CHAPTER 20

“Lara, for God’s sake, go back over there,” Celeste implored. Her cousin had raced over when Lara called in the midst of her hysterical tears, and after hearing the story, she was staunch in her opinion. “You need to work this out.”

“There’s nothing to work out.” Lara walked to the closet and pulled out her wardrobe bag. “Justin doesn’t want me to marry Ryan.” She brushed away the droplets glistening her lashes. “What Justin wants is the most important thing.”

Celeste snatched the luggage away. “What are you doing?”

Lara grabbed the bag back and tossed it on the bed. “What does it look like?”

“It looks like you’re running away.”

“No, I’m going away. I can’t stay here.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Justin is in my class.” She unzipped the bag and flipped it open. “I can’t see him every day, feeling the way I do about him, and know I’m hurting him.”

“You’re not hurting him. Lara, he loves you, and you love teaching. This is crazy. Justin was on top of the world yesterday. Now he doesn’t want you to marry Ryan, and you’re taking it at face value and leaving everything you care about?”

“You didn’t see him. He doesn’t want me to marry Ryan, and he means it. I don’t know what changed, but something did.”

“You didn’t want an explanation? This is your life, too.”

“Ryan is Justin’s father, and I’m just…”

“The only mother he’s ever known.” Celeste huffed. “You’re starting to sound like Sue. That old bird has done something to him.”

“Ryan thinks so, too. As much as I would love to blame this on Sue, I can’t. She dislikes me, but she wouldn’t slam me in front of Justin. She’ll do it in front of Ryan and me in a heartbeat, but not him. She doesn’t want to look bad in his eyes.” She continued her packing. “Besides, Justin’s been acting differently since before his visit with Sue. This is his decision, and I love him enough to give him whatever he needs.”

“What about you and Ryan, and what you two need? Lara, you’ve finally found the man of your dreams. How can you just walk away from him?”

“I can’t be selfish, Celeste. This is not just about Ryan and me. Justin is as much a part of this as we are. I love Ryan, and I thought I would spend the rest of my life with him, but it’s not to be. Justin’s happiness is more important than mine, or even Ryan’s.”

“If that’s how you feel, how can you leave him?”

More tears fell. “Because staying is too hard.” Tossing in some undergarments and her travel tote of toiletries, Lara placed Justin’s framed crayon “family” picture, her beloved birthday present, on top, zipped and folded the bag, and headed for the door.

Celeste followed. “Where are you going?” she asked.

“I don’t know. Ryan thinks I’m going to New York to be with Foster. I guess I could go to Virginia, but the family would just send me back here.” She managed a smile as her heart continued to break. “They love Ryan.” Her mind flashed to his devastated expression when she left. Tears refreshed. “Even if I knew where I was going, I wouldn’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“Because you would tell Ryan, and I can’t see him. Unlike the ultimatum from Foster, this choice was easy to make because I did it for Justin, but living with it and without Ryan is the hard part. He needs to take care of his son and believe I’m with Foster.”

“Lara, Ryan’s already left half a dozen messages on my cell. I can only imagine how many times he’s called the house. What am I supposed to tell him?”

“Nothing.”

“Please, don’t do this.”

“I’m sorry, Celeste, but it’s already done.”

* * *

Ryan raced to the Denburg Inn the moment Norris arrived at his place. He’d forgotten all about their dinner plans, but was grateful to have a sitter he didn’t mind leaving with Justin when the boy was still so upset. In a barely controlled rage, Ryan rode the elevator to Foster’s room.

Shelly’s ghost appeared. “You don’t want to do this.”

“The hell I don’t! This is your fault. If you hadn’t insisted I go after Lara, I wouldn’t be…” He choked back a sob. “I love her. How could she do this to me? Damn it! How could I be so blind? I thought she loved me. I knew she loved me!”

“Ryan, you need to calm down and remember what I said.”

“Oh, I remember what you said,” he snapped. “‘Turmoil is coming.’ Well, it came! You asked if I was sure I was going to marry Lara. I thought I was, but looks like I was wrong. I don’t want to talk anymore, Shelly. What I want is to smash the hell out of Foster Grayson’s face.”

“To what end?”

“I’ll feel better.”

