sound filled his ears.  He couldn't block them because he had Toto in his arms.

To the Lion's surprise, his claws didn't dent the Tin Woodman's metal body.  However, the Lion did throw the Tin Woodman high up into the air.  He landed with a clanging racket several feet away and lay still.

Toto didn't like seeing his friends attacked.  The puppy jumped from Donny's arms.  He landed on the ground next to the Lion's paw.  The little dog barked with the conviction of an animal many times his size.

The Lion got down on all fours.  He opened his massive jaw.  His tongue swirled around his fangs, catching his saliva.  He bent down to bite the dog.

Donny feared his little Toto would be killed.  The young man punched the Lion square in the nose as hard as he could!  "Don't you dare bite Toto!  You ought to be ashamed of yourself.  A big beast like you going after a helpless little dog!"

"But I didn't bite him!" wailed the Lion.  His lip wavered as his big eyes welled with tears.

"You certainly tried to!" Donny shot back.

The Lion sniffled. "Well, I, he barked at me and..."  The rest of the words were lost as the beast whimpered.

"For heaven's sake, I can't understand a word you're saying.  Stop blubbering!" Donny said with the anger still showing in his voice.

"But you punched me and it hurts," the Lion whined as he rubbed his paw against his nose.

Donny put his hands on his hips and shook his head.  "You're nothing but a big coward!"

"I know," cried the Lion.  "When I was little, that's what the other lion cubs in the pride used to call me - Myron, the Cowardly Lion."  The memory sent him into another fit of sobbing.

"All right now, that's quite enough," Donny told him.  The young man's anger had melted away into pity for the sad creature.

"Now that I'm all grown up, I'm too afraid to ask a man out on a date," the Lion cried.

"Well, that does take a certain amount of courage sometimes," Donny replied thoughtfully.

The Tin Woodman and the Scarecrow had picked themselves up and made their way over to the others.  They were no longer afraid of the Cowardly Lion either.

The Lion used the tip of his tail to wipe the tears from his eye as the other three men comforted him.

"Is being a Cowardly Lion really so bad?" asked the Tin Woodman.

"Of course it is," answered the Scarecrow before the Lion had a chance to speak for himself.  "He is supposed to be King of Beasts.  He shouldn't be afraid of a little spider."

"Spider! Where?"  The Lion jumped up causing a commotion, hopping up and down on his paws, afraid the spider might crawl on him.

"Calm down, it was just an example.  There are no spiders anywhere around," the Scarecrow said.

"Are you sure?" the Lion asked, holding his tail up where he could see it so no spiders could crawl on that either.

Donny, the Scarecrow, and the Tin Woodman all looked at each other.  Simultaneously, they all said, "The wizard!"

The Lion cowered.  "Where?  I'm afraid of wizards!"

"Of course you are," the Scarecrow sighed.

"We mean we think you should come with us to the Emerald City to see the Wizard of Oz," Donny said.

"He's going to give me a heart."

"And me a brain."

"And send me and Toto home to Kansas."

"Do you think he'll give me courage?" the Lion asked, barely able to believe such a thing possible.

"Don't worry, he'll have to help you too, just like the rest of us," Donny assured the beast.

"Then let's go!" the Cowardly Lion roared happily.

The four of them laughed and joked as they marched side by side down the Yellow Brick Road.  Toto alternately ran a little ahead or fell a little behind as he followed the whims of his nose.

Little did they know that they had crossed into the domain of the Wicked Warlock of the West!

Chapter 7

Verto, better known as The Wicked Warlock of the West, paced the cold stone corridors of his castle.

"Hide!  He's coming!" warned his hairy slaves to each other, afraid he would beat them for no reason as he so often did.

The beatings were just another form of humiliation in a long line of humiliations that Verto enjoyed inflicting on his slaves.  A new slave learned of the first type soon after capture.

Verto appreciated hot, hairy, sweaty men.  He particularly liked them with some meat on their bones.  Whenever he needed to replenish his slave supply, he'd execute a surprise raid on one of the Gay Bear villages in his domain.

He always chose the burliest men, at least six feet tall.  The bigger their hirsute chests and stomachs, the more he liked them.

Due to his overwhelming vanity, the Wicked Warlock of the West always had to make one minor adjustment on the Bears.  He had to have the biggest dick in the castle!  It just wouldn't do for one of his multitude of heavy-set men to outshine the warlock below the waist!

The evil warlock put a spell on the men as soon as he enslaved them.  He shrunk their dicks down to one inch in size!  That's how his slaves became known as the Wee Willie Winkies!

The Bears earned only one compensation for this effrontery.  For every inch they lost "down there," they gained an inch in height.  Consequently, some of the enslaved Wee Willie Winkies bordered on seven feet tall!

"I need to see what that jock and his cohorts are up to," the warlock said aloud.  A nasty smile crossed his face.  He headed to his favorite room in the castle – the BDSM torture chamber! 

"Please, just a drop of water.  A scrap of food!" the voices called out to him.  The warlock paid no attention to the begging men locked up in the dungeon cells along the side of the dark room.

He headed right for a table covered with a red velvet cloth.  He whipped the cloth off and tossed it aside.

A crystal ball sat in an ornate holder made of twisted iron.  The warlock blew a speck of dust off the shiny glass.

He stood back and rubbed his hands together carefully.  Little bits of light sparkled on his fingers providing intermittent illumination.

The Wicked Warlock of the West held his wrinkled hand out towards the crystal ball.  Magical electricity streaked out of his fingertips.  It penetrated the glass and arced around haphazardly inside the crystal ball.

"Come on, come on," he said aloud.  His hands trembled as he tried to control and steady the electrical impulses.  "That's better," he said as the energy inside the ball started to form a three dimensional picture.

The warlock flicked his hands forward.  The energy stopped flowing from him.  The crystal now afforded him a perfect live-action view of Donny and the others making their way through his territory.

"Let's see where they're headed next," he muttered while waving his hand in the air.  The picture inside the ball fast forwarded farther down the Yellow Brick Road.  "Excellent!" the warlock screamed.  "See you there, Donny!"

He transformed into a bolt of lightning and shot himself right out the castle window!

Zap!  The Wicked Warlock of the West suddenly appeared standing on a boulder that marked the entrance to a long bridge which spanned a calm river.  The bridge, like the two parts of the road that it connected, was paved with glowing yellow bricks.

Just a stone's throw upstream, a great dam held back the raging waters of the river.  The bridge itself was located just around a bend in the Yellow Brick Road.  Verto counted down to himself, "Three, two, one..."

Donny and the others came around the bend, happy and joyous as could be.  Toto stuck his head out of the open duffel bag in which Donny had been carrying him since all that exercise had gotten the best of his little puppy legs.

"Fancy meeting you here!"  The evil warlock threw his head back and cackled.

"Oh, no!" Donny yelled.

The Cowardly Lion fainted away and landed with a thud on the Yellow Brick Road.

The Warlock snorted.  "Ha, you sure know how to pick your friends, jock-boy.  Your little dog has more courage than that useless Cowardly Lion."

"Don't worry, Donny," said the Scarecrow.

"Yeah, we'll protect you," added the Tin Woodman.

"I see, gentlemen, that chivalry isn't dead here in the Land of Oz.  But you will be if you interfere with my plans.  Donny may have escaped my clutches back in Munchkinland, but he won't be so lucky a second time.  Neither will you if you try to help him."

"You can't hurt me, I'm made of straw.  See?"  The Scarecrow pulled a piece of his stuffing out and tossed it back and forth between his hands to prove his point.

"Impressive," the warlock said sarcastically.

"And this here is good thick metal," the Tin Woodman said, banging on his chest proudly.

The Wicked Warlock of the West gave Donny the side-eye.  "As I said, you sure know how to pick your friends.  One's a brainless twit and the other's a heartless hunk of junk!"

"Ignore him; he's just jealous because he doesn't have any friends at all," Donny told them.

"And neither will you when I'm done," returned the warlock.  "So, Scarecrow, do you want to know what I like to do with straw?  Start a bonfire!"

The Wicked Warlock of the West disappeared in a puff of smoke from which sparks and lightning bolts jumped.  The dry grass along the edge of the roadway caught fire.  The Scarecrow tried to jump out of the way, but it was no use.  He couldn't avoid the flames.

Donny had to think fast.  Every second counted and the poor Scarecrow had precious few seconds left.

The young man picked up a long stick from the ground.  He poked and prodded the Scarecrow with it, shoving him right off the edge of the bank and into the river!

The Scarecrow's light body wafted down into the water, which instantly drenched the flames.  He swam back to the edge.

Meanwhile, Toto licked the Cowardly Lion's face to revive him from his fainting spell.

The Lion and Donny reached over the bank and helped the Scarecrow out of the water.  The Tin Woodman had to stay back for fear he would get wet and they wouldn't have enough oil to fix him if he rusted.

Once they had determined that the Scarecrow had suffered only a few minor singes here and there, they all breathed a sigh of relief.

After a few minutes of silence, Donny spoke first.  "Look, guys, I understand if you want to turn back.  You shouldn't have to put your lives in danger going to the Emerald City with me.  You can always go to see the Wizard of Oz on your own later."

"No way, I'm sticking with you, Donny," the Scarecrow declared.  "If it wasn't for you, I'd still be suck up on that pole in the cornfield."

"And I'd still be standing rusted in the woods."

"And I'd still be afraid of my own shadow.  Well, actually, I am still afraid of my own shadow, but at least now I have a hope of changing that."

Donny smiled, "It's wonderful to have great friends like the three of you."

The young man suddenly missed Jay terribly.  His best friend would have been right there by his side on an adventure like this.  Forcing a smile back to his face, Donny said, "Let's go off to see the Wizard of Oz then."

He and the others started to cross the bridge.

They thought the Wicked Warlock of the West was gone.

In fact, he'd been hiding out nearby in a swarm of fireflies.  "Well, I guess I'll just have to be a little more convincing this time," he said to himself.

Verto watched the travelers until they made it about one fourth of the way across the lengthy bridge.  Then he turned back into his usual form of an ugly, green-skinned man.  He bent down at the base of the bridge and worked a loose yellow brick out of it with his bare hands.

The Wicked Warlock of the West brought his arm back as far as he could stretch.  He hurled the yellow brick with all his might as well as with a boost of magic.

The whirring sound it made reminded Donny of a rocket.  He and the others turned towards the source of the sound.  They watched in awe as the yellow brick flew through the air at an amazing speed.

It smashed into the wall of the dam.  The impact caused the brick to vaporize into a cloud of dust.

For a second, that seemed to be the end of the show.  That is, until they all heard a little sound, like a piece of paper being torn.  Then they heard another small sound that resembled a dry stick cracking in the forest.

