Chapter Twenty-Seven

Fun fact: tears don’t freeze to your face at twenty-two degrees, even if you cry a whole river of them.

Thanks, saltwater and skin that stayed warm enough to keep the stream flowing and flowing. Despite not freezing, they certainly didn’t make a person any warmer.

Julie would know.

Just like she now realized that storming out of the house in a dramatic fashion without a coat wasn’t the wisest decision she’d ever made. In some ways, the slap of cold and stream of saltwater justified her devastated mood.

Perhaps all the trees felt the same, their branches stark and bare. Did they miss the leaves each and every time they fell? In the spring, new leaves would form, and life would go on. Birds would return to chirp away, and grass and flowers would cover the ground the goddamn snow currently blanketed.

In theory, the same applied to Julie when it came to healing and changing and going through that whole renewal thing. But with her rib cage caving in on her lungs and grinding her already crushed heart into mush, it certainly didn’t feel that way.

Admittedly, she’d been irritated by all the wedding talk, too.

But damn, did it hurt to hear the phrase lapse in judgment. The comment about pushing them into something neither of them wanted—leaving it agonizingly clear it wasn’t what Gavin wanted—was the follow-up gut punch that took her breath away.

It’s never, ever gonna happen. Nothing proved he’d meant it like being unwilling to discuss options or the mere possibility.

Pain spread so fast and far, it felt as though Julie were made up of it entirely. No more oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, and phosphorus. Just agony and grief and overwhelming loss.

How does it hurt this bad after one night together? How?

Because you love him, a voice whispered in the back of her mind. Because you always have, and this week…

Even her brain didn’t dare mention it, her defense mechanism refusing to finish the rest.

Julie’s footsteps stuttered, the drag of her shoes in the snow insufferable, and for once, not due to the numbing effects it had on her toes.

Oh no. As dawning spread, those first rays of light illuminated a truth she immediately wished it hadn’t. Perhaps if she prostrated herself on the ground she could soak in enough of the fluffy white frozen stuff that she could numb her entire body and not have to…

Usually she was a huge fan of discovery, but this one nearly took her to her knees. “I’m in love with him.”

Damn her curious nature. And damn her emotions and sensitive feelings and everything that’d caused her to fall in love with her best friend so quickly. She clutched at the spot over her aching heart. Not that it did any good. After how badly Brad hurt her, she’d attempted to put a better wall around her heart, but it crumbled now, gushing out affection, adoration, passion, and desire.

All for Gavin.

A guy who’d been willing to move to another state with Kristin and rent a place together, even though they’d fought the majority of their last year of college. At the end of his first NFL season, Julie had visited them and seen the growing rift. When she brought it up to Gavin, he’d replied that he wasn’t the type to give up on a good thing just because it was hard.

After all of one conversation and a flirting session with that reporter who didn’t live in Texas, he’d considered dating her, mostly deciding against it on account of her job.

Time to face facts. While Gavin insisted she wasn’t boring and seemed to have enjoyed the sex as much as Julie had, if there wasn’t something missing—if he’d felt an inkling of what she had—he’d fight for it.

Julie trudged faster as she turned onto the road leading to town, as if she could escape any of her awful discoveries and the despair that came along with them. Not only that, how could she possibly return to the Frosts’ and face everyone?

Honestly, she wasn’t sure how she could ever talk to Gavin again without bursting into tears, and that meant she’d also ruined their intrinsic friendship.

A car slowed beside her, one not registered to anyone in her family or second family, and she heard the window unroll. Gavin wasn’t behind the wheel, and as irrational as it was, that somehow pushed the pain deeper.

It wasn’t unusual to see a familiar face around town. However, Kory’s was the last one she expected to see. In a lot of ways, their rocky date seemed like weeks ago instead of last weekend.

“Need a ride?” he asked.

“More like a destination.” Thankfully, her voice only wavered a little.

“We can find one of those.”

Against her better judgment, she glanced back the way she came, only to find a whole lot of stark white nothing.

Ugh. She’d been the melodramatic person she claimed not to be, storming out like that, but her pride wouldn’t let her take it back.

The first couple minutes of the ride ticked by in silence. She’d always appreciated people who allowed her time to gather her thoughts. While she was considering which parts of this week she’d undo, she supposed she should return to the night of her date with Kory and try harder.