Ryan stepped off the elevator and pounded furiously on the door of Room 209. Curious guests peeked out of their rooms, but Ryan’s angry scowl sent them scrambling back inside.

He continued to pound. “Grayson, open this damn door!” His arm went flying through the air as the door flew open with a jerk. Foster answered wearing only a blue terry cloth robe. Thoughts of Lara waiting in the man’s bed filled Ryan’s head and fueled his rage. An angry nerve flickered above Ryan’s lip.

“What is your problem, man?” Foster barked.

“You, you bastard!” Ryan’s fist connected to Foster’s jaw with a loud smack. The force sent his foe stumbling backward. Ignoring the pain in his hand, Ryan stomped inside, pushing Foster out of his way. “Where is Lara?”

“What the hell?” Foster shifted his jaw.

Ryan grunted. Too bad it wasn’t broken.

“Why would you think Lara’s here?” Foster asked.

“I’m in no mood for games, Grayson,” Ryan said, flexing his throbbing hand. “I know you saw Lara today, and I know what happened.”

“If that’s so, why are you here?”

Fury shot through Ryan like a bolt of lightning. “Son of a—” The door behind Foster opened, preventing Ryan from exacting more punishment.

“Foster, baby, what’s taking so…” A perky blonde, who appeared to be all of twenty and sounded like she had been sucking on a helium balloon, stepped out of the steamy bathroom wearing the matching robe. She tightened the belt around her waist. “You’re bleeding.” She scowled at Ryan. “Did he do that?”

“It’s fine, doll. You go back inside. I’ll be right there.” The woman nodded obediently and returned to the room. Foster met Ryan’s gaze. “As you can see, Lara is not here.”

“No kidding.”

“I don’t know why you’d think she was.”

“She said she saw you.”

“She did. I told her I wanted her back, but all she could talk about was you and your son. How happy she was, and how her every dream had finally come true…yada, yada, yada.”

“And the kiss she mentioned?”

“Kiss? That peck on the cheek? Hell, I’ve gotten more passionate kisses from my grandmother. Happy now?”

“I see you are.” Ryan looked over at the bathroom door. “You didn’t waste any time consoling yourself.”

“I’m not one to let grass grow.”

“So Lara said. You’re a real bastard, Grayson.”

“That may be, but I’m not the one who doesn’t know where my fiancée is.” Foster walked to the door. “I’m feeling charitable, so I’m going to let you leave before I decide to press assault charges.”

Shelly appeared beside Foster. “Listen to him and leave already,” she said. “I think you’ve done quite enough.”

“If I see Lara, I’ll tell her you’re looking for her,” Foster sniped.

Feeling a lot ticked and a bit foolish, Ryan left the room.

Shelly eyed Ryan, shaking her head. “I told you not to go in there, but you wouldn’t listen.”

“I’m sick of listening to you, Shelly!” Ryan fired. “Leave me alone!”

“Why are you snapping at me? I didn’t tell you to run over here like some caveman and punch this Foster guy, and I didn’t make you get with Lara. You were in love with her from practically the first minute. I just encouraged you, and it didn’t take much doing.”

Ryan nodded. “You’re right, and I thank you, Shelly. But I don’t need your encouragement anymore.”

“Ryan?”

“No more, Shell. No more suggestions, and no more thoughts. I know you mean well, I do, but I don’t need to hear anymore from you. I need to hear from Lara. She had me convinced we were over, because she loves Justin so much. I have to find her and fix this. I’m going to have the life I deserve with the woman I love, and I don’t want or need a cheering section in you to make that happen.”

* * *

Nothing Ryan tried could get Justin to talk. Lara had all but disappeared, and although he’d finally got a hold of Celeste, the little information he practically had to squeeze out of her was what he already knew. Lara still loved him, but left him for Justin’s sake. Penny’s questions when he dropped Justin at school the next morning didn’t help matters. He had his own questions, and could think of only one person who could provide answers.

Ryan broke land speed records getting to the Lomax house. He pounded on the door. “Sue, open up!”

The door flew open with Carl on the other side. “Ryan, have you gone mad?”

“Yes, I have.” He brushed past the older man and stepped into the living room. The Victorian furniture always made him think of the dollhouse his sisters played with as children. Perfect for Sue’s life. The woman lived in a land of make-believe. A world where everything had to be her way. “Where is Sue? I saw her car outside, so I know she’s here.”

