We found Ben dangling upside down from the top bar of the jungle gym.
“Jeez, Mac,” he said when Aretha and I explained the situation. “Epic fail on the number one rule in the The Big Book of Best Friend Rules, buddy.”
“Uh, the what?”
“The Big Book of Best Friend Rules. Keeping a secret is the number one no-no.”
“I didn’t know there was a Big Book of Best Friend Rules,” I said, climbing up to the top and taking a seat next to him.
Ben tapped his head. “I keep it all up here. Rule number one: no secrets. Rule number two: best friends stick together, even if it causes bodily harm.”
Aretha pulled herself up so she was dangling from the bar across from me. “I bet if you stood up to Evan, he’d back off. My mom says that most bullies are all talk.”
“And so what if he punches you?” Ben added. “He’s not going to punch you every day for the rest of your life. I predict three days’ worth of punches, tops. Then it’s over and you go back to your regular life.”
“This isn’t making me feel better, guys.” I leaned back and looked at the sky. To the west, I saw a bunch of nimbostratus clouds, which meant it would probably rain later.
I thought it was sort of awesome that I knew that fact.
“I wish I could just do science all the time,” I told Ben and Aretha. “I wish I didn’t have stupid problems that I don’t know how to solve.”
“I know! Maybe you should think of Evan Forbes as a scientific challenge!” Aretha said, her voice all of a sudden excited. “You formulate a question, do your background research—”
“Construct a hypothesis,” I continued, “test your hypothesis through experiments, and then analyze your data and draw a conclusion.”
“And then eat a doughnut,” Ben finished up. “Because what you guys are describing sounds like a lot of work. You’re gonna need a doughnut when you’re done. Probably one with frosting and sprinkles.”
“What we’re describing is the scientific method,” Aretha informed him. She pulled herself up so she was sitting on top of the jungle gym and turned to me. “So what’s the question you’re going to start with?”
I thought about it for a minute. “How about, ‘What’s the best way to stop a bully from bullying you?’ ”
Aretha nodded. “That’s good. Now, how about research?”
“I could read some articles on the Internet,” I said. “And maybe ask Mrs. Patino and Mr. Reid. They’ve probably seen a lot of bullies over the years.”
“You could ask other kids, too,” Ben said. “Everybody’s got at least one story about somebody being mean to them.”
“Yeah! Remember how you were mean to Chester Oliphant at the beginning of the school year?” I asked Ben. That was back in the days when Ben was new to the school and acted like he didn’t care if anyone liked him or not.
Ben’s face turned red. “I don’t want to think about that. It’s sort of embarrassing.”
“But it could be helpful to our research!” Aretha exclaimed. “Why were you so mean to Chester?”
“I don’t know,” Ben said with a shrug. “I was just acting all stupid and stuff. I didn’t know what else to do.”
Later, during social studies, Ben passed me a note. When I unfolded it, I saw he had written in big letters at the top of the paper: FOR SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH ONLY. READ AND DESTROY!
Then there was this list that was titled “Why I Was Stupid and Sort of Mean When I First Moved Here.”
1. I was scared other people would be mean to me first.
2. Everyone was sort of ignoring me.
3. Chester Oliphant is the only kid in our class shorter than I am.
4. I missed my dad.
Ben’s list gave me an amazing idea. I could put together a questionnaire and give it to all the kids in my class. It could be questions for kids who had been bullied and questions for kids who’d been bullies. Most of the kids in my class were pretty nice, but looking around, I saw one or two who were friendly now, but had been sort of mean in second or third grade. Also, there were girls like Stacey Windham, who could be super nice to her friends one day and then totally ignore them the next day. Why couldn’t she be nice every day?
All of a sudden I felt better than I had in forever. That’s the great thing about science, in my opinion. When you take the scientific approach, instead of sitting around all day feeling rotten about a problem, you look it straight in the eye. You ask questions. You get to the bottom of things.
I was copying down the homework assignment, when a question popped into my mind. What would happen if I told Evan Forbes I wasn’t going to bring him brownies anymore?
My hypothesis? I’d get clobbered.
But here’s the weird thing: My next thought was, maybe I should do an experiment.
Maybe I should tell Evan Forbes no.
My stomach started hurting just by thinking that. But it didn’t hurt as bad as it usually did when I thought about Evan. The thing about me and Evan Forbes was, we were like a colloid. We were two things that didn’t really mix together unless you forced them to. We were mayonnaise. We were whipped cream (which, in case you’re wondering, is a gas dissolved into a liquid). We were gelatin (solid dissolved into a liquid, FYI).
Now, some things when you force them together turn out okay.
And some things, like me and Evan, are a disaster.
Scientifically speaking, I was pretty sure it was time for us to go our separate ways.
Okay, then. When I got home, I’d do the following:
1. Come up with a list of questions about bullying to hand out to all the kids in my class.
2. Brainstorm all the horrible things that could happen to me if I stopped giving Evan Forbes brownies.
3. Come up with a deadline for no longer giving Evan Forbes brownies.
4. Try not to think too much about getting clobbered when I stop giving Evan Forbes brownies.
5. Make dinner.
I thought about the stuff I could make for dinner. I could make hamburgers and salad, or waffles or spaghetti. I could try a new recipe, liked baked chicken and mashed potatoes.
I leaned back in my chair, starting to get hungry as I pictured all the good things we could eat that night.