Chapter Fifteen

Julie combed through her wet hair and, when deciding on pjs, slipped into the silky nightie. Before she’d wondered if she could pull it off, but something amazing had happened down in the kitchen.

For the first time in a very long time, she’d felt sexy.

Having Gavin kiss her as if she were the oxygen to his hydrogen ignited a side of her she’d gotten only a peek of before. Her heart beat faster as she recalled the swipe of his thumb on her lower lip. Of his demanding lips and tongue. With him, she didn’t doubt every single movement or every tiny noise she made.

Her entire body went molten at how he’d handled her so easily, even with one arm literally tied to his chest.

At the knock on the door, she placed her palms on her flaming cheeks. If it was Darlene or Niki, she could play off the flush as being from her heated shower instead of from reliving the way Gavin’s groan had vibrated through her and jump-started her brazen side.

She cracked open the door and fired a grin at the guy she’d just been having deliciously dirty thoughts about. “Hey.”

His eyes didn’t quite meet hers before his chin dipped, and her stomach completed a similar move, nosediving all the way to the floor. “Can I come in?”

“Of course.”

Without bothering to push the door open farther, he slipped inside. Her anxieties flared, and she reached up and twisted a strand of her hair around her finger.

He sat on the futon she’d pushed into couch form, in case anyone else needed to use the room during the day. On instinct, she wrapped her arms around herself, afraid she might need to hold herself together for whatever happened next.

While the antsy sensation filling her top to bottom protested the idea of sitting, standing over Gavin as he studiously studied the carpet wasn’t going to calm her worries. If his stiff silence was any indication, she was going to need to be seated for whatever he was about to tell her.

With her heart in her throat, she sat down next to him. What if I thought the kiss was fire, but he didn’t feel the same blaze?

If I can’t incite desire with a kiss that steamy, how am I ever going to be exciting enough in bed?

The realization she wouldn’t be finding out with Gavin slammed into her, and while she’d previously shaken off any idea of crossing lines with him, wicked attraction vibes or not, a hollow ache opened in her chest.

Gavin exhaled, and she closed her eyes, doing her best to steel herself.

“Good to see you took my advice about not wearing pants with”—he made a vague gesture in her direction—“whatever that sexy slip thing is.”

“A nightie. Some people call them teddies or baby dolls, which seems weird. What is it with lingerie having names that sound like little kid toys?”

Gavin huffed a laugh, the surprised sound leading her to believe she’d caught him off guard with her rambling, and at long last, his eyes met hers. “Well, it makes me want to play with you, that’s for sure.”

A thrill fired up her core, even as confusion set in.

“Shit, I shouldn’t have said that. It’s pretty much the opposite of what I came to say.” He raked a hand through his hair, mussing his tight curls. She wished she’d taken the time to run her fingers through the strands while she could’ve. Once back in high school, she’d pulled one of his curls out straight, just to see how long his hair actually was. Even then it’d bordered on too intimate, though, and why was she fixating on his hair?

Better than his lips, right?

Great. Now she was looking at the lips that’d been on hers a couple of hours ago, doing the most perfect demonstration of kissing ever. Another thing she wasn’t going to get to experience again, and her heart twanged at the unfairness. “Just say it. You didn’t feel…a spark or whatever.” She lifted her head higher, choosing the fake it till you make it philosophy. “It’s okay. I can take it.”

Gavin swiveled toward her, fast enough she thought he’d be the head-butter this time. “No. That’s not it at all. I almost wish…” He lifted her hand carefully, as if it were made of glass. “It’s definitely not that.”

She was fairly sure she nodded, but everything suddenly felt disjointed, as if she were watching herself sit here next to her best friend, not so much experiencing the moment. It didn’t give her any more perspective, but hopefully it’d keep her heart safer.

“That kiss…” Gavin’s voice dropped low, rough and suggestive. “It was amazing, Jules. Which is why I got way too carried away. But it’s not fair to you.”

This time she definitely nodded. Even though she wasn’t totally sure she understood what he was getting at.

“Right now, my only focus has to be on healing this injury and playoffs. I’m afraid that if we kissed again, or took things further, all we’d do is hurt each other and our friendship. We hardly get a chance to chat and spend time together as it is, and if we attempted to throw romance into the mix, it’d only complicate and exacerbate things.”

Julie reached up and pinched her lower lip between her fingers, thinking over his statement. How had she, the person who dissected life, emotions, and the inanest of decisions, forgotten about the logistics part of kissing Gavin? They hadn’t been able to pull off an in-person visit in almost a year. Their calls were often interrupted and cut short, and occasionally, it was all they could do to respond to each other’s texts. “I know you’re right. Even if I’d rather pretend we can just worry about that later.”

“I take full responsibility. I shouldn’t have started the lick-off-the-frosting game.” He swiped his thumb over her knuckles. “Truth be told, I’ve been a bit fixated by that mouth for a couple of days. I’m not sure what triggered it, but…” His tongue came out to moisten his lips, and she accidentally leaned in to him the tiniest bit. “Yeah.”