“She’s upstairs getting dressed for the day.”

“Fine, I’ll wait.” Ryan paced. “Let her know I’m here.”

Carl folded his arms. “I’m sure you’ve already done that.”

Sue bounded into the room. “What’s going on down here? I heard you shouting all the way upstairs.”

Ryan stormed over to her, his finger inches from her face. “What the hell did you say to Justin?”

She backed away from the accusatory pointer. “What did I say to him? I say a lot to him.”

“About Lara and me.”

“I didn’t say anything to Justin about you and your woman. I figure he’ll come to his senses all by himself.”

“His senses?”

Sue stuck out her chin. “I’m not impressed with her, and I’ve made no secret of that. Why are you here?”

“Because Justin, if I may use your words, has come to his senses. Lara broke the engagement last night because he begged us not to marry.”

The beginnings of a smile curled Sue’s lips. “Oh, sorry.”

Ryan’s face grew hot. He stepped closer to Sue. Never had he experienced such an intense desire to hit a woman. It frightened him. “What did you say to Justin?”

Carl stepped between them. “Take it easy, Ryan.”

“Something happened here and I want to know what!”

“I didn’t say anything to Justin about you marrying that woman,” Sue declared. “I’m not unhappy the engagement is broken, but I didn’t tell him to break it.”

“Maybe you did,” Carl said.

Sue gasped. “Carl!”

“Be quiet, Sue. Ryan, when you and Lara dropped Justin off on Sunday, Sue was on the phone with Genevieve Converse.”

“Norris’s mother?” Ryan looked from Carl to Sue. “I didn’t even know they were friends.”

“They became friendly on Thanksgiving night. Genevieve phoned after she met Lara, and dropped by later that evening. Sue found a friend in disdain.”

“Go on,” Ryan urged.

“I heard the phrase ‘They’re going to burn in hell’ said quite frequently. Genevieve called again Sunday morning. Not inclined to listen to their talk again, I decided to go outside and string the lights. That’s when you all arrived and Justin rushed into the house shouting Lara was going to be his new mommy. When I came in, he was sitting very quietly watching cartoons, and Sue was still in the kitchen.” Carl sighed. “I suspect Justin heard Sue talking.”

Ryan’s gaze fixed on Sue. Now it all made sense. Justin’s upset stomach when he left Norris’s kitchen, the water, air-conditioning, and hell questions. It all came together. “You should be ashamed of yourself. How could you do this?”

“I didn’t say anything to him!” Sue thundered.

“You didn’t have to! You heard Justin and his news coming from a mile away, so you set him up. Justin raced in here to share his happy news, and instead you let him listen to your pea-brain opinions, knowing full well what he would think. What is it you said, Sue, huh? ‘Ryan and that woman are going to burn in hell if they continue with this’ or maybe ‘If Ryan marries that teacher they’re both going to burn in hell.’ Am I close?”

“I don’t want you marrying that woman!”

“I know, and you would do anything to stop it from happening, including using your own grandson. Justin is the most literal little boy in the world, and you know this. If you said it’s raining cats and dogs, he’d believe Garfield and Snoopy were falling out of the sky. So, what do you do? You use his love for Lara to suit your ends. You make him believe our being together would hurt us, so he wouldn’t want it anymore. Because you didn’t want it!” Ryan’s body shook with rage. “Justin practically froze himself to death to keep Lara and me from burning in the hell you condemned us to.” Ryan pointed a quaking finger. “You are a sick woman, and you will stay the hell away from my son!”

“No!” Sue caught his arm as he turned to leave. “Shelly wouldn’t want this.”

He jerked his arm away. “You’d be surprised at what Shelly wants.”

“She wouldn’t want you to keep Justin from me. She wouldn’t want you sleeping with some other woman in her house, and God knows she wouldn’t want you two married and raising her child.”

Ryan grunted. “Why didn’t I see this before? Here I am thinking your biggest problem with Lara is she’s black, but your biggest problem is that she’s not Shelly. From the moment Justin told you about Lara, you had it in for her. Lara could be as blond as me, and it wouldn’t matter. It’s Justin’s love for Lara and hers for him that you don’t like. Do you have any idea how much you’ve hurt him?”