They watched as one drop of water fell from a spot near the top of the dam.  It hit the river below with a little plinking sound.

The Wicked Warlock of the West folded his arms and smiled.

Jagged cracks snaked along the entire length of the dam.

Suddenly, the dam wall looked and sounded like a kettle of popcorn.  Chunks of cement cracked and exploded all over the place.  They splashed into the water below, creating a choppy mess of the previously calm surface.

The entire dam collapsed.  A massive, violent wall of water raced towards Donny and his friends on the bridge.

Mesmerized by the sight of the rushing water, they had yet to move.  Finally, Donny snapped out of it and yelled, "RUN BACK!"

Donny pumped his arms and legs as fast as he could go, considering he held Toto in the duffel bag around his shoulder.  The Tin Woodman clanged along as fast as his metal legs would take him.

The Cowardly Lion dropped to all four paws.  The Scarecrow grabbed onto the Lion's tail.  He flopped in the air behind the animal like a flag in the wind as the Lion dashed for the end of the structure.

The out of control wave crashed into the bridge, tearing it away from its supports along the edges of the river bank.

Donny and the others jumped for safety.  Just as their feet and paws left the yellow bricks, the entire bridge disappeared out from under them.  In the blink of an eye, there was nothing left of it!  The raging waters swept the yellow bricks, wooden support beams, and all the rest of the bridge right down the river!

They all gasped for breath as they clung to the safety of the river bank, on the exact spot where just a moment before, the bridge had been anchored.

Out of the four of them, the Lion had the easiest time of holding onto and climbing up the embankment due to his strong paws and sharp claws.  He whipped his tail around towards dry land.  "Let go," he told the Scarecrow at just the right moment.

The Scarecrow tumbled through the air and landed safely on the ground.  The force made him roll several times, but that brought him no harm either.

The Tin Woodman swung his axe over his head.  It dug into the dirt and he used it to pull himself up.  He continued that several times until he scrambled over the edge of the bank.

Donny had the toughest time.  His perfect body was no stranger to exercise and he'd always loved climbing the monkey bars at the playground when he was a kid.  Grabbing the vines and other  plants growing along the banks to use as makeshift ladder rungs seemed second nature.  The hiking boots sure came in handy too, giving his feet a solid grip wherever he placed them.

However, the puppy sitting in the open duffel bag on his shoulder did make the young man's trek more difficult.  Toto didn't weigh much, but the awkward placement of the bag slowed Donny down.

When they all gathered in a dryer spot a short distance away from the water's edge, Donny smoothed Toto's wet fur as he asked the rest of the group, "Is everyone all right?"

"My heart's beating a mile a minute, but I think I'm OK," the Lion said as he checked himself over.

"My straw will dry in the sun again, no problem here," the Scarecrow assured them.

The Tin Woodman didn't say anything.  He couldn't.

"The water!  It splashed all over him!" Donny cried out.  "He's rusting everywhere!"

Donny dug the oilcan out of his soaking-wet duffel bag.  He squeezed the can, forcing the oil into all the Tin Woodman's joints and openings.  The Scarecrow worried so much about his new friend that he even forgot to make a smart aleck remark like last time Donny performed that ritual.

"I have good news and bad news," Donny told him as he oiled the metal man's final knee joint.  "Good news – you should be able to move and talk again."

The Tin Woodman did both. "Thank you," he said with the relief evident in his voice as he flexed his biceps.  "What's the bad news?"

Donny sighed.  "That was the last drop of oil.  If you get wet again, we won't be able to stop you from rusting."

"Hmmm, that's quite a problem," pondered the Scarecrow.  "It's going to be mighty hard to avoid getting wet while crossing the river to continue on the Yellow Brick Road – now that there's no more bridge!"

"At least the Wicked Warlock of the West seems to be gone," the Lion said hiding his eyes behind his tail as he scanned the area.

In their concern for the Tin Woodman, they'd momentarily forgotten about Verto.

However, Verto hadn't forgotten about them!

Chapter 8

After seeing Donny and the rest of them escape what he was sure would be their certain deaths, the Wicked Warlock of the West had zoomed back to his castle to come up with another plan.

Down in his BDSM torture chamber dungeon, he peered into his crystal ball with a scowl on his face as he watched the adventurers sitting by the edge of the water.  "That damn jock!  He's luckier than a six leaf clover!"

Verto looked over the various tools spread out on a nearby table.  He picked up a bullwhip and cracked it against the jail cell bars.  The prisoners on the other side of the bars trembled.

Seeing their fear perked him right up.  It always helped him concentrate when he could focus on someone else's misery!

"I know just the thing to take care of that merry band of misfits!" he said aloud.  He rushed out of the dungeon and up the winding stairs to the castle's turret.

Once outside, he held his hands over the edge of the stone railing.  Verto clapped them together loudly.  He let out a high pitched sound that made several wild animals in the nearby forest howl in response.

Verto watched the sky with anticipation.  Nothing.  "Where are they?" he roared.  The warlock closed his eyes and recited in a sing-song voice.  "Eppe peppe kakke! Zizzy zuzzy zek!"

Suddenly, a loud chattering sound filled the sky.  The warlock's robe billowed from a gust of wind created by the flapping of hundreds of wings.  The sky darkened as a horde of Winged Monkeys flew over the castle, blocking what little bits of sunlight had previously peeked through the clouds.

The largest and strongest monkey, the Alpha-Monkey as he was known, landed on the edge of the stone railing.  He bowed his head.  "How may we serve you, Wicked Warlock of the West?"

"Next time, get here faster," Verto chastised. 

"Of course," came the winged creature's response.

"Come closer," the Warlock beckoned with his finger.  He whispered into the Alpha-Monkey's ear while pointing towards the forest behind the castle.

The creature nodded its head.  "Your wish is our command," he said respectfully.

"Then go.  Go!  GO!" Verto screamed with his arms outstretched.  He added with a sinister laugh, "Let's see that stupid jock and his friends get out of this mess!"

* * *

Meanwhile, at the base of the washed out bridge, the Scarecrow formulated a plan for the group to get across the river so they could continue their journey on the rest of the Yellow Brick Road.  "If the Tin Woodman starts to chop down that giant tree over there, the Lion can push it in the direction we want it to go.  The tree will fall across the river and the top of it will land on the other side."

"Instant makeshift bridge!" Donny said with admiration.

"Great idea," the Cowardly Lion commented.  "One would almost suspect you had brains in your head instead of straw."

The Scarecrow humbly accepted the compliment.

"We have to make sure there are no birds' nests in the tree, first.  I don't want to hurt one of them or disturb their homes," the Tin Woodman said.

"That's very thoughtful of you," Donny pointed out.

"You people with hearts have something to guide you so you need never do wrong.  Since I have no heart, I must be quite careful to never be cruel or unkind to other creatures."

Donny sighed.  "Many people with hearts have failed to learn that lesson."

The Tin Woodman carefully checked the tree from the ground.  Satisfied that it contained no nests, he asked the Lion to make a quick run up the tree and double check.

The Cowardly Lion trembled a bit because, of course, he feared heights.  And birds.  And nests.  Seeing how important the task was to his friend, the Lion bit his lip and performed the deed.  Returning to the ground, he declared the tree safe for cutting down.

"Before we work on the tree, let's take a little break," Donny suggested.  "My stomach's rumbling.  I could sure go for some low-hanging nuts."

"Couldn't we all?" cracked the Scarecrow.

"I mean over there," Donny said pointing to one of the other trees.  "They're growing in pairs!"

"Look how big they are!  I could feast on nuts like those for hours!" the Lion exclaimed.

"My mouth is watering just thinking about stuffing those tasty nuts in my cheeks!" Donny said as he ran over to the tree.

"I wish we had a sack to put some in so we could take extra with us," the Tin Woodman said.  "Who knows when we'll come across fine nuts like these again!"

"We can put them in Donny's duffel bag," the Scarecrow suggested.

Donny shook his head.  "Perfect.  Whoever needs one later can pop a nut in his mouth for a quick pick-me-up."

"Some of these nuts must be really old.  They look all dried up and wrinkled!" the Lion said as he put his face up close to a couple of them.  The branch snapped back and the nuts slapped the Lion in the face, banging against his chin several times.

The Lion sniffed them.  "Too bad they're not fresh.  There's nothing better than fresh nuts."

"Even when old nuts smell bad, sometimes they still taste really good," the Tin Woodman pointed out.

"Why are we all standing around talking when we could be getting our hands all over those nuts?" Donny asked his friends.

The Tin Woodman wrapped his hand around a couple and said, "I don't know, these nuts feel rather squishy to me."

"They feel firm in my hand," commented the Scarecrow.

"They make a funny sound when you knock them together," said the Lion as he hit them with his paw, making the nuts bang into each other.

Donny yanked a couple off.

"Ouch!  That hurts.  And your hands are cold!  How inconsiderate!"

Donny jumped back.  "Um, guys, I think the tree is talking..."

"Of course I'm talking," snapped the tree.  "How would you like it if some stranger just walked up to you and plucked your nuts?  The least you could do is sit in my shade for a while! Have a nice conversation!  Bring me some water from the river!  Tell me my leaves look pretty!  But nooooo, to you, I'm nothing but a natural nut dangler!"

"We're very sorry," Donny told the tree.  "Aren't we guys?"

The others nodded their agreement and backed away.

"Well, I guess there's no real harm done," the tree told them.  "I actually like sharing my nuts with men traveling down the Yellow Brick Road.  It's just that a tree likes to be asked, you know?"

"Reasonable and understandable," the Tin Woodman said, patting the tree's bark.  He looked at the first tree they had been about to cut down before stopping for the nut-munching break.  "What are we going to do?  We can't follow the Scarecrow's plan to cut down that other tree by the river now."

"Why not?" asked the Scarecrow.

"Because these trees are alive and sentient.  They obviously have feelings."

The nut tree waved his branches around.  "Not the one you're talking about.  His old nuts dried up and fell off years ago!  He's been standing there dead for longer than I can remember.  Actually, if you cut him down, you'll be doing me a favor."

"How so?" asked the Scarecrow.

"He's been blocking my view in that direction forever!" answered the tree in a disgusted tone.

To show he harbored no hard feelings, the tree dropped a few nuts for the men to snack on as they got back to business.

The Tin Woodman attacked the base of the mighty tree with his axe.  The Lion put his strong front legs against the tree and pushed with all his might.  After a few minutes, the large tree finally tipped.

It soon fell with a loud crash against the opposite river bank.  Several branches plunged into the water, but the trunk remained sufficiently above the river's surface.

A few drops of water splashed back up against the Tin Woodman.  The Lion quickly dabbed at the water with the bushy end of his tail, keeping his friend dry and, in fact, looking polished.