“It was the elf costume, wasn’t it?”

He laughed. “That definitely didn’t help. Whereas I’m sure my elf costume had you wanting to run away.”

“Only to see if someone could make change so I’d have enough dolla dolla billz to shove in your tights.”

So far, his laughter had been cautious and reserved. The sound of his full, deep laugh soothed her anxieties and acted like a balm to her insecurities. “Admittedly, I’ve had trouble not noticing how very many nice attributes you have lately as well.”

“Guess our parents were on to something after all.”

“They can never know,” Julie said. “We’ll never hear the end of it. At this point we might as well resist for spiteful reasons.”

Gavin’s grin stretched across his face. “Seems less frustrating than ‘timing’s a bitch’ to me. And that’s honestly what it is. I don’t have the time or the mental headspace for dating or relationships. This is my first year starting, and I know I haven’t been the most open about how things went down with Kristin, but—”

“I get it,” Julie said, placing her hand on the side of his face as her sense of self-preservation kicked in. She didn’t want to hear about his ex—not right now, with everything so raw and her jealous side whining that Kristin had a piece of Gavin she never would.

When it came down to it, she also knew his career came first. “I promise I do. You’re under a lot of pressure, and there’s so much on the line. But you’re still grabbing hold of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and chasing your dreams. I want that for you. You’ve done amazingly well with the Mustangs, Gavin, and I’m totally in awe of you. Every week I watch the games and then tell everyone I bump into the next day all about them.”

“Even on the weeks we lose?”

“Even on the weeks you lose,” she echoed. “Although that hasn’t happened much lately.”

“With every win, I see those dreams within reach. It also ups the stakes and makes me even more frustrated about being stuck here while they’re all practicing.” He bumped his shoulder into hers. “Even though I’m also really glad to be here with you.”

“I should probably tell you that you don’t have to butter me up, but I’m enjoying it too much.” She tucked her leg underneath her as she twisted to face him, her lower back resting against the arm of the futon.

A strangled noise came from the back of Gavin’s throat. “Seriously, Jules? I’m doing my best not to stare here, but I’m not a fucking saint.”

It took her a moment to realize that about 90 percent of her legs were exposed, along with at least a glimpse of her panties. “Oops.” She clamped her thighs together and straightened her legs. It meant draping them across his lap, but she supposed that was the lesser of the two exhibitionist evils. “Hazards of being too comfortable around you, I suppose.”

“No such thing. Although, that’s not exactly a word I’d use to describe the situation in my pants.” He readjusted himself, and now she was the one ogling his crotch. She was about to give up stretching out and place her feet on the floor, but then Gavin wrapped one of his large hands around her calf, and she ruled in favor of never moving again.

“Okay, so what do we do now?”

Gavin shrugged his uninjured shoulder. “Beats me. I guess I should probably avoid licking frosting or anything else off your body.”

Her attempt to swallow didn’t go anywhere. “And I’ll avoid upping the ante by giving your finger a blow job.”

Gavin’s fingers dug into her calf muscle, and his voice came out strained. “Let’s avoid the words ‘blow job.’”

“Noted. Although for the record, you were well aware that I have a broken brain-to-mouth filter. It’s why I needed your help flirting and flinging in the first place.”

“Right. The fling.” Gavin let his head drop against the top of the futon. “That’s gonna be miserable to watch.”

“I know that I said I wanted to be more exciting in bed, but I’d planned to draw the line before voyeurism.” Julie assumed he’d understand she was joking, but the way his gaze shot to hers made her think otherwise—God help her, the predatory gleam in his eyes left her clamping her thighs tighter together. “That was supposed to be a joke. If it makes you feel any better, after our kiss in the kitchen, I don’t think I can conjure up so much as a glimmer of attraction for Kory. Anything with him would now fall short and flat.”

“Selfish as it is, I’m glad.” Gavin stroked his fingers over the stubble on his chin. “But I also can’t ask you to wait. I doubt my life will calm down anytime soon, and you just landed that big promotion in Phoenix. I couldn’t even make a relationship with Kristin work while we were living together, so long distance doesn’t stand a chance. All those odds stacked against us, and frankly, we don’t know if we can even pull off a romantic relationship…”

She nodded. What else was there to do? They didn’t have time to explore this connection before he’d be on his way to the next destination, and with her new job duties, she’d also struggled to find time for a personal life.

Gavin blew out a breath as full of exasperation as she currently was. “I’m afraid we’re just not meant to be. In that way.”

The words jabbed deeper than she expected, considering it was a perfectly logical conclusion and her romantic feelings had barely begun to form. “Probably for the best, yeah. Now we won’t risk messing up this awesome friendship. After all, who else would put up with us?” She prodded his arm with her foot, attempting to get a rise out of him.

Right as she’d decided he wasn’t going to take the bait, he captured her ankle and gave it a quick tug. A yelp escaped as she flung her weight forward. The huge overcorrection nearly made her tumble off the side of the futon, and she clasped onto the crook of his elbow—if she was going down, so was he.