“I didn’t want to hurt Justin, but I wasn’t given a choice. He’s all I have left of my baby, and you want to take him away from me. I remember how you both were that first day, talking about Ms. Boyd. Justin couldn’t stop talking about her. It was always Ms. Boyd this or Ms. Boyd that. And then he races into my house shouting that woman is going to be his mommy. Shelly is his mommy. My baby.” Sue wiped away tears. “Everybody seems to want to forget that, and her. I won’t forget Shelly, and I won’t let you or your woman keep Justin from me.”

“Nobody kept Justin from you! I asked for space, and I was asking for it long before Lara came into our lives, but you wouldn’t hear it.” He stepped up to her. “Hear this, Sue. I’m going to marry Lara, and she, Justin, and I are going to be a family. And you will have nothing to do with us. In any way!”

Carl stopped him when he reached for the door. “Ryan, I’m sorry. Sue is still struggling with Shelly’s death. You have to reconsider this. She’s in more pain than I thought,” he said, glancing at his weeping wife. “Don’t keep Justin away—”

Ryan held up his hand. “I don’t give a damn about Sue’s pain!” He sucked in a breath. “I need to go to my son and make his pain go away.”

* * *

Ryan returned to the classroom to find the other students making arts and crafts, while Justin sat alone facing the spring picture Ryan had made for Lara all those months ago. Justin’s tiny hand splayed over the image of Lara’s beautiful face, and his shoulders shook with sobs. Ryan swallowed the knot in his throat. Acknowledging Penny with a wave, he made his way to his son.

“Justin?” The boy turned around, his face streaked with tears. “Why are you crying?”

Justin dropped his head and turned away.

Ryan turned the chair around and dropped to his knees. He lifted Justin’s lowered chin. “You don’t want to talk, fine. I need you to listen and maybe nod. Will you do that?”

Justin nodded.

“Okay. Did you hear Uncle Norris’s mother and father talking in the kitchen on Thanksgiving?”

Justin’s eyes widened. His head moved slightly forward.

“Were they talking about Ms. Boyd and me?”

Fresh tears brimmed in Justin’s eyes. He nodded.

Ryan rubbed his shoulder and held on to his tiny hand. “It’s okay, son. Did what they say scare you?”

Justin nodded again.

“Did you hear Grandma say sorta the same thing on Sunday?”

Tears fell as he nodded.

“You still love Ms. Boyd, don’t you?”

Justin threw his arms around Ryan’s neck. Sobs wracked his little body. “Yes, Daddy, but I don’t want you and Ms. Boyd to burn in hell.”

Ryan held Justin close. “Oh, son, we won’t,” he promised.

“Because I told Ms. Boyd not to marry you.” Justin pulled back, his eyes teary and nose runny. “I want Ms. Boyd to be my mommy all the time, but I don’t want the fire to hurt her.” He used his sleeve to wipe his face. “She can’t burn up.”

“She won’t.”

“ ’Cause you can’t marry her.”

“I can marry her, Justin. It’s gonna be fine.”

“Uh-uh. Grandma said on the phone if you and Ms. Boyd get married you would burn up in hell. She said it. She said it a lot of times. Uncle Norris’s mommy and daddy said you’d burn up, too.” Justin sniffled. “They’re older than us. Big people are smarter so little people have to listen to them. We’re littler than Grandma and Uncle Norris’s mommy and daddy.”

Ryan sighed. This would be harder than he thought. “We’re younger than them, but it doesn’t mean they’re right. Big people aren’t always right.”

“You said before someone does something that will make them go to hell they shouldn’t do it. I don’t want you and Ms. Boyd to go to hell and burn up. So, you can’t marry her.”

“I can and will marry her, and we’re not going to burn up.”

Justin shook his head violently. Tears slashed across his flushed cheeks. “You can’t, Daddy,” he insisted. “You can’t marry her. You’ll burn up. I know it. When you kissed her yesterday you made her hot. I saw her fan her face. She said you made her feel like that most of the time.”

Ryan smiled. “She makes me feel like that, too, son. It’s love.”

“I love you and Ms. Boyd, but I don’t feel hot. If you’re hot now, you’ll really burn up if you get married.”