Donny put his hands on the tree trunk.  He hoisted himself up and stood on it like a balance beam.  His hiking boots gripped the rough bark perfectly.  "Come on, guys, it seems safe and solid."

The others jumped up on the massive tree too.  It easily held all their weight as they slowly made their way across.

"Wh-what's that?" the Lion quivered when he noticed a shadow coming across the water.

Donny gazed towards the sky.  "It looks like a dark cloud moving in.  I don't know how we're going to keep our metal friend dry if it rains."

"We've got bigger problems than rain.  That's no dark cloud.  That's a horde of Winged Monkeys!" the Scarecrow called out.

"What the hell..." Donny mumbled.  For all the wonders he'd already seen in Oz, from the drop-dead-gorgeous Good Warlock of the North to a talking Lion, somehow seeing Winged Monkeys flying overhead just freaked him out.

"What do you think they want?" Donny asked his friends.

"It's who they serve that worries me.  They're minions of the Wicked Warlock of the West!" the Cowardly Lion explained.

Following their master's instructions which he'd given to the Alpha-Monkey on the castle's turret, the Winged Monkeys had flown to the warlock's farmyard where he kept all manner of hideous creatures.  Working in teams, dozens of Winged Monkeys had picked up five of the largest beasts and transported them to the base of the now-missing bridge.

Accompanied by the sounds of  their high-pitch chatter, the Winged Monkeys descended from the sky.  They set down the terrible beasts and flew away.

"What...are...those?" Donny asked with his eyes as wide as saucers.  Toto took one look at them and didn't even bother barking.  He backed deeper into the duffel bag.  Only his ears and eyes popped up over the edge so he could monitor the situation.

The dreadful creatures, almost three times as large as the Lion, snorted when they breathed.  They walked on four paws, each of which had several rows of spiked bones growing out of it.  Their tails whipped back and forth like angry cats.  But they were no ordinary feline tails; these tails had scales and hissing cobra heads on the ends!

"Kalidahs!" the Lion finally answered in response to Donny's question.  "I've heard about them, but never actually seen one before."  The Cowardly Lion started to swoon.

Donny grabbed his paw.  "Stay with us, Lion, we need you now."

"OK, OK" the Lion huffed.  He took short, rapid breaths to calm himself.  "Kalidahs aren't found in nature.  The Wicked Warlock of the West breeds them on his private farm deep in the forest."

Donny and his friends took extremely small and precise steps backwards.  They were frightened to move without watching where they were going on the downed tree.  However, they were more frightened to take their eyes off the fearsome beasts that glared at them from the river bank.

The Kalidahs sharpened their huge claws against each other the way a swordsman clangs his prized swords together before a fight.

"Maybe Kalidahs only eat plants," the Scarecrow said in such a weak voice that he didn't even convince himself.

"They only eat meat – alive and raw!"  The Lion's paw shook with fear when he spoke.

The Tin Woodman gulped.  "Then, I should stay closest to them.  The rest of you should stay behind me."

"Remember how my claws scratched your metal body, but didn't really hurt it?  The Kalidahs' claws are sharper.  They can shred solid iron!"

Now the Tin Woodman wanted to faint as well!

"They're coming!" Donny screamed.

One by one, the Kalidahs effortlessly pounced onto the fallen tree trunk turned bridge.  Their snake-head tails hissed and snapped in the air behind them.

"What do we do?" the Tin Woodman asked.

"You guys run to the other side.  I'll try to hold them off," the Lion stated, and instantly regretted!  He'd let his concern for his friends override his common sense!

Donny, the Tin Woodman and Scarecrow ran as fast as they could over the uneven bark of the tree.  The Scarecrow started to slip off.  Donny grabbed the back of his shirt.  Since he was so lightweight, Donny easily prevented his friend from falling into the churning water below.

One little piece of straw floated down and hit the surface.  It instantly disappeared.

The river had been calm until the Warlock broke the dam.  Even after the initial wave which destroyed the original bridge passed, the now unrestrained river continued to flow more rapidly and harshly than it had before.

The Cowardly Lion roared, the likes of which he'd never done in his life.  All five Kalidahs stopped in their tracks for a moment.  Donny shuddered as he ran.  He felt the spine-tingling sound go right through his bones.

The mighty roar bought Donny and the others a few extra seconds while the Kalidahs regained their bearings from the Lion's surprising show of force.  Recognizing that they were much larger than the Lion and that there were five of them and only one of him, they soon charged forward again.

The Cowardly Lion was no fool!  He turned and ran as fast as he could towards the other side of the river.

Donny, the Scarecrow, and the Tin Woodman had already reached the end of the tree and jumped off onto dry land.

"What should we do?" the Tin Woodman cried out.

Donny spoke fast.  "We can't outrun them.  It won't do any good to climb a tree.  They can do that faster than we can too.  I don't see much point in trying to hold them off with sticks."

"You're right.  None of that will work.  I have a plan."  The Scarecrow turned toward the Tin Woodman and commanded, "Start chopping the tree; pick a spot a little over the water before the part where it touches the land.

"Why?"

"Do it!" the Scarecrow screamed so forcefully that the Tin Woodman got right to the task.

The Lion leaped over the spot where the Tin Woodman worked.  The dry land provided momentary safety near his friends.  From his perch on the edge of the bank, the Lion turned back and roared again.  This time, his outburst did nothing to deter or even slow down the advancing Kalidahs.

Donny, Toto, and the Scarecrow huddled behind the Lion as the first Kalidah got within a couple feet of the end of the tree.

"Faster!  Swing faster!" the Scarecrow encouraged the Tin Woodman.

The first Kalidah tensed his thigh muscles, ready to leap through the air.

The Tin Woodman's axe swung down again.  This time, it broke through the tree trunk.  "Done!" he screamed.

Just as the Kalidah was ready to spring, the rest of the giant log disengaged from the end piece touching the river bank.

The weight of the five mighty beasts instantly caused the tree trunk to crash into the water!  The current immediately grabbed hold of the tree, dragging it downstream.

The Kalidahs tried to turn around and run back along the trunk to the side of the river from which they had started.  The force of the water pulling against it caused the tree trunk to break away from the other side too.  It swung out into the water.

All five Kalidahs lost their balance.  They splashed into the water with a mighty racket.

"Come on, let's get out of here before they swim to this side and chase us," Donny said.

"That won't be happening," the Scarecrow stated confidently.

Donny asked him, "Why not?"

"Kalidahs can't swim," the Scarecrow said matter-of-factly.  "Observe..."  He pointed his straw-stuffed arm towards the beasts flailing in the water.

One by one, they succumbed to the harsh waters of the river.  Their tails slapped the surface as they fought for air.  The snake-heads on the end of them spit venom as they went under.

"He's right!" the Lion exclaimed with surprise.  "How did you know?  I didn't even know that."

The Scarecrow shrugged.  "I just figured it out by looking at them.  With their huge muscle mass, their bodies are too dense to float!"

They praised the Scarecrow for his quick thinking that had saved all their lives.  Now on the right side of the river and with the threat of the Kalidahs behind them, the little group of friends continued their journey down the Yellow Brick Road.

* * *

More furious than ever, the Wicked Warlock of the West screamed in frustration as he watched the proceedings in his crystal ball.

Verto swept his hand across a table full of various instruments of pain and humiliation.  A wooden club with a spiked metal head clanged against the cell bars when he flung it across the room.  He kicked a pair of bondage cuffs clear across the floor.

He seethed with anger as he clomped around the dungeon.  "They escaped the bridge disaster!  They destroyed my beautifully ugly Kalidahs!  I'd pull my hair out of it didn't give that goody two shoes Glen a reason to make bald jokes next time I see him!"

His long black robes scraped the floor as he paced.  "Think, Verto, think!" he ordered himself.  "There must be some way to take care of that bratty jock once and for all."  He looked into the crystal ball again and saw Donny's handsome smile.  "I'm going to wipe that smirk off that chiseled face if it's the last thing I do!"

He stopped pacing.  His shoulders rose.  "I know!  Poppies!  Yes, a field filled with poisoned flowers!"

The evil warlock waved his hand in the air dismissively.  His shoulders fell again.  "No!  That's all wrong.  A poison poppy field might work on an innocent girl who comes skipping down the Yellow Brick Road in a dainty blue and white dress, but I'm dealing with a hot young gay man.  I need something more appropriate..."

He scratched his green-tinted nose.  "Aha!  I've got it!  Poppers!"

Chapter 9

––––––––

Verto's cackle could be heard throughout the castle.  From the thinnest prisoners in the dungeon to the bulkiest shirtless gay slaves sweeping the turret, they all knew he'd come up with his most evil plan yet.

The warlock literally kicked and shoved bare-chested slaves out of his way as he ran up the stairs once again onto the castle's turret.  "Pretty soon I'll have those hiking boots.  That pesky jock will be nothing but a bad memory and I'll be more powerful than the Wizard of Oz himself!  And all thanks to a bunch of little brown bottles!"

Stepping onto the turret, the Wicked Warlock of the West raised his arms.  Electricity arced between his fingers and hands.  "This is going to be even more fun than that time I made it rain men!" he snickered.

He twirled his arms around dramatically and brought them back behind his head.  When his hands touched, a clap of thunder boomed out from between them.  Verto quickly extended his arms forward.  Multiple lightning bolts shot out of them towards the clouds.

The energy raced across the sky in a haphazard pattern.  It headed for its destination – the open field that stood between Donny and the outskirts of the Emerald City.

"I'm getting so tired.  Toto seems heavier and heavier in this duffel bag.  Let's take a little rest before we go on," Donny suggested to his companions.

"That's a good idea," agreed the Scarecrow.

Before they had a chance to sit down, Donny happened to glance upwards.  "Look at how dark that cloud is getting."

"I hope it's not the Winged Monkeys again," the Cowardly Lion said with a tremor in his voice.

"No, that's a real cloud," the Scarecrow observed.

"With no more oil, I'll rust for sure this time!" the Tin Woodman cried.

"We've got to find shelter," Donny yelled as he rather hopelessly looked around the open field that surrounded them on both sides of the Yellow Brick Road.

It was already too late.  The thunder exploded in the sky.

The clouds above the field opened up.

"It looks like hailstones!" the Scarecrow shouted as the clouds released their heavy load.

Donny grabbed Toto and used the duffel bag to protect the little dog's head.  They all bent down and tried to cover their own heads with their arms as best they could.

"It doesn't sound like hail," screamed the Tin Woodman in response to the noises created by whatever fell from the sky as it bounced off his metal body.

Suddenly, the downpour stopped as quickly and mysteriously as it had started.  The dark clouds parted.  The sun shone again and birds flew happily overhead.

As soon as Donny released him, Toto bounded across the field after a rabbit.