The fissure in her heart yawned, enough misery glugging out that she supposed it wouldn’t have mattered. Which led to another conclusion: she’d never be able to consider anyone else with Gavin around.

So hooray for living in different states. A fresh wave of tears formed, and no amount of blinking could keep them at bay.

“I don’t know what to say,” Kory said, and Julie sniffed.

“That makes two of us. Sorry. This is twice I’ve crashed your holiday vacation.”

“I wouldn’t put it like that.” He glanced across the car and sighed. “Does this have anything to do with your parents and the Frosts’ plan to get you and Gavin together?”

Everything inside her froze. “You knew about that?” Confusion blurred her whirring thoughts. “Why on earth would you have dinner with me if you knew there wasn’t any point?”

“Well, that sorta was the point. Plus, I’m a fan of dinner.”

How could someone who’d barely moved here be in on their Reverse-Parent-Trap Plan? She grimaced, and then tugged on the thread so she could finish unraveling the whole messy picture. “Did they bribe you to take me out?”

“Before we get into the nitty-gritty, I just want to say that when they first posed the idea, I was against it.”

That blow sufficiently shattered her sense of self and everything she’d foolishly thought she’d overcome this trip. “So yes.”

“Not exactly. They did give me a gift card to pay, but they said they already had it so…” Kory shrugged and affected a sheepish expression that left her unsure who to aim her ire at.

Her parents? The Frosts? Gavin? The whole freaking town and their obsession with coupling people together?

Kory slowed for a stop sign. “I really stepped in it this time, didn’t I?”

Julie crossed her arms. While she would’ve liked to believe she was scary enough to get answers that way, presumably it was the red-rimmed eyes that did Kory in.

“Your mom and Darlene were asking me how I was single, and I told them that every woman I dated realized she was in love with her best friend. Same way I was beginning to realize I’m in love with mine.” He adjusted his grip on the steering wheel. “They both seemed so excited about the news, which seemed odd, but most of the people I’ve met from this town are kinda…” He winced. “Sorry. I tend to put my foot in my mouth a lot.”

“No worries. I do it all the time. Plus, we are an odd lot—my family and second family, especially.”

“They asked me to take you out, keep things light, and report in if anything went off-book. I think they also thought it would make Gavin jealous.”

“Fat chance.”

Kory’s forehead crinkled. “I’m certain that part worked. Although I wasn’t sure how you felt at first, since you asked me to join you in the bathroom. I actually texted your mom to see how I should respond. Don’t worry, I kept it vague, but just said you seemed into me, and what should I do if you went for a kiss, or seemed to want…more.”

Julie smacked a hand over her face and attempted to melt into the seat. “That was a misunderstanding. Gavin was trying to help me be better at flirting, and…” She hesitated and then decided there was no salvaging herself now anyway, so he might as well get the whole story. “He was in my ear. Evidently I was doing such a poor job that we needed to talk it out by the bathrooms, but I said that part aloud, and now the reason why I’d go to such lengths is likely becoming frighteningly clear.”

Kory flashed her a sympathetic smile. “Trust me, I get it. It’s why I’m too scared to tell my best friend how I feel. What if he…?” He swallowed hard. “I didn’t divulge he was a he to your parents or mine. Not that I think mine will be upset or anything. More like they’ll just be very surprised, since I’ve never dated a guy before, whereas Tony has only ever dated men. I’m just so terrified of the rejection and of messing up the most important relationship in my life.”

Julie’s heart nearly burst at his admission. On any other day, she’d insist it was worth the risk. A lump rose in her throat as she sought words of encouragement, but they simply wouldn’t come. “I get that,” was all she could manage, because holy shit did she.

Kory took another left turn, and she realized they’d driven in a circle—er, square. However, this time he went right, and she decided she didn’t care where they were going anyway. “But then when he joined us, I saw the way you looked at him and wondered why your family had involved me when it was so obvious you two had already fallen.”

“We hadn’t yet,” Julie said with a shake of her head. “And then I went and fell by myself, because I’m an overly romantic optimist.”

Kory pulled up to a two-story house, and Julie let her forehead thunk against the glove box.

“I’m afraid I lost my best friend,” she continued, “and all I have to show for it…” A sob spilled out with the rest of her gushing emotions.

“I don’t understand,” Kory said, fully turning toward her. “Gavin looked at you the same way you looked at him.”