“Justin, Lara and I won’t burn up if we get married.”

“Yes, you will. You’re just saying you won’t. Please, don’t do it, Daddy. I don’t want Ms. Boyd to burn up. I don’t want her to burn up.”

Justin crumbled in Ryan’s arms with heartbreaking sobs. Ryan held his son close, doing all he could to calm the boy who showed no signs of relaxing. How could he convince Justin his fears were groundless, when he believed them so completely?

* * *

Lara watched the scene unfolding before her tear-filled eyes. Her choice to leave Ryan was one she’d made willingly for Justin, but too many hours alone in an economy hotel had given her time to think. She could do this for Justin, but Celeste was right, she had to know, for her own sake, why she was doing it.

Arriving at the school and finding Ryan in deep conversation with Justin was the last thing she expected, but listening to the exchange put everything into perspective. She knew she loved Justin, but until today she hadn’t known just how much he loved her.

Justin pulled from Ryan’s embrace. “Ms. Boyd.” He raced over, clinging to her legs. “I did everything I could, but it didn’t work. The water and the air-conditioner didn’t work. I love you, Ms. Boyd. I want you to be my mommy, but I don’t want you to burn up. Please, please, don’t burn up.”

Lara stroked Justin’s back, soothing him. She met Ryan’s gaze and mouthed, “I’m sorry.”

Ryan approached with the smile that had captured her from the moment she saw it. He pressed a kiss to her temple. “You never have to apologize for loving Justin.” He brushed his hand against Justin’s hair. “But I think we have a little problem.”

“I’ll try,” she offered. “Justin, sweetie?” He tilted his head to meet her gaze. “I feel so special knowing how much you love me, but you don’t have to worry. I can marry your daddy, be your mommy, and not burn in hell. I know you don’t believe it, but it’s true.” She smoothed the tears from his cheeks. “Your daddy and I love you too much to lie to you.”

“You’re not gonna burn up?” Justin asked.

“No,” Ryan and Lara answered.

“Then why did Grandma and Uncle Norris’s mommy and daddy say so?”

“Justin, honey.” Lara’s eyes met Ryan’s. He shrugged. There was no getting around this. Seating Justin in the chair, she took Ryan’s hand and they kneeled before him. “Do you notice anything different between my hand and your daddy’s?”

“Yep.” Justin nodded. “Daddy’s hand is big, and yours is little and soft.”

“Yes, that’s a difference, but I mean something else.”

“Your hand is brown like chocolate ice cream.”

“That’s right. And because of that difference, some people don’t think your daddy and I should get married.”

“Why?”

“I really don’t know,” she answered, “but because we don’t look the same, some people think we shouldn’t be together.”

“But you love Daddy, and Daddy loves you.”

“Yes, and we love you, but for some people that’s not okay.”

Justin turned to his father. “Grandma Sue doesn’t think it’s okay?” New tears filled his eyes. “Is she a bad person?”

A throat cleared behind them before Ryan could answer. Lara and Ryan stood and turned to the sound. Sue and Carl approached.

“I think I should answer his question, Ryan,” said Sue.

Ryan frowned. “I don’t think that’s…”

Lara took Ryan’s hand and moved aside, allowing Sue passage to Justin. “I think she should, Ryan,” she whispered. “Sue needs to do this.”

Ryan wasn’t happy, but he didn’t make a fuss as Sue moved in and knelt in front of Justin.

“You asked your father if I was a bad person.” Lara braced herself as the woman’s gaze met hers. After a moment, Sue turned back to Justin. “I think Grandma is more of a sad person. See, I thought if you loved Ms. Boyd, you wouldn’t love me. You wouldn’t need me or want to see me. That you’d be gone from me like your mommy is gone from me.”

“I’ll always love you, Grandma. I’m not going anywhere, and I’ll always want to see you. My mommy is in heaven, but Ms. Boyd is nice and she loves me and Daddy like Mommy did. She’ll be a good mommy.”

“That’s what your grandpa said. I’m sorry I made you believe she and your daddy would burn up if they got married.” She pressed her hand to his cheek. “They won’t, I promise. I said that because I was scared.”

“Are you still scared, Grandma?”

Sue took Justin in her arms, and turned apologetic eyes toward Ryan and Lara. “Not so much anymore, Justin. Not so much.”