"Don't worry, I'll get him.  You relax," the Scarecrow said before he went chasing after the naughty puppy.

"I'm afraid to look.  Am I rusted?" the Tin Woodman asked as he barely cracked one eye open.

"No, you're not wet at all.  In fact, none of us is," Donny observed with surprise.

"What are they?" the Lion asked as he looked around wide-eyed.

"I think they're energy drinks.  They must be a gift from Glen, the Good Warlock of the North!" Donny said as he noticed the thousands of little brown bottles which now filled the field.  "We've hardly had anything to eat or drink on this long journey.  I was just saying how tired I was.  The Good Warlock of the North must have known or heard me somehow.  He found a way to send us energy drinks to keep us going all the way to the Emerald City."

Donny, the Tin Woodman, and the Cowardly Lion all picked up several mini-bottles and twisted off the caps.  "OK, on the count of three, everybody down your energy drink.  One... Two..."

"Don't!" screamed the Scarecrow as he came barreling towards them with Toto running at his heels.  He slapped the small bottles out of each of their hands.

"What did you do that for?  We were about to get a boost of energy," the Tin Woodman told him.

"Energy?" the Scarecrow shrieked.

"Yeah, from these energy drinks," Donny stated.

"Did you ever leave that farm of yours in Kansas?  Those aren't energy drinks!  Those are poppers!  They would have killed you if you drank them!"

"Why would the Good Warlock of the North send something deadly?" Donny asked.

The Scarecrow answered, "He wouldn't.  They must be from the Wicked Warlock of the West!"

The Lion hadn't been paying any attention to the conversation.  He'd wandered away and retrieved some more of the bottles.  "Look, guys," he called out to them.  "We weren't supposed to drink them.  The directions on the side of the bottles say: Sniff Me!"

When the Lion said the words "sniff me" out loud, he unknowingly activated the next part of the evil warlock's spell.  All the bottles in the field jumped up off the ground.  They landed on their bottoms as if placed on a shelf.

The tops magically untwisted themselves.  They popped into the air, spun around and fell to the ground.

The poppers vapors rose like a poison fog.  It swirled all around them.

"Oh.  OH!  I suddenly feel warm all over," the Lion said.  "Major headrush!"  He plopped down heavily in the field.

Toto ran over to him.  The fumes overcame the poor little dog.  He lay down and instantly went to sleep, just like he would do during a game of fetch with Donny when he got too tired to continue.

Donny and the others ran too.  Donny stopped and bent over.  He put his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath.  "This is worse than running laps during football practice in ninety-five degree heat.  My heart is racing, but at the same time, I'm really tired."  Donny yawned.  "I think I need to stop here and rest for second."

"No, Donny, you can't.  We've got to get you out of this field and away from the poppers!  You're overdosing on the gases!" cried the Scarecrow as he grabbed Donny's arm to try to pull him along.

"I just need a nap.  Just for a few minutes..."  Donny fell to his knees.  He yawned and stretched.  The jock slumped over on the ground.  His chest barely moved from the slow and shallow breaths he took in.

"Why aren't we getting tired?" the Tin Woodman asked.

"The fumes won't affect straw or tin," his friend explained.

"Check the Lion," the Scarecrow shouted to the Tin Woodman.

"The colors seem so bright," the Lion said.  "And how the grasses suddenly tickle my fur.  I've never noticed that before."

"Let me help you up," the Tin Woodman said reaching for his friend's paw.

"Sure, right after some decent shut-eye," the Lion said as he fell back into the soft grass.  His snores sounded like a rhythmic combination of a freight train and a whistle.

"Oh, no, what will we do now?" the Tin Woodman asked the Scarecrow.  "Maybe we should just wait it out until they wake up."

"We better think of something fast.  If we don't, they're never going to wake up.  There are so many poppers bottles here that the liquid will keep evaporating, replenishing the poison fumes," the Scarecrow explained.

"We could move the bottles," suggested the Tin Woodman.

"There are way too many bottles, we'll never move them all in time."  The Scarecrow scratched his head.  "Let me think, let me think...We'll have to move our friends instead."

"But they're bound to be too heavy," the Tin Woodman pointed out.

"Let's start with Toto.  He's the lightest."  The Scarecrow picked up the little sleeping puppy and told the Tin Woodman to take him past the edge of the field and lay him carefully by the side of the Yellow Brick Road.

While the Tin Woodman completed his task, the Scarecrow walked around Donny's body, trying to think of the best way to move the young man.  "I've got it," he said upon the Tin Woodman's return.  "Let's make a chair with our hands and carry him."

They bent down on the ground and slipped their arms under Donny.  They clasped hands and stood up creating a makeshift chair.  Carrying the young man turned out to be quite difficult.  They stopped several times for a moment's rest.  The desire to get their friend to safety spurred them on.

After laying Donny down next to Toto, the Scarecrow said, "Now that they're away from the poppers bottles, they'll be fine here.  We just have to wait for the fresh breeze to fill their lungs and awaken them."

"What about the Lion?  How will we move him?" the Tin Woodman asked.

"We can't."

"What do you mean?"

"Even with Donny's help when he wakes up, the Lion is too big and heavy for us to move."

"So you mean..."

The Scarecrow sighed.  "Yes, unfortunately, we have no choice.  The Wicked Warlock of the West didn't manage to get rid of Donny, but he did take out the Cowardly Lion."

The Tin Woodman sniffled.  "But he's our friend..."

"Don't start crying.  Remember, we don't have any more oil!"  The Scarecrow ran over to his friend's face and wiped the tears away with his sleeve.  He put his arm around the metal shoulders.  "It's going to be very difficult, but we'll have to leave the Lion here to sleep on forever.  Perhaps he'll dream that he has found his courage at last."

A rustling noise in nearby bushes garnered their attention.  A little gray field mouse scampered out from the low branches.  A wildcat, twice the size of Toto, followed closely behind.

The cat's pointy ears were back and her two tails twitched as she ran.  Her opened mouth displayed two rows of sharp teeth.  The cat was on a mission – to kill the cute mouse!

The mouse's squeals for help awakened Toto.  Despite this cat's superior size and slight difference in appearance from Old Sally, the house cat he enjoyed pestering back home in Kansas,  Toto decided he was long overdue for some feline-chasing action.

Just as quickly as he'd fallen asleep earlier, Toto jumped back to his feet and took off after the wildcat.  Toto barked and growled like a champion.

Realizing that she had gone from being the hunter to the hunted, the cat forgot all about the mouse and took off in the opposite direction.

She easily outran the little puppy and disappeared into the woods.  Toto trotted back proudly anyway.  Although he'd failed to catch the cat, he had saved the little mouse's life.

The commotion had also roused Donny from the popper-induced slumber.

Recognizing her good fortune, the field mouse turned around.  She scurried back to the group of people.  "Thank you so much for saving my life," she said to Toto.

Toto barked in response.

"I don't think he understands me," the mouse said to the others in her high-pitched voice.  "Can you?"

"Yes, we understand you perfectly," the Scarecrow told her.

"Excellent.  Please tell your friend here how grateful I am."

"I'm sure Toto was glad to help, even if you are just a little mouse," the Scarecrow told her.

Her whiskers twitched rapidly.  "Only a mouse!" cried the little animal indignantly.  "What impudence!  I am a Queen – the Queen of all the field mice!"  She eyed the Scarecrow up and down carefully.  "You strike me as a bit of an old queen yourself, I'm surprised you didn't recognize a fellow one!"

"Oh, begging Your Majesty's royal pardon for my mistake.  I meant no disrespect," the Scarecrow said with a bow.

"I should think not!" said the Queen.  Calming down a bit, she added, "Your friend has done a great deed in saving my life.  If there is anything I or my subjects can do to repay you, you need only ask."

The Scarecrow thought for a moment.  "There is!  How many subjects do you have?"

"Many thousands," replied the Queen.

"Bring them all here, please."

The Queen left and returned twenty minutes later with a virtual army of mice at her command.  They came running as fast as their little legs could carry them.

"What would you like us to do for you?" asked the Queen 

"Save our friend, the Cowardly Lion," Scarecrow responded.

"Lion!" repeated the Queen of the mice.  "He would surely step on us and eat us all up!"

"Not this Lion.  He's probably afraid of mice!  Besides, he would never hurt anyone who is our friend."  The Scarecrow winked.  "From one queen to another, I promise he'll treat you and your subjects with kindness."

The Queen gave it serious thought.  "Very well, we shall trust you."  She granted the Scarecrow permission to give instructions directly to her subjects.

"Excellent," observed the Scarecrow.  "Of course, individually, none of you (or us) could move an animal the size of the Lion.  However, if you work together, I think it can be done.  You must each burrow under him and distribute his weight among the thousands of you.  It will be no more difficult for any one of you than carrying a feather on your back."

"We shall try," the Queen affirmed.

The Scarecrow held up his hand.  "One more thing.  You must hold your breath as soon as you reach the edge of the field.  You can't breathe again until you've moved the Lion out of there.  Otherwise, you'll fall asleep and be trapped in the field too."

The Scarecrow, Donny, the Tin Woodman and Toto watched with amazement as the thousands of little mice hurried across the field.  They marveled as the tiny creatures lifted the giant Lion off the ground!

Things got a little iffy when his left paw suddenly dropped and dragged along the grass for a moment.  The mice soon propped it back up.  Faster than any of them would have thought possible, the cooperative little mice had rescued the Lion from the deadly poppers vapors and deposited him in the fresh air on the Yellow Brick Road.

The Scarecrow and the others thanked the Queen and her subjects profusely.  She said good-bye and led her army into the woods.

With fresh air in his lungs and the sounds of all those mice squealing around him as they left,  the Lion finally awoke from his slumber, as good as new.  He and the rest of the group got back on the road, more determined than ever to see the Wizard of Oz.

They'd walked just a few minutes when Donny stopped and pointed into the distance.

Chapter 10

"Look!" Donny exclaimed.

"What a beautiful shade of green!" the Tin Woodman commented.

"The whole sky is glowing!" the Lion observed.

So it was.  Everything had a beautiful green tint because the weary travelers had arrived at the Emerald City at last!

They ran down the short remainder of the Yellow Brick Road as fast as they could.

A giant green wall surrounded the Emerald City.  Donny stood at the base of it and craned his neck, trying to see the top.  From that angle, he couldn't tell where the top of the wall ended and where the sides of the tall buildings began.

"There's a gate over there," the Scarecrow informed his friends.

They pulled on the rope to ring the bell.  The gate swung open.  They walked through and found themselves in a great foyer.  Countless emeralds of different sizes and shapes decorated the walls. 

"Ah-hem!"  The sound of a man clearing his throat forced them all to look towards a little window in the wall they hadn't noticed before.  It reminded Donny of an individual walk-up bank teller window.