Then his injury registered, and she quickly let go, afraid of exacerbating it. The move aligned their faces, only a foot or so’s distance between them, and while her brain had totally gotten the message about shutting down the attraction vibes, her thundering pulse and tingling lower lip were slower on the uptake.

“Can I ask one super selfish thing?” he asked, and she managed to nod. “Don’t sleep with Holt. I’d like to say it’s solely so you won’t get hurt, but he’s my closest friend on the team, and I’m not sure I could find out that you two…” A muscle in his jaw ticked. “Without wanting to beat the shit out of him. Then I’d need to pass to him, but his arms and legs would be broken, and it’d be awkward all around.”

Well, if he could ask a selfish thing, she could too, right? “What about you and that reporter? It’s not like she lives in the same city as you, either.” Ugh, now she realized that she was being unfair. “Never mind. That’s a whole different situation, and—”

“Deal.”

“Really? You’d be willing to do that for me?” The slight squeak gave away her rising insecurities, and yet, she needed to hear that he wouldn’t go out and date someone right away. It’d hurt, no matter how short-lived the kissing part of their relationship was.

“I’d be willing to do a lot to keep you happy. Including not hooking up with the reporter or with you, even if I’m looking at you again and thinking I must have lost my mind.”

“No mind, but you’re still focused.”

He huffed a laugh. “In theory, but if you knew my thoughts right now…” He ran his gaze over her bare legs and skimmed his fingertips along her shin, inciting a riot of goose bumps.

“Do you need me to work out the knots in your shoulder?”

“God no,” he said, and she gaped at him. “What I mean is that I need to spend a little time getting my head right before having your hands on me. In fact, I should leave and go to my room for the same reason.”

Despite it being the last thing she wanted to do, she pulled her legs off his lap and sat forward. Then she stood along with him and walked him to the door, as if he couldn’t show himself to his own bedroom.

Mere steps short of the door, Gavin abruptly spun around and cupped her cheek. “Promise we’re okay?”

She placed her hand on top of his, soaking in the warmth of his touch once last time before having to close the book on the possibility-of-them for good. “I promise. And we always will be. We’re Gavin and Julie.”

One corner of his mouth lifted in a sentimental smile. “It probably goes without saying that I’m not the greatest with mushy stuff, but I just want you to know that I…you know.”

“Yeah. I you know you, too.”

He looped his arm around her and pulled her in for a hug. She embraced him tightly and squeezed for all she was worth.

“Can you just, uh, pretend you don’t feel that,” he said, his voice gruff. “My head’s still a bit crooked.”

As if it hadn’t been hard enough—hee-hee—to ignore his growing erection, the press of it against her stomach caused heat to flood her entire body. She drew back and gave him her best confused expression. “Feel what?”

“Very funny.”

“Oh, so now I’m in trouble because I’m good at taking instructions.” She raised her shoulder and batted her eyes at him, hoping her attempt at coquettish didn’t look more like she was having a seizure.

He groaned and ran his hand down her hair, tugging it a bit at the ends and detonating that delectable tingle across her scalp that had her tempted to ask him to pull harder. “Killing me, Smalls.”

“Sorry. I’m not exactly not dying here.” She exhaled and summoned up the side of her that usually made men run for the hills. “Fun fact: the kind of tumors that can grow their own teeth and hair are called teratomas. We got this one in the lab, from a brain tumor, that had an eye, so it was like it was watching me dissect it the entire time.”

“Yeah, I remember, because you sent me the picture while I was eating dinner.” Gavin shuddered. “That was the stuff of nightmares.”

“You’re welcome.” She glanced up, to think and to avoid focusing on the situation in his pants. “Let’s see, what else is a boner killer?”

“That word, for one,” he said with a chuckle.

“Did you know that while we sleep, cerebrospinal fluid—that’s what’s in your spine—flows in and out of your brain in waves, washing away accumulated waste and buildup?”

“I did not. Go, spinal fluid, I guess?”

“Ooh, and if you smoothed out the wrinkles in your brain, it’d be about the size of a pillowcase.”

“Well, I know what I’m getting you for Christmas now.”

A laugh burst out of her, and then he was laughing, too. But then she looked at him, and her traitorous eyes fixated on the mouth that’d ravaged hers a few hours ago. Her teeth sank into her lower lip, and yet the words she shouldn’t say came out anyway. “I sorta wish I’d known that make-out session in the kitchen would be the last and only one.”

“Are you saying you need one for the road?” The rise and fall of his chest, along with the tense set of his jaw, at least verified this wasn’t a piece of cake for him. Something a tiny part of her still struggled to believe.

“Tempting, but probably not a good idea.”

“Yeah, I doubt my self-control would be any stronger than it was earlier, fun facts about the brain notwithstanding.” Yet he dipped his head and she froze, unable to blink or move or breathe. Then he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Before she could so much as react, he opened the door and then he was gone.

And she was a gooey melty mess of a girl who had no chance of getting an ounce of sleep tonight.