* * *

Later that evening, Ryan and Lara sat snuggled together on her couch while Justin watched cartoons in her bedroom. She grazed her thumb against his bruised knuckles. He grimaced. Guilt gnawed at her gut. It seemed her act had been a little too convincing. “I can’t believe you hit Foster.”

“That felt good, Lara. What I can’t believe is you were ever contemplating marriage to that pompous jack—”

“Andrews.”

“I’m going to assume you would’ve come to your senses even if he hadn’t shown his true colors all those years ago.”

“I’m sure I would have.” She linked her arm with his and kissed his cheek. “Seeing Sue’s true colors today really surprised me. To come to us and apologize took guts. What she did to Justin was clearly an act of desperation. She was afraid of losing her last link to Shelly.”

“Whose fault is that? I told Sue time and again I wouldn’t keep Justin from her, yet she pulled her stunt. I know Justin loves his grandmother, but it’s going to take some time before I trust her alone with him again.” Ryan drew a breath. “Now, enough talk.” His finger brushed her engagement ring. “I think we should practice our wedding kiss.”

“I don’t think you need any practice.”

“I don’t, I’ve been married before. This practice is for you,” he said with a grin, claiming her lips in a sizzling kiss.

Justin’s laughter broke into their growing passion. “I need some water,” he whispered in his loud way.

“I knew that was coming,” Ryan mumbled against her lips.

Lara stood and extended her hand to Justin. “Come on, let’s get that water.”

A bright light filled the room as Lara and Justin made their way to the kitchen. Both stopped. Ryan joined them in the middle of the room, wrapping them with protective arms. The light—brilliant and so peaceful—bathed them all in a warm celestial glow.

“You finally did it, Ryan,” the feminine voice said.

“Shelly?”

Hovering several inches from the floor near the back wall, a woman’s form, shrouded in white, came into view. Lara blinked several times. She believed Ryan thought he’d seen Shelly, but she didn’t believe he’d really seen her.

“You’re my first mommy,” said Justin.

Shelly smiled. “Yes, I’m your first mommy.”

“Is it okay if I call Ms. Boyd ‘Mommy’?”

Justin’s unexpected inquiry took Lara by surprise. She’d never expected he’d want to call her “Mommy,” but it pleased her that he did.

“Yes, it’s fine.” Shelly smiled. “She’s been a mommy to you from the moment you met. She does the things good mommies do, like putting her child’s happiness before her own. I can fly around happily in heaven now because your second mommy is going to take really good care of you and your daddy.”

“That was your unfinished business?” Ryan asked. “Finding someone to take care of Justin and me?”

“Finding the perfect someone. I was so worried about you, and Justin was so quiet and shy. Then, Lara came along and brought sunshine to your lives. When you thought you lost her, you didn’t care about what I needed anymore. You wanted what you wanted for you. You wanted Lara. You let go of the ghost of the past, and chose to live in the present. And that’s what I wanted.” Shelly turned a bright smile to Lara. “Keep making them happy, Lara. You’re very good at it.”

Still stunned to see a ghost levitating in her living room, Lara could only nod.

Ryan tightened his arm around Lara’s waist. “Told you I saw her,” he whispered in her ear. He looked to Shelly. “I guess this is really good-bye. You be happy, Shell.”

Shelly extended her brand new wings to their full glorious capacity. “Finally, I am. You three will be getting an extra bit of happiness pretty soon, too. I like the name Angelica.”

Lara found her voice. “Angelica?” She touched her stomach. “You mean…”

Shelly gave a confirming nod. “I know it’s only been a few days, but with my wings come omniscient power and keen insight.”

“But we used…” Ryan said.

“You and Lara are one in a million. I guess those odds extend to all aspects of your life. Congratulations.”

The warm, sensational glow filled the room once more, and as quickly as Shelly appeared, she was gone.

“Who are we gonna name Angelica?” Justin asked. “Am I gettin’ a puppy? Billy is.”

Ryan’s eyes matched the brightness of his beaming smile. “No, son, I think you should expect something a little bigger and a whole lot better than a puppy. Right, Mommy?”

Lara returned his smile, her hand still resting on her flat but full of life abdomen. “Right.”