The man behind the desk measured about the size of one of the munchkins from Munchkinland.  He wore a green outfit with emeralds in the place of buttons.  He had green fingernail polish which they noticed when he placed a sign on the ledge that read: Customer Service Receptionist.

The receptionist ran his hands through his slick-backed hair.  Donny had to stifle a laugh when all he could think of was how much the man reminded him of the used car salesman that had sold Uncle Henry his latest clunker.

"Welcome to the Emerald City.  The name's Tyler.  And you are..."

They each introduced themselves.  Donny did the talking for Toto, of course.  He also made Toto wave his paw at the receptionist.

Tyler clasped his hands together.  "Excellent."  Then his questions came in rapid succession.  "What can I do for you in the Emerald City?  Are you here to buy or sell?  Trade perhaps?  What have you got in that duffel bag?"

Tyler's eyes shifted back and forth as if he were presenting an offer for special customers only.  "Do you like hunks?  How about studs?  Some man dandy eye candy?  Want me to hook you up?  Do you know we have the hottest men in all the Land of Oz right here in the Emerald City and-"

"Goodness, I didn't know the Emerald City had a green-light district!" exclaimed the Tin Woodman.

"Oh, yes, I can get you in for half price to see the-"

Donny hated to interrupt, but he was afraid it was the only way to stop Tyler's verbal tirade.  "Thank you, that all sounds wonderful, but we came here to see the Wizard of Oz."

Tyler put his short arms on his hips.  "Boyfriend, are you trippin'?  You can't just see the Great Oz like he's some animal on display in a zoo."  He waved his hand towards the general direction of Toto and the Lion.  "No offense."

"Then, how does one get an audience with the Wizard of Oz?" the Scarecrow asked with a tone indicating he expected a direct answer without the dramatics.

"How should I know?" asked Tyler.  "Nobody's ever asked me to see him before."

The Scarecrow rolled his eyes.  "Someone around here must know.  Let me talk to your supervisor."

"You can't."

"Why not?"

"He's not here."

"Where is he?"

"At lunch."

"It's past lunch time."

"He's helping someone else in another line."

The Scarecrow gestured around the foyer.  "There are no other lines."

Tyler threw his hands up.  "Fine!  You win, genius.  I'll get him for you!"  He slammed the little window shut.

Donny and the Scarecrow exchanged glances.  "This should be interesting," Donny whispered.

The customer service receptionist window popped open again.  "Hello, the name's Tyler.  I understand you wanted to see me?"

"Um, we just talked to you a second ago.  We're waiting for your supervisor, remember?" the Scarecrow told Tyler, who still looked exactly as he had a moment ago before he shut the window.

"That was Tyler, the Customer Service Receptionist.  I'm Tyler, the Customer Service Supervisor.  Two different jobs.  Two different Tylers," he explained much too enthusiastically.  "So what is it I can help you with today?"

"Didn't the other Tyler tell you?" asked the Tin Woodman.

"No, I'm sorry.  Information like that doesn't get passed along."  His broad smile acted like punctuation on the end of his sentences.

"We need to see the Wizard of Oz," the Lion spoke up, now that he was certain Tyler wouldn't yell at him for speaking.

"Nobody's supposed to see the Great Oz.  I've never even seen him myself..."  Tyler tapped his green painted fingernail on the ledge.  "You know our motto here in the Emerald City Customer Service Department – the customer always comes first – well, unless he requests otherwise!"

Tyler threw his head back to laugh at his own joke.  "So, where was I?  Oh, yeah, so about your request...I'll make a one-time exception.  I'll transfer you right to the soldier who guards the Palace of Oz."

Tyler shut the window.  A buzzer sounded and the inner door off the grand foyer swung open.

"Follow me, boys!" Tyler said cheerfully.

The short man marched them right through the center of the Emerald City.  They passed many people of all different sizes.  Some were short like Tyler while others were at least seven feet tall.  Some were thin while some were heavy.  Donny noticed one commonality among them; they all seemed very happy.

When the group passed the merchant's area, they took note of the street vendor carts.  There were all sorts of green foods and green goods for sale including green popcorn, green lemonade, and green clothing.

"Here we are, the Palace of Oz," said Tyler gesturing towards a soldier who looked exactly like him!  Customer Service Supervisor Tyler waved good-bye and left them in care of the soldier.

The soldier introduced himself, "Welcome to the Palace, the name's-"

"Tyler!" Donny guessed before the soldier could say it.

"Yes, indeed-y, how'd you know, young man?"

"Are you for real with that?" the Scarecrow asked.

"Don't mind him, we're here to see the Wizard of Oz, please," Donny told the new Tyler.

"This is most unusual.  Nobody has ever seen the Great Oz."  Soldier Tyler paused for a moment to scratch his nose with his green fingernail.  "But if Tyler brought you here, then it must be OK.  I'll open the door and let you in.  One warning, the Wizard of Oz doesn't like people to waste his time.  If you're here on an idle or foolish errand, he might get angry and destroy you where you stand."

"I think... I might... I should come back another time," the Cowardly Lion said as he turned around to walk in the opposite direction.

The Scarecrow and the Tin Woodman grabbed him by the arms and ushered him in between them.

Tyler unlocked the door with his green skeleton key.  "Good luck!" he said loudly.  "You're going to need it," he muttered under his breath.

The Cowardly Lion, the Tin Woodman, the Scarecrow, Donny, and Toto entered the Throne Room.

The round walls soared to an arched roof.  Large emeralds were embedded into the floor and ceiling.  A bright light in the center of the ceiling made the emeralds sparkle.  A large throne made of green marble sat empty in the middle of the room.

Suddenly, the lights went out.  A green spotlight beamed across the room.

Out of nowhere, an enormous bald head, without a body to support it, appeared on the fancy throne.  "I am Oz, the Great and Terrible," a voice boomed from the head.  The sound echoed off the thick walls.  "Who are you and what do you want?"

The Lion's knees shook.  He grabbed Donny's hand for support.

"I'm Donny, the um, muscular and worked out.  I've come to ask you to send me and my dog Toto back home to Kansas."

"I'm the Scarecrow.  I've come to ask for brains."

"I need a heart if you can manage it.  I'm the Tin Woodman."

"Me, I, I'm, ah, I don't remember," the Cowardly Lion swooned.

"He's the Cowardly Lion.  He came to ask for courage," Donny explained.

"Why should I help any of you?" the voice demanded harshly.  The entire room shook.  Several emeralds dislodged from the ceiling and shattered on the floor.

The Lion blocked his ears and cowered.

"Because you're strong and we're weak.  You are a great and powerful wizard," Donny said.

"Flattery?  Do you think flattery will sway me?"

"I was kind of hoping," Donny admitted sheepishly.

"It worked!" the voice bellowed.

"Thank you!  Then you'll grant all our wishes?"  Donny and the others looked at each other and jumped up and down with joy.

"Not so fast!" the voice roared again, knocking a few more emeralds loose from the ceiling.  "First, you must do a little something for me."

"Of course, anything," they all murmured.

The floating head laughed.  "You must bring me the crystal ball belonging to the Wicked Warlock of the West!"

The Lion passed out.  The Scarecrow bent down to attend to his friend.

"How are we supposed to get the crystal ball away from the warlock?" Donny asked incredulously.

"That's your problem," the wizard responded.  "Bring me the wicked warlock's crystal ball and I'll give you what you want."

"But-"

The head and the green spotlight vanished.  The lighting in the room returned to normal.  The fabulous marble throne once again sat empty.

Donny looked at his friends.  He repeated his question with obvious desperation in his voice.  "How are we going to get the crystal ball away from the Wicked Warlock of the West?"

The Scarecrow arched his eyebrow.  "Better question...how are we going to do it without getting ourselves killed in the process?"

Chapter 11

––––––––

Finding the evil warlock's castle proved to be no easy task.  As if they hadn't encountered enough trouble just following the Yellow Brick Road to the Emerald City!

No roads led to the castle of the Wicked Warlock of the West.  When they asked Tyler at the Emerald City gate why that was so, he'd answered with the all-too-obvious, "Because nobody wants to go there!"

He told them to just follow the setting sun towards the west.  So they did.  The farther they went, the worse the terrain got.  Hills, rocks, dead vines, and desolation eventually gave way to a dark and creepy forest.

All the while they couldn't get Tyler's last words out of their heads.  "Don't worry, when you get close enough to the wicked warlock's castle, you won't have to find him.  He'll find you!"

* * *

"Ah, visitors!" the Wicked Warlock of the West cackled as he looked into his crystal ball.  Watching Donny and his companions tremble in their boots as they carefully stepped through the scary forest made him laugh even harder.

Verto left the dungeon and went to the castle courtyard.  "Come my sweets," he said aloud.  Instantly, a swarm of black bees descended upon him.  Like the beastly Kalidahs that he bred, these bees were his own special strain.

The insects produced black honey, the warlock's favorite snack.  They also responded to his every command.  "Go to the forest and sting them all to death!" he ordered the bees.

* * *

The Lion heard the buzzing sound first.  "Guys, we have a problem!' he yelled pointing his paw towards the mass of bees forming in the air above them.

"They're forming a message in the sky!" the Tin Woodman said.

The Scarecrow's mind raced in the few seconds before the bees started their attack.  He barked commands at everyone while he nervously watched the swarm deliver the message sent directly from Verto.

The insects got into formation spelling out: Good-bye, Donny!

The killer bees finished their skywriting and reassembled in attack formation.  They descended towards their targets like guided missiles.

When the insects reached the ground, they found nobody to sting but the Tin Woodman.  They flew at him in waves, stinging at his metal body over and over.  Each bee died after delivering its built-in weapon.  Of course, the stingers had no effect on the Tin Woodman.

After the assault, the dead bees lay in heaps scattered about the ground.  They resembled piles of chopped up coal.

"It's safe, you can come out now.  They're all dead," the Tin Woodman announced.

Donny, Toto, and the Lion emerged from the piles of straw, they'd been hiding under.  The Scarecrow's plan had worked perfectly.  He'd instructed the Tin Woodman to pull him apart and use his straw to cover the three who would be susceptible to bee stings.  Now that the danger had passed, they simply had to put him back together again!

***

Verto had seen the entire incident unfold in his crystal ball.  More enraged than ever now that he'd lost his prized black bees, he screamed, "I'm going to wring that sneaky little jock's neck!"

The Wicked Warlock of the West clapped his hands and yelled loudly, "Eppe peppe kakke! Zizzy zuzzy zek!"

At once the skies around the castle filled with the Winged Monkeys.  The Alpha-Monkey flew to Verto and bowed his head.  "How may we serve you, Wicked Warlock of the West?"