So nice of him to say, but Kory hadn’t been there at the Christmas dinner from hell. All their lives people had mistaken her and Gavin’s closeness for love. And then she’d gone and done the same thing.

“No offense, but I can’t talk about Gavin Frost right now.”

Kory bobbed his head in understanding. “What are your thoughts on cake?”

Her thoughts were that she’d miss sweet potato pie. She’d already missed it at Thanksgiving, since she’d saved all her time off for Christmas. “Yes, please. And if you have access to alcohol, I could also use a bottle or two.”

A moment later, a gust of frigid air accompanied the opening of the passenger car door. Then she followed Kory inside a house she’d never been in, to have her first Christmas evening with anyone besides her family and the Frosts.

…

Gavin kept scanning the airport, hoping against hope that Julie would show. He’d texted.

Apologized again that the afternoon had gone downhill. Reminded her he was leaving and that he didn’t know when they’d next see each other.

A hollow ache formed over his heart, providing a glimpse of how empty his life would be without Julie in it.

They’d vowed not to let anything ruin their friendship. It wasn’t their first fight by a long shot. Not even their first fight where Julie stormed out, although the last time had been during their pre-teen years.

But what could he do? He couldn’t miss the upcoming game; couldn’t miss the opportunity to prove to his coaches and teammates that if they just won without him, he’d ensure he was ready to go for the next, and that he’d dedicate his full attention to nothing else but getting to the Super Bowl.

It was a dream he’d shared with Julie countless times through the years. In every scenario, she’d be by his side to celebrate. She’d even promised that if the Mustangs made it, she’d be front and center in the stands “cheering my ass off no matter how cold it is.”

Months and months of abstinence, all so he could slip and ruin his relationship with the kindest, best person he knew.

“You’d better go,” Mom said, and his heart knotted to the point he feared it’d be rendered incapable of beating. How could he leave like this?

How could he not?

A chime sounded from Mom’s pocket, and he held his breath. Please be Julie, please be Julie.

“She’s safe,” Mom said, and although the vagueness dug at him, he didn’t ask for clarification. If she couldn’t say Julie’s name, Mom was likely hurting as well. “I guess she ran into Kory and is spending the evening with the Cohens.”

The news shoved the ache deep in his bones, until he feared they’d splinter from the strain of forcing himself to stay in check as he emotionally bled out internally. “She’s with that guy you and Peggy set her up with? What was that all about, anyway?”

Mom’s mouth hung open, and as upset as he was, he couldn’t push. He didn’t have the heart or the energy. Not to mention the time, and was Julie seriously not coming to say goodbye?

“This isn’t your mom’s doing,” Dad said. “Most of us played a part, but you’re the one who didn’t consider anyone’s feelings but your own. I practically begged you to open your eyes and see what a great thing you have with Julie, and instead, you chased her away. That’s on you.”

Damn. It wasn’t as if Gavin expected his father to take his side, not when Mom stood on the opposing one. But now he was somehow responsible for the entire shitshow? More than ever, he wished he’d never been sacked, never hurt his shoulder, and had never spent his extra time here.

Now his head was messier than ever. It would’ve been better to have had a mediocre time rather than experience the highest of highs before he got dropped on his ass. Now he had to hurry up and switch gears. He’d mentally go through plays on the flight, since it calmed him, and he liked to fill his brain with nothing else before game day. He wasn’t so egotistical he thought they couldn’t win a game without him—that was the beauty of having so many solid players—but it was still a lot to put on a rookie quarterback.

We’ve got what it takes, and I’ll be there to encourage everyone and assist Jacob Mann with whatever help he needs. With any luck, time would heal the hurt feelings from the debacle that’d gone down here in Crystal Springs, and life would return to normal. Boring, even.

Fuck. Now he was thinking of Julie again, who was the opposite of boring, but he couldn’t think about that, or the pity cycle would begin again.

Gavin sucked up his irritation, gave his dad a hug with a hard pat on the back, and then pulled his mom in for a tight hug. “I’m sorry, Ma. I’m stressed and it’s been a long day. If I don’t go now, I’ll miss my flight. Can you tell Julie how sorry I am?”

“If she ever speaks to me again, sure.”

“Jules isn’t the type to hold a grudge,” he said, because she wasn’t, and because Mom needed to hear that. And, since he did need to get his ass on that plane, he told himself that the same would apply to him.

Eventually.