"I want you to bring me those strangers walking through my forest.  I want each and every one of them deposited in the castle courtyard in five minutes.  I don't care how many pieces they come in either.  Just be careful with the hiking boots the jock is wearing.  I want those boots intact!"

"Your wish is our command," the Alpha-Monkey said with a bow of his head.

"Go!" ordered the Wicked Warlock of the West.

The Winged Monkeys flew off towards their prey.

* * *

Unlike with the bees, there was no warning and no time for preparation.  By the time Donny heard and saw the flying primates, escape proved impossible.

In addition to their wings, the Winged Monkeys in the Land of Oz also possessed another feature different from monkeys in Kansas.  These monkeys had talons!

The flying creatures extended their bird-like claws as they aimed for their victims.

"Stay behind me!" the Lion called to his pals.  "I'll protect you!"  He did his best, but unfortunately, that wasn’t enough,

Two Winged Monkeys grabbed Donny by the shoulders and lifted him right off the ground.  "Toto, no!" he yelled as another monkey snatched the puppy right out of his hands.

When the Winged Monkeys grabbed the Scarecrow, they found that he ripped apart easily.  Several of them carried off pieces of him.

Their talons slid over the Tin Woodman's metal body and they lost their grip on him after they'd already taken flight.  He plunged down to some rocks below.  He shattered into numerous large chunks of metal.  Several Winged Monkeys swooped down and picked up the individual sections.

The Lion proved to be much more of a challenge than the rest of the party.  The Winged Monkeys couldn't get close enough to him to grab his body.  He used his tail as a weapon to knock the wind out of several of them.  He extended his own claws and swiped his paws at them.

"The vines!" screeched the Alpha-Monkey to his colleagues.  They understood and reacted at once.  The Winged Monkeys sliced long vines with their talons and pulled them off the trees.

They used the vines like rope, winding coils around the Lion's body, head, and legs.  They got closer and closer until the Lion was completely bound and unable to move.  Then he couldn't bite, scratch, or struggle against them in any way.  The Winged Monkeys lifted him off the ground and flew him back to the warlock's castle with the rest of their captives.

Chapter 12

"Welcome to my torture chamber dungeon!" the Wicked Warlock of the West sneered at the frightened foursome now being held by his Wee Willie Winkies slaves.

Donny had to admit to himself that under better circumstances, he would have enjoyed being manhandled and engulfed in the arms of a couple six and a half foot hairy muscle bears!

"I hope my Winged Monkeys weren't rough with you before they handed you over to the Wee Willie Winkies."

"Well, actually-" the Scarecrow began in a haughty voice, ready to explain how the Winged Monkeys had ripped him and the Tin Woodman apart as well as how the Wee Willie Winkies had hastily put them back together in a barely acceptable fashion.

"I hope they were extremely rough!" Verto laughed maniacally.  "However they handled you, that's nothing compared to what I'm going to do to each of you!  Let it be a lesson to anyone who even thinks of defying the Wicked Warlock of the West!"

Donny and the others spied the emaciated prisoners in the cells.  As if that didn't scare them enough, their eyes widened when they got a good look at Verto's various instruments of pain spread around the room.

"Wh-wh-what's that?" the Lion said indicating a large contraption in the corner.

"That old thing?" Verto asked with a sinister smile.  "That's called the spiked rack.  See all those rusty nails sticking up?  First, my slaves strip you naked.  Next, they place you face down on the bed of nails.  Then, they sit on your back, slowly, pushing you deeper and deeper into the nails."

The poor Lion looked like he might faint any second.

The Wicked Warlock of the West continued, "Then, when I bore of your screams of agony (which takes quite a long time,  mind you), then I instruct another slave to crank the handle."  He paused to let them imagine the consequences.  "That releases the mechanism separating the bed of nails, slowly tearing you to shreds!"

Verto threw his head back and laughed heartily.  "Now that we're finally all together, let's get this party started, bitches!"

Donny and his friends struggled, but they couldn't escape the strong grips of the burly slaves.

The evil warlock paraded in front of them wagging his finger in the air.  "Eeeny, meeny, miny, homo.  Which of you will be the first to go?"

"Me," Donny spoke up.  "I'm the one you've really been after all along.  The others were just helping me."

"How noble, but I've got special plans for you, my bratty jock-boy.  You'll be the last to die.  First, you'll watch the other three die before you.  And your dirty little dog, too!"

Verto laughed again.  "Let's start with you, Scarecrow.  I bet you're into the kinky stuff."

The Scarecrow grinned in response.

"Tie the Scarecrow to the table.  Face up and spread eagle," Verto commanded the slaves.

The Wee Willie Winkies secured the bondage restraints around the straw man's wrists and ankles.

"Let's start with a little hot wax, shall we, Scarecrow?"  The Wicked Warlock of the West grabbed a lighted candle.

"No, not a candle!  Not a flame!" the Scarecrow struggled against the restraints.

Verto dripped the hot wax on the Scarecrow's face.  The Scarecrow's wince only encouraged his tormentor to bring the flame closer.  "You know what they say...a gay guy has to be so careful when playing with fire.  You might end up becoming a flamer!"

The Warlock dropped the burning candle onto the Scarecrow's straw body!

"I'm on fire!  Help me!  The flames are killing me!  Help!" screamed the Scarecrow.

The heavy hiking boots came in handy as Donny stomped on the feet of the two slaves holding him.  Reacting to the surprise, they momentarily loosened their strong grips on his arms.  Donny elbowed them both in the rib cage.  He ran for the hose connected to some sort of water-torture device.

When he yanked the hose free, the pressure in the line forced a stream of water out.  Donny aimed at the Scarecrow's flaming straw and doused the fire before any real damage occurred.

Some of the water also hit the Wicked Warlock of the West.  It sizzled on his green skin like holy water on a vampire!

"No. NOOOO!" the evil Warlock screamed hysterically.  "You rotten, horrid brat!  See what you've done!  Who would have thought an innocent jock-boy like you could melt me and my wicked deeds?"

A truly horrified Donny watched as the Wicked Warlock of the West melted into what looked like a puddle of wet, steaming brown sugar right before his eyes.

Toto barked towards the molten mess.  Donny figured the dog was saying good riddance!

"Donny, you killed the Wicked Warlock of the West!  We're free!" the Tin Woodman exclaimed.

"It was an accident, I just wanted to put out the fire and save the Scarecrow."

"He's really dead!" one of the Wee Willie Winkies said to the others.  "The Wicked Warlock of the West is dead.  Now we're free too!"

"And you're getting several inches shorter!" the Lion observed.  "Are you melting too?"

"No," the former slave explained.  "We're returning to our normal length – everywhere!"

The Wee Willie Winkies (who decided to rename themselves the Big Willie Winkies) thanked Donny profusely for their freedom.  They offered to make him ruler of their village.

"As much as I'd love to spend my days among big strapping, shirtless hairy men, I've got to get back to the Emerald City and then home to Kansas.  Please let all the prisoners out of the dungeon and get them some food!  Also, would you mind if we took the warlock's crystal ball with us?"

"Please do.  The less that remains of that evil creature around here, the better."

"Thank you.  One more thing, do you know how we can get back to the Emerald City?"  Donny asked.

"I'm sure the Winged Monkeys would be glad to take you.  They had no choice but to serve the Wicked Warlock of the West.  Now that he's dead, they're free as well."

The flying creatures happily provided transportation back to the Emerald City for Donny and his companions.  On the way, the Alpha-Monkey apologized for how he and his hoard had treated the travelers earlier.

Chapter 13

When Donny and his companions returned to the Emerald City with the warlock's crystal ball, all three Tylers ushered them right into the Throne Room of the Palace of Oz.

As before, the lights went out and a green spotlight appeared along with the giant floating head.  "I am Oz, the Great and Terrible," a voice boomed from the head.  "Who are you and what do you want?"

"Look, we've already been through all this," snapped the Scarecrow.  "We brought you the crystal ball that you asked for."

Donny unzipped his duffel bag and retrieved the crystal ball.  He placed it carefully on the emerald encrusted floor saying, "We're ready for you to fulfill your promises to us."

The eyes of the giant head darted from side to side.  "Well, fine, yes...just come back tomorrow and-"

"But I can't wait any longer," Donny protested.  "There's something important I really need to tell people back home.  And besides what kind of wizard refuses to keep his promises?"

"Quiet!" the voice echoed off the walls.  "How dare you question the Great and Terrible Oz?"

The Lion took out his frustration in a mighty roar that also bounced off the jeweled surfaces of the Throne Room.

The loud and sudden noise surprised all of them, especially poor little Toto.  The puppy ran across the room.  He forgot all about the roaring as soon as he saw a wonderful distraction – a pile of ropes just lying around on the floor.

Toto loved to play tug-of-war with rope!  He would grab one end in his mouth and pull for hours if Donny would play that long with him.

Toto wagged his little tail.  He bit into one end of the rope and shook his head back and forth, happily throwing the rope around.  He trotted over to Donny with it, hoping for an impromptu game right there.

The floating head continued its tirade.  "Leave the Palace of Oz and don't come back until I send for you!"

Toto jumped at Donny's feet with the rope.  "Not now, Toto" Donny whispered, but the dog didn't give up.

As Donny picked up the rope to throw it away from him, the young man accidentally yanked it too hard.  The rope pulled down a velvet covered screen attached to it on the other end.

The screen crashed to the floor with a ruckus.

Donny and his friends looked on in surprise.  However, they weren't half as surprised as the tall, perfectly gym-toned man with the full head of hair who stood behind the screen with a shocked look on his face.

"What the hell?" Donny asked as he and the others walked up to the man.

The voice boomed, "Ignore that wicked hot dude behind the screen and-"

They heard the voice from both the tall man in front of them and the disembodied head at the same time.

"You have got to be freaking kidding us with this," said the Scarecrow as he deduced that they'd all been duped – big time!

"Who are you?" asked the Tin Woodman.

"I'm Oz, the-"  The super stud stopped short when he realized they weren't buying it anymore.  He pressed a few buttons on his control panel.  The floating head disappeared.  "Oz, the Great and Terrible," he finished in his own normal and now deflated sounding voice.

"You're nothing but a fraud," Donny scolded.  Softening his voice, he added, "Granted, a drop dead gorgeous one."

"But a fraud nonetheless," the Scarecrow concluded with a wag of his finger.

"I can't believe you tricked us like this.  Putting our lives in danger, chasing after the Wicked Warlock of the West!  All for nothing!  You should be ashamed of yourself.  You're a very bad man!" Donny accused, leaving out all the swear words he originally intended to use when he constructed the sentence in his head.

"I'm really a good man," the wizard objected.  "At least I was once, but I must admit, I'm a very bad wizard!"

"Why did you want us to get you the crystal ball from the Wicked Warlock of the West?" the Scarecrow asked.

"Well, I figured you'd have to kill him to get it.  He really was wicked!  Enslaving people!  Torturing prisoners!  Breeding hideous monsters!  So it's not like I asked you to off some innocent little twink."

"And?" the Scarecrow prompted.

"The only reason the warlock left the Emerald City alone was because he believed me to be more powerful than he was.  If he'd ever found out I was a fraud, he would have attacked the Emerald City, putting all its residents in terrible danger."

"And?" the Scarecrow prompted again.

"I figured with his crystal ball, I might actually attain some real powers."

"What about all those things you promised us?  My heart..."

"My courage."

"My brains."

"My trip home," Donny said in a defeated tone as he picked up Toto and wistfully smoothed the puppy's fur.

The wizard's face lit up.  His bright smile reflected almost as much light as the assorted emeralds scattered around the room.  His teeth were all perfectly sized, shaped and spaced.  "You already have everything you need.  You just don't realize it."

Reacting to the doubtful looks on their faces, he said, "Come with me."  He lead them across the room.

Donny noticed that the wizard walked with the gait of a male model, especially when he whipped his head over his shoulder to make sure they were keeping up with him.

"I hope you don't mind if I sit on the marble throne while we talk.  I'm a little sore.  I kind of overdid it in the Emerald City gym this morning with a double glutes workout.  How do you guys think it looks?"  The wizard bent over slightly, jutting out his tight ass for their approval.

"Great!"

"Awesome!"

"Perfect!"

"Hot!"

"Yeah, I thought so too," he said plopping himself onto the cushioned throne.

A buzzer sounded.  Soldier Tyler's voice came over an intercom.  "Pardon the intrusion, O Great and Terrible Wizard of Oz, but the librarian is here to deliver your weekly book order."

"Excuse me," the wizard said to his guests.  He pressed a button on the arm of the throne.  Making his voice sound deep and resonant, he said, "I'm busy right now, tell him to come back later."  He let his finger off the button.  "Where was I?" he said to the group.

"We already have what we needed?" Donny prompted, the doubt clear in his voice.

"Oh, yeah.  Let's start with the Scarecrow.  You want brains, my friend?"

"Yes, very much so," the Scarecrow affirmed.

"Man, you've already got them, or at least everything you'd want from brains anyway.  Who's been coming up with all the plans?  You!  Who's always got a sarcastic remark ready to go?  You again!  You're learning something new every day.  Experience is the only thing that brings knowledge.  I can tell you've had all kinds of experiences.  Am I right?"

The Scarecrow grinned sheepishly.  He couldn't deny it.  After all, he's the one who told Donny when they first met that he'd been around the cornfield a time or two – or ten!

The wizard went on, "But people with brains have one thing you don't."

"A diploma?" the Scarecrow asked, his eyes lighting up with excitement.

"Heavens no!" the wizard replied.  "If you'd ever spent any time on a college campus, you'd never ask that question.  People there have tons of diplomas and not an ounce of brains or common sense!  No, I was talking about this..."

The wizard reached into his pocket for his wallet.  He opened it up and took something out.  He handed it to the Scarecrow.

"A library card!" the Scarecrow exclaimed, even more excited than he had been at the prospect of a diploma.

"That's right, a library card.  As I said before, knowledge comes from experience.  Through reading, you can experience literally anything in the world – and beyond!  That little card will give you unrestricted access to the Emerald City Library around the clock.  Take advantage of all the library has to offer and you'll be the smartest man that the Emerald City has ever seen!"

"Thank you!  Thank you so much!" the Scarecrow said as he proudly held up his new library card for his friends' perusal.

"Me next, me next!"  The Lion jumped up and down even more than Toto when Donny gave him his favorite treat, a banana dipped in peanut butter.

"You want courage..."

"Uh-huh, uh-huh," the Lion agreed eagerly.

"Man, you've already got plenty of courage, or at least everything you'd want from courage anyway.  Who's been first to defend the group every time there was a new threat?  You!  Who's always been willing to face danger even though he was afraid?  You again!  There's no living thing that's not afraid of something sometime.  There's a fine line between bravery and stupidity.  I can tell you know enough not to cross the line.  Am I right?"

The Lion shrugged and nodded his head bashfully.

The wizard went on, "But people with courage have one thing you don't."

"A medal!" yelled the Lion unable to contain his excitement.

"Heavens no!" the Wizard replied.  "If you'd ever had a medal, you'd never ask that question.  Medals are made from metal.  Metal rusts when you get it wet, just ask the Tin Woodman.  A medal made from metal will do you no good running around a wet forest.  No, I was talking about this..."

The wizard reached behind the throne's cushion.  His hand emerged with his fingers wrapped around something that fit in his palm.  He handed it to the Lion.

"A tiny bottle?" the Lion questioned.

"Not just a tiny bottle.  Some people call that liquid courage.  As I said before, everybody is afraid sometimes.  Just keep this little bottle with you at all times and it will remind you that true courage is facing danger even when you're afraid."

"Thank you!  Thank you so much!" the Lion said as he proudly showed off the shiny little bottle to his friends.

"For my first official courageous act, I'm going to ask Tyler out on a date!'

"Which one?" Donny inquired.

"All three of them!" the Lion said as an impish grin grew across his big face.

The wizard turned toward the Tin Woodman.  "And you want a heart..."

"If you'd be so kind," the Tin Woodman replied politely.

"Man, you've already got a heart, or at least all the characteristics you'd want from one anyway.  Who's been worried about doing the right thing?  You!  Who's always thinking of other people's feelings?  You again!  One important way people know they have a heart is because they feel heartbreak over a lost love.  Despite all this, you still don't think you have a heart.  Am I right?"

The Tin Woodman hung his head sadly and nodded.

The wizard went on, "But people with hearts have one thing you don't."

"A testimonial?" the Tin Woodman asked, imagining with wonder what it would say.

"Heavens no!" the wizard replied.  "If you'd ever received a testimonial, you'd never ask that question.  Nobody even remembers what a testimonial says or stood for the next day.  No, I was talking about-"

The intercom buzzer sounded again.

"Now?  In the middle of my moment?" the Tin Woodman asked with alarm.

"I'm sorry.  It will only take a second," the wizard assured.  He pressed the button on the throne's arm.  "I told you I'm busy!"

"The librarian is insisting.  He says he's busy too.  He doesn't care if you're the most powerful wizard in the Land of Oz, he says he has a delivery schedule to keep to," Soldier Tyler explained.

"Fine!  Send him in and tell him to be darn quick about it!"  The wizard angrily flicked the button with his finger and jumped off the throne.

"Where are you going?" Donny asked.

"To hide," the wizard explained.  "Nobody can see me in my normal state – as good looking as that might be."

"The librarian won't know who you are.  We only figured it out because we saw you talking at the same time as the magical floating head," the Scarecrow reasoned.

"Good point," the wizard said, relaxing a bit.  He went on, "This librarian is so pushy.  He's the only person in Oz who ever stands up to me.  Maybe because he didn't grow up in the Emerald City.  I don't know.  This wouldn't have happened if I'd just hired a librarian named Tyler!"

Donny and his friends tried not to laugh.

The wizard continued, "I mean, really.  Who ever heard of a librarian named Braxton?"

Just then, the librarian entered pushing his book cart over the emerald floor.

The Tin Woodman dropped his axe.  His hand shot up to cover his mouth.  Tears welled in his eyes.  "Brax?" he barely dared to whisper the name.

The librarian took off his glasses and blinked.  "After all this time!  I never thought I would see you again, TW!" he said, which was his nickname for his lost love.  The initials stood for Timothy Wayne, the man's name before the evil sorcerer's intervention caused him to be transformed into metal.  How perfect that TW could also stand for Tin Woodman.

The two men embraced heartily as tears flowed down their faces.

The Scarecrow whispered to the Wizard of Oz that he better get word to Soldier Tyler that they needed some oil to prevent the Tin Woodman from rusting.

"I've thought of you every day, every single one," cried Brax.

"Me too," the Tin Woodman replied.  "I was such a fool to let you go.  I hope your husband knows how lucky he is."

Brax showed the Tin Woodman his ring finger.  "I'm not married.  Nobody could ever take your place in my heart."

"Marry me!" the Tin Woodman said excitedly.

"Yes.  Oh, hell yes!" Brax answered.

"That's the best way to know you have a heart," the wizard concluded.  "Because it can be healed by the love of a lifetime."

"Thank you!  Thank you so much!" the Tin Woodman said as he and his rediscovered love clung to each other closely.

"Wait a minute," the Scarecrow said in a suspicious tone.  "That surprised you as much as the rest of us.  What were you really going to give the Tin Woodman before the long lost love librarian popped up?"

The wizard looked the Scarecrow straight in the eye.  "Does it matter?"

The Scarecrow thought it over.  "I guess not!"

In all the merriment, his companions had almost forgotten the young man who brought them all together and got them started on the adventure to the Emerald City.

"What about Donny?" the Scarecrow asked.

"How will you send him home?" the Lion inquired.

"It's his turn for happiness!" the Tin Woodman declared.

Donny smiled weakly and shook his head.  "I think the wicked hot Wizard of Oz has run out of tricks."

The wizard shrugged with a guilty look on his face.

The Scarecrow turned to the wizard.  "Didn't you say if you had the crystal ball from the Wicked Warlock of the West, you thought you could really attain some magical powers?"

"Yeah, I can give it a try.  Maybe I can at least contact someone who can help.  Oh, no!  We're discussing this and we forgot about Braxton!  Now he'll tell everyone that I've been faking it!"

"Don't you think it's about time you were honest with yourself and everyone else?" Donny asked.

"It sure does get tiring constantly hiding who you really are," the wizard agreed.  "OK, let's see what this sucker can do."

They all got down on the floor and knelt in front of the crystal ball.  The wizard waved his arms dramatically over it.  They all stared expectantly.  Nothing happened!

"Maybe it's not turned on," suggested the Lion.

"Good point.  Does anyone know any magical incantations?" the wizard asked.

"There's a book of them in the library.  I'll be right back!"  Everyone had to wait while Brax and the Tin Woodman kissed goodbye – even though they would only be apart for a few minutes.

Watching the two men kiss so enthusiastically, the Scarecrow commented, "Now that right there is chemistry!"

Brax left and quickly returned with the book for the wizard and an oil can for his husband-to-be.

The Scarecrow flipped through the pages.  "Here, try this one."

The wizard cleared his throat.  He waved his hands around again.  Using his deepest voice, he recited, "Eppe peppe kakke!  Zizzy zuzzy zek!"

Clouds of fog swirled inside the crystal ball.  It actually worked!  None of them was more surprised than the Wizard of Oz himself!

A picture formed.  The face of the Alpha-Monkey suddenly stared back at them.

"Wrong channel, try again," Donny urged.

The wizard consulted the book again and said, "Looking-glass upon the wall, who is fairest of them all?"

A seductively beautiful witch appeared.  She looked off to the side as she polished a bright red apple.

"She hasn't seen us.  Quick, cover the crystal ball!" the wizard cried.  "The last thing we need around here is an evil witch from another realm!"

The Scarecrow threw himself over the device, completely covering it like a blanket.

They all tensed up and held their breath for a minute until Donny peeked under the Scarecrow's shirt.  "It's safe.  She's gone."

Then they all leaned back and sighed with relief.

"This is ridiculous," the wizard said as he tossed the magic spell book aside.  "This is like trying to get help from the other end of the rainbow!"

A multitude of pretty colors unexpectedly formed inside the crystal ball.  They whirled around until they coalesced into a familiar face.

"Glen!" Donny shouted happily.  "Look everyone!  It's Glen, the Good Warlock of the North!"

"Close," the handsome man said with a smile.  "I'm his twin brother, Greg, the Good Warlock of the South."

"Oh, he mentioned he had a brother," Donny told him.

"Nice to know he does remember me every now and then.  Anyway, how can I assist you?" the Good Warlock of the South inquired.

Donny explained the predicament as succinctly as possible.

"Good heavens!  That sounds like my brother, alright.  Get things rolling and then miss the grand finale.  Go outside and hold tight.  I'll be right there."

The picture faded from the crystal ball.  The small group of people ran outside the Palace of Oz as fast as they could.

They practically trampled Soldier Tyler on the way out the door.

The isolated rain puddle had already started to form by the time they got outside.  A moment later, a magnificent rainbow shot across the sky above the Emerald City.  It headed for the puddle.  Then... Zap!  The rainbow's end turned into Greg, the Good Warlock of the South.

"Oh, you're um..."

"Clothed?" Greg asked.  "Yeah, people who've met my brother first assume we both parade around in sopping-wet bikini briefs!"

"I wouldn't mind seeing you in those," the wizard said while making no attempt to hide the fact that he was undressing Greg with his eyes.

"Maybe you'll get the chance later, hot stuff," the Good Warlock of the South winked.  "But first, business before pleasure.  There's a young man who desperately wants to get home to whatever adventures await him in Kansas."  He turned to Donny again.  "Something tells me there will be some exciting ones for a good-looking, and more importantly, good-hearted, young man like you."

"So how will I get home?" Donny asked.

The Good Warlock of the South shot a small rainbow from his hands to use as a pointer.  "The manly hiking boots.  They have the power to take you anywhere you want to go."

The Scarecrow spoke up.  "Then why didn't Glen tell him that in the first place?  He could have saved Donny a whole lot of time and aggravation, not to mention who knows how many life-threatening situations at the hands of the Wicked Warlock of the West!"

Donny answered before Greg.  "Maybe Glen just wanted me to learn an important lesson for myself.  It wasn't enough to just want to get back home because it's comfortable there, but more that I really love and miss people back home.  People that deserve to know the real me.  And also that I have to be honest with myself so I can have the true love that I want in my life."

"Fat chance!" Greg laughed.  "I mean, yeah, that's an important lesson and I'm glad you learned it for your sake, because some people never learn that lesson in life.  But don't give my flighty brother that much credit.  He simply didn't know the power those hiking boots possessed.  If he'd spent less time in the gym and more time with his magic textbooks when we were younger, he might have known that."

"OK, touchy subject, moving on..." the Scarecrow urged.

"I can't wait to get home.  It's where I belong.  But at the same time, it sucks that I have to leave all of you behind," Donny told them.

The Lion threw his big paws around Donny's shoulders.  "I know you'll be brave in everything you have to do," he whispered in the young man's ear.

The Scarecrow kissed Donny on the forehead saying, "I know you'll make smart choices when you get home."

The Tin Woodman held his hands on Donny's cheeks saying, "I know you'll find the man that makes your heart complete."

Donny held Toto in his arms while he barely held back the tears in his eyes.  "Good-bye.  I'll miss you all.  I'll never forget you."

Sensing he would never see his new friends again, Toto barked his own good-bye as well.

The Good Warlock of the South showered Donny in a rainbow of light.  "All you have to do is flex your right bicep and knock the heels of the hiking boots together three times.  Then, command them to take you where you want to go."

The hiking boots made a dull clunking sound as Donny followed Greg's directions.  "Take me home," Donny said aloud with a smile on his square-jawed face.  "Take me home!"

Chapter 14

"Take me home!" Donny mumbled.

"You are home," a voice said.

Donny opened his eyes.  "Aunt Em?  Uncle Henry?  Is that really you?"

"Yes, of course.  We're right here," Uncle Henry replied.

Aunt Em said, "Someone else wants to see you.  Go get him, Henry."

Suddenly aware of his surroundings, Donny asked, "How did I get on the couch?  I was standing outside the Palace of Oz in the Emerald City and-"

Aunt Em patted his head with a cool cloth.  "We found you on the floor after the tornado passed.  You closed the storm cellar door to keep us safe and ran back to the house to get Toto.  Don't you remember, dear?"

"Here he is," Uncle Henry announced as he reentered the room with Toto in his arms.

"Careful now," Aunt Em cautioned her husband as he placed the adorable puppy on the couch with Donny.  Toto licked his face like crazy.

"The tornado whisked the house away and it landed on a-" Donny sat up and looked around the room.  He saw the farmland outside the window.  "But somehow, it's back where it should be..."

Aunt Em smoothed his hair saying, "Now, now, none of it was real.  It was your mind playing tricks on you.  We think you must have hit your head on something and fell to the kitchen floor."

"I don't know how you did it, but from the look of the big dent in the side of the microwave, I'd say you hit your head on that and it knocked you right out," Uncle Henry guessed.  " I remember one time when I was boxing in the Army and I got popped square in the jaw-"

"Not now, Henry.  Honestly!" Aunt Em chastised.  "Can't you see the boy's been through enough?"

Donny continued in a bewildered tone.  "But I was there and I met so many new friends and some mean people too, but all the time I just kept trying to get home to you and-"  Donny's eyes lit up.  "Jay!"

"Donny! Oh, my God!" came a voice from across the living room.  Jay stepped over the debris and ran to the couch to kneel by Donny's side.  "I called the house when nothing would go through to your cell phone this morning.  Your aunt said you got caught in the storm.  What happened?  Are you alright?"

Picking up on Jay's frantic tone of voice and the look on his face, Aunt Em told Henry to go get some aspirin and water for Donny.

"We had quite a scare, but I think he'll be fine," Aunt Em answered for her nephew.  "Especially now that you're here," she couldn't resist adding.

Jay took Donny's hand in his.  "I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to you.  I tossed and turned all last night just sick over the thought of you going to New York.  I should have answered immediately when you asked if I wanted you to stay.  Instead, I hesitated and then said something stupid."

"It's OK," Donny told him.

"I was being such a coward!  Of course I want you to stay!  But if you really want to go to New York, then I'm going with you – if you'll let me?"

Donny's smile answered Jay's question.  He held tight to Jay's hand.  "There's something I have to tell you about myself, Aunt Em," Donny said bravely.

"Save your breath and your strength, honey.  I already know."

"You do?" Donny asked skeptically, sure the old woman had it all wrong.

Aunt Em rolled her eyes.  "Why the heck do you think I sent you out on that hot summer day with all those chocolate chip oatmeal cookies to meet Jay?  I thought you two would be perfect for each other.  I can't believe it took you this long to get your act together.  It's like you needed a ton of yellow bricks to fall on your head!"

Just then, Uncle Henry came back into the room with Donny's water and aspirin.

"I think it's time we leave these two young men alone," Aunt Em said tugging on her husband's shirt.

"What are you talking about, Em?  Why would they want to be alone?"

"Come on, Henry.  You're old enough now.  I think it's time we have 'the talk.'"

"Huh?"

This time, Aunt Em yanked her husband's arm.  She obviously wasn't taking no for an answer.  "Come to the kitchen with me, Henry.  I'll explain everything while I bake some fresh cookies.  No, on second thought, I think I'd like to buy some cookies at that new super-sized grocery store this time.  I want you to take me there right now!"

"What on earth for?" Uncle Henry asked.  He hadn't eaten a store bought cookie in all the years since he met Em.  "That store's at least forty-five minutes each way.  That's not even considering shopping time.  Plus, some of the roads might be blocked with debris from the storm."

"That's what I'm counting on!" Aunt Em said brightly.  She shooed a reluctant Uncle Henry out the door saying, "You go start the truck, Henry."

"I should tell Uncle Henry myself.  I appreciate your help, but you don't have to do it for me," Donny said to his aunt.

"Well, look who's gone and grown up into a fine young man!  I'll leave it to you then to fill in your uncle.  I still think we'll be gone the rest of the day on a nice, long shopping trip!"

"Thank you," Donny said with a smile.

"Now, boys, don't do anything I wouldn't do," Aunt Em said as she winked and closed the door.

Donny and Jay heard them trudge down the hallway and out to the pick up truck.  The motor started and the truck drove away.

Donny propped himself up and moved over to make room for Jay on the couch.

"So, we're alone..."

"Yep..."

Jay looked into Donny's happy face.  He brushed a spot of dirt off his best friend's forehead.  He let his hand linger as he ran his fingers through Donny's hair.  "I can't believe I didn't have the brains to appreciate what was right before my eyes all this time."

"And I was too scared I'd end up heartbroken to realize that an empty heart is so much worse.  So many times I wanted to tell you how you made me feel, how just looking at you or hearing your voice made my pulse race."

"There's something else," Jay said.  "Two years ago, under the maple tree, you were right!  I was going to kiss you!  I chickened out."

"All that matters is we're here together now and that we're finally being honest with each other – and ourselves."

"There's something I need to give you.  And it's two years overdue," Jay said as he leaned in towards Donny.

"Then you better make up for lost time."

"I intend to," Jay said as he reached up and held Donny's face in his hands.

Donny closed his eyes and leaned in too.  He felt Jay's strong lips touch his.

The tingling sensation ran up and down Donny's spine.  Their tongues sought each other out  and finally touched for the first time.  The chemistry was amazing!

Kissing his best friend felt exactly liked Donny hoped and expected it would.  He couldn't explain it, but it also felt a thousand times better too!

They naturally shifted positions.  Jay fell back against the couch cushion.  His arms wrapped around Donny's body, pulling the muscular jock on top of him.

"Do you have any idea how hot you are?" Jay asked him as he kissed the side of Donny's neck.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" Donny countered.

"Friends and lovers?  Yeah, I like the sound of that."

"I finally know where home is," Donny told the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

"Where?  Kansas or New York?"

Donny smiled. "In your